
More Single Men Are “Pulling Out” Than Ever. That's Why You Should Read This.

Condoms. Hmm. When I reflect over my own sexual past, I'd have to say that, in spite of knowing that rubbers are the only form of birth control that can prevent pregnancies and STDs, I still probably only used them maybe 40-45 percent of the time. It wasn't because I was on any other form of protection either. Basically, as irresponsible as I know that it sounds, I just didn't like them (yes fellas, if you're peeping in on this, we can tell the difference between raw sex and sex with a condom too).
First, I'm pretty sensitive down there, so although I'm not exactly allergic to latex (around 4.3 percent of the world's population is, by the way), sometimes I'd still feel a slight bit of itchiness and irritation after intercourse. Not like my body was rejecting the condom per se; more like it was annoyed by it. Then, there's something that a wife told me while I was interviewing her husband for this piece (more on what he had to say in a bit)—"It's kind of hard to explain. I think what I like most about not using condoms is it encourages your body to respond differently. You feel closer to your partner and that turns you on more. Then there's the fact that condoms cut into spontaneity. It's a lot harder to watch television on the couch and, in the middle of a commercial be like, 'Hey, let's have sex real quick.'" Agreed.
Still, that doesn't change the fact that, reportedly, condoms are 98 percent effective (when they're used properly; when they're not, they've got a 13 percent failure rate). And, with gonorrhea, chlamydia and syphilis (syphilis?!) currently being at an all-time high, unless you are in a long-term committed relationship and you don't mind getting pregnant right now, condoms are a necessary "evil".
Men know this. Women know this. We all know this. So, why am I reading more and more articles about how men—single men, mind you—are using the pulling out method, perhaps more than they ever have? Just so we're all on the same page, this means that they are going in raw and pulling out at the point of ejaculation with no condom in sight. Also, just for the record, the research is not talking about the jerks who stealth their partners (stealthing is about guys who agree to wear a condom and then take it off during the act). This is referring to guys who are consciously going without wearing a rubber and partners who seem to be OK with that. These guys are pulling out more than ever.
How much pulling out are we talking about exactly?
How Many Single Guys Are Using the Withdrawal Method When It Comes to Intercourse?
So, when they say that pulling out is hugely popular right now, what does that mean? According to an article that was published in 2017 on Live Science's site, although nearly 60 percent of men between the ages of 15-44 claimed to have used some form of birth control within the past three months (which was up from 52 percent back in 2002), 45 percent admitted to using condoms and one percent admitted to having a vasectomy. Here's the real clincher, though—"But rates of the withdrawal method nearly doubled, going from 10 percent of unmarried men in 2002 to 19 percent of these men in 2011 to 2015." (While we're on this topic, it should also go on record that the article also said that, "Nearly 95 percent of unmarried men between ages 15 and 19 said they used contraception, compared with 72 percent of unmarried men between ages 35 and 44" and of those between 15-19 years of age, 26 percent of them said that pulling out was what they did the most). When it comes to men having sex without a condom, something else that's worth checking out is "Pretty Risky: Men Would Skip Condoms with Attractive Women". Yep. You read that right. If a man thinks you're pretty, there's a greater chance that he'll go without using a condom as well. SMDH.
Have mercy, y'all. Personally, I found all of this info to be important and relevant enough to ask some of the men who I know why they think that so many single guys appear to be almost protesting the use of prophylactics. I must admit that some of what I heard caused me to realize that men actually hate using condoms a whole lot more than I ever thought that they did.
How Men Compare Sex with a Condom vs No Condom
If you've read any of the interview pieces that I've done on here (like "10 Married Couples Share The Keys To Their Totally Off-The-Chain Sex Life" and "What 5 Men Had To Say About Married Sex"), you know that I tend to change the names of my "subjects" a lot. I honestly doubt that I'd get the real and raw from people any other way. So, when it comes to the two married men and the one single guy who I talked to about condom vs. condom-less sex, let's call them Mark, Randall and Jerry. I will tell their actual ages, though—42, 49 and 36.
"Fellas, strictly from a pleasure perspective, what's the difference between sex with a condom and sex without a condom?"
*Mark. Married and 42. "Man, let me think. It's kind of like the difference between someone rubbing on your bare hand or someone touching you with a surgical glove. No matter what the marketing of condoms might say, when you have sex with one, it definitely cuts down the sensation by 40-50 percent. Even the so-called 'high-tech' ones [he's referring to thin ones, ones that have lube or ones that warm up on contact] will improve that ratio by only 20 percent or so. Even though condoms might help you to last longer, the other side of that is, since you don't feel as stimulated, it can actually make it harder to maintain an erection. Honestly, condoms are necessary in order to prevent pregnancy and potentially save your life, but on the pleasure scale, there is nothing truly redeemable or appealing about them. I am thrilled about never having to use one again."
