
If I could name one common reason why a lot of us struggle with going completely natural, it's because we don't want to deal with the almost inevitable hair shrinkage. Because the shrinkage struggle that's out in these streets is oh so very real (there's a shrinkage challenge compilation video here and a few other women who talk about their own shrinkage journeys here, here and here).
So, what exactly is the root cause of this thorn in our hair's side? It's interesting because when our hair gets wet, it absorbs moisture that can "trigger" our strands to go into their natural curl pattern. On many levels, this is a good thing, because when our hair reverts to its natural state, that's a sign that it is healthy. On the flip side, because moisture is also something that helps to weigh our hair down and keep our cuticles somewhat stretched out, when the moisture leaves, it can be hard to elongate our strands so that our curl patterns can appear looser and our hair can ultimately appear longer too.
At the end of the day, what all of this basically means is, that combating shrinkage is all about coming up with ways to stretch out our stands without damaging them in the process. While minimizing shrinkage requires some major TLC, there are things that you can do that are pretty great at giving you the results that you're looking for. Here are 10 tips for how to reduce natural hair shrinkage.
1. Deep Condition Your Locks
One of the main things that a lot of Black people don't realize about shrinkage is, aside from your natural curl pattern, since it can be more difficult for our natural oils to make it all the way down our hair shaft, dry hair also plays a direct role into why we can experience so much shrinkage. The remedy? One of them is deep conditioning your hair on every wash day. Why is this an important step? Well, conditioning your hair provides some extra "weight" to your strands that I was talking about, so that it's able to stay stretched out for a longer period of time. Think of it like a sponge — when a sponge is full of water, it is easier to stretch out than when it is dry. So, if deep conditioning has never really been your thing, now you've got a really solid reason to incorporate it into your hair regimen.
2. Braid It Up
Something that I figured out works better for me is to blow out my hair on wash days and then keep it cornrowed on the days when I choose to not wear it out. Both methods stretch out my hair (so there are fewer tangles and knots). Plus, the braiding is what prevents me from putting excessive heat on my tresses.
That's why I simply could not do an article like this and not mention that braiding is a top-tier way to keep shrinkage from getting on your very last nerve. Even if you'd prefer not to apply any heat, you can plait your hair while it's wet, let it air dry, and then take your braids down. You'll still see a good amount of stretching by going that route too. While we're here, two other heatless methods that significantly reduce shrinkage include banding (video here) and threading (video here). Check 'em out when you get a chance.
3. Roller Set Your Locks
Another way to reduce shrinkage that can also give your hair a lot of movement is roller setting it. This method makes it easier to stretch your hair while it's wet (preferably damp). Then, you can let it air dry or sit underneath a hooded dryer. Once your tresses are completely dry, your hair will remain stretched out for longer. As a bonus, if you use a leave-in conditioner before rolling it up, you can end up with a lot of bounce to your hair as well.
Basically what you'll need to pull this off is a leave-in, a light oil (like sweet almond or grapeseed) and some rollers that won't damage your hair (and yet can give you some pretty bangin' results) like Perm Rods, Flexi Rods and Curlformers. A video that I liked that offered up some cool tips and concluded with some dope results is right here.
4. Break Your Hair Caste
If you're someone who likes to rock and wash 'n go, I'm thinking that you already know that one way to give your hair a lot of curl definition is to apply some non-alcohol gel to it while it's wet (Aloe vera gel is cool too). And what if, once your hair is dry, your curls are a little "tighter" than you would like them to be? No worries. All you need to do is break your hair's caste. What that basically means is you need to loosen up the gel, so that your curls can become looser and appear to have less shrinkage.
Caste-breaking isn't hard to do. You just need to put a little bit of oil in your hands (jojoba, liquified coconut oil or avocado oil is great for this) and then gently apply it to your hair, softly tugging at the curls until they feel less hard from the gel. Again, it's a wonderful way to elongate your look and also bring movement to your hair, thanks to less gel and more oil being in it.
5. Play Around with Some Bentonite Clay
Speaking of wash 'n gos, personally, I'm a fan of bentonite clay for all kinds of reasons (for instance, it's a great skin detoxifier if you sprinkle some of it into your bath and soak). When it comes to your hair specifically, if you want more defined curls and softer hair, apply some of it to your hair right after washing it. Put it on saturated hair, leave it on for about 10 minutes and rinse it thoroughly (preferably in the shower because bentonite clay can get messy). Then deep condition your hair (don't forget this step because clay has a tendency to make hair hard). No matter what your hair type is, you should end up being pleasantly surprised (check out some how-to videos here, here and here).
