From Intern To Director Of Creative Media: Maura Chanz Got Here By Risking It All & Moving To LA
In xoNecole's "How She Got Here", we uncover the journey of fearless, ambitious women at the top of their game with unconventional not-so-everyday careers. Instead of asking them about their careers, xoNecole dissects the hardships, rejections, and nontraditional roads traveled by these women to create the positions they have today.
It would be remiss of me to not pay homage to the woman who took me under her wing like a lost little sister and presented opportunities to me in the entertainment industry that sculpted me into the woman I am today. Maura Chanz is one of the leading creative minds behind Yara Shahidi'sUnguided IGTV series, director of creative media at 7th Sun Productions, and my Spelman sister.
When I first met Maura, she was a media intern at the BronzeLens Film Festival and ambassador for BET's "What's At Stake?", a student-led digital series in Atlanta. After a stint in front of the camera as a host for Bossip TV, she moved to Los Angeles and is now making the film and television industry her b*tch by creating content, making a name for herself, and living her best melanated life.
For this installment of "How She Got Here", xoNecole spoke with the TRIBE founder about her working relationship with Gen Z powerhouse Yara Shahidi, the ballsy move of packing up and moving to Los Angeles on a whim, and the qualities needed most when pursuing a career like hers:
Buying Her Big-Girl Plane Ticket:
Maura was no stranger to the Los Angeles lifestyle—seeing as how she had moved there before in her early teens to pursue an acting career—but she was determined to move back after an opportunity had presented itself. She knew that this was the time to bet on herself. "I think it's just knowing that you don't know that you're going to get another opportunity—and it was an opportunity to move. I may not have gotten another one. Not to say I wouldn't, but I just don't know. When you get that moment, you have to take it," she told xoNecole about mustering up the courage to pack up and book her flight to L.A., which she noted as "the best decision of my life." Under the apprenticeship and mentorship of Mara Brock Akil when moving out to Los Angeles, Maura further poured into her passion for entertainment production and continued to spread her wings into an industry that welcomed her with open arms.
"I think it's just knowing that you don't know that you're going to get another opportunity—and it was an opportunity to move. I may not have gotten another one. Not to say I wouldn't, but I just don't know. When you get that moment, you have to take it."
Maura credits Los Angeles for reigniting her spark, drive, and ambition within herself all over again, almost as if the battery in her back was surged with 30-times the original energy capacity. "It almost was like having to prove myself again. I had to regain a certain level of hustle, and I had established myself a little more in that space in Atlanta. Coming here to a new market was a steep learning curve," Maura admitted to xoNecole about having to play larger.
Though she was transitioning from independently producing content to her first official Cali gig working on OWN's Love Is, she rose to the occasion of running up a steep learning curve. "Yes, there's TV and things there, but a lot of the jobs are still coming from [Los Angeles]. They're bringing people there. Getting to play on the scale that I'm at, I don't think that I would have been able to do that in Atlanta."
Maura had the security of knowing that she could go back to her Georgia home whenever she would like, but she couldn't imagine herself flourishing more in the Atlanta industry than she already had especially because the job market was booming in the South because of the West Coast. Moreover, as someone who received her degree from Spelman College in Comparative Women's Studies, Maura is quite certain that she will always land on her feet in the alternative event that pursuing her dream did not work out the way she intended.
Lucky for Maura, she never has to turn around again. Though there may have been a few shortcomings, she doesn't have a single regret about her decision. "I really had to minimize my lifestyle: I had my own place in Atlanta, I had to get a roommate here. I was actually making more in Atlanta working at Bossip and then transitioning to a production role, I took a pay cut," she said about making some adjustments upon her move to Los Angeles.
"I really had to minimize my lifestyle: I had my own place in Atlanta, I had to get a roommate here. I was actually making more in Atlanta working at Bossip and then transitioning to a production role, I took a pay cut."
Maura knew that the reward was greater than the risk at hand, including the rewarding feeling of self-assurance and learning to trust her gut feeling. "You're a smaller fish in a big pond as opposed to a bigger fish in a small pond and sometimes in those types of situations, some people are going to drown and some people are going to rise to the occasion. It's just about your dexterity, your tenacity and just pushing through. Honestly, it was the best decision I ever made in my life because if I didn't take that leap, I would not be soaring like I am," Maura said to xoNecole before going into more detail about her latest venture with a certain actrivist we all know and love.
