Although most of my clients are either married or individuals who are in — or want to be in — a serious long-term relationship, there are times when someone will hire me to help them with finding their purpose and/or setting goals. One client, in particular, semi-recently asked me why I thought that she was constantly feeling overwhelmed and even a bit low, even though she continues to accomplish a lot of what she sets out to do.
The answer I gave her is what today’s article is all about: she doesn’t celebrate herself enough. Y’all, I’m so serious about how important it is to do that on a consistent basis that I’ve actually done research on why it’s not a very popular practice for most people. The reasons vary. Some folks don’t celebrate themselves because they think that it’s an arrogant thing to do. Others don’t celebrate themselves because they never really learned how to make themselves a priority (in that way).
Still, others avoid it because they are so used to making a big deal out of others’ accomplishments that it never crosses their mind to give their own selves the same type of intention and energy. And gee — that is so unfortunate because when you make it a point and practice to celebrate the things that you set out to do, it can boost your self-confidence, it can solidify your self-esteem and it can give you the “fuel” to make and meet even more goals in the future.
Why Celebrating Yourself Matters
If you’ve been rocking with me for a while now on this platform, you’ve probably heard me mention that one way to celebrate yourself (that I actually do quite often) is to pop open a bottle of champagne, wine, or sparkling cider and toast yourself at the end of every day or week (check out “10 Ways To Make Monday Your Favorite Day Of The Week,” for example). However, if you want to come up with other ways to improve the quality of your life, get more things done, and have so much (more) fun while doing both, learning how to celebrate yourself fully starts with really understanding what the word means — and requires.
And so, give me a moment to break all of this down for you by sharing five words that actually help to define what it means to…CELEBRATE…yourself. I’ve got a feeling that once you let it all sink in, you will want to start celebrating you and your life immediately and yes, that will absolutely change your life for the better. I guarantee it.
5 Ways To Celebrate Yourself & Honor Your Wins
OBSERVE: to see, watch, perceive or notice
GiphyLet’s begin with the fact that it’s pretty hard to celebrate something if you don’t pay a good amount of attention to what you are actually celebrating in the first place — and by this I mean, you should have clear and concrete things that you want to do — today, this week, this month and then this year.
For example, when it comes to the day that I am actually writing this: TODAY, I am going to open up an account to do online stocks on; this WEEK, I am going to get my will together (because grown folks should have one); this MONTH, I am going to pay off a tax debt that I have (1099s can kick your butt; stay on top of those), and this YEAR, I am going to go on vacation (which is something that I haven’t done since my 20s…no joke).
And yes, every time that I accomplish each of these things, I am going to commemorate it by celebrating myself. After all, another definition of observe is “to regard with attention” — and there is absolutely no sense in “seeing something” that you are not going to be paying real attention to (lawd, that will preach on a few different levels, come to think about it!).
PROCLAIM: to announce or declare in an official or formal manner
GiphyOnce you know what you want to do, you should proclaim it — which basically means that you should hold yourself accountable for even saying that you are going to accomplish it, whatever “it” may be. A good example of this in my own world is, last year, I declared that I was going to publish my third book and my godchildren’s mom declared that she was going to complete her upcoming album. Thing is, I kept dragging my feet until I ended up doing what I seem to do with all of my books: I wrote it in six weeks (even though I had six months), and my godchildren’s mom? She is on the tail end of finishing her latest LP now.
A part of what held us both to the wire is us asking each other, “So, did you finish your project yet?” and that’s because, oftentimes, if you don’t have someone reminding you of what you officially announced to them, you will let life get in the way and procrastinate and/or make excuses (to yourself) and/or never do what you initially proclaimed that you were going to. So yeah, the next step that gets you to the point and place of being able to celebrate yourself is verbally proclaiming that you are going to do what you have started to give a certain amount of attention to.
BLESS: to bestow good of any kind upon
GiphyDid you know that a synonym for celebrate is bless (all of the words that I’ve provided are synonyms for celebrate, actually)? And goodness — how cool is that?
Once you’ve decided that you are going to do something, it’s important to not just declare it and get an accountability partner for it — you also need to bless your intentions. To bless means to request God’s favor on it. To bless means to be intentional about protecting it from dark forces (person, place, thing, idea). To bless means to bring nothing but good energy, good resources, goodness, period, its way.
