The OWN network has turned up the heat on Tuesday nights. And if you watched the premiere of the Will Packer produced series Ambitions, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Viewers were catapulted into this deliciously messy drama that follows the lives of five families who are all trying to navigate the waters of dominance, disloyalty, dishonesty, and most