Photo courtesy of Maura Chanz
The Fateful Run-In With Yara That Turned Into An Opportunity of a Lifetime:
After ending her apprenticeship with the great Mara Brock-Akil around April 2018, Maura crossed paths with Grown-ish star and Gen-Z activist Yara Shahidi and her mother Keri, but this was not the first time they'd met. They actually met a year prior at ESSENCE Fest, but this time around Maura was developing a project and it was the perfect time to catch up. Once Maura let the young star and her mother in on her project development, they expressed immediate interest in learning more. Like the true go-getter she is, Maura offered to contribute her consulting services to the dynamic mother-daughter Shahidi duo who had their ABC deal coming up. Two years later, Maura is one of the creative minds behind Yara Shahidi's Unguided series on IGTV.
"Yara's such a dynamic person. I learn so much from her literally every day, and I wanted to bring the pillars of her life to something that was fun and engaging, but also something unfamiliar," she praised the young actress. Upon the beginning stages of conception, Unguided was brainstormed to be more than a stereotypical vlog collaboration through a social media platform with a Gen Z influencer. These non-traditional concepts included Yara not looking directly into the camera and hearing her end-of-day reflections in her journal about her daily experiences. "I wanted to share that piece and I think sometimes there is a lot of value of not doing things in the moment," she described the series.
"Yara's such a dynamic person. I learn so much from her literally every day, and I wanted to bring the pillars of her life to something that was fun and engaging, but also something unfamiliar."
For the debut episode, the production team, including Yara and Keri, invited Maura to Paris, France to which she agreed almost instantly. In Maura's mind, she wanted to pursue Unguided from the angles of what she wanted to know about Yara's mind and how she views the world. From building a personal relationship with Yara, it rang a bell that she was very passionate about her favorite author James Baldwin - which encouraged Maura to pitch the retracing of Baldwin's steps through Paris by "leaning into Yara's brilliance and mind for the delivery."
With the Shahidi team on deck, including Afshin Shahidi, Yara's father, on the creatives, each episode comes together seamlessly to tell the unguided stories of Yara Shahidi - pun intended. "A large part of my job is taking Unguided and ensuring that Yara's through line is through the projects that you see and Yara's values are visible and incorporated across different forms of media. Whether that be doing digital content, social content or even TV and film," Maura said as she continued to peel back the layers of Yara Shahidi for xoNecole. "People only know so much about her but she has an incredible sense of humor, she's really into all types of quirky things that people may not know so even ensuring those things that you may not think are innately Yara but I know they are." Today, Maura serves as the Director of Creative Media at 7th Sun Productions, which recently inked a first-look deal with ABC a few months ago. On her thoughts on the projection of the production company, she expressed her excitement to see Yara "in that producerial capacity."
"When Yara comes into a conversation, it's going to be elevated so I expect for the world to see themselves reflected all in this landscape, see people of color getting to exist and piercing that veil that we barely get to pierce. Yara and Keri are really passionate about being gatekeepers and opening that door wide for new emerging talent; they love collaborating in that way. I expect for you all to discover your new faves through the work that the company's doing," she boasted about her new role and what's next for 7th Sun.
To anyone who may be looking to collaborate with any established figure in the entertainment industry—especially on Yara Shahidi's level—Maura advises one thing: make it about them and not you. "The one thing you need to do is discover what's unique about them. It's about taking the time to learn that person. I know what makes her excited so when I'm producing and developing ideas, I know her so well at this point and that just comes from really paying attention," Maura said transparently about her creative process. "When you're coming into something and collaborating especially with somebody of Yara's stature, this isn't about my creative ideas. Maura's very different from Yara. As someone who is working with talent, it's not about my perspective, it's Yara's."
"When you're coming into something and collaborating especially with somebody of Yara's stature, this isn't about my creative ideas. Maura's very different from Yara. As someone who is working with talent, it's not about my perspective, it's Yara's."
Part of Maura's process is asking Yara about her interests, what she listens to and her own curiosities while entangling the story that they're both trying to tell. "We prioritize things that are important to her and I'm led by her. I think it's humbling yourself in some way and yeah, you may have brilliant ideas but how is that connected to the party that you're collaborating with? Whose platform is this being used on? Is that what their audience connects with? It's not about what's my vision because those things may be very different," she continued to challenge xoNecole readers about their perspective.