This can come in the form of prayer, meditation, positive mantras, favorite quotes, a personal mission statement — anything that will put you in a state of confirming (a synonym of bless) that what you plan to do is going to be for your greater good and then honoring (another synonym of bless) that fact — because if it’s for you good (and you remain consistent in executing that goodness), that is definitely something that is worth celebrating. AMEN?
PRAISE: the act of expressing approval or admiration
GiphySometimes, when I’m talking to married couples, a Scripture that I will bring up is Amos 3:3 (NKJV): “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” To be in agreement means that you 1) give consent to something; 2) are on one accord about something; 3) are in harmony about something; 4) are CONSISTENT with something, and 5) have determined that the “something” is suitable. You know what? It’s not only relationships that should be in agreement — you should also be in agreement with yourself.
The way that manifests is, well, let me share a quote that I made up years ago that I have featured in one of my email accounts: “If your mind, body, and spirit are not all in agreement…pause.” It’s another message for another time that “trinity” is not a word that’s in the Bible (the Godhead is more appropriate and accurate — I John 5:8). Trinity simply means “three in one” and yes, your mind, body and spirit are certainly an example of a trinity.
And when trinities are in agreement, they can approve of what they are doing and even admire what they have done because, when there is no internal conflict, there is plenty of reason to praise what has manifested. That said, when it comes to your plans — do your mind, body, and spirit all agree that it — whatever “it” is — is a good idea. If not….why not? If so, it’s time to move on to the final word.
PERFORM: to carry out; execute; do; to carry into effect; fulfill
GiphyNow that you see what comes with getting to the point of being able to celebrate yourself — because, clearly, celebration is a methodical process — how could you NOT want to carry out, execute, fulfill an idea or plan to honor yourself for doing what you have just…done?
If you walked out the celebration steps, what’s wrong with: planning a self-care day; treating yourself to your favorite meal at your favorite restaurant; taking a personal day off from work; sending your own self some flowers; booking a night at a hotel; loading your bathtub with rose petals; getting dressed up and taking your own self out on a date; staying in bed all weekend; going on a solo road trip and/or purchasing pampering items? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
Because once you have observed a mission, proclaimed it to someone else, blessed and approved it — you have already celebrated the mission and so it makes no sense to not also celebrate the vessel that put it all together: YOU. And when you’re in a constant cycle of celebration, how could it not significantly improve the quality of your life…right?
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A sex therapist by the name of Dr. Chelsea Page once said, “Celebration is the climax of self-love.” If you love yourself, celebration should be a common practice that represents that fact. So, whether it’s your relationship, your professional aspirations, your health goals, your money missions, or habits that you want to break and/or implement — if you want a hack to instantly change your life for the better, learn how to CELEBRATE YOURSELF.
It’s how to set goals, reach them, and honor them. Over and over again...in the best way possible.
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Detoxes concentrate on drawing out bad toxins and energies and realigning us with our purpose. Usually, when my energy is low, or I experience constant uneasiness, I know I need to take steps to detox spiritually. Luckily, I remembered a Reiki healer who worked with a close friend years ago; therefore, I started there.
I checked in with Reiki Practitioner Tamara Angela (@loveandfaerymagic) for her top ten recommendations on how to spiritually detox. I appreciate Tamara’s advice because she uses Reiki as “maintenance, not crisis [management],” thus, helping me realize I can prevent “spiritual clutter” from progressing.
Reiki practitioner Tamara Angela
Photo courtesy of Tamara Angela
According to Tamara, "Reiki is a Japanese healing art. It [Reiki] comes with the understanding that we are all energy. And the way I describe it is Reiki covers you like your grandma’s prayer.” And we all know how vital our grandmother’s (or elders’) prayers are, especially growing up.
Ways To Spiritually Detox
Tamara explained that her nine steps all work together and detoxify your spirit and help you maintain the work you put into cleansing your spirit. We apply many of these steps to our daily routine, not realizing how crucial they are for our spiritual health. Each step ties into the other, and all are necessary.
When you do a spiritual detox it's important to remember, it’s a lifestyle. Start slowly to create the level of peace you want and build the stability you need. Tamara shares, “You can do all nine steps and still experience chaos. That is why it is important to have a baseline, a level of peace,” Tamara says. “You have to create a baseline of stability that you can revert back to. ‘I am used to this level of peace.’ Someone came along to disturb it, and now I have to fix it. Now, I can come back to these [steps] and remove that energy and know how to properly.”
