R&B Singer Joshua Benoit On Why It Takes 90 Days To Determine If She’s The One

You may like your dessert unwrapped and ready, but this candy has more layers than meets the eye.


You may like your dessert unwrapped and ready, but this candy has more layers than meets the eye. Just a few years ago Joshua Benoit was a serial entrepreneur building a business instead of a social media following, launching his first company at the age of 18 before dipping his toes into the world of real estate.

While he continues to run his home remodeling business and pad his portfolio with real estate investments, thanks to a viral photoshoot of his chiseled physique, the 31-year-old Haitian has since added modeling and singing to his repertoire. His behind-the-scenes videos have garnered millions of views and landed him features in ESSENCE and GQ, and more recently he played the leading man in Tory Lanez's "Do The Most" music video. And when he's not teasing us with his Naked Treats or giving us another reason to love chocolate cake, the Florida native is taking a deeper dive into music. Benoit first hit the scene with his sensual song "Legs in the Air", and his latest single "Wet" promises pleasure without the wait.

As he prepares us for more records to come, xoNecole decided to get a little up close and personal with this R&B heartthrob. Read on as we chat with the budding singer on transitioning from modeling to music, his 90-day rule in relationships, and what he's working on within himself to be the best man for her.

xoNecole: Were you intentional about having your first two records be sex songs?

Joshua Benoit: Yeah, definitely. I have more mainstream records but it's just feeding the fan base at this current moment because that's what they kind of want to see right now. I did the analytics and I have a large female audience, and the team and I were like we think this is the best approach to go with. For them to take me more seriously as an artist, you've got to reeducate them. You're not just a model. Let's come up with super sexy stuff in the beginning because that's what your audience wants to see, then we will drop more mainstream records.

xoNecole: Is sex an important part of relationships for you?

Benoit: Absolutely. The records are kind of in the same lane as within my vibe, you know what I'm saying? So it's not something left field that I don't practice what I preach or have been through in my life. So it's definitely describing me in a way.

xoNecole: What's something that your fans don't know about you?

Benoit: I don't think I've ever said this, but I've never actually smoked or drank in my life. I've always been a hustler. I think just growing up, my brother instilled in me the best way to do it is to just be on point. If you don't don't smoke [and] don't drink you can always be on point and always know your next move. So it's just me always wanting to be on point when I'm negotiating a deal or whatever the case may be.

xoNecole: What are some things that you picked up from your parents about love?

Benoit: I picked up on the way to treat a lady. The way my dad made sure that my mom was always taken care of. He was the breadwinner. He worked his ass off to provide for the household. He always sent her flowers and made sure that she was always having a good day. So I learned that from him.

Courtesy of Joshua Benoit

"I picked up on the way to treat a lady. The way my dad made sure that my mom was always taken care of. He was the breadwinner. He worked his ass off to provide for the household. He always sent her flowers and made sure that she was always having a good day. So I learned that from him."

xoNecole: Anything that you learned from them that you don't want to carry into your relationships?

Benoit: Yeah. I definitely want a relationship to be open and not say "This is the way it goes" and "it's my way" type of thing. I am the alpha male, but I see that my father did have some ways. That's why they were like it's not going to work anymore because it was too much of a structure and it wasn't, "Let me listen to my wife and see what she's saying." It was more like, "This is what we're going to do and that's it." And not taking her opinion into consideration, which that's something I never want to do.

xoNecole: Is that a cultural thing or just like an old school way of running the household? Because I think now our generation tends to have more of that balance.

Benoit: I think it's both. I think it's definitely a culture and old school way. But definitely with the Haitian culture, the men are very "it's my way." The Haitian women, all they have to do is cook and clean. They can't say much. That type of vibe. My dad wasn't all the way left, but it was more in the middle and more Americanized, but you still had that culture in that, "Hey, I'm the man of the house, it's my way, that's it."

xoNecole: Were there any specific qualities that you saw in your mother that you now look for in other women?