Photo courtesy of Maura Chanz
5 Lessons We Can Learn From Maura Chanz's Journey:
Change your perspective on hearing the word "no".
"I don't think I even ingest 'no's'. Maybe I've had one and I didn't even read it as a no. I can't think of one but I'm sure there has been one. It's just all about perspective."
When one door closes, another will open.
"I was fired toward the tail end of Love Is… and it was really just a steep learning curve. Coming in at that level of where you're assisting a showrunner who's producing and directing, I didn't come from having a background as a [production assistant] or really being outside of talent. I didn't have any behind-the-scenes experience. I actually got on unemployment and figured out what I learned from this.
"From the outside, it looked like a failure, but it wasn't. That led me to developing the project that got the attention of Keri [Shahidi] and Yara [Shahidi]. The bounce back was just taking a moment of stillness."
Confidence can get you in the right rooms.
"Confidence. A lot of people are creative and a lot of people have a lot of these things, but you have to believe that you deserve to be in this space. You have to believe that you have value, that you will change this industry, and that you have something to contribute. If you can walk with that confidence and remember that value, you will remain undaunted, and that's the biggest piece about this industry—seeing it through.
"This is not a 'you go through four years of school and you're a doctor' type of thing; you may not see the fruits of your labor for 30 years. Everyone's journey is going to be different because there's no linear path, but if you keep that confidence, you'll be OK."
Consistently create and the right opportunities will find you.
"Create. I've always been creative: I started my site, I was producing with Kofi [Siriboe], and what drew people to me was the work I was already doing prior to me pursuing other things with them that I created. I had respect, and I had something to show for my own pursuits. You can't wait to be on the set of a movie for that to be the first time you're creating anything."
Know your worth.
"I never doubted my values, knowing I have unique values in every space I'm in and not being afraid to share that."
For more information on Maura Chanz, follow her on Instagram or check out her official website.
Featured image courtesy of Maura Chanz
Unapologetically, Chlöe: The R&B Star On Finding Love, Self-Acceptance & Boldly Using Her Voice
On set inside of a mid-city Los Angeles studio, it’s all eyes on Chlöe. She slightly shifts her body against a dark backdrop amidst camera clicks and whirs, giving a seductive pout here, and piercing eye contact there. Her chocolate locs are adorned with a few jewels that she requested to spice up the look, and on her shoulders rests a jeweled piece that she asked to be turned around to better showcase her neck (“I feel a bit old,” she said of the original direction). Her shapely figure is tucked into a strapless bodysuit with a deep v-neck that complements her décolletage.
Though subtle, her quiet wardrobe directives give the air of a woman who’s been here before, and certainly knows what she’s doing. At 24 years young, she’s a “Bossy” chick in training— one who’s politely unapologetic and learning the power of her own voice.
“I'm hesitant sometimes to truly speak my mind and speak up for myself and what I believe,” she later confessed to me a couple of weeks after the photoshoot. “It's always scary for me, but now I'm realizing that I have to, in order to gain respect as a Black woman— a young Black woman— who's still navigating who she is. And you know, I'm realizing that closed mouths don't get fed. And if I keep my mouth shut just because I'm afraid of what people's opinions of me will be or turn into, then that's not any way to live.”
For Chlöe, the journey into womanhood is about embracing who she is, without succumbing to the perceptions of what others think of her. From the waist up she’s everything you’d imagine. A gorgeous goddess with the kind of sex appeal that some work hard to embrace but fail to exude. But unbeknownst to anyone not on set, her bottom half is covered by a white robe, surprising coming from the girl who boasts “'Cause my booty so big, Lord, have mercy” on her first hit single “Have Mercy.”
But that’s the beauty of Chlöe. There’s more to her than meets the eye. More than what a few sensual photos sprinkled throughout an Instagram feed could ever tell you. Just like the photo-framing illusion of her portrayed from the waist up, what we know about the songstress is just the tip of the iceberg. There’s so much more beneath the surface.
Some hours later Chlöe leans back in a high chair as her locs are transformed from a formal updo to a seemingly Basquiat-inspired one. It’s pure art, and at her request, no wigs are a part of the day’s ensemble. She’s fully embracing her natural hair, a decision that wasn’t always a socially accepted one.
