
So, as I was reading an article that Glamour published a few years back entitled, “The 12 Rules of Swimwear Shopping, According to the People Actually Doing the Buying,” it got me wondering about how much people spend on bathing suits and how often it is recommended that we should replace them. As far as the first point goes, it would appear that around one-third of individuals are comfortable with spending over fifty bucks on their swimwear. As far as how often they (should) get a new suit? It would appear that some experts say one summer season (three months) is each one’s shelf life.
Although some of this depends on how often you wear a suit and how well you take care of it, if you keep one for a couple of years, not only could it end up not fitting you very well, like the wear and tear of panties can end up not protecting your vulva and vagina as well as it should, the same goes for a bathing suit.
And that got me to thinking that since it is officially swimsuit season now, it would probably be a good idea to run down some rules for engagement as far as your suit and your vagina (and vulva, which is the outer part of your vagina) go. And so, if you’ve got a sec, I’ve got 10 hacks to keep in mind.
1. Remove Hair No Less than 24 Hours Before Getting into the Water
GiphyMy waxer tickles me and also grosses me out, every year, around this time. The reason? Swimsuit season. The gross-out factor? Hearing what happens when people roll in for appointments right before a summer holiday or vacation, only to (sometimes) come back with a nasty rash or hella irritated skin. The cause? Thinking that they can get hair removed and then get into the water (other than their own bathtub) on the same day. Why is this a big deal?
Because, as much as most of us probably don’t want to think about it, pools and oceans (and especially Jacuzzis) house germs, and when you get hair removed from your body, your pores become especially susceptible to them while they are open. And so, although some skin experts state that you should wait a few days to swim after removing body hair, my waxer says 24 hours is pretty solid, so long as your skin isn’t super sensitive or you don’t notice any irritation prior to getting into the water. Just make sure that you do wait a day, though. It’s worth the precaution.
2. Consider Putting a “Barrier” into Your Vagina
GiphyThat same (potentially) dirty water that can bother your skin can also irritate your vagina if you’re not careful. So, if you plan on being in the water for hours on end, something else that you might want to do is put in a “swimming tampon” or a menstrual cup — even if you’re not on your period. As unconventional as it might sound, it can help to keep the water from lodging up in your vagina and throwing off your pH balance. And well, the more your pH remains stabilized, the less you’ll have to worry about getting some type of infection later down the pike.
P.S. If you are a tampon user, make sure to go with an organic brand. More and more studies are coming out that certain popular tampons contain things like arsenic and lead in them. You can read more about that here.
3. Apply a Water-Free Moisturizer
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that you can spend time in the water and it could still dry you out. That’s because swimming pools contain chlorine, which contains drying chemicals. Know what else can dry out your skin (including your vulva)? Ocean water (due to the salt that it contains). So, if you want to maintain a healthy amount of moisture around your vulva, apply a water-free moisturizer before getting into any water (you can check out a list of some here); that way, you can be sure that the moisturizer you apply will not literally wash away as soon as you go swimming.
4. Shower Before and After Getting Out of the Pool
GiphySpeaking of what pools and ocean water can do to your va-jay-jay, another proactive way to keep them from bothering your vulva and vagina (too much) is to shower before getting into the water and immediately after getting out of it. Not only will that help the chemicals in swimming water to be more effective (protection-wise), but it can also remove the impurities that may be on your body (like sweat and small amounts of fecal matter), so that they don’t mix in with the water and irritate your genitalia later on.
5. Get Out of Swimwear As Soon As Possible
GiphyIt’s pretty common for a lot of us to get out of the water and allow the combination of heat and air to air dry our suits. The problem with that is that the hot weather and moisture of the fabric can create the “perfect storm” as far as a potential yeast infection is concerned. That’s why it’s always a wise move to get out of your swimsuit as soon as you’re done swimming. Your vagina will thank you. Trust me.
6. Give Your Vagina Its Own (Dry) Towel
GiphyIf you’re someone who really likes to be on the safe side as far as vaginal health is concerned, you should probably bring along a hand towel that will serve as a drying tool for your vagina. Listen, the cleaner and drier the fabric is that touches that part of your body, the better. There's not much more to say on this point than that. Moving on.
7. Wash Your Swimsuit After Each (and Every) Use
GiphyWhile certain folks say that you should only be concerned with washing your swimsuit after every wear if you’ve been in water that contains no chlorine, is ocean water (i.e., salt water), or if you’ve been lying out (and sweating) for a long period of time, I’m personally gonna advise that you wash that bad boy after every use. Your vaginal discharge alone is enough of a reason to treat your swimsuit basically like it’s underwear as far as proper hygiene goes — and would you go a couple of wears with the same drawers? Please say that you wouldn’t. LAWD.
