50-Year-Old Mother of Five Nicole Murphy Shares Her #FitTips
Looking like a snack is the current trend, but Nicole Murphy says that our bodies are gardens. If you take care of it, it'll feed you forever. After five kids, the 50-year-old model and reality star still has cakes by the pound, and she recently revealed on Sway In The Morning how she's succeeded in serving us body goals for decades at a time. Nicole said that unlike most women, she didn't see any significant changes in her body after her first child, but as her family's roster grew, so did her insecurity.
"When I first had my first baby, I wasn't even thinking about working out. I didn't go to the gym and this and that. And no one told me, 'Hey, it's possible that your belly will never be the same. Your body's going to look different. You might have stretch marks.' I didn't even think like that. I was blessed in the beginning. I just went back into my normal shape. And then the more kids I started having, it was like, 'Yoooo, I need to work out 'cause I'm not the same.' I could see my little faults so I was like, 'I'm in the gym, I gotta work out.'"
Nicole says that this desire for a positive-self image was even more important, because like all women, she wanted to look her best for her partner.
"At the time, I was married so I was like, 'I always want to look good for my man.' I didn't want to get comfortable like some people do in a relationship and let themselves go. I know a few people like that and I'm like, me, honestly, that would turn me off. I always wanted to look good. So I've always been into it. I've been into eating right. Well, I do mess up, I'm not even gonna lie."
Her insecurity and negative self-image led Nicole to take her health journey more seriously, and that included solidifying a plan for fitness based on her lifestyle. No matter how chaotic or intense our daily schedules get, Nicole. She said:
"Just work out. It's only one hour out of your day. One hour out of my day. I can even do it at home. There's no excuse."
Although it's essential to your health journey to stay active, the mother of five says that one of the most important decisions she made was learning how to eat based on what made her feel good, not just what looked good. Studies show that what you eat is far more important than how you work it off, but that can mean redefining your diet completely, especially if your history of food choices has been consistently poor in the past, and Nicole said that old habits sometimes die hard. When asked one of her biggest challenges, she had this to say:
"Just learning how to eat properly. That took a minute because I didn't know. My mother's British so it's all about bread and lots of butter, lots of sauces on your food, potatoes and that. That's how I grew up. But the older I got, I figured it out."
With discipline and determination, you too can be as fine as Nicole Murphy at age 50. She says that despite unrealistic images constantly perpetuated in the media regarding society's idea of beauty, she's only working to be her best self and to inspire others to do the same thing.
"I want to maintain. I'm 50 now. I just turned 50 years old. So I want to inspire other women. Just because you're 50 doesn't mean it's over. I'm not trying to look 21 but I want to look good for myself — and whoever my mate is going to be."
Despite Nicole's insecurity in her self-image early in life, she took control of her narrative and made wellness a priority because she understood that a garden that is well kept can produce a harvest beyond her imagination.
Featured image by Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images