In the suburbs of Atlanta, Georgia, (Mableton, to be exact) Chlöe began to explore the foundation of her self-image. At an early age she and her younger sister, Halle, demonstrated a vocal prowess and knack for being in front of the camera that caught their parents’ attention. Soon after, they were sent on a parade of local talent shows and auditions, and eventually broke into the digital space with song covers on YouTube.
It was during these early years that Chlöe first learned that the entertainment industry could be unforgiving to those who didn’t fit a particular beauty standard. Despite the then three-year-old snagging a role as the younger version of Beyoncé’s character, Lilly, in Fighting Temptations, casting agents requested that her natural locs be exchanged for more Eurocentric tresses. Ironic, considering that growing up Chlöe saw her hair as no different than that of her peers. “I remember specifically in pre-K we had to do self-portraits and I drew myself with a regular straight ponytail, like how I would put my locs in a ponytail,” she says. “I just never saw myself any different.”
Chlöe would also learn the true meaning of a phrase that would later become an affirmation posted on her bedroom mirror: “Don’t Let the World Dim Your Light.” After attempting to wear wigs to fit in, the Bailey sisters instead chose to rock their locs with pride, which undoubtedly cost them casting roles. Yet they would have the last laugh when making headlines as the “Teen Dreadlocked Duo” who landed a million-dollar contract with Parkwood Entertainment, and the coveted opportunity to be groomed under the tutelage of a world-renowned superstar.
Credit: Derek Blanks
While that could be the end of a beautiful fairytale of self-empowerment, the reality is that it’s just the beginning of the story of her evolution. For most girls, the transition into womanhood takes place in the comfort of their own worlds, often limited to the number of people they allow to have access to them. But for Chlöe, it’s happening in front of millions of critiquing eyes just waiting for an opportunity to either uplift or dissect her through unwarranted commentary.
Many in her position wouldn’t be able to take that kind of pressure. But Chlöe is handling it with grace. “I feel like all of us as humans, we have the right to interpret things how we want,” she says. “I put art out into the world and it's up for interpretation. I'm learning that not everyone is going to always like me and that it's okay.”
Chlöe isn’t the first artist to receive criticism for her carnal content, and she certainly won’t be the last. In 2010, Ciara writhed and rode her way to banishment on BET when the then 24-year-old released her video for “Ride.” In 2006, 25-year-old Beyoncé received backlash for “Déjà Vu."
"I put art out into the world and it's up for interpretation. I'm learning that not everyone is going to always like me and that it's okay.”
So much so that over 5,000 fans signed an online petition demanding that her label re-shoot the video because it was “too sexual.” Even 27-year-old Janet didn’t escape critical headlines when she shed her image of innocence for a more risqué appearance with the 1993 release of janet.
It’s almost as if public reproach is a rite of passage for young Black women R&B singers on the road to stardom. Good girls seemingly “go bad” whenever they embrace the depths of their femininity, and fans only like you on top figuratively. But Chlöe has learned not to bow down to other people’s opinions, but to boss up and control the narrative. As the saying goes, well-behaved women seldom make history. If sex appeal is her weapon, she wields it well.
On set, Chlöe exudes the energy of Aphrodite in an apple red, off-shoulder dress with a sexy high split. In between shots, she mouths the lyrics to Yebba’s “Boomerang” as it echoes throughout the space in steady repetition at my recommendation. The hour grows late, yet Chlöe is heating things up as eyes stare in deep mesmerization of the girl on fire.
Credit: Derek Blanks
Through music, she explores the depths of her being, a journey that seems to be, at its foundation, rooted in self-discovery. Whereas their debut album The Kids Are Alright (2018) boasts a young Chloe x Halle empowering their generation to embrace who they are while finding their place in the world, their second album Ungodly Hour (2020) shows the Bailey sisters shedding the veil of innocence for a more unapologetic bravado.
What fans looked forward to seeing is who Chlöe shows herself to be on her debut solo album In Pieces. In an interview with PEOPLE, she confesses that releasing her first project without her sister was “scary.” "It was a moment of self-doubt where I was like, 'Can I do this without my sister?’”