6. Try Some Silicone
Something that a lot of people don't know is sometimes, when it comes to styling natural hair, the ingredients in our favorite products can cause the shrinkage. Stuff like glycerin, glycol, hydrolyzed wheat protein or even honey can make your curls tighter because they are humectants that can draw moisture from the hair and cause your hair to draw back towards your scalp.
An ingredient that won't do this is silicone. It's cool because it's a non-toxic chemical that actually works as a sealant to protect your hair from outer moisture (the kind of moisture that can cause your hair to get tighter than you may want it to be). And since it literally weighs your hair down, silicone can help to keep shrinkage from occurring while reducing frizz and keeping your locks shiny. As far as silicone-based products that you should look into, Naturally Curly has a list that you can check out right here.
7. Or a Little Bit of Beeswax
Maybe you do or maybe you don't know that one ingredient that a lot of people use when they decide to lock their hair is beeswax. Although it literally has a waxy texture to it, beeswax is actually good for natural hair on a few levels. It moisturizes. It seals in the moisture. And it's an awesome way to straighten hair without applying any damage. The main thing to keep in mind with this particular anti-shrinkage tip is less is more. That said, you might want to apply it, along with a little bit of oil when you're braiding/banding/threading your hair or to lay down your edges after styling your hair. Otherwise, your hair could turn out to be stickier than you planned.
8. Pull at Your Roots
One of the greatest hacks for combating shrinkage is using a pick to lightly lift up your roots after you've finished doing any of the techniques that I've just mentioned. This approach can keep you from frizzing out your curl pattern while still giving your hair an inch or two of height and volume.
9. Blow It Out
Out of all of the tips that I've shared for how to deal with natural hair shrinkage, I'm thinking that this one is probably the most obvious one because you can always pull out a blow dryer and blow your hair straight (well, as straight as possible without using a flat iron). Again, the reason why I like this approach is because it provides a lot of stretch, so that I don't have to constantly pull and tug on my hair in order to style it. It also cuts down on fairy knots significantly.
The keys to this point is to select a dryer that does as little heat damage as possible, that you let your hair dry at least 50-60 percent before applying any heat to it, that you do not go above a medium setting (otherwise, you could end up frying your tresses) and that you definitely put on a thermal heat protectant (cream is usually best, coverage-wise) before you begin the process. Then, once you're done, don't forget to stretch out your hair with cornrows or plaits so that you don't have to use heat again until your next wash day. By the way, Byrdie did an article on some top dryers for natural hair. You can check it out by going here.
10. Pull It into a Pineapple (at Night)
Some stylists will say that another way to stretch your hair is to pull it up into a ponytail (if it's long enough). That's true yet you need to be careful that you don't pull your "tail" so tight that it creates tension that leads to breakage or that you get so consumed with your edges and nape (by constantly applying gel and or always brushing it) that you weaken certain parts of your hair. However, when it comes to your bedtime routine, if your hair is long enough, I definitely recommend putting it up in a loose pineapple (you can learn how to do it here and here). It's another way to reduce shrinkage while you rest and to prevent a lot of detangling, so that it's easier and quicker to style your hair the following morning. It's an anti-shrinkage method that is easy, low-maintenance and (so long as your scarf stays on, chile) can keep your hair looking just the way you want it. Enjoy!
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Because We Are Still IT, Girl: It Girl 100 Returns
Last year, when our xoNecole team dropped our inaugural It Girl 100 honoree list, the world felt, ahem, a bit brighter.
It was March 2024, and we still had a Black woman as the Vice President of the United States. DEI rollbacks weren’t being tossed around like confetti. And more than 300,000 Black women were still gainfully employed in the workforce.
Though that was just nineteen months ago, things were different. Perhaps the world then felt more receptive to our light as Black women.
At the time, we launched It Girl 100 to spotlight the huge motion we were making as dope, GenZennial Black women leaving our mark on culture. The girls were on the rise, flourishing, drinking their water, minding their business, leading companies, and learning to do it all softly, in rest. We wanted to celebrate that momentum—because we love that for us.
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.