Benoit: Yeah, everything. Being a sweetheart. My mom always stayed home because the way my dad moved around, but like cooking, cleaning, having that love towards my brother and I and making sure that we're always OK and then, you know, she was our support system when my dad was trying to punish us. Like, "Hey, they are boys. This is what they're going to go through." So I want to say just having that support system and just giving that sweet love instead of tough love, I got from my mom. There was never a conversation, but it was just always action. And she always had our back no matter what.

xoNecole: Has your perspective on love and relationships changed over the years? 

Benoit: I just think as long as we can coexist, you're a God-fearing woman, someone that I could build the empire with, that's willing to put the work and effort and see my values and I'll listen to hers, we can build together. I think, and I don't honestly think that there's a special person out there for any individual. I think you meet the one and you guys coexist and make it work together. That's just my theory, and I've always believed in that. When you can find someone and you deal with the pros and cons of the individual, the pros outweigh the cons. If there are no deal breakers, then you make it work.

Courtesy of Joshua Benoit

"I don't honestly think that there's a special person out there for any individual. I think you meet the one and you guys coexist and make it work together. That's just my theory, and I've always believed in that. When you can find someone and you deal with the pros and cons of the individual, the pros outweigh the cons. If there are no deal breakers, then you make it work."

xoNecole: At what point in the journey of a relationship would a woman know that a man's ready to actually be in a relationship versus just the talking or dating stage?

Benoit: If the moment's right, she'll know, for me, in about 90 days.

xoNecole: What's happening within those 90 days that are leading up to that decision?

Benoit: We're just getting to know each other, you know, being around each other. I'm going to see her values, how she values her parents, if her parents are still alive. Just her interaction around my friends, my family, things like that. I'm going to be able to see if this particular person has the characteristics to be like I think I can take this woman seriously and, you know, a longevity type of thing.

xoNecole: So at what point would you know if she's the one, would that happen within the 90 days or is that later down the line?

Benoit: That is definitely later down the line, but the 90 days would tell me that I'm able to move forward with this particular individual. I think the guys when they know, they know. But I think it still takes a little bit more than 90 days. You know, a lot of stuff can change.

xoNecole: Let's say you're going through something, what would be the best way for your partner to support you?

Benoit: I'm a loner so I want to be left alone. And I understand that the opposite person's always going to be like, "Hey, is everything OK?" Whatever the case may be, that's what a spouse is supposed to do. But me I'm like, if I'm a loner, if I can be alone, I cope with things better that way.

xoNecole: Are you communicating with her?

Benoit: Yeah, absolutely. Any person that's been with me in the past, she knows that this is the type of person I am, and I definitely communicate that with her even before something happens. Like if I'm going through something you can ask, because honestly that's what women are going to do, but at the end of the day, just let me, you know, deal with it myself. I'll come back around. If I feel like talking about it, we will, if not, just leave it alone.

Courtesy of Joshua Benoit

xoNecole: So if I had a meeting with one of your exes, what would they say about you?

Benoit: Loving, but [he] doesn't express emotions very well. Loving, caring and I'll do anything for someone that I love. That's just who I am. So they'll say he's very loving and caring, but he needs to work on showing emotions. Not communication, but showing more emotions.

xoNecole: How much does feeling safe within your relationship impact you expressing those emotions? 

Benoit: I naturally just don't share, that's just me. I need to work on that. If you were to talk to one of my exes, they would say that I know you love me, care, you do everything for me, but it just seems like you don't love me at the same time because I'm actually unemotional, if that makes sense. And I don't think it has anything to do with the time or me being vulnerable. It's an underlying issue that I need to address, but I don't think it has anything to do with the relationship. This has just always been me, you know?

xoNecole: Last question, what does being a black man mean to you?

