If you're a girl that has gone natural, is natural, or is in the in-between stage, you've likely got tons of products under your sink, in baskets, in drawers, and wherever else you can hold them scattered throughout your bathroom. Or maybe that's just me, and I just told y'all my deepest darkest secret. Either way, we've all tried a product(s) that haven't vibed with our hair texture.
I've been natural for about six years, so I know what works and doesn't work for my hair, but lately I've been struggling to find the right gel that gets my curls to pop without it possibly affecting my health (hey, Eco Styler), or that leaves my curls with flakes of gel shaking down like snow — oh, and let's not forget, one that doesn't have a pricey price tag.
After Google searches, watching YouTube reviews, and checking out consumer reviews on Target.com, I sprung for a $14 eight-ounce jar of Kinky Curly Curl Custard Gel. I recognize the $14 price tag is a little much for gel, but if it works, it's always worth it.
I wanted to see how it would work with my 4c coils with a wash and go. With nearly a five-star review on Target.com, I had high hopes, but many reviewers noted that the gel didn't work well for 4c hair because it didn't help stretch the hair. Since I am a 4c girl that doesn't mind shrinkage and a kinky 'fro, I still went for it.
Step One:
To prep my hair, I washed it and deep conditioned it, but instead of towel drying my hair, I left it soaking wet. The directions on the side of the jar recommends that curly girls with "thick coarse curls" apply to hair when dripping wet. Before I hopped out of the shower, I sectioned my hair into six sections, sprayed my hair with Jane Carter Solution Revitalizing Leave-In (a must have for me), and got out the shower with my hair dripping wet.
I started with the back of my head, first gliding a touch of jojoba oil onto my coils before adding the gel section by section. One thing I noticed right away, since I can be heavy-handed when applying a product, was that I needed very little to get my coils defined.
Step Two:
After I was done with my entire head, I covered my face with a towel and shook my head from side to side with my head upside down to get my curls to separate without touching them. The more you touch your hair, the more frizz you'll get as your hair dries. Since my hair is thick, I blow dried my hair on the lowest heat setting and let my hair do its thing. I'd come up now and then for cool air and to shake my curls with my head turned upside down.
The End Results Looked Like This:
Before I headed out for my audition, I touched up my lipstick and separated my coils, and to my surprise, there was no flaking, and my hair felt moisturized. Success!
I Tried It One More Time and Got This:
This time my hair shrinkage was tighter, but I also was in a rush and didn't take the time to add the product in small sections as I'd done before, but I still loved how it turned out.
I recognize that this isn't a product that everyone will love, especially if you're a curly girl that loves a stretched style. Will I try other gels in the future? Yes. But, for now, I am pleased with my results — shrinkage and all.
Featured image by Bianca Lambert/Instagram
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Originally published on February 23, 2019
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Bianca Lambert is a proud Atlanta native soaking up the Los Angeles sun. She is the founder of Mae B: a stationery company for women of color and a digital content creator on a mission to elevate the voices of women of color everywhere.
Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
"I Was A Bad Husband": Devale Ellis On Love, Growth, & Showing Up Differently
Long before Devale Ellis became known for his radical honesty online or as an actor starring in projects like Zatima, the Brooklyn native was a young husband figuring out what it meant to lead. Now, as a father of four and husband to his wife Khadeen for 14 years (15 years on July 4), the author of We Over Me is opening up about the real-life lessons that have helped shape him into the man he is today.
In a recent episode of xoNecole's xoMAN podcast, Devale sat down for an unfiltered conversation with host Kiara Walker about marriage, masculinity, and how fatherhood ultimately saved him from himself. The former NFL player held nothing back as he spoke candidly about the work he did to unlearn outdated ideals about what it means to be a man, and how learning to be emotionally present was a catalyst for change in his 22-year relationship with his wife.
"I was a bad husband because I wasn't present emotionally."
"I know this may come off as misogynistic," Devale shared in the episode, "but I feel like it's the responsibility as a man to pay for everything." It was a belief that was shaped by his father who taught him that to provide for a woman, especially one you're creating a family with, is a non-negotiable as a man.
Devale recalled the words of his father: "What if she gets sick? What if she deals with postpartum depression? What if the child has issues and someone needs to be there? My father was like that’s your responsibility. Don’t put that on nobody else…"
"My pops don't believe in the 50/50 bullshit. My pops ain't with that," he continued. "So I took that on. Of course, now times have changed, but that’s just my way of looking at it. So since that’s my way of looking at it, I make sure every morning my wife wakes up, she don’t gotta worry about the lights coming on, you know, who’s paying the rent. But also, I make sure that I’m present."
Still, it wasn't always like that for the Dead-Ass podcast co-host. Devale admitted that at one point he identified as a "bad husband" because presence wasn't always as important to him as providing, given the "old-fashioned way" masculinity was modeled to him.
"I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally, you know what I’m saying. I wasn’t present spiritually. I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources because I was too focused on that one linear thing, ‘I gotta provide.’ And I learned that after about five years of marriage and after we had our second child that I had to be more."
“Being a man is about being consistent.”
Change doesn't happen overnight but Devale's revelation marked a turning point in his marriage and relationship with Khadeen overall. From the moment, he began to shift from the man he was used to being and evolve into who he aspired to become as a husband and a father. In doing so, the transformation became a catalyst for deeper connection and service.
He explained, "In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me..."
His outlook on what it means to be a man and masculinity as a whole also leveled up. "Being a man is about being consistent." No longer did he define masculinity as primarily providing financially for his wife and family, but it also meant providing an emotional presence, a spiritual presence, and most importantly, an understanding that leadership wasn't about control, it was about care and consideration.
Speaking of care and consideration, Devale would eventually make another choice that many men shy away from...
Choosing a vasectomy out of love for his wife
After having four sons, Devale and Khadeen once thought about having a fifth child in hopes for a daughter. But everything changed for the couple when Khadeen experienced postpartum preeclampsia. The health scare solidified their decision to be done with family planning, and although hormonal birth control was on the table, Devale didn't want to put that responsibility on Khadeen who began experiencing iron deficiency from heavy bleeding and blood clots.
"I was like, 'Bro, so I almost lost you twice, you've had three natural births, two at the house, okay, this is my time now to take over as a man and say, 'I'll get a vasectomy.' Because I don't want you to have to deal with birth control so let me be the one on birth control."
Despite the stigma and concerns of having a vasectomy, which he goes into detail about on the xoMAN podcast, the move proved to be yet another example of Devale's preferred method of leadership, one where he strives to choose empathy over ego.
"Fatherhood made me a better person."
Similarly to the way he beams when talking about Khadeen, there's a gentleness that undercuts the more serious aspects of his personality when he speaks about his sons: Jackson, Kairo, Kaz, and Dakota. In the episode, the former athlete shared, "Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do life all over."
In regards to being a father, he shared that "fatherhood made me a better person," which is the heart of the title of his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself. As he raises four Black sons into Black Kings, Devale shared that he is mindful of the legacy he seeks to leave behind. "A part of Black masculinity to me is showing kids that they matter. That they deserve to be loved."
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by Ray Tamarra/Soul B Photos/Shutterstock