Adrienne Bailon Wants Women Of Color To Take Self-Inventory In Order To Redefine Success
Y'all know we love a multi-hyphenate. Adrienne Bailon is that and then some. Over the years, our favorite Cheetah Girl has remained relevant with evolving identities from singer to actress to entrepreneur. Despite her first dream job of being an obstetrician, Adrienne's emergence as a superstar back in 1999 has proven that she is unafraid to experiment. Most importantly, The Real co-host's mission is centered around authenticity and transparency.
xoNecole caught up with Adrienne Bailon to talk about her beauty routine, the importance of self-care, being a serial entrepreneur, and why her new collaboration with Olay empowers women of color in more ways than one.
xoNecole: Can you spill the tea on your beauty routine and your top three must-haves?
Adrienne Bailon: This is pretty easy. Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize. Hydration is key. I know this sounds super cheesy, but drinking water. I am a crazy water drinker. I actually just recently got one of those reusable big jugs that give you the encouragement. I swear by that. I think that staying super hydrated from the inside out is key to staying cute. Number two, when we talk about moisture, I think so many of us think beauty secrets, we always think about our faces and a lot of us neglect our bodies. I was raised with a mom that straight out of the shower was like, "You need lotion! Don't come out here with ashy knees and elbows." I am so grateful for that.
I am obsessed with Olay Body. They just came out with this new body lotion collection, and it is everything because we've used collagen on our faces; I've literally even done the collagen in the smoothies and put it in our teas and all that kind of stuff. But I'm like, "Why not just put it on our actual skin?" And I'm super excited about their new Olay Firming Body Lotion. I have to say, you actually see a visible difference. I started using it maybe two, three weeks ago, and I already see a huge change.
I love the idea of literally lathering it on and then I'll notice the difference the most in my thighs because they look way more hydrated, way firmer. I suffer from cellulite, so this has been like a godsend for me literally to see a visible difference in the firmness of my skin. For me, self-care is skincare. I take my moment to kind of just do what I gotta do. That is super-important to me. The last thing would be rest as a beauty secret. I think so many of us don't think of that—creating space for yourself to just relax. If you're stressed out, it will show up on your skin.
"For me, self-care is skincare. I take my moment to kind of just do what I gotta do. That is super-important to me."
You talked a little bit about self-care. As a multihyphenate, what does self-care look like for you?
Alone time. I think that in a business where I'm constantly surrounded by people and there's constantly a lot of chaos and talking, I think I really value my alone time. The moments when I get to hear the sound of my own voice. What is it that I want? What is it that I like? I think we don't realize that when we're around people, you watch the shows they want to watch. You listen to the music that they might want to listen to. It's very rare that you'll put on that random quirky song that maybe you just want to hear in the car.
I think that it's so important for me to have alone time. And that's really where I get a lot of my self-care time done, too. Obviously, I have a husband, so I live with someone else. For me, my alone time is in the bathroom. I literally take time to be like, "I'm checking out to go do my nighttime routine. I'm going to need like the next 30 minutes to just not hear anyone else's voice, but my own."
That's so good! Along those lines of self-care, what was kind of the breakthrough moment where you realized you needed to prioritize self-care in a real way?
Oh! Crazy enough, it was 2021, not 2020. In 2020, we were in isolation and it was crazy but when things started opening again, it hit us like a ton of bricks. For me, at least, it was overwhelming. It felt like a lot. I think a lot of us were concerned about finances and feeling like you got to get back into it and strike while the iron's hot.
That whole mentality for me was really overwhelming and that's when I started recognizing like, 'OK, I have to find balance. Yes, the world is open, but there was something really special about the family time that I got.' That's what made me buy a home in New York. It's marvelous having a job in L.A. but this is a place to work. Home for me is going to be where my family is so it was just making those changes during that time that were really important for me.
Absolutely. Tell us why you believe self-care is important for women of color specifically.
Let's get into it, here. It is so important because I think that culturally, I don't think it's something that we focus on. I don't think people discuss the awareness of checking in on ourselves. How do we feel? That's self-care. Self-care for me is literally taking a piece of paper and checking off all the things, "Am I happy? Am I rested? What's stressing me out? What's going on?" Taking inventory of myself. And I don't think that culturally, we take that. I don't think that that's considered. It's like, go, go, go.