Benoit: Society looks at us like anger and that we're troublemakers. For me it's like we're business owners, we're doctors. Being a Black individual in America the way America looks at us, and being able to overcome adversity and being able to do a few things and succeed at things that we have done in the past. It's just...I can't even describe it. It's an amazing feeling to have that respect level even though sometimes we don't get it. But Black men especially, we're kings and it means the world for me to actually be a Black individual in this world right now.

Follow Joshua on social media @joshuadbenoit.

Featured image courtesy of Joshua Benoit

ACLU By ACLUSponsored

Over the past four years, we grew accustomed to a regular barrage of blatant, segregationist-style racism from the White House. Donald Trump tweeted that “the Squad," four Democratic Congresswomen who are Black, Latinx, and South Asian, should “go back" to the “corrupt" countries they came from; that same year, he called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas," mocking her belief that she might be descended from Native American ancestors.

But as outrageous as the racist comments Trump regularly spewed were, the racially unjust governmental actions his administration took and, in the case of COVID-19, didn't take, impacted millions more — especially Black and Brown people.

To begin to heal and move toward real racial justice, we must address not only the harms of the past four years, but also the harms tracing back to this country's origins. Racism has played an active role in the creation of our systems of education, health care, ownership, and employment, and virtually every other facet of life since this nation's founding.

Our history has shown us that it's not enough to take racist policies off the books if we are going to achieve true justice. Those past policies have structured our society and created deeply-rooted patterns and practices that can only be disrupted and reformed with new policies of similar strength and efficacy. In short, a systemic problem requires a systemic solution. To combat systemic racism, we must pursue systemic equality.

What is Systemic Racism?

A system is a collection of elements that are organized for a common purpose. Racism in America is a system that combines economic, political, and social components. That system specifically disempowers and disenfranchises Black people, while maintaining and expanding implicit and explicit advantages for white people, leading to better opportunities in jobs, education, and housing, and discrimination in the criminal legal system. For example, the country's voting systems empower white voters at the expense of voters of color, resulting in an unequal system of governance in which those communities have little voice and representation, even in policies that directly impact them.

Systemic Equality is a Systemic Solution

In the years ahead, the ACLU will pursue administrative and legislative campaigns targeting the Biden-Harris administration and Congress. We will leverage legal advocacy to dismantle systemic barriers, and will work with our affiliates to change policies nearer to the communities most harmed by these legacies. The goal is to build a nation where every person can achieve their highest potential, unhampered by structural and institutional racism.

To begin, in 2021, we believe the Biden administration and Congress should take the following crucial steps to advance systemic equality:

Voting Rights

The administration must issue an executive order creating a Justice Department lead staff position on voting rights violations in every U.S. Attorney office. We are seeing a flood of unlawful restrictions on voting across the country, and at every level of state and local government. This nationwide problem requires nationwide investigatory and enforcement resources. Even if it requires new training and approval protocols, a new voting rights enforcement program with the participation of all 93 U.S. Attorney offices is the best way to help ensure nationwide enforcement of voting rights laws.

These assistant U.S. attorneys should begin by ensuring that every American in the custody of the Bureau of Prisons who is eligible to vote can vote, and monitor the Census and redistricting process to fight the dilution of voting power in communities of color.

We are also calling on Congress to pass the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act to finally create a fair and equal national voting system, the cause for which John Lewis devoted his life.

Student Debt

Black borrowers pay more than other students for the same degrees, and graduate with an average of $7,400 more in debt than their white peers. In the years following graduation, the debt gap more than triples. Nearly half of Black borrowers will default within 12 years. In other words, for Black Americans, the American dream costs more. Last week, Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, along with House Reps. Ayanna Pressley, Maxine Waters, and others, called on President Biden to cancel up to $50,000 in federal student loan debt per borrower.

We couldn't agree more. By forgiving $50,000 of student debt, President Biden can unleash pent up economic potential in Black communities, while relieving them of a burden that forestalls so many hopes and dreams. Black women in particular will benefit from this executive action, as they are proportionately the most indebted group of all Americans.

