I have a preference for tall men — really tall ones, at that. I ain’t got no lies to tell you. And I am definitely one of those kinds of people who don’t think that anyone (male or female) has to defend or justify what their preferences are (nor be bullied out of them). At the same time, though, some of my best friendships consist of shorter guys, some of the best sex of my life came from shorter guys, and some of my favorite and most inspiring folks in this world are shorter guys…so, in my opinion, they definitely deserve their props.
Not to mention the fact that the average height for men in this country is 5’9” (genetics play a huge role in that), and — get this — only 15 percent of American men are 6’ and over. And you know what that means, right? If you decide to not even give a shorter guy a chance, you are cutting out 85 percent of the male population.
I know that some of y’all couldn’t care less about anything that I just said — you have a type, you want what you want, and you’re sticking to it. Yet what if staying close-minded is costing you without you even realizing it? Because while having a preference (knowing what you naturally gravitate to) is more than fine, an unfounded prejudice (an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge, thought, or reason) is something that’s completely different. And the reality is the latter could be blocking you from your blessing.
To further solidify my point, I asked some men who fit into the height majority (some of y’all will catch that later) to share their thoughts on being under 6’ and how that can actually be a win in the realm of relationships. Some of their thoughts just might show you how you could be “coming up short” by not dating them.
(As always, middle names are used.)
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1. Roman. 31. Married. 5’7”.
“I’ve never had a problem being short — or at least, what our culture says is short. Only athletes in my school were super tall, and I find women with heels on to be sexy because I’m a legs man. I guess I’m lucky because I don’t even remember hearing ‘short man jokes’ back in the day. As far as what makes short guys a good catch, overall, is I think that we have such a level of confidence and self-awareness that makes our brand of masculinity appealing…at least, that’s what my wife says. She’s 5’4” and has always preferred guys who are on the shorter side of things.”
2. Caide. 29. In a Serious Relationship. 5’5”.
“I ain’t got no lies for you. When I was growing up, I was pissed about being the size that I am now. It wasn’t so much because of women — I just didn’t like it. Once I got to college and met this 5’10” girl who I dated for about two semesters, my entire perspective changed. We both like fashion a lot and have hella natural style. Before long, we had a reputation for being trendsetters on campus, and people liked that she didn’t care that I was shorter and that I got over the fact that she was pretty much towering over me when she had on her heels. When two people like each other, no matter what, there’s something really appealing about that. My lady now is taller than me too. Ask me if either one of us cares.”
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3. Jakari. 45. Married. 5’7”.
“I’ve never understood why a woman who is five feet thinks that she needs a man who is towering over her. If she even got with a guy who is 5’5”, he’s gonna be taller than her. Relax."
"Anyway, my wife is 5’6” and she’s gonna keep some heels on her feet. The two boyfriends before her were over 6 [feet], and treated her like sh-t. She said that a man who is tall in character beats a man with height any day. You see who she’s with…right?”
4. Nicco. Single. 5’3”.
“Some men have a so-called ‘Napoleon Complex,’ I won’t lie. But for the most part, if you ask any woman about the traits of shorter men, they are almost always gonna say that we’re funny, charismatic, and great communicators. Those are things that we had to work at so that our height wasn’t the main focal point. If you want one hell of a good time, a short man is almost gonna guarantee you that. I swear, y’all be missin’ out.”
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5. Elias. Married. 5’6”.
“I’ve personally never really cared what people think. For what? Folks change like the weather. I personally think that’s what a lot of women found attractive about me. Why should I stress over something that I cannot change or want someone who doesn’t want me over something as shallow as my height? I once read that people who care about what others think tend to be paranoid, unstable and that they constantly blow things out of proportion. No woman is gonna feel safe around that kind of man. Embracing who you are and then maximizing its potential is gonna make you stand out — no matter how tall you are.”