If you're not stressed out and hustling and killing yourself, then you're not doing well. I think that sadly, it's a mentality that we have when it comes to work and success. What does success look like? I think for us, it looks like working really, really hard when success can also be just being at peace with yourself and at peace with your life. I don't think we prioritize that nearly enough as much as we prioritize the success of working hard or climbing the corporate ladder and all those other kinds of things. I think self-care for women of color is extremely important because no one else is going to give it to us, but us.
"Self-care for me is literally taking a piece of paper and checking off all the things, 'Am I happy? Am I rested? What's stressing me out? What's going on?' Taking inventory of myself... I think self-care for women of color is extremely important because no one else is going to give it to us, but us."
Yes, you can't pour from an empty cup.
You can not, and you can't expect anyone else to care about yourself like you do. So take those moments that you need. It's OK to express, "Hey, I'm taking a moment for self-care." I think exploring what self-care looks like to you is important too. It's not going to be the same as someone else's. If you are an extrovert, maybe self-care is doing something with a group of girlfriends and that's what you needed. Maybe you need a break from your kids. Maybe you need to have some adult time. Self-care for everyone is going to look different, but prioritizing it should be high on everyone's list.
I love that so much. We talked a little bit about working hard, what does it mean to be a fearless female entrepreneur?
A fearless female entrepreneur, if you think about it, if you're fearless, you're going to go for it. You're not going to second guess yourself. You are going to try it all, do it all, and be it all. There's something really dope about that. I think when we're fearless, we get out of our own way. And when we talk about self-care, I love that Olay is doing this campaign, and it's why I wanted to partner with them because how we start and end our day definitely contributes to how fearless we feel, you know. How fearless we feel in our skin, how we feel about our skin, and what do we do this morning that's going to benefit us two weeks from now. That mindset is so important.
I really do love that saying, "Do something today that your future self is going to say thank you for." I feel like my future skin is going to say thank you, my future mind is going to say thank you. The extra 20 minutes I put into not scrolling on Instagram and focusing on the things I have to actually do—being present— I'm going to be grateful for those things later on. And I think being present can make you fearless because you're living in the moment and not worrying about tomorrow.
I think those kinds of things are really important. And when you're fearless, especially as a female entrepreneur, you tend to not doubt yourself and you tend to actually believe in the ideas that you have, and that's where the success comes.
"How we start and end our day definitely contributes to how fearless we feel, you know. How fearless we feel in our skin, how we feel about our skin, and what do we do this morning that's going to benefit us two weeks from now. That mindset is so important."
Courtesy of Olay
That's beautiful. I love that you're doing this collaboration with Olay. I think it's a great collaboration with two beautiful brands. How has Olay empowered you to show up as your full self?
Oh my gosh. It's empowered me in more ways than one. I think that growing up, it was a staple brand in my home that I saw and now to see it being so innovative in 2021, I think that that in itself is inspirational. It's been around for so long and it's still doing groundbreaking things like putting collagen in a body lotion, putting hyaluronic acid in a body wash. These are things that were new that I wasn't seeing done in any other products.
For myself, especially as a female entrepreneur, to see that is inspiring, I'm like, 'Wow, so you mean to tell me that 30 years from now, I could still be doing something groundbreaking in jewelry and fashion.' Just to see that is super inspiring.
I love what they're doing for women of color entrepreneurs. They've partnered with LISC NYC to really empower women of color, especially in Washington Heights to do amazing things. I love that I am a female entrepreneur. I know what it's like to grow up in the hood and not have the information and the tools to become an entrepreneur. I had to learn so much along the way because I didn't have that knowledge.
I didn't have a mom that I can call and be like, "How did you do it?" I didn't have those connections. Sharing the information is super important and being able to work with brands that recognize the importance of supporting women of color is extremely important.
Wow, that's so good! So, what's next for you? What can we expect from you?
I am so excited we're back for season eight, with The Real. We are back in the studio with the girls and it's just been really special. Spending an entire year of being in Zoom boxes with random delays, we are so grateful that our audience stuck with us through all of that. And then to be back together, although we don't have a studio audience, I actually prefer it, as we're having really deep conversations. There's something really special about it just being the four of us and people that we're used to working with.
There are two cameramen and our stage manager, Sonia, who's been with us since day one. You can have those intimate, difficult conversations in a different way. I think that we'd have the tears on the seasons before but there was still an audience of over 200 people looking at it. It changes the dynamic. And I think it's been really, really special so far. I'm excited! I'm calling this our 'intimate season.' It's just the four of us. The table is gone. It's more casual. It feels special, and I think we're not taking this one for granted at all.