Chlöe has never been shy about sharing her insecurities or her vulnerabilities, all of which are laced throughout the 14-track album. “I want people to have fun when they listen to it and to just realize that they're not alone and it's okay to be vulnerable and raw and open because none of us are perfect; we're all far from it. And I think it's healing when we all admit to that instead of putting up a facade.”
The gift of time has given the self-professed “big lover girl” more encounters with romance and heartbreak. Love songs once sung for their beautiful riffs and melodies become more than just abstract lyrics and are replaced by real-life experiences, which she tells me is definitely in the music.
In her single “Pray It Away,” for example, she contemplates going to God for healing instead of going at her ex-lover for revenge for his infidelities. “With anything dealing with art, I am completely vulnerable,” she says. “I'm completely myself, I'm completely open and transparent. So it's pretty much all of me and who I am right now.”
Has Chlöe been in love? That still remains to be said. Of course, she’s been linked to a few potential baes, but dating in the digital age isn’t as easy as a double tap or drop of a heart-eyes emoji. It requires a level of trust and vulnerability that’s hard to earn, and easy to mishandle. To let her guard down means to potentially set herself up for disappointment. “It’s difficult dating right now, honestly, because you really have to kind of keep your guard up and pay attention to who's really there for you. And you know, I'm such an affectionate person and I love hard.
"So when I meet the one person that I really, really am into, it's hard for me to see any others and I get attached pretty easily. And you know, I don't know, it's…it's a scary thing.”
Credit: Derek Blanks
“With anything dealing with art, I am completely vulnerable. I'm completely myself, I'm completely open and transparent. So it's pretty much all of me and who I am right now.”
While broken hearts yield good music (queue Adele), what’s in Chlöe’s prayer is the desire to be happy. What does that look like? Well, she’s still figuring that out herself. “Honestly, I'm the type of person who I don't truly learn unless I experience it. So it's like I can view and watch my parents and watch the loving relationships that I see in my life and be like, ‘Oh, I want that. I would love to have that.’ But then I also have to experience [love] on my own and see what my flaws or my faults might be or see what my good things about myself are. I feel like it's really all about self-reflection. And even though our base is our family and that's our foundation, we are still our own individuals and we have to find out specifically the things about ourselves that may be different from what we saw from our parents when we were growing up.”
Her ideal beau, she tells me, is someone she can feel safe to be her fun, goofy self with, but who also gives her the space to be the boss chick chasing her dreams. A man who understands that just because the world compliments her doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to hear those words from his lips or feel it in his touch. A bonus if he shows up on set after a long hard day of work with vegan cinnamon rolls. You know, the basic necessities. “I like whoever I'm with to constantly tell me they love me and that I look beautiful because I do the same. I am a very mushy person, and if I see something or you look good, I will never shy away from saying it out loud. And I want whoever I'm with to do the same, be very vocal. Tell me that you love me. Tell me what you love about me because I'm doing the same for you because that's just the person I am.”
Until she meets her match she’s married to the game, and for now, that seems to be perfect matrimony.
Credit: Derek Blanks
On stage at the 2021 American Music Awards, Chlöe solidified her position as a force to be reckoned with. It was a full-circle moment. In 2012, bright-eyed and baby-faced Chloe and Halle would walk onto the set of The Ellen Degeneres Show and blow the audience away as they bellowed out their future mentor’s song. Ellen would present the sisters with tickets to attend the AMAs, assuring them that they would be back and had a promising future. Nine years later, Chlöe descends from the sky cloaked in a snow-white cape and matching midriff-baring bodysuit for her debut performance. It’s the first time she’s graced the stage of the very award show that she was once an audience member of.
As she shakes and shimmies and boom kack kacks out her eight counts, it’s clear that she’s in her element. Just like her VMA performance a couple of months prior, and the many more stages she’ll continue to grace, she brings an energy that has earned her comparisons to the beloved Queen Bey herself. An honorable statement, considering few R&B songstresses are getting accolades for their entertainment capabilities. It’s on these very stages, in front of hundreds of astonished eyes and millions more glued to their televisions at home, that she tells me she feels most sexy. Powerful, even.
But off stage, it’s a different story.
It’s more than just the commentary about her image and media-flamed rumors that get to her. Mentally, she’s in competition with herself. The desire to be the best burns at the back of her mind with every performance, every production, and every time she steps into the booth. Before, she could share the weight of this burden with her sister. Being a part of a duo meant she could turn to Halle for quiet confirmation and encouragement without a word being exchanged. But lately stepping on the stage means stepping out on her own. And despite being a breathtaking, five-time Grammy-nominated star, Chlöe doesn’t escape the reality that sometimes we can be our own worst critics.
