Our "Ask An Expert" series continues as we speak to LA-based natural hair enthusiast and protective hair stylist Kamara Brown Lewis of Raww Intuition Salon.
Starting a natural hair journey can seem intimidating and even scary. I understand why many textured hair women are apprehensive about letting our curls loose as we'd much rather have an easier fix. The thought seems overwhelming, especially when thinking of getting lost in the sea of hair products with one brand claiming to do the same as the other. As a "naturalista", I've learned to ask experts on my quest to find what's best for my hair type.
When I'm not wearing protective styles, I routinely "let my hair breathe" in an afro that's way more manageable than I would have ever expected. Even though I've been on my natural hair journey for three years, I'm still learning what formulas are best for my curl pattern and what I need for a healthier head of hair. While patience isn't my virtue, I'm learning to trust the process and let my hair take its time meanwhile discovering how to help it along its way.
Kamara Lewis, LA-based Protective Hair Stylist & Owner of Raww Intuition Salon
When wearing protective hairstyles, it's important to be conscious of taking care of our hair underneath. Maintaining a healthy scalp is vital for overall hair growth, keeping it moisturized and replenished often. With only a few principles to keep in mind, I want to encourage everyone that being natural is easier than it looks.
To give you the motivation you'll need on this journey, I connected with Kamara Lewis of Raww Intuition for her tips on properly caring for our hair and most importantly, where to begin.
Keep scrolling to get the natural hair advice you've been needing.
Try to Avoid Product Mixing
For those that struggle with dry itching scalp, Kamara suggests using Canviiy's ScalpBliss Itch-Calming Organic-Based Serum (which can also be great for protective styles in-between) and their ScalpBliss Soothing Scalp Purifying Foam Treatment. Both products are helpful with soothing the scalp while also getting rid of buildup. For deep conditioning, she recommends the NaturAll Club product line. She also notes brands like Design Essentials, OGX, Mizani, and KeraCare for must-have hair staples like moisturizing shampoos and conditioners, and curl refreshers.
Most of all though, it is important to stick with brands that are true to this and not new to this. When it comes to companies that have specialized in natural haircare since you were a young girl, it's those legacy brands that have a track record when it comes to getting the job done within the beauty industry. Also, Kamara suggests staying away from what she calls "product cocktails." Pick a brand and stick with the entire collection as "brands use formulas that activate a particular and achieve a particular look when used with other products from its product line."
You're missing out on the full effect when mixing products from several different brands.
Protection
"Sleep with a silk or satin pillowcase or bonnet. Protect your hair at night so you can have fresh and revitalized curls in the morning," Kamara shares another tip. "For those with longer hair, try the pineapple method at night, wrapping your curls up as they sit on top of your head to prolong your natural coils."
Shahirah Ahmed/xoNecole
Patience
"Be patient with the growth process. It's not about how long your hair grows but how healthy it is. Stop combing your hair dry and pulling it in tight buns or even protective styles thinking your hair will be long and healthy. It takes time and it's important to make sure you're drinking lots of water and eating healthy before you dive into buying all these hair products."
Keep it Simple
Most importantly, keep it simple. Like most humans, we tend to over-complicate things. Managing your hair does not have to be a day long chore. "Keep your hair regimen simple and straight to the point so it's easier for you to be consistent and have an accurate understanding of what your hair needs," Kamara adds.
Featured image via Kamara Lewis
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The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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