Yasss! My last question is actually about your audience. And how fitting since we're talking about self-care and beauty. So what's the secret lip gloss you use on the show?
OK, she might not like this, but I love a good tingle lip gloss. I love lip plumpers. I feel like if it's not burning, it's not working, so I am a huge fan. There's this brand called BUXOM Beauty. I swear that all their lip colors are life-changing. There's going to be a little tingle factor, but I swear the shine stays. That's the one.
To keep up with All Things Adrienne, check out her YouTube channel. And for Olay's new collection, head over to Olay.com to add some items to the cart.
Featured image courtesy of Olay
Joce Blake is a womanist who loves fashion, Beyonce and Hot Cheetos. The sophistiratchet enthusiast is based in Brooklyn, NY but has southern belle roots as she was born and raised in Memphis, TN. Keep up with her on Instagram @joce_blake and on Twitter @SaraJessicaBee.
These Newlyweds Found Love Thanks To A Friend Playing Matchmaker
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Jason and Elise Robinson’s union is a reminder that kind people still get their happily ever after. The pair had their first date in October of 2021 and tied the knot on June 15, 2024. Both of them have dedicated their lives to celebrating and supporting Black culture so it was only fitting they get married in what's considered the Black Hollywood of America during the Juneteenth celebration weekend. From the florists to Elise and Jason's gown and suit designers to the table signage and so much more, everything was Black-owned. It's no wonder their love for Black culture was the jumping-off point for their love story.
When they met, Jason had just moved to Atlanta for a new job opportunity, and Elise was living happily in her career and had put dating on the backburner. But luckily, a mutual connection saw something in both of them and thanks to a yoga-themed baby shower and a chance text message, they found their forever. Check out their beautiful How We Met story below.
I’ll start with the easiest question. Can you both tell me a little bit about yourself and your background?
Elise: Sure, my name is Elise. I’m actually from Atlanta, GA – not a transplant. I grew up here and left right after college to pursue my career. Now I’ve been back going on eight years, and I’m in my early 40s.
Jason: And I’m Jason. I’m originally from Racine, Wisconsin. I went to school at Florida A&M University, so I am a rattler. I went back to the Midwest for a period of time, in Indianapolis. Now, I’ve been in the Atlanta area for a little over two and a half years.
Jason and Elise Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Wow, that’s nice because Atlanta gets a bad rap when it comes to relationships. So you have to give us the deets. How did you two find each other?
Elise: So I work in TV and I was on-air for a number of years and then transitioned into being a producer and then a manager. As a producer, I’d always have guests on. And there was a woman who came on frequently named Rosalynn (@Rosalynndaniels, often referred to as The Black Martha Stewart), and we connected instantly. Anyway, she got pregnant right before COVID and invited me to a “modern-day yoga baby shower.” I came to support, but was also just curious about that theme.
I had an amazing time. And when it was over a few of us stuck around and convos got personal. She ended up asking me the infamous ‘Are you dating’ question. When I told her no, she decided to set me up. So I should tell you, in both of my only two serious relationships, I was set up – so I was like no.
But she pointed at her husband, who was folding up chairs, and said that another friend set her up with him. Sometimes, it takes people outside of us to see what we need. A few months later, she reached out and said she had family relocating and thought I’d really like him. So she gave him my number, and I reached out with a text. He responded with a call, and that night, we talked for about 2-3 hours. So that’s how we met. I was a little nervous because me and Rosalynn were starting a friendship, and here I was, talking to her family!
Jason: It was new for me too. Remember, I was new to the area, and I had heard so many “stories” about how people have been done wrong in the dating world. Whether it’s by theft or scamming (laughs). Plus, I had just got a new job and wanted to focus on that. But I did want to be able to date someone in a more personal way and see where it led. I felt like who better than someone who I trust to connect me. Rosalynn knows I’m private, about business life, and my personal life is important to me.
So let’s get into your courtship. What was your first date like?
Elise: We had our first convo on a Monday, and he asked me out the next day. I didn’t have any plans, but I still said no. I was just playing hard to get (laughs). But we were talking every day, and he told me he wanted to take me somewhere I’ve never been. And I’m like, you’re in my city! But he sends me three options, and sure enough, two of the places I hadn’t gone to. So, our first date was October 1, 2021, and somebody was 45 minutes late.
Now Jason, why were you 45 minutes late?
Elise: It was me – in my own city. I just got turned around, and the traffic was horrible. I kept calling him and giving him permission to leave. Full transparency: I probably wouldn’t have waited if the shoe was on the other foot. But this was my first sign of what I now know and love the most about him. It’s his patience. When I got there, I was frazzled and everything, but he was just super calm. It ended up being a great first date.