1. Turn off your phone notifications and alerts.
Those notifications keep you tethered to constantly looking out for things (i.e. a text from that one person you should have kept blocked), thus, making it harder to calm your spirits. “Instead, choose a time in the day when you’re checking notifications,” Tamara recommended.
2. Get proper rest.
We experience different levels of sleep, and getting proper rest allows your body to reset. Raise your hand if your off day consists of running multiple errands. Often, we do not rest on our off days; “something” comes up. That “something” can be as simple as your favorite reality show.
Feel seen yet? I surely did. Sitting down and binge-watching a TV show does not allow your mind to rest effectively. For proper rest, Tamara suggested that classical and jazz music or white noise is okay, but nothing with lyrics.
3. Clear and calm your nervous system
When you are constantly experiencing things, sometimes you need to calm your mind down. For example, when something goes wrong with the Wi-Fi, we reset the modem. We should do the same when it comes to our bodies. Unfortunately, we tend to not think like that regarding our body and nervous system. “We are in a constant sensory experience," Tamara explained.
"You have six senses. That is how you experience the world. So, when you are constantly experiencing things, sometimes you need to calm down. Sometimes you need to remove something. Sometimes you need to be aware of how much you have taken in or have the capacity to take in.”
According to Apollo Neuro, an overactive sympathetic nervous system can cause issues like muscle tension, jitters, insomnia, etc. It can also lead to hyper-vigilance, the tendency to detect danger, even in its absence. By contrast, excessive tiredness, depression, and an overactive gag reflex can signal parasympathetic dominance. Fortunately, steps eight and nine emphasize easing an overactive nervous system.
4. Enjoy the company of good friends with laughter
“Laughter is a way to express emotion; it’s a great release. You are not in an inadequate space when you’re there [with friends].” As we know, laughter is good for the soul; it releases endorphins and helps you release things.
5. Purge your living space/get rid of clutter
Also known as “spring cleaning.” Constant mess or clutter is draining, and cleaning removes that negative energy. A great example Tamara uses is opening a window as it “can let out negative, stagnant energy. Many people do not realize that this practice is hoodoo-based.”
6. Unplug
Completely unplug or pick a day or time, and unplug. One way to do this is by turning off your phone. You cannot scroll through social media, talk on the phone, etc. Tamara recommended starting with 15 minutes and progressing from there.
7. Set boundaries
My personal favorite as I’ve gotten older. From a former people-pleaser, this is not an easy task. A lot of the pleasing we wrap ourselves up in is one of the main reasons we are spiritually drained. Setting boundaries is healthy; do things are your terms.
8. Do some Reiki
“Reiki energy balancing allows you to center yourself and clear that [negative] energy,” Tamara said. She further explained that it's like a church mother “laying hands on you.” Reiki is an energy healing technique that promotes relaxation and reduces stress and anxiety through gentle touch. Reiki practitioners use their hands to deliver energy to your body, improving the flow and balance of your energy to support healing.
Reiki practitioners are a conduit between you and the universal life force energy source. The energy flows through the practitioner’s hands to you. However, your Reiki healer does not always have to touch you for Reiki to work physically. “You can receive Reiki healing from long distances, like on the phone,” Tamara said. Instead, clients experience the energy through heat, cold, tingling, or pulsing sensations.
There are many benefits to Reiki. Reiki can:
- Promote relaxation, stress reduction, and symptom relief to improve overall health and well-being.
- Bring on a meditative state.
- Foster tissue and bone healing after injury or surgery.
- Stimulate your body’s immune system.
- Promote natural self-healing.
- Relieve pain and tension.
9. Breath/breathwork
“Breathwork is extremely helpful in moving any stagnant energy,” and that is why Tamara gives the people she works with a two-minute meditation that consists of breathwork. One breathwork exercise is placing your hand on your heart and feeling the movement of your heartbeat. Doing this technique for two minutes will recenter you and can be performed anywhere – office cubicle, home, etc. Even a deep belly breath, hold, then release is a great way to release stuck emotions.
“The process of inhaling brings in what we need, and that full exhale is letting go of what we do not [need],” Tamara said.
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Originally published on April 13, 2023