In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.

In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.

And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.

We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.

So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.

That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.

This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Someone's Trying To Hook You Up? Ask These 6 Questions First
As we all know, it’s cuffing season. We’re also on the cusp of the holiday season, and that happens to be the time of year when a lot of people get engaged. And that’s why the fall and winter seasons are the times of the year when folks wanna play matchmaker.
And so, sis, if at least one person in your life is currently trying to set you up with someone they know right now — charge it to it being “tis the season” more than anything else. Because let’s be real — folks tend to be more lovey-dovey than ever right about now, and that is usually what inspires them to try to get as many people boo/bae’d up as possible. Chile…CHILE.
It’s not like it has to be a bad thing. In fact, studies say that somewhere around 15 percent of engaged couples actually met through a friend. All I’m saying is, before you entertain someone’s “I’ve got someone I want you to meet” invitation, it would benefit you to interview them first — for the sake of all parties involved.
The questions that I recommend asking? The following six are what I think can get everyone on the same page, so that there is more pleasure than regret from the hook-up attempt.
1. Why Are They So Invested?
GiphyTwo things that I recently watched over again are the series Survivor’s Remorse (the writing is so damn good) and a movie called Trapped in Temptation (both are currently on Tubi). Something that both of them made me think about is the fact that motive reveals a lot when it comes to why people say and do the things that they do.
When it comes to the movie, specifically, without giving the film away — let me just say that, if you are in a relationship, be really careful about listening to individuals who try to talk you out of maintaining it. More times than not, the motive is shady as hell. And honestly, sometimes people who are close to obsessed with you being in one deserve a bit of side-eye too.
Now, if it’s someone who loves all things love, they are in love and they want you to experience something similar — that’s sweet. Just make sure that they are approaching the set up from a healthy space. What I mean by that is they don’t see singleness as some sort of relational handicap or they aren’t trying to override what you want for your life as if they somehow know better (there are so many ways to be a control freak, y’all).
Hmph. Now that I think about it — make sure that the set-up crew isn’t trying to use you to “save” some male friend or relative of theirs. I say that because I once knew a mother whose son had — count ‘em — 10 kids and she was FOREVER trying to get me to date him. Girl, that wasn’t for me. She was looking for a Holy Ghost Jr. for that child of hers. I’ll pass. HARD PASS.
Bottom line with this one — if someone wants to set you up with someone else, the first thing to ask is why? Make sure to really listen to what their answer is. Then pay attention to if your mind, body and spirit are at peace with their answer(s).
2. Do They Know What You Want?
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but the people (and let’s be honest, by far, it’s usually women) who have tried to set me up with someone? They didn’t even know what my preferences or type was. Hell, they didn’t even know my thoughts or timeline as it relates to being in a serious relationship were either. And what that boils down to is they were trying to hook me up based on their agenda, not mine — and that usually meant that the guys who they came up with? Yeah…I was good on them. LOL.
Yeah, if someone wants to hook you up, you definitely should ask them if they know what you are looking for in a guy when it comes to his looks, personality, passions, spirituality, relational desires and goals, location, etc. Because, indeed, what is the point in going out with someone who is fine as hell and yet, you want kids and he doesn’t (or vice versa) or who has a great personality yet he isn’t even in the same ballpark of your spiritual beliefs?
If your friend really wants to help you out, valuing your time should come with that — and that means bringing someone into your life who complements your lifestyle. No wiggle room here.
3. Are They Aware of Your Deal-Breakers?
GiphyLast year, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Should Bad Sex Actually Be A Relationship Deal-Breaker?” The thing that I think needs to go on record about deal-breakers is they aren’t exactly standards that you have. No, a deal-breaker is something that can’t be worked out even after trying to negotiate or compromise. When it comes to relationships, a deal-breaker might be how long two people should date before becoming exclusive or getting engaged. Another deal-breaker might be if being religious is more important than being spiritual and how that manifests itself (church or no church, etc.). And yes, another deal-breaker may be what each other’s sexual needs and expectations are.