Jason: I remember just waiting and being concerned for her well-being. Because I know how traffic can be, especially when someone is rushing. I was just scrolling through my phone and looking through the menu. It was cool.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Courtesy
That’s beautiful. Now let’s talk about the “what are we” convo? Did you have one of those and if so, who initiated it and how was it?
Elise: I initiated it. Jason was dating me – and still does. But by this time, we had been on a number of dates. We were on our way to a winery, and we had a bit of a drive. So I decided to state my intention. We were just a few weeks in, but we were spending a lot of time together and we are people of a particular age. So I told him, I know Atlanta can be a Black man’s playground. There’s so many beautiful professional women here. But I’m dating with intention. I don’t want to kick it or hang with a good guy even though he’s not my person. I was done with all of that. So I’m “laying down the law” in my eyes, and he didn’t flinch. He let me finish and basically let me know we were on the same page. He was not trying to sow his royal oats.
Jason: Yeah, I was not trying to be Prince Akeem. But also, it was more so about setting a tone and goal for myself. My mama always told me to set my goals. And having a family was always one of mine. I think the biggest thing of it all, was I felt blessed – in terms of moving for work and meeting Elise, now being married. There’s victories being placed in my life.
I love that you both shared that because sometimes I get feedback on these stories and it seems like sometimes we’re afraid to really voice what we desire, no matter what that looks like.
Elise: Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
Jason: I think her sharing those values resonated with me, and hearing her “lay down the law” was fine because I was there, too. I would say to millennial women, don’t be afraid to tell a mate what you want. You never know what that would lead to. Time is a precious commodity. Elise saying that early on showed me that she values both of our time. It showed her heart, character, and integrity, and I was drawn to that and the mature conversation. In the social media world, we don’t have those pointed conversations face-to-face. I would challenge readers to have those conversations in person, and you would get more from that convo than any post or reel. Because you see body language reactions and have deeper communication.
Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
You both have mentioned time, family, and integrity. I’m curious what other core values do you both share?
Elise: Early on, our faith. Not just do you believe in God. It had to be deeper in that. I needed someone who would lead me, our home, and our family. I didn’t want to be in a push-and-pull relationship about prayer, church, or have conversations about being better people. Also, we discussed finances. That doesn’t just mean going to work. We chatted about ownership and what it looks like for us. How do we support each other individually and together? I know I like having my hands in a few different pots, and I needed someone who was supportive of that and likewise.
Jason: My background is that I was raised in the church. My father is a deacon and my mom is a deaconess. They've been married for 55 years. Faith was very important to me and it was crucial that my wife have that relationship as well.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Can we talk about challenges? Big or small, what are some things you had to grow through together?
Elise: I have never lived with anyone – not a roommate, a sister, friend, boyfriend or anything. Now, I’m in my 40s and I'm living with someone. When you’ve been by yourself for so long that was a challenge for both of us. We weren’t pulling each other's hair out but I’m a bit extreme. Things are color-coded in my closet. For me, working in news is chaotic so I want my home to be peaceful and organized.
Jason: I’m a man, and she’s a woman. That dynamic alone adds a flair to it. She wants things a certain way. She’s a Capricorn. But just in terms of how she wants to keep a home was a big adjustment for me. It took time.
On a smaller level, what are some of the things you disagree about day-to-day?
Elise: Cleanliness and systems. Like, he recycles and I do not. But sometimes I just have to decide if it really needs to be a thing or if I can just take care of it.
Jason: This is where my organization takes over (laughs).
What are your love languages? Do you know?
Elise: Jason’s is an act of service which works because I love cooking for him. It doesn’t feel like a chore to me. I love when I’m out, picking up his favorite juice. The other day I saw he needed t-shirts while folding clothes. So I just like doing small things for him that he doesn’t expect. He’s very much that guy that will ask to help so it doesn’t bother me.
Jason: I’d say Elise is all of them, but physical touch would probably be the biggest one. I had to get used to that. She’s taught me it in a number of ways. I remember we actually talked about love languages, and I sent her this song called “More Than Words” by Extreme. That explained to her how I felt.
Finally, can we end with the proposal? Tell us everything!
Jason: It was at a restaurant. And again, I was trying to find somewhere she hadn’t been. Also, I didn’t want to do it on our anniversary because that would have been too obvious. I contacted one of the restaurant’s staff and decided to change up the dessert menu. Each item was something special to us.