Postal Banking

In both low and high income majority-Black communities, traditional bank branches are 50 percent more likely to close than in white communities. The result is that nearly 50 percent of Black Americans are unbanked or underbanked, and many pay more than $2,000 in fees associated with subprime financial institutions. Over their lifetime, those fees can add up to as much as two years of annual income for the average Black family.

The U.S. Postal Service can and should meet this crisis by providing competitive, low-cost financial services to help advance economic equality. We call on President Biden to appoint new members to the Postal Board of Governors so that the Post Office can do the work of providing essential services to every American.

Fair Housing

Across the country, millions of people are living in communities of concentrated poverty, including 26 percent of all Black children. The Biden administration should again implement the 2015 Affirmatively Furthering Fair Housing rule, which required localities that receive federal funds for housing to investigate and address barriers to fair housing and patterns or practices that promote bias. In 1980, the average Black person lived in a neighborhood that was 62 percent Black and 31 percent white. By 2010, the average Black person's neighborhood was 48 percent Black and 34 percent white. Reinstating the Obama-era Fair Housing Rule will combat this ongoing segregation and set us on a path to true integration.

Congress should also pass the American Housing and Economic Mobility Act, or a similar measure, to finally redress the legacy of redlining and break down the walls of segregation once and for all.

Broadband Access

To realize broadband's potential to benefit our democracy and connect us to one another, all people in the United States must have equal access and broadband must be made affordable for the most vulnerable. Yet today, 15 percent of American households with school-age children do not have subscriptions to any form of broadband, including one-quarter of Black households (an additional 23 percent of African Americans are “smartphone-only" internet users, meaning they lack traditional home broadband service but do own a smartphone, which is insufficient to attend class, do homework, or apply for a job). The Biden administration, Federal Communications Commission, and Congress must develop and implement plans to increase funding for broadband to expand universal access.

Enhanced, Refundable Child Tax Credits

The United States faces a crisis of child poverty. Seventeen percent of all American children are impoverished — a rate higher than not just peer nations like Canada and the U.K., but Mexico and Russia as well. Currently, more than 50 percent of Black and Latinx children in the U.S. do not qualify for the full benefit, compared to 23 percent of white children, and nearly one in five Black children do not receive any credit at all.

To combat this crisis, President Biden and Congress should enhance the child tax credit and make it fully refundable. If we enhance the child tax credit, we can cut child poverty by 40 percent and instantly lift over 50 percent of Black children out of poverty.


We cannot repair harms that we have not fully diagnosed. We must commit to a thorough examination of the impact of the legacy of chattel slavery on racial inequality today. In 2021, Congress must pass H.R. 40, which would establish a commission to study reparations and make recommendations for Black Americans.

The Long View

For the past century, the ACLU has fought for racial justice in legislatures and in courts, including through several landmark Supreme Court cases. While the court has not always ruled in favor of racial justice, incremental wins throughout history have helped to chip away at different forms of racism such as school segregation ( Brown v. Board), racial bias in the criminal legal system (Powell v. Alabama, i.e. the Scottsboro Boys), and marriage inequality (Loving v. Virginia). While these landmark victories initiated necessary reforms, they were only a starting point.

Systemic racism continues to pervade the lives of Black people through voter suppression, lack of financial services, housing discrimination, and other areas. More than anything, doing this work has taught the ACLU that we must fight on every front in order to overcome our country's legacies of racism. That is what our Systemic Equality agenda is all about.

In the weeks ahead, we will both expand on our views of why these campaigns are crucial to systemic equality and signal the path this country must take. We will also dive into our work to build organizing, advocacy, and legal power in the South — a region with a unique history of racial oppression and violence alongside a rich history of antiracist organizing and advocacy. We are committed to four principles throughout this campaign: reconciliation, access, prosperity, and empowerment. We hope that our actions can meet our ambition to, as Dr. King said, lead this nation to live out the true meaning of its creed.

What you can do:
Take the pledge: Systemic Equality Agenda
Sign up

Featured image by Shutterstock

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