My Partner Is Only Vocal When He Orgasms, What Does That Mean?
Most of us want our partners to enjoy themselves during sex. Unless you’re a selfish lover – which is a bigger issue for another day – knowing you are the source of your partner’s pleasure is the ultimate ego boost. Personally, when I hear the moans my partner makes when I do that little thing that they like ignites my water works in ways unimaginable. But what do you do when your partner is quiet? How do you know if they are enjoying it if the only thing you hear is crickets? This is exactly what one of my followers wanted to know. She asked me, what does it mean if her boyfriend is quiet during sex? Does his quietness mean he’s not enjoying it?
Because we have been conditioned to believe that good sex equals vocal sex—thanks to porn and media. We think the louder the moans the better the sex. Sound really has no bearing on the quality of sex. For instance, think about every time you faked it, were you really enjoying it? Or did you make sounds as if you were in hopes to fool your partner? Everyone responds differently during sex, some express pleasure through sighs, giggles, grunts, or screams while others express it through nonverbal reactions. Believe it or not, a lot of people find making sounds during sex embarrassing. Plus, some people just don’t like noisy sex.
Why Some Men Are Quiet During Sex
If your partner is male, having sex in silence is a thing they’ve been accustomed to for years. Men traditionally have been taught to not express emotion. They also have been having solo sex in secret for years, and have mastered the art of climaxing without a sound. So being overly vocal during sex can feel foreign to them. On top of that, a lot of men are not the greatest at multitasking and have a hard time doing multiple things at once. So when they’re having sex, all their concentration is on trying not to cum early and making sure you’re being pleased. Making sounds while in the moment is just not a priority!
How To Tell Your Partner’s Enjoying Sex if He’s Quiet
Regardless of the reason, I totally understand wanting to have a vocal signal during sex. The moans of our partners give us validation that we were hitting all the right spots. However, if your partner is reserved in the bedroom, the best way to know if you’re doing a great job is by watching their body language. Do they get hard or aroused? Do they stay hard or aroused? Did they cum? Can you see their muscles tense? Does the expression on their face change? Are their fingers and toes curling? If the answer to any of these is yes, then it's a good possibility you’re doing something right. As long as they can walk the walk, then talking the talk isn't such a big deal.
How To Communicate Your Needs if You Want Your Partner To Be More Vocal
The best piece of advice I have for anyone wanting to change or improve anything in their bedroom is to communicate. If you want your partner to be more vocal during sex, communicate with them. Communication is the best — if not the only — way to improve your sex life. Tell your partner that you’d like for them to be more vocal during sex and explain how much it turns you on. Make them feel comfortable about it and create a nonjudgmental and open environment where they can express themselves fully. Also playing a little mood music can set the mood and create a sexy vibe and make you or your partner feel less self-conscious. Turning on music while having sex will help buffer any sexual sounds that allow everyone to be in the moment.
If full-on sex noises don’t come easily to your partner, experiment with eye contact. You can communicate just as much with your face as you can with your voice. Plus, looking into your partner’s eyes during sex makes the experience much more intense. Don’t worry about your facial expression — whatever your face naturally does is enough.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by skynesher/Getty Images
- Here's Why Some People Can't Let Their Side Chick (Or Guy) Go ... ›
- Men Using Pull Out Method During Sex - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
In the crazy world of dating, so much attention is placed on the behavior during actual dates. Whether it is choosing the right outfit or making a good first impression, the focus tends to center on the in-person time spent together. But something that often gets overlooked is the significance of "between date behavior (BDB)." BDB is not just generic good morning text messages (that can be sent to 10 women in one minute), but rather text check-ins during the day and even nightly phone calls. This is the time when two people are apart but still find time for connection.
It is during these in-between moments that the foundation of a truly meaningful relationship is often built. A glaring example of what happens when there isn’t BDB is the early relationship between Carrie and Big from Sex and the City. At the beginning of the series, she was so hyper-focused on the time she spent together that she ignored that Big wasn’t calling or texting her often between dates. Instead, he would reach out and send cars based on his convenience… and not hers.
When it comes to dating, don’t be Carrie!
BDB in Dating
@datingcoachanwar BDB in Dating #datingtips #datingadvice #singleblackfemale #singleblackwoman #blackfemininity #femininityforblackwomen #blackdatingadvice #blackdating #singlelatina #singlelatinas
Please realize that 80-90% of your time will NOT be with your partner while seriously dating, so the BDB will also be a significant part of your relationship. Here are some other reasons why what happens when you're not together is just as, if not more, significant than the hours spent face-to-face…
One of the key factors that makes BDB so crucial is authenticity. When we are with someone on a date, it is easy to put on a front (show one’s representative), showcasing our best qualities and concealing our flaws. But it is in our day-to-day interactions, the text messages and phone calls, that our true selves shine through.
Consistency in behavior is an indicator of authenticity. And authenticity builds trust. And trust is the cornerstone of any meaningful relationship.
Speaking of trust, it is one of the foundations of a successful relationship. Building it doesn't happen in a single evening. It's the consistency in behavior between dates that solidifies trust. When your person consistently communicates, shows interest, and keeps it respectful in the moments between your dates, it is reassuring that your potential partner is seriously interested and invested in the relationship.
Also, in between dates, the channels of communication become lifelines that connect two people and nurture emotional intimacy. How you communicate and what you choose to communicate about can significantly impact a growing relationship. Consistent, thoughtful messages and meaningful conversations like sharing your thoughts, dreams, and vulnerabilities can help create a strong emotional bond. Being supportive and understanding during difficult moments can bring you closer together.
While the time spent on a date is super important, the BDB, I would argue, should not be slept on. It's the glue that holds the connection together, builds trust, and sets the stage for a healthy, long-lasting relationship. So, the next time you find yourself waiting for that next date, remember that the journey between those dates is just as significant, if not more so, in the grand scheme of building a meaningful connection.
Hope this helps!
Coach Anwar is a certified dating and relationship coach who has 13 years of experience helping Black and brown women date with strategy, meet relationship-ready men, and get into the best relationship of their lives.
To learn more, you can follow Coach Anwar on IG. Wanna work with Coach Anwar? Click here to book a dating consultation.
Featured image by Dimensions/Getty Images
