For a while now, I have struggled with maintaining a healthy lifestyle. And for longer than that, I struggled with accepting the changes that were happening to my body. With the disappointment of family dynamics, a demanding career, and personal emotional trauma after I moved back home to California, I found myself at the heaviest I had ever been.
My bra was cutting into my back fat. My panties were not fitting on my hips right. Still, not fitting right. I went from a size 4/6 to a 10/12. I went from small/medium to large/extra-large. I went from 141 pounds to 175+ pounds. (I typically weigh 125-135.). Mind you, I was born 0.9 of a pound. I went from a 32DD to a 36G/H. Chile. Let me tell you, these tig ol' bitties are H-E-A-V-Y.
Cellulite was appearing in places on my body that was never there before. The definition around my collarbone and shoulders was gone. Traces of my little four-pack of abs slowly faded away. My thighs and arms felt like Jell-O, even my nine-year-old nephew would comment, "You're so squishy." Four and a half years later, I still couldn't get this weight off no matter how many times I told myself, "I can do this."
The problem was I didn't completely believe myself.
I struggled with maintaining my workouts, eating healthy, and achieving my fitness goals. For reference, I used to aspire to become an FBI Agent at one point in my life. So, your girl was 100 percent on. I ran a mile under ten minutes, I could do push-ups, sit-ups, squats, and lunges, with ease. At the time, it did help that I worked with people in law enforcement who were all about health and fitness. I had worked so hard to build my body.
I was disappointed in my current body. And I am still disappointed. I was no longer the carefree, always laughing, bubbly, breath-of-fresh-air Camille anymore. I was depressed-as-all-hell Camille and I didn't even know it.
I wanted the old Camille back.
Those moments and memories replay in my head like my favorite movie. I wanted the body and the life I had before I decided to take that job. This same, damn, job made me finally crumble. I felt the disconnect in my gut. My body was trying to send me a message, but I did not listen. And "those who don't listen, go feel." Word to the Trinidadian Proverb that means if you don't heed the warnings given to you, you will suffer the consequences. Please believe, I felt every damn consequence. I wanted to permanently erase the chapters of my life titled "2016 to 2018" as if they never happened.
But, I had to accept and realize I am no longer that girl anymore. I had to unpack all the emotions that my heart and body kept like a well-guarded safe.
My journey took me places I could not have ever imagined before. I can say now, I am thankful for the pain. I would not have grown without it. I can say now, I am definitely in a good space. Even though I am still struggling with my body image and accepting my body, I can't go back. Those moments and memories are so many years away from me. I can only move forward with consistency, discipline, and consciousness in this present moment as Camille now.
What Is The 60-Day Transformation Journey?
The 60-Day Transformation Challenge at Hardcore Fitness is no joke. The goal of the challenge is to lose as much body fat as possible over the course of eight weeks. After watching the introduction videos, I learned challengers are required to attend strength-training classes at least five days a week and do cardio seven days a week. Where is the rest day?
A total of three fitness assessments are given across eight weeks. This includes a one-mile run and basic bodyweight exercises that are timed. Additionally, there is also an approved food list. No cheating allowed. I can only eat lean proteins (chicken breast, egg whites, turkey, or white fish), green veggies, complex carbohydrates (like oatmeal and sweet potato) with no condiments. A gallon of water must be consumed daily. In doing all of this, I hoped to lose a total of 15 to 25 pounds and a few inches off my waist.
This time, I was serious. I was mentally ready. I told myself I was done with unhealthy eating habits and little to no physical activity. I threw out any packaged or processed foods in my pantry. I purchased meal prep containers and made Sundays meal prep day in my calendar. I made myself a workout schedule. I booked my strength-training classes a few days in advance. I also downloaded health and fitness apps to help me stay on track with cardio, water intake, and calories burned.
I thought about posting my before pictures and body scan on my Instagram profile but I am not feeling the energy on social media these days. For accountability purposes and that extra "push" in my transformation journey, I posted my before pictures and body scan in the xoTribe. The xoTribe Members Community has been a safe space for me since the beginning of this pandemic and it always will be. And honestly, in this moment, I feel more connected to an online community of women than some friendships I have today.
I am so ready for this.
My 60-Day Transformation Challenge Experience
On the first day of the challenge, I was anxious. I wanted to stay committed this time. Leave it to me to schedule a strength training class with one of the toughest trainers in the gym. As if I wasn't struggling enough during the workout, he would be the one to hand me heavier weights too. I was not happy, but it forced me to push through my asthma and build my endurance.
My one rep max on deadlifts is 185 pounds. I didn't even know I could lift that heavy. The body is effing amazing. I am grateful that one of the Hardcore Fitness trainers offered me a spot in his small group training program. He noticed during boot camp classes that I was not weightlifting to my potential at all. Like not even a little bit. Like not even close to it. I didn't even have an excuse, reason, comeback, or an argument for him. All I could say was, "I sure as hell don't."
This challenge will end in a couple of weeks, and I look forward to all the small wins. When I say small wins, I don't mean the physical results that come with living a fit lifestyle. You know, the muscle gains, strength, body definition, inches lost, smaller clothing sizes, or a more pleasing number on the scale. I am not talking about the technical wins either; an increase in lean muscle mass or a lower body fat percentage. We all want to be bodied AF.
I'm talking about the renewed energy and confidence that come with taking care of your body. Having a sense of awareness in knowing you are choosing to nourish your body with whole foods and movements for longevity.
And more than that, do that thing.
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