Over the last year, she’s been coming to terms with who she is on her own while overcoming the fear of failing to become who she’s destined to be. While the world waits to see how Chlöe wins, the real triumph is in every day that she chooses herself and continues to walk in her purpose. “I don't really have anything all figured out, honestly. But what I try to do, a lot of prayer. I talk to God more and I just try to do things that calm my mind down and just breathe.”
To whom much is given, much will be required. She’s been chosen to walk this path for a reason. Once she fully embraces that everything she’s meant to be is already inside of her, she’ll be an unstoppable force. “My grandma, Elizabeth, she just passed away and my middle name is her [first] name. So I feel like I truly have a responsibility to live up to her legacy that she's left on this earth. I hope I can do that.”
There’s no doubt that she will. With a role in The Fighting Temptations at three years old, a million-dollar record deal, a main role on five seasons of Grown-ish, five Grammy nominations, a number one solo record in Urban and Rhythmic Radio, a debut solo album, and starring roles in recently released movies Praise Thisand Swarm (just to name a few), Chlöe’s certainly already made her mark, and she’s just getting started.
Photographer & Creative Director: Derek Blanks
Executive Producer: Necole Kane
Co-Executive Producer: EJ Jamele
Producer: Erica Turnbull
Digitech: Chris Keller
DP: Alex Nikishin
Gaffer: Simeon Mihaylov
Photo Assistant: Chris Paschal
2nd Photo Assistant: Tyler Umprey
Features Editor: Kiah McBride
Special Projects: Tyeal Howell
Hair: Malcolm Marquez
Makeup: Yolonda Frederick
Fashion Styling: Ashley Sean Thomas
For More: Cover Story: Issa Rae Comes Full Circle
Why Friend Envy Doesn't Have To Be The Downfall Of Your Friendships
I'll never forget the day a good friend of mine I met at work finally got her acceptance letter from medical school. I was one of her biggest cheerleaders along the way, her “Oprah,” as she called me endearingly, her supportive cast, the person that nurtured her through her anxiety of facing the unknown of leveling up. In turn, she helped me, the sheepish girl in the cubicle next to her wearing all black and covered in cat hair, to embrace my inner badass along the way.
She exposed me to a new way of life, actually going into the world doing things that I wanted to do, wearing the clothes that I wanted to wear, and simply not giving a damn about how other people felt. I got to see that the present was a gift and I was dope in real life, not just the internet. She coached me from only feeling comfortable posting mirror pics to flexing in full-body pictures embracing every curve on my body, and knowing that I am a baddie. She encouraged me to go for opportunities I thought were way out of my league, like this one right here…being paid to share my thoughts with you.
So, you could imagine my confusion as I jumped and screamed "congratulations" on the other end of the phone upon hearing the news of her acceptance, like she just won a Grammy, and hung up in just about tears asking her, "What does this mean for me?"
At that moment, it just felt like she received her golden ticket out of the position that we hated, and I was just being left behind. The feeling wasn’t jealousy. I couldn't fathom treating her badly because she accomplished her goal, but I felt less than her and stuck in my circumstances.
I was envious.
I wanted that fearlessness that she had, that audacity to have faith in myself, that knowing that there was something bigger and better out there for me, and that drive to not stop until I got it regardless of my present circumstances. I wanted to be the main character in my story too.
But at that moment, as much as I loved, adored, and was inspired by her, I didn't want to be her, I simply wanted to become the kind of person that had the heart to live the life I wanted to live. She was merely just a teacher and a catalyst of change in my life that I will forever be grateful for, and as they say, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears."
It was her time to go and my time to put in the work to design my own life, and inspire others through my pursuit, just as she had done for me.
I say this to say, to a certain extent, it is very healthy to have friends that you are envious of, but jealousy is very unhealthy. Simply put:
Jealousy is when you treat someone badly because they have something that you want but feel you cannot obtain. For example, you want their success, to achieve what they have achieved, to have the type of relationships they have and/or a material object that they have, so you put them down to make yourself feel better.
