So, you started a new job, fantastic! But if you're an ambitious go-getter, you're already thinking about how to get to that next level and achieve success. Your company is highly competitive, and there are talented people, some with more experience than you, on your team and throughout your department. How do you stand out and make a name for yourself? What does it actually take to truly excel? What is it that the people that get promoted seem to know that you don't? The truth is, career success is less about what you know, but rather what you do with it. Having the right skills will get you in the door, but your ability to successfully navigate your work environment determines how far you go. Below are a few tips to get you heading in the right direction:
The truth is, career success is less about what you know, but rather what you do with it. Having the right skills will get you in the door, but your ability to successfully navigate your work environment determines how far you go. Below are a few tips to get you heading in the right direction:
1.Get to know your position well, and execute with excellence.
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Seems pretty basic, right? But too often, we walk into jobs looking to level up without first building a strong foundation of performance. Your work product is an objective basis on which you can be judged, so make sure it speaks highly of you. If your job offers free courses to help you further build your knowledge, take advantage! If there are subject matter experts in your department who can share useful tips and tricks, learn from them. This not only helps you to continue expanding your knowledge base, but also establishes relationships with critical members of your organization.
2.Speak up in meetings.
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You can be awesome and have all the expertise in the world, but if no one knows, it doesn't matter. Speaking up to share knowledge, offer new ideas, and ask (or answer) complex questions allows you to gain the attention of those in the room and shows what you can contribute. You don't even have to speak up to make your own point or suggestion. You can bolster or reiterate a point made by a colleague and still garner some head turns.
3.Take initiative and find ways to add value.
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Once you've gotten a good handle on your role, start identifying areas for improvement. Whether there are processes to streamline, reports to automate, measures to reduce costs, don't wait for someone to tell you there's work to be done. Identify these projects yourself and start taking action.
4.Work your relationship with your boss, and then their boss.
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The person you always want in your corner is your immediate boss. They are the person who can make or break your next move because they are seen as the closest to you and your work. If a new project comes up for you, your boss may get asked for their thoughts before it's even brought to you. So even if you aren't best friends, make an effort to establish a good working relationship. And then take it up a level. Get to know your boss' manager. Yes, they have insight that you can learn from, but let's be honest, they also have more power. So set up informal coffee breaks or lunches. Collaborate with your boss to present deliverables you've been working on. Create that connection so they can keep you in mind for bigger opportunities your immediate boss may not be aware of.
5.Become the problem-solver.
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Or as I like to call it, the "solution architect". Every organization has a "fixer", the person they call when something is broken, when they have an issue that no one else knows how to solve, or they've received a directive and don't know how to approach it. Seek to become that go-to person, the Olivia Pope of your department, if you will. Being that solution architect will facilitate you getting pulled into high-visibility projects and strategic initiatives because your colleagues, as well as your senior management, will be aware that you are the one who can not only get it done, but get it done right.
6.Go where the decisions are made.
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We all know that some of the most important decisions in business are made OUTSIDE of the office. This means you need to be in attendance for the non-office events. Whether it's going to lunch with the team, happy hours, holiday parties, or offsite events, make the effort to be present. It allows you to network and grow relationships with your coworkers and senior management. It also ensures you are part of key conversations in real-time and have the opportunity to offer valuable input.
7.Volunteer for the unconventional projects/assignments.
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While it is tempting to focus on work efforts on what's comfortable for us, a great way to get your name buzzing is to be the person who takes on the work that other people shy away from. Being willing to walk down the unbeaten path and deliver on the tough, unsexy projects showcases your leadership qualities, ability to make difficult decisions, and your depth of expertise.
8.Find a sponsor/advocate.
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Please keep in mind that a sponsor and mentor are not the same thing. One individual can serve both roles, but they are not one and the same. A mentor is someone who offers guidance and advice to help you on your career journey, many times leveraging their own personal experience. A sponsor is someone who has achieved a certain level of success in your company, and is willing to advocate on your behalf, open doors for you, and connect you to the right people. A sponsor will vouch for your skills and may have the "juice" to get you into positions that may have been difficult to secure otherwise.