Elise: We go on so many date nights, so I just thought it was a regular night. We had finished eating, and I had to go to the bathroom. They had a nice mirror, girl. So I’m in there taking videos and stuff.
Jason: While she’s in the restroom, I’m getting everything in place with the waitress.
Elise: So as I’m reading the menu, I realize it’s telling our story and he eventually proposed. It was so special; I actually had the menu framed! It was so beautiful and thoughtful.
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Feature image by FotosbyFola
I’m telling you, as someone who has been writing on sex for well over two decades at this point, so long as you’re interested in the topic, you will always — and I do mean ALWAYS — learn something new. Take multiple orgasms, for example. Did you know that there is a difference betweenmultiples and stacked ones? While multiple orgasms are about experiencing more than one climax within a short period of time, a stacked orgasm is like well, it’s a lot like edging. The reason why I say that is because stacked orgasms focus on getting someone to the brink of an orgasm, then pausing so that when they return to that same place of stimulation, their orgasms will be just that much more pleasurable.
Anyway, although it’s pretty true that whenever the topic of multiple orgasms comes up, it usually centers around women, the reality is that men are able to have them as well. Without much effort?Reportedly, less than 10 percent of guys in their 20s and less than seven percent of them over 30 can. For the record, what qualifies are guys who can naturally orgasm 2-4 times within an under two-minute timeframe. Yes, the percentile is low; that’s the bad news.
The good news is there are some hacks that can help those who don’t fall into the “automatically blessed in this way” category to become multi-orgasmic too. I’ve done some research and found five things that your man can do prior to sex to make having more than one orgasm easier for him along with five things that you can do during sex that can really take achieving the goal to another level.
Let’s dig in.
1. What He Should Do: Up His Testosterone
GiphyA main hormone contributor to orgasms is testosterone. So, it makes all the sense in the world that in order for a man to experience more of them, his testosterone levels would need to be at a peak level.Some natural ways to encourage your man to get his levels to where they need to be is to remind him to exercise at least three times a week, to get some time in the sun (and/or take a vitamin D supplement), to consume alcohol in moderation, to keep his stress levels to a minimum and to avoid taking in too many phytoestrogens (which is plant-based estrogen);some of those foods would include soy, dairy, sunflower seeds, grapes, collard greens (I know, right?) and beer.
2. What He Should Do: Do Some Kegels
GiphyWhenever the topic of Kegels comes up, it’s also usually in the context of women strengthening their pelvic floor in order to prevent/improve incontinence and make sex more pleasurable. However, did you know that men can benefit from a form of this type of exercise too? When men learn how toidentify and then strengthen their own pelvic floor muscles, it can give their genital region a lot more self-control.As a direct result, it can reduce symptoms related to erectile dysfunction, and premature ejaculation and it can potentially intensify their orgasms as well.
One way that a man can do a simple Kegel is by starting and stopping his urine streaming whenever he’s using the bathroom. Some other forms of male Kegel exercises can be foundhere andhere.
3. What He Should Do: Learn About Non-Ejaculatory Orgasms
GiphyThe “real ones” can rap damn near every lyric of Salt-N-Pepa’s “Whatta Man” (featuring En Vogue) from back in the day. In it, there are a couple of lines that say, “He takes his time and does everything right/Knocks me out with one shot for the rest of the night.” I mean, while that’s cool ‘n all (I guess — LOL), if you want a multi-orgasmic man, he’s gonna need to be able to accomplish more than that, chile.
And since once a man ejaculates, that’s where the refractory period (which is basically the period of time between when someone orgasms and is sexually responsive enough to be able to orgasm again), in order for a guy to be able to have several orgasms at one time more easily, NOT EJACULATING should be the goal.
This is where non-ejaculatory orgasms come in.
They are all about a man learning how to enjoy the sensation of an orgasm without ejaculating in the process. Your partner can learn more about how to achieve those by reading Men’s Health’s article here.
4. What He Should Do: Master Belly Breathing
GiphyYou’d be hard-pressed to read an article on how to have powerful or multiple orgasms without improving one’s breathing techniques not coming up in it. That’s because deep breathing helps to relax the body — and the more relaxed a person is, the easier it is for them to climax. That said, a great breathing technique for men is called belly breathing (ordiaphragmatic breathing); it’s all about getting on your back, putting one hand on the upper part of your chest while the other rests right below your rib cage.