8. Keep Some Pure Aloe Vera on Tap
GiphyI don’t know if y’all caught it or not, but last year, (supposedly) one of the biggest summer fashion trends was what is called the “Vagina G-string.” Basically, it’s a bikini with a bottom that has nothing but strings other than a teeny piece of fabric to cover your vulva up. In my mind, all I could imagine was extreme discomfort, in part due to chafing. Chafing is basically what happens when things like friction can irritate your skin to the point where you may end up with a rash, some really dry or flaking skin, and/or an itchy and/or burning sensation.
Since everything from exercise and body weight to weather and clothing (including bathing suits) can cause chafing, it’s a good idea to 1) pick a bathing suit that fits the lower part of your body comfortably and 2) have some pure aloe vera gel around. Not only can it help to immediately soothe chafed skin, but it can also speed up the healing process if you happen to end up with some.
9. Beach Sex? Eh. Not So Much.
GiphyI once read that around 30 percent of folks have had sex on the beach. Uh-huh. As romantic as that might sound (to some of y’all), all I can think about is the hot-ass-prickly sand that could potentially get all up into my vagina. Yeah, no thanks. And listen, even if you try and pull a Beyoncé-Drunk-in-Love move and pull your swimsuit bottoms to the side, that doesn’t mean that you still won’t end up pissing your va-jay-jay off with said sand.
Hell, don’t take my word for it; even major news sites like US Health News says that sand “…can be difficult to remove and become a breeding ground for bacteria, yeast and other things that prime the vagina for infection.” So, take that to a private deck if you must be outside. Oh, and if the plan is to be in the water, apply some silicone-based lube first. Water-based lubricants are ineffective in actual water.
10. P.S. Yes, There Is Such a Thing As Period Swimwear
GiphyFinal point. If your period happens to be on the heavier side (especially during the first couple of days of your cycle) and you’ve got a vacation coming up that you can’t reschedule, don’t feel like you have to sit along the side of the pool or ocean and watch everyone else have all of the fun. Just like there are panties that are customized for periods, there is swimwear that also fits the bill. If you go to your favorite search engine and put “period swimwear” in the search field, you’ll see a variety of companies that carry really cute swimsuits for when it’s “that time of the month.” In fact, a good starting point would be Good Housekeeping’s “The Best Period Swimwear of 2024, Tested and Reviewed by Experts.”
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You know, according to NASA, 2023 was the hottest summer that we’ve had in about 2,000 years, and yet, already, it feels like 2024 is gonna straight-up rival it. So, if spending a lot of time in pools or at beaches is at the top of your to-do list, now you know how to keep your vagina in good condition — as you turn heads in that fly-ass swimsuit of yours.
Have fun. Be safe. Take care of you…and her. #wink
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This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Whew. Did you know that somewhere around 122 million Americans travel during the holiday season? Listen, I went to see my godbabies this past September and got caught up in a crazy ass traffic jam at BNA (the Nashville airport) that damn near has me considering air travel ever again — especially during this time of the year.
Besides, it’s not like it’s a written rule that you have to travel over the holidays. In fact, if you want to play it chill this year, why not enjoy a staycation instead? Although it might seem like it’s a “poor man’s compromise,” as you’re about to see, it actually…isn’t.
1. Go All Out with the Christmas Décor
GiphyThere is someone I know who is so obsessed with Christmas, she’s damn near annoying-borderline-terrifying. I’m. Not. Kidding. Yet hey, if you’re going to do a holiday-themed staycation (emphasis on “holiday-themed”), that’s kind of how you’ve got to be. Some décor ideas include:
- A fresh Christmas tree (is the most ideal) that is ultimately decorated
- Wreaths on outside and inside doors
- Garland (with twinkle lights) in predictable and unpredictable places
- Poinsettias
- Mistletoes
- Snow globes
- A stocking (with some of your favorite things in it)
- Fake snow
- Stars
- Angels
- Candy canes
- A BLACK Santa (LOL)
I mean, since you are going to be spending a lot of time at home, it can feel like a mini-winter wonderland if you are intentional about doing more decorating to your living space than you ever have before!
2. Buy a Couple of Christmas-Themed PJs
GiphyWhile I was doing some research on a totally different topic, I happened upon an article that talked about the psychology behind why we should be intentional about what we wear to bed. When you stop to think about the fact that (hopefully) you are sleeping somewhere between 6-8 hours every night, it would make sense that things like the color and fabric of your sleepwear would have a real impact on you — even subconsciously.
Well, when it comes to Christmas décor, specifically, not only does it take you back to nostalgic memories, it can also boost your moods. So, aside from being on-10 with your Christmas décor, also invest in some Christmas-themed PJs. Since you’re going to be doing a lot of lounging around (RIGHT?), do it in something that makes you think about all of your favorite things about this time of year.
3. Cop Some Christmas-Scented Candles
GiphyThere really is no telling how many articles that I’ve written where I am singing the praises of scented soy candles. Candles are soothing, comforting and a very easy way to reduce stress. Also, since it gets darker quicker and for a longer period of time around this time of the year, candles provide a relaxing vibe to your home. Since it is Christmastime, go with scents that are reminiscent of the season:
- Cinnamon
- Vanilla
- Cranberry
- Apple
- Pine
- Frankincense and Myrrh
- Peppermint
- Cashmere
- Ginger(bread)
- Orange
- Sugar Cookies
- Sandalwood
- Cloves
- Cedarwood
- (Hot) Chocolate
Personally, one of my favorite candle companies is Goose Creek. Their signature collections will have your entire house smelling like a high-end bakery. No exaggeration.
4. Play Some Winter-Themed ASMR Sounds
GiphyI’m from Nebraska and my mother was a New Yorker. So, if there is one thing that I like, it’s seasons and that includes snow during wintertime. Unfortunately, Nashville is cray-cray when it comes to that. If, where you live, the weather is all over the place too (which is why I think it’s insane that some people still give pushback to global warming) and you would like for it to at least seem like you are in your own winter wonderland — invest in some fake snow to strategically place around your home.
Oh, and don’t forget to turn on some winter-themed ASMR sounds too. YouTube has videos that run for hours on end that feature blizzards and howling winds that really can make you feel like you are in the midst of an ice storm.
5. Host a Holiday Movie Marathon
GiphyOne thing to remember about a staycation is it doesn’t mean that you have to be alone or that the only people who can participate are the ones who live with you. Since a staycation is simply about staying close to home instead of traveling afar — absolutely consider having some of your favorite people over for a holiday-themed movie marathon. Shoot, Black America Web even did you a solid by publishing “25 Best Black Christmas Movies Of All Time;” plus, Tubi has a Black holiday hits section of indie films too.
Oh, and make sure to get creative with the Christmas-themed snacks. Some ideas? Some Kentucky-fried turkey tenders with cranberry hot sauce (recipe here), some Holiday Hot Spinach Dip (recipe here), some Grinch Kabobs (recipe here), some roasted pecans (recipe here) and some Pomegranate Guacamole (recipe here).
6. Spend a Night (or Two) at a Hotel or Vacation House
GiphyJust like you don’t have to be alone during a staycation, you also don’t have to be cooped up in your house the entire time. Get a change of scenery in your own city by spending the night in a hotel that you’ve always wanted to try out or renting a vacation house for you and some of your folks to hang out in during the time between Christmas and New Year’s Day. I have a “love little sister” who does this randomly when she needs a break from her work as a therapist. She says that it’s damn near like taking a trip (and she has PLENTY of passport stamps; trust me).
7. Have Brunch or Dinner at a Christmas-Themed Restaurant
GiphyIf nothing puts a bigger smile on your face than the thought of DoorDashing meals and barely even touching your stove during your staycation — hey, I am right there with you. Do consider going out to brunch or dinner during your chill time, though. It’s another way to bond with people and create some current holiday memories. And if you’ve got a bae and you opt for dinner, it can be a wonderful type of Christmas-themed date.
8. Go to a Holiday-Themed Concert
GiphyBeing that I got my start as an entertainment writer, hear me when I say that I’m not someone who just has to go to a live concert every chance that I get. Oh, but baby, when I saw that El DeBarge was doing a City Winery tour and he was going to be here right before Christmas — I booked myself a ticket quick, fast and in a super-duper hurry! Shoot, I didn’t even want to go with someone because I plan to give him and that falsetto voice of his my complete and undivided attention. LOL.
I don’t know what it is about the holiday season that makes live music that much more enjoyable — but if there is a concert that features one of your favorite artists happening right through here, consider that to be a cool way to “tour your city” while cultivating a really awesome memory at the same time.
9. Also, Go Ice Skating
GiphyOne of my fondest memories of time with my father is going ice skating. We actually would do it in the summer (because that is when I would visit him) and, every year, he would get me a new ice skating outfit. Even now, when I watch someone ice skate (even in movies; like in the classic movie Garden State), I will have warm fuzzies.
Anyway, if you’ve never been before, go. If it’s been forever since you have, also go. There is something that is very sweet and so signature Christmas about it. Plus, it’s a top-tier form of exercise.
10. Take a Christmas Lights Tour
GiphyAnother one of my favorite Christmas memories is driving through neighborhoods and looking at the Christmas lights. And just like a Christmas concert can be a form of hometown touring, so can doing this if you decide to choose a couple of areas where you’ve never really been or rarely frequent.
Now are you excited about the thought of experiencing a holiday-themed staycation?
I thought you would be. ENJOY!
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