Envy can be geared towards many different factors, tangible or intangible. However, envy can be described as admiring someone else's traits, accomplishments, and possessions externally and internally, letting this shed a light on areas of yourself and your life you are discontent with. It does not have to be mean-hearted or mean-spirited and can be a huge catalyst for positive change in your own life.
It's an opportunity to open up a dialogue with someone else to compliment them and to let them know they inspire you. This, in turn, can easily turn into an exchange of resources, strategies, and admiration because often, the person who is feeling envy has admirable qualities too.
Someone acting negatively on jealousy looks like:
- Copying you without giving you credit. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but when it gets to the point, someone is emulating your whole vibe and work without recognizing you and treating you less than desirably at the same time.
- Making everything a competition, constantly trying to one-up your thoughts, accomplishments, and skills both in your face and behind your back.
- Talking maliciously behind your back, never bringing up their less-than-favorable feelings to you personally as an opportunity to grow and deepen your bond.
- Not celebrating or praising you. It's very hard for them to applaud you when you have accomplished something big or small in a sincere way.
Acting negatively on envy looks like:
- When you accomplish a goal that they also want to accomplish, they can't show up to support you because this magnifies their feelings of insecurity and inferiority. They won't say anything negative, but it is hard to see past their own perceived failure when they are winning at that moment.
- They give you way too much too soon. Instead of letting a friendship evolve naturally over time, they want to grow extremely close. Their compliments are nonstop, with more of an undertone of superficiality instead of sincere observation.
- They make it seem like everything comes to you easily because they idealize you or your gifts while thinking their abilities are inferior. This one is tricky. Think of the word "pretty privilege" and the thought that someone obtains desirable things because of the way they look. This doesn't take into account how much time, effort, and energy goes into their looks and the idea they bring more to the table than looks.
- They can't stop putting themselves down when you try to uplift them. This one is very hard to spot because it comes off as complete self-depreciation at first. For example, you congratulate them on accomplishing a goal, and they point out how it's not equal to what you accomplished.
Feeling jealousy and envy is a normal part of life, but with maturity, we learn it's not wise to act on it or let those feelings fester. I realized a long time ago it's just right to mistreat someone else because I don't feel good about myself. Had I met my friend during my mean girl insecure era in high school, I would have ruined the whole relationship by highlighting our differences, covering them up as some type of relationship incompatibility, and looking down on her because she approached life differently than I had.
Through meeting women who are doing things that you consider to be extraordinary and befriending them in an organic and sincere way through gratitude and reciprocity, you both expose each other to ways to further develop and improve in your self-development. As the Bible says:
"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." - Proverbs 27:17.
When operating in lower energy, it's easy to belittle and treat a person who has traits or possessions that you desire deep down inside but are too afraid or ashamed to admit. However, showing up as your highest self with enough vulnerability to say, "Girl, I love the way you are doing your thing," opens up a whole new world of potential and resources because nine times out of 10, that woman doesn't mind sharing a few tips and pointing you in the right direction.
I've learned that when those feelings of envy come up, I don't have to feel insecure…I just have to get really curious.
I'm secure in myself to know I can accomplish anything I put my mind and energy into, but I'm wise enough to know I do not always know how to go about it. This is where acting positively on feeling envious of someone else has improved my life drastically because I realized the only difference between envy and inspiration is the belief that someone has something that I do not, and I create the life I desire too. I've realized that is dead wrong, and most likely, the person I envy initially has very similar feelings of insecurity as me but did not let that feeling turn into a belief that stopped them from executing.
In essence, they don't let their insecurities stop them from going after what they want.
In turn, I have become the type of person I used to envy. I take action aligned action toward my goals, no matter how it looks to others, and I make my happiness my responsibility. I am no longer afraid to leverage my network to get to where I want to go faster. I left my hometown and am the first person in my household to live independently out of the state. I wear clothes that I feel beautiful and sexy in, I travel often, and I demand more out of life and myself.
This is all because my friend modeled this to me, and I started to believe I could actually achieve these things.
Friendships have so many ebbs and flow that you find yourself mentoring one season and being a mentee the next. The key is being able to sit in and on that discomfort of watching someone's harvest while you are still in your planting season with the faith that you will blossom and the knowledge that celebrating her wins brings more fertilization to your seeds.
The unshakeable belief in abundance is the key to making envy a constructive emotion.
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