As you take air in through your nose, focus on it coming from your lower belly area. If you do this, while the hand that is on your chest remains in the same spot, the one on your stomach should rise. As you exhale, tighten your abdominal muscles and then repeat. If you and your partner implement this as a form of foreplay prior to sex andyou use your hands to caress his chest as he focuses on his belly and breathing, it can be a gentle form of edging that can make achieving multiple orgasms for him easier once you start to engage in actual intercourse.
5. What He Should Do: Get More Rest
GiphyWhen you get a chance, check out the article that I penned for the platform a few years back entitled, “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand.” For now, I’ll just say that if your partner is sleep-deprived, that will make it challenging for him to have one orgasm, let alone several in a row. Two reasons whysleep deprivation is so problematic is because it can throw off hormones, increase stress, and heighten a man’s chances of experiencing erectile dysfunction. So, if your partner isn’t getting between 6-8 hours of rest on a pretty consistent basis, that is something else that can make having a multiple orgasm hella challenging.
Now let’s get into some things that you can do to help him in this area of sexual pleasure and satisfaction…
Getty Images
What You Should Do: Massage His Scrotum
GiphyThe reason why it’s so painful for a man to be hit “in the balls” (which means in his scrotum which is where his testicles are) is because that is a place that houses many nerve endings which makes it a highly sensitive place. Sexually,that’s a good thing because not only is it a powerful erogenous zone, but it can also boost a man’s chances of ejaculating. When it comes to multiple orgasms, you can gently knead them like dough while you’re giving him oral sex (because who said that multiple orgasms only had to come via intercourse?)
Or say that you’re in the missionary position; right as he’s about to ejaculate (ask him if he’s someone who doesn’t “announce it" in some way on his own), gently tug on his scrotum or roll his testicles in the palm of one of your hands as if it were a pair of dice. Between the sensation of already climaxing coupled with the feeling of his scrotum being erotically touched can be enough for him to have more than one orgasm — whether he was prepared to have one or not!
What You Should Do: Stimulate His Nipples
GiphyI actually once read that somewhere around 50 percent of men consider their nipples to be a bona fide erogenous zone. From what I’ve researched, a part of the reason is that the brain lights up whenever nipples are stimulated in a similar way that our genitalia is.
And so, by engaging in nipple play with your partner — lightly stroking his nipples, licking them, kissing them, etc.— not only does it help to intensify his orgasms, but it can also (potentially) shorten his refractory period which makes it easier for him to climax back-to-back.
What You Should Do: Get into Some Sensory Deprivation
GiphyIf you’ve never heard ofsensory deprivation before, in the context ofsexual activity, it’s when you’re intentional about pulling one of the senses — sight, touch, smell, taste, hearing — out of the sexual experience in order to increase the other four. For example, if you put a blindfold on your partner, if he can’t see what you’re doing, that increases his stimuli in other areas which can make it easier for him to climax and have more than one orgasm at a time. Something else that’s cool about sensory deprivation is it encourages people to focus more on anticipation than overthinking which is always highly beneficial in the sexual pleasure department.
What You Should Do: Talk Dirty to Him
GiphyDirty talking has all sorts of benefits. It appeals to the sense of hearing. It can let you and your partner both know what you want and need more of in a very sensual and seductive way. It can also help to distract your partner as you try to relax him for things like aprostate massage. Listen,it’s been said, for quite some time now, that a man’s G-spot is found in and around his prostate which includes the area in between his scrotum and his anus along with an inch or two within his anus opening.
And so, if you’re telling him how much he turns you on while you’ve got a lubed-up finger wandering around there, there’s no tellinghow many orgasms you’ll be able to give him — ones that he probably isn’t anywhere close to being prepared for. Straight up.
What You Should Do: Embrace His Penis. Fully.
GiphyThe more you embrace his penis, the more relaxed he’ll feel around you. So, try giving him an impromptu tantric lingam massage. Stroke his shaft with some coconut oil while going down on him. Have some ice in your mouth during oral sex. With the thumb and forefinger of each hand, gently stroke his penis in an up-and-down motion. Use a little peppermint oil mixed with a carrier oil like sweet almond or grapeseed to massage his shaft and scrotum as the menthol from the peppermint provides a tingling sensation.
Bottom line, take in everything about his penis and enjoy yourself while doing so. Chances are, the more creative you get, the more you’ll both discover stimulation points that he never even knew that he had — and when new territory is discovered, that means new peaks of sexual pleasure can be reached too!
Have fun, chile. BOTH OF YOU.
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Featured image by Giphy