When someone is setting you up, it is imperative that they know about your standards. For instance, for me, I am not interested in dating a divorced person, pretty much ever (I Corinthians 7:10-11). I’ve had friends who have tried to hook me up with that demographic before and it has always been a moot effort. The fact that some of them have gotten frustrated with my convictions has absolutely nothing to do with me. Some have tried to get me to compromise my deal-breakers too — like a long-distance relationship. Is it a firm “naw”? No. However, it’s not really something that I am interested in, so why not just…recommend someone local?
Yeah, if someone thinks that they know you well enough to hook you up, they absolutely should be well-versed in what your deal-breakers are before they do. And if they’ve never asked, all they are doing is assuming — and we know what that typically means. LOL.
4. What Is Their Track Record?
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that we now live in a time when more couples meet online than they do through “old-fashioned ways” like via their friends (although some reports say that Gen Z is getting back to that) — and yet, here we are. Still, if you are willing to let someone play pseudo matchmaker in your life, you are well within your rights to inquire about their track record in that department. Have they hooked others up, successfully, before? Has any of their “Cupid work” caused both people to get exactly what they wanted out of the situation? If/when things went awry, why was that?
I know someone who is constantly trying to hook people up. Thing is, maybe 10-15 percent (no joke) of their efforts have proven to be positive and fruitful — and we’re talking about close to close to two decades of them doing it. Listen, time is too precious to be out here doing stuff ONLY to please other people. That said, if someone wants you to devote some time to one of their grand ideas, you are well within your rights to ask about their past and current success score when it comes to it.
5. Can They Keep Their Own Feelings Out of It?
GiphyWanna know if someone who is offering to do something for you is actually doing it more for themselves? If they try to make it be about them when things don’t go the way they would like, that is a dead ringer. An example? They post a message about you on social media and then question you about why you didn’t do the same thing in return. Another example? They do something for you and then throw it in your face during an argument. Still another example? They set you up with someone, it doesn’t work out, and suddenly you’ve put them in a weird spot. No dear — you put your own self in that position by trying to hook two people up in the first place.
I promise you, it will spare everyone unnecessary energy spent (or even drama experienced) if, before you agree to be hooked up, you get the matchmaker on record stating that they will keep their emotions out of it as much as possible. MEANING — they will do the introductions and then let the chips fall where they may. If they can’t do this, my two cents (save it or spend it) would be to decline the offer. Because all you need is someone texting you about why you haven’t called their cousin back or having an attitude with you when you break up with some guy at their church who they thought was the perfect catch (P.S. These aren’t hypothetical examples — LOL).
6. Will They Respect Your Boundaries? Start to Finish?
GiphyYeah, this final one is a biggie. Just because someone sets you up with another person, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily mean that they should have the right to the details of the dynamic. I don’t care if it’s the first date or the 10th date. I don’t care if you decide to just be sex buddies or to have a full-blown relationship. I don’t care if you stay together or break-up — it’s your relationship which makes it your business. Whatever you share is privileged data.
Yeah, I would say that probably the most challenging thing about being hooked up by someone you know is they have a tendency to think that they are a part of the relationship too — and that is a lie. If things go well beyond a couple of dates, you and the guy should discuss what you will both share with the person who introduced you and then agree to stick to that boundary, no matter what. It’s a great way to protect the dynamic, to keep “outside voices” from influencing the growth and to navigate how you want to move, moving forward.
Someone who hooked you up for the right reasons and knows how to honor limits? They will understand. Will they ask questions? Absolutely. Will they pry? Nah.
___
Should you sit and let someone hook you up? I mean, you never know how your blessing will come. Just make sure that they are prepared for you to do some digging into their mindset before they start sweetly meddling into your love life.
It’s only fair. Hell, and right. LOL.
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