For more information about Julia Rock, check out Rock Career Development or follow her on Instagram.
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Originally published on November 4, 2019
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When I asked a few women I know if they ever tried that before, I was surprised to discover that not only had they, but many didn’t treat it as some random social media fad — they actually still do it to this day. Partly, because it’s fun to them and partly because their partner(s) seem to go crazy for it.
Listen, any time something sexual works like a charm, I’m going to shout it out — (late) trend or not. And so, if you’ve never heard of the whole coconut thing, you tried it and forgot all about it, or you just want to try something new/different/else tonight — here’s a reminder, in article form, that coconut-ting is still alive and well, y’all. And the men are all about it!
But First, The Grapefruit Technique
Video Credit: Myem/YouTube (Funny part starts at 2:40)
If this woman is not familiar to you on sight, you ain’t a real one. LOL. Although I know that a lot of people think that the concept of grapefruiting came from the movie Girls Trip (you can see the clip from the film here) that absolutely is not the case. Auntie Angel (whose real name is reportedly Denise Walker) is the creator of the Grapefruit Technique and although I thought that this video came out way earlier, apparently it made its way onto the YouTube streets sometime back in 2014.
If for some reason, you’re not familiar with grapefruiting on any level, I will tell you right now that I had to download this video because it is absolutely NSFW — so you should probably watch it on your lunch break (on your phone with the volume as low as possible) or at home…because chile, the sound effects? Whew, the sound effects. LOL. However, when I sat down to pen this piece, I thought it was hilarious that this video is what immediately came to mind because it seems like, when it comes to “blow his mind sex hacks,” fruit is constantly on the menu.
When it comes to oral sex, it’s grapefruit.
When it comes to ride ‘em cowgirl, it’s a coconut.
What Is the “Coconut” Sex Trend?
@windy_moraba #duet with @mysteri0us.gir1 spell coconut with your waist 😂😂😂
Okay, so what in the world does a coconut have to do with intercourse? Well, for starters, if you and your partner are looking for an all-natural lubricant, coconut oil works well. HOWEVER, do keep in mind that the disclaimer on this is you shouldn’t use it if condoms are in the mix because they can actually cause rubbers to be less effective (silicone lube is a solid bet for condoms, by the way).
There is another way that coconuts are kinda-sorta incorporated when it comes to making sex more pleasurable — and it actually became pretty popular right after COVID lockdown (2021): spelling C-O-C-O-N-U-T with your hips while you’re on top of your partner.
It’s wild how I forgot all about this until a client of mine was telling me how much her husband liked her on top while it wasn’t her favorite thing to do because it felt awkward to her. When I said, “Have you ever heard of spelling ‘coconut’ with your hips before?” — at first, she looked at me like I was crazy and then she busted out laughing: “Girl, no” was her reply.
Hmph. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it because, as wild as it might sound on the surface, the word isn’t the point so much as the movements that come with spelling it out are.
When you’re moving your pelvis around to make a “c,” “o” or U-turn, not only does it intensify the level of sensation that both you and your partner feel during intercourse, it can also increase the level of blood circulation to both of your genitalia which can make your orgasms more satisfying too.
At the end of the day, spelling “coconut” is simply reminding you that there are more options to riding than simply sitting there while your partner pumps for all he’s worth or you humping up and down like you’re on a pogo stick.
Spelling “coconut” is an easy hack to bring some variety into cowgirling. However…
Honestly, the “Fruit” Isn’t the Point. THIS IS.
GiphyFrom grapefruiting and spelling “coconut” to reading articles that I’ve penned for the platform like “How To Improve The Taste Of Sperm” — fruit and sex are always going to be a winning combination, one way or another. However, the main point of this article isn’t about making sure that you are a master speller so much as providing you with tips that will make the cowgirl position something that you are confident about and you find a ton of fulfillment in doing.