6. Oryn. Single. 5’3”.
“You asked, so I’ll tell you why so many women trip. It’s because they think that ‘short’ automatically means ‘small.’ Please tell them that penis size has to do with genetics, not height, and there are a lot of tall men who won’t bless you like some of the shorter fellas well. That sh-t needs to be taught in science class because the way that ignorance gets spread is wild, boy.”
(Shellie here: He’s right. Some of the tallest guys that I’ve been with had some of the smallest packages. Please let the hand and shoe-size myth go.)
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7. Enzo. 25. In a Serious Relationship. 5’8”.
“Back when I was trying to get my now-girlfriend to go out with me, I asked her who her favorite celebrity was. She said, Usher. In my mind, I thought, ‘Perfect!’ because I already knew what his height was. I said, ‘I thought you said that you’re not into short men,’ and when she said, ‘I’m not,’ I said, ‘Google the brotha.’ You should do it too because that man is 5’8” — just like me. I took her to his show in Vegas, and we’ve been going strong ever since. It’s kind of wild how that totally changed her perspective — just realizing that he’s not as big as she made him up in her mind to be. Pretty sure that there’s a deep life lesson in that.”
8. Langdon. Married. 5’5”.
“Back when I was dating my wife, she said that she was concerned about what people would think when they saw us out. She wondered if they would assume that she was settling because she’s close to 5’10”. All we get are compliments because we’re often told that our style and energy are attractive. She also said that I’m what made her finally consent to the fact that we all really are the same height lying down. I’ll let y’all read between the lines with that one.”
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9. Carter. 40. Engaged. 5’7”.
“I’m not playin’ these games. While women are out here turning their nose up at ‘regular’ short guys, their favorite celebrities are short too. I work in entertainment, and even the ones who claim they are 6’ are usually lyin’. Pay attention to how women measure up to men the next time you watch a movie or television show. Watch how many guys are eye to eye with the ladies. Y’all don’t care about height as much as you think you do…so long as men have other things to bring to the table.”
(Shellie here: I got to give this “height hack” to him because I once read that the average height for leading men is around 5’9” while the average leading lady clocks in at about 5’5”. Do with that what you will, chile.)
10. Braylon. 32. Single. 5’8”.
“Hypocritical jargon and double standards withstanding — women having preferences don’t bother me. I just tend to ask women who claim that you have to be a certain height to ‘ride their ride’ to explain where they are coming from because a lot of them only repeat what someone else has said as far as the whole height thing goes. As far as what they’re missing, I think it should be approached from a different angle — if you’re so caught up in a man having to be a certain size to even get a date with you, aren’t you setting yourself up to miss out on some really great people?
"Wanting a tall person for no reason than ‘just because’ is limiting. As for me and my dating life, I’m doing just fine. You’d be amazed how many more dates you can get when you’re open to different types of people.”
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11. Jaxen. 34. Single. 5’4”.
“I’ll put it to you this way: There are certain sex positions that can be enjoyed so much more because two people are standing eye to eye. Hell, even a hug and kiss can feel more intimate when your bodies are lined up with each other. I don’t have to sell anyone on it — too many women have told me directly. Short guys are up to the challenge of making women fans of their size. Trust me.”
12. Roosevelt. Married. 5’8”.
“Remember when you told me about that woman who said that she didn’t need a tall man because she had a father to look up to? My wife told me something similar. She said that she thinks that a lot of women think that a tall man is a sign of protection, especially if they didn’t have a father while growing up. But because her dad is 5’7”, a military man and a marksman — she has never seen masculinity through height. I think the main thing that women miss out on when they refuse to even consider a shorter man is that a good man has nothing to do with if you can physically look up at him…it’s if you can respect how tall his character is. If that isn’t something that you care about, you’re not as ready for a relationship as you think you are.”
(Shellie here: WELP.)
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There you have it: 12 men who aren’t 6’, who are out here living their best life — because they know that height isn’t everything. Never has been. Never will be.
May we all take the hint.
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Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
GiphyThere’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
GiphyA couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
GiphyI’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
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I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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