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What Kissing White Boys Taught Me About Myself
As my boyfriend and I walked down the block in our neighborhood, he reached his hand out and pointed at a couple across the street. "See? It's an epidemic," he joked in reference to a beautiful black woman walking hand-in-hand with an equally beautiful white man. My boyfriend said that he noticed a surge in amount of black women who had 'crossed over to the other side'. To me, this concept was far from unique. My sister has been with a white man for almost 15 years. My great-grandmother was the product of an interracial relationship that pre-dated the Jim Crow era. To me, interracial dating was just dating with more critics.
But, for some reason the world tends to take issue with black women opting out of dating black men. Malia Obama was recently seen kissing a fellow Harvard student at a tailgate party and social media exploded all because that fellow student was white. But, Harvard University is about 93% non-black, which means the selection of eligible black men (or women) on campus is likely scarce. Choosing to date white men out of neccesity
All my life, I've been attracted to black men. To be fair, all my life, I've been attracted to men in general. I can remember in high school when my older sister made it pretty clear she was switching from black men to white men that I thought, 'is she out of her mind?'. I have a penchant for the cushion of a black man's mouth, the depth of melanin, the thickness of a nappy head of hair to lock my fingers in. Black men, in my opinion, are the most beautiful men in the world.
The last time I kissed a white boy, I was 32 years old. We met on Tinder after I told myself that I'd had enough with black men and their emotionally stunted issues. I swiped left until I came across a seemingly normal non-black man and decided that I was about to sleep with my very first white boy.
The morning after our second date, I woke up in a penthouse apartment across the street from Prospect Park. On my way to the bathroom, I "got lost" and ended up in a living room bathing in light streaming from panoramic floor-to-ceiling windows. I did what any woman in my position would do - I snapped a picture and sent it to my friend.
her: girl whatudewin?
me: views. white boy and I hooked up last night
her: ah sh*t. ya'll so cute.
me: were so cute. this was a one-night thing.
Waking up that morning I came to a stark realization about myself - I don't have a true appreciation for white boys, period. Now that I had fully explored the hype, I realized that when you put the politics and aesthetic aside, a white man is still just a man. He might not call you, he might sweep you off your feet, he could be a fling, he could be the one - how you approach interracial courtship has more to do with our own heads than the social expectation of what dating a white boy means.
Aside from the physical comparison, my aversion to white men had more to do with my past than anything else. By the time I was old enough to actually date, I had already experienced being grilled by a white classmate about why black people get ashy. I had already been told by a middle-aged white man that he "always wanted a black girl in his bed". I had already been objectified by white men just because of my melanin. Sure, a lot of black men I had encountered were very often out of touch with their emotions or shouted profane comments on the street when I walked by
His white privilege was an aphrodisiac and I kind of felt like my ancestors might be whispering 'get it, girl' in approval.
But, what I learned about my one-night experiment was this -
But what meant more to me than the hype and possibility of an issue-free white boyfriend was the familiarity that came with dating black men.
Black men know me, because they know their black mothers, their black aunties and their black sisters. They know I have to wrap my hair up at night, and dress my skin in coconut oil and shea butter before my head touches the pillow. They know what it feels like to be the only black person in a room, they understand all the inside jokes and family references and marginalized experiences you can only know if you're marginalized. I don't have to explain my blackness to a black man the way I felt like I did to white men. I also don't have to question their attraction to me the same. Being objectified because I'm a woman is something I can manage. Being objectified because I'm a woman and because I'm black was something I just couldn't get past. I didn't want to be anyone's Jungle Fever souvenir.
But, I had to realize - those feelings were about my own insecurities. Not about white men being wack.
I'm self-aware enough not to categorize an entire race of men simply because of the few dozen I met who didn't know how to treat me or talk to me. I do this for black men, and I do this for white men as well. I understand that my racial preferences aren't something that make me more 'woke' or more in touch with myself or less open than the next woman. The most vital lesson I learned about my short-lived stint into white men was that part of how I self-identify is being attracted to black men. It's that simple. I never felt like myself in romantic situations with white men. I wasn't angry or scared or irritated by them - I just didn't feel like me. I would have never known that if I didn't allow myself to try something different.
I think who we are as women, is absolutely shaped by our relationships with men. What we know about the men we love and long for, how we're affected by them, why we lean in towards some and away from others - are all things that teach us who we are sexually and emotionally. Exploring that is key. Whether it's dating outside your race or dating outside your sexual preference - how can you ever really know what you want, until you know what you don't?
Ashley Simpo is a writer, mother and advocate for self-care and healthy relationships. She lives in Brooklyn, NY. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @ashleysimpo. Check out her work and her musings on ashleysimpocreative.com.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
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Mariee Revere On Her History-Making Million-Dollar Sales And The Future Of MoonXCosmetics
If the name Mariee Revere sounds familiar, it's probably because you heard of her beauty and skincare brand, MoonXCosmetics, or you may have heard about her history-making achievement of making $1.8 million in less than eight minutes. But before starting her million-dollar brand, Mariee was just a teenager trying to cure her acne.
While she grew up in the skincare capital of the world, South Korea, Mariee didn't really experience breakouts until her senior year of high school. Like many people who get their first breakout, she didn't know what to do, and there weren't many products out there at that time. So she decided to experiment. What she didn't know was that what she came up with would ultimately be her ticket to success.
"When I graduated high school, I moved back to America, Georgia, and I ended up making, like, the oil, the Rose Galore oil, which is like the staple product of my brand. I don't know what made me make it, but I did, and it literally cleared my face up," she tells xoNecole in an exclusive interview.
"I end up selling it as a body oil first because, obviously, I'm 17, [and] don't have any background as an esthetician or anything like that. I just made a product that worked for me, but people bought it and was using it, and I reformulated it, and then it just stuck like with me."
While MoonXCosmetics is known for its facial products, it wants to expand to body care and home. It just released its new product, Moon-Gel body wash, and it's only up from there. As Mariee continues to grow the brand, it's more than likely that she will see more history-making moments. And so far she has.
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When asked if she feels pressure to obtain more of those milestones, she says yes and no. "I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more," she says.
"I want to say more reach than more like fast-paced sales. I do want that. Obviously, every girl wants that, but I do want to have a better overall reach for my brand because I did take two years off so I was able to learn, [and] study a lot of different things. See how things have changed from 2020 to now."
"I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more."
Another part of expanding for any company is hiring people. Finding the right person to help you can be a hassle, especially for business owners who are used to doing all the work themselves. Mariee can relate to this, and she touched on this topic in her documentaryThe Million Dollar Story. She recommends having someone be your "right-hand man" who you trust to handle the ins and outs of the company.
"I could say, definitely get, like a right-hand man to help you within the process because that really was what helped me. I never had a job. I literally was 18 now, being like, you know, the boss of over 30+ employees at one point in time, and I didn't know anything. I didn't know anything about no W-2s, no taxes, no clock in, clock out because all I [have] ever known was my brand," she explains.
"So I definitely partner with people who are very skewed and versed in those areas, and they helped me get through it. Even to this day, I still have my same person helping me with hiring, firing, [and] doing everything that I can right now because I'm still learning. But obviously people get jobs young, so they have way more experience than me, but still learning."
And though she is still learning, one thing she makes sure to stay on top of is being consistent. Consistency is what trips many people up when it comes to achieving goals, but Mariee says it's all about scheduling. Whether it's when to post on social media or email marketing, scheduling it out can make a world of difference. That same practice also works when planning out her future goals for the company.
"Right now, future goals would be to drop at least five more products before the end of the year. We always do outreach, where we do drives and all that, but definitely do way more this year, she says. "Then really dive into body [care], and then hopefully open up MoonXBody underneath MoonXCosmetics to let that branch out and be open and definitely get back consistent."
For more information, visit moonxco.com.
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