You can make both of these things happen by incorporating the following things:
Stretch beforehand. A charley horse during sex is the worst thing ever — and chile, don’t let it be right before you’re about to climax. SMDH. Yeah, if you want to feel more comfortable when you’re on top, make sure that you stretch beforehand and that you are well-hydrated. That will reduce the chances of experiencing a totally-out-of-nowhere muscle spasm — whether you decide to “spell” during sex or…not.
Bring pillows into the mix. Sometimes riding is a challenge because your partner feels farther away from your body than you would like. Putting a pillow underneath him can help to elevate his pelvis, so that you don’t feel like you’re stretching and straining. Speaking of pillows, a longer one can really come in handy because it can give your knees some additional support as well.
Also, ask him to put his knees up. Speaking of making the “grind” easier for you, ask your partner to put his knees up. That way, your back can recline on his legs as you’re moving your hips around. You’d be amazed how much this one hack can do for you. Straight up.
Add lube. When you get a chance, check out “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant” and you will automatically see why bringing lubrication into a cowgirl session is an absolute must. It reduces friction. It makes your movements glide with ease. And it’s just more fun. Promise you that.
Lean in. If your partner happens to be on the larger side of life, one way that you can control his depth is by leaning forward into him. That way, your hips can better control how much or little he is inside of you, so that you can get into a position that gives you the sensation that you are looking for.
Get him to multitask. Again, whether you are spelling “coconut” or not and whether you are riding cowgirl or reverse cowgirl — something that is awesome about being on top is it frees your partner’s hands to do, umm, other things. And since it is so much easier to have an orgasm while your clitoris is being stimulated, get your partner to put some of the lube that we discussed earlier on his fingertips, so that he can gently rub on your clitoris while you are riding him. It doesn’t get much better than that!
Don’t wanna spell? Hula Hoop then. What if you try the whole coconut thing and it’s not a favorite for you (or him)? No problem — when’s the last time that you hula hooped? Pretend that you have one of those around your hips and move around that way. I’d be shocked if you ended up feeling “meh” about that option.
5 Guys Tell Me What They Love When Their Partner Is on Top
GiphyA part of the reason why I am “team cowgirl” is because it provides a lot of benefits to the woman: she has more control, it tends to be more comfortable for her, it’s a great position for a quickie and the orgasms tend to be that much more — wonderful. However, as I was thinking about spelling coconut, in general, I couldn’t help but wonder what guys thought about it and the cowgirl position overall.
If you’re curious, here’s what five of ‘em said.
1. Braxford. Engaged. 35. “Y’all be spelling up there? Who knew? My favorite thing about when my fiancée is on top is what I think every man likes: the view. It’s a chance to see her entire body and experience it at the same time. Not even doggy style accomplishes that. Damn, where’s my lady at?”
2. Denez. Single. 42. “Do you know how many ‘spots’ you have access to when y’all are on top? Breasts are in my mouth. Hickeys are on her neck. Prop my head up on a pillow and her tummy is getting licked. When a woman is riding you, it’s sensory overload! It’s crazy how each one looks amazing in that position too.”
3. Omar. In a Serious Relationship. 29. “[He said her name yet I’m not going to share it] isn’t a very vocal lover. Her body and technique are insane, so even though I love dirty talk, I’ve learned to compromise — except when she’s on top. She’s not saying much but those moans? And yeah, we tried the coconut thing. ‘Cs’ and ‘Os,’ hell yeah. ‘Ns’ and “Ts’? Nah.”
4. Nolen. Single. 45. “45 isn’t old but it’s old enough for your back to show out on you when you least expect it. My experience has been that women don’t want a lot of thrusting when they are on top, so it’s like having some of the best sex without having to do much at all. Well, aside from trying not to bust too quickly. I take that back: riding is easy on the body; it’s work on the brain.”
5. Ivan. Married. 37. “I like the spelling sh-t because it switches things up. We make a game out of it by her picking a word and spelling out while I try and guess what it is. We also try to see how many words that we can get to before one of us cums. 12 words is pushing it unless it’s like ‘dog’ or ‘cat’ or something. I’ve guessed ‘coconut’ a few times and I get what the excitement is all about. Spelling bee sex: try it.”
Yep. I concur.
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