*Jerry. Married and 49. "Condoms suck. I hate those damn things. Where do I start? Condoms don't fit like a glove. Lambskin feels more like real skin, but we all know they aren't as safe. Plus, they're super ass expensive. The best way to compare is, sometimes I go to a salon instead of a barbershop to get my hair cut. When the stylist offers to massage my head while she's washing it with her bare hands, it feels great. But when she has those perm gloves on, I prefer to pass. It feels awkward more than anything. In a nutshell, that's a condom. And don't even get me started on a woman going down on me when I have one on. Most of the time, I was just like, 'That's alright. Let's just do something else.' Nothing can replace that natural feeling—the warmth, the wetness, the closeness—of having sex without one."
Side note: When I asked Jerry if that's why a lot of men can engage in casual hook-ups, his response was, "Oh, definitely. Since you don't really 'feel' your partner, it doesn't seem like the two of you are as connected as the people you don't use a condom with." Isn't that some food for thought?
*Jerry. Single and 36. "I dunno. It's kind of like when HIV and AIDS first hit the scene, everyone was terrified and so we were like, 'Quick! Someone get me a garbage bag!' But even then, no one liked condoms. They're like trying to feel someone through a Band-Aid or giving someone a handshake when you've got a baseball glove on. I've tried that warm-up shit too. C'mon, man. It's like wearing a condom that's made out of Bengay. Then, there's all of these brothas who are out here putting on Magnums when they know that doesn't fit them. I'm a regular and I know it. But when there's been nothing else that's available and I've had sex with one, it's more of a struggle than anything. You're done and you're like, 'Glad we made it through that.' But more than anything, I think that condoms are like having sex with another person in a room. The women I've had sex with where sometimes I had on a condom and sometimes I didn't, it felt like it was actually 'with her' without one."
Goodness. Let me just say that by no means am I sharing these perspectives as a PSA to not use condoms. Not. At. All. I'm simply the type of person who likes to get to the root of matters and so, since so many single men are ditching condom use, I wanted to see why. Plus, I don't know about you, but I don't recall hearing how men actually feel about having sex with a rubber. Now I know.
How to Handle Condom Use While So Many Men Are Pulling Out
Now that we're aware of the fact that pulling out among single men is up 20 percent over the past 10 years or so, and we've got at least a little insight into why, as single women, what should we do about it? That's its own article, but as I get ready to close out of topic, I did want to offer up a few suggestions.
- Do some semi-extensive condom research. Something that all three of the fellas that I interviewed agreed with is condoms have improved, even if it's just a little bit. That's why it's a good idea to not just run up to your local drugstore and pick out the first ones that you see on sale. When it comes to research, the internet is your friend. Spend some time looking into which ones are specifically designed to make sex more pleasurable for you as well as your partner. If you need a little help, some informative reads include "The 10 Best Feeling Condoms for Pleasure", "The Best Condoms for Every Shape, Size, and Proclivity" and "The Best Condom For Her Pleasure - We Review the Top 6".
- Discuss condoms beforehand. This means before sexual activity takes place. Remember how I said that I was, by no means, the poster child for safe sex? A lot of the times, the sex wasn't planned, so being responsible wasn't even considered or discussed. If there was a condom, cool. If there wasn't, I was still gonna get me some. And yes, I do recall quite a few guys feeling like it was all good so long as they pulled out (two of them, I eventually got pregnant by, by the way. Just sayin'). Some people think it's crazy to even consider sex without a condom, but when that man is kissin', touchin' and/or lickin' you right, you'd be amazed how much birth control isn't on your mind. That said, a part of what comes with being ready for sex is being mature enough to prepare for it. So yes, talk about what your method of birth control should be before getting it on—and in. Make sure you're both on the same page. Oh, and if he happens to renege and ends up stealthing you, that's considered, by many, to be sexual assault. I'll leave that right there.
- If you're down with the withdrawal method, know what you're getting yourself into. If you and your partner do decide that sans a condom is what you want to do—1) make sure you both get tested regularly for STDs and 2) if you don't want to conceive a child, get on some other form of birth control, stat. If for some reason you do decide to go without a condom or any other form of birth control, please keep in mind that pulling out is roughly 78 percent effective. This means that for every 100 women who use this form of birth control, 22 of them get pregnant in the process (chile).
This is one of those topics where, while I understand why men hate condoms, that doesn't automatically or necessarily mean they shouldn't use them. They might suck, but they are out here saving lives. Sometimes, we've got to decide which thing gets the upper hand. Ladies, choose life. Then better condoms. In that order, please.
Did you know that xoNecole has a new podcast? Join founder Necole Kane, and co-hosts Sheriden Chanel for conversations over cocktails each and every week by subscribing to xoNecole Happy Hour podcast on Itunes and Spotify.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
The 70 Sex Position, Vegan Condoms & Other Current Sex Trends
My Complicated Relationship With Safe Sex
15 Super Random (& Weird) Facts About Sex
Why Are We Still Playing Russian Roulette With Unprotected Sex?
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Relationship Timeline
Sterling K. Brown and Ryan Michelle Bathe are one of our favorite Hollywood couples. We can't get over their adorable moments together on the red carpet and on social media. While they're both from St. Louis, they didn't meet until college, which they both attended Stanford. And the rest is as they say, history. Read below as we dive into their decades-long relationship.
Mid to Late1990s: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Meet
Sterling and Ryan met as freshmen at Stanford University. "We were in the same dorm freshman year...that's kind of how we met," Ryan said in an interview with ET. "I was mesmerized," she said after watching him audition for the school play, Joe Turner's Come and Gone. Sterling revealed that The First Wives Club star was dating someone else, so they started off as friends.
"She got cast in the play as well, and we would ride bikes to rehearsal, and we would just talk. We found out that we were both from St. Louis. We didn't know that we were both from St. Louis, like, our parents went to rival high schools. We were born in the same hospital. Like, we were friends," he said.
The first few years of their relationship involved many breakups and makeups. However, they ended up graduating and attended NYU's Tisch Grad Acting Program together.
Early 2000s: Sterling K. Brown Tells Ryan Michelle Bathe She's 'The Love Of My Life'
The Paradise star opened up about telling Ryan that she was the one. "We broke up for three and a half years before we came back into each other's lives," he said. "She was on the treadmill working out, and I had this epiphany, 'I have to go tell this woman she's the love of my life.'"
"I go to her apartment, I tell her, and she's like, 'Well, I'm working out right now,' and I was like, 'No, I can see that—I'll just talk to you while you're on the treadmill,' and she's like, 'Well, I feel like going outside. So I'm gonna go on a run,'" he continued. "So I'm like dressed [in a suit], and she starts running through Koreatown, and I start running along with her. Brother had to work, but it was well worthwhile."
2006: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Tie The Knot
The St. Louis natives eloped in 2006 and a year later held a larger ceremony. According to the bride, the best part of their wedding was the food. "The best thing about it was the food," she told ET.
"Can I just say, sometimes you go to weddings, and you get the winner-winner chicken dinner and you're like, 'I pay. OK, it's fine.' But I wanted people to remember their experience -- their culinary experience. So I was happy about that. The food was good."
2011: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Welcome Their First Child
In 2011, Sterling and The Endgame actress welcomed their first son, Andrew. In a 2017 tweet, Sterling revealed they had a home birth. "An unexpected home delivery is something my wife and I went through ourselves with our first born, so this was round 2 for me!" he wrote while referring to a scene involving his character Randall, in This Is Us.
2012: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Appear On-screen Together
A year later, the couple acted together on the Lifetime series Army Wives.
2015: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Welcome Their Second Child
In 2015, Sterling and Ryan welcomed another son, Amaré. Sterling shared an Instagram post about their latest addition to the family. "1st post. 2nd child. All good! #imoninstagram," the Atlas star wrote.
2016: Ryan Michelle Bathe Joins Sterling K. Brown On 'This Is Us'
Ryan guest appears on her hubby's show, This Is Us.
Sterling K. Brown Reveals Ryan Michelle Bathe's Mother Didn't Like Him At First
During their sit-down interview for the Black Love series, Sterling revealed that Ryan's mother wasn't a fan of him, which caused friction in their relationship.
2024: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Explain How Jennifer Lopez Once Broke Them Up
While visiting The Jennifer Hudson Show, Sterling and Ryan share their hilarious Jennifer Lopez break-up story. "We had just gone out, we were living in New York City, we were in grad school, and we had gone to see a Broadway play and we came back to my place and my roommate was playing the ["Love Don't Cost A Thing"] video on MTV," Sterling said.
"Now I'm a fan of Jennifer Lopez's dancing, and I was watching the video and I knew my young...21, 22-year-old girlfriend was looking at me watch the video. And I know I'm not supposed to have a reaction. In trying NOT to have a reaction, what had happened was, my eyes began to water."
Ryan jumped in, "Otherwise known as, TEARS! I turn around and my boyfriend is weeping, tears like big fat [tears]. And I'm looking and she's just a shakin' and a shimming, and he's just crying. I said 'Oh no, I got to go.' "
2024: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Launch Their Podcast, We Don't Always Agree
The couple launched their podcast, We Don't Always Agree, where they disclose more intimate details about their love story.
Feature image by Chelsea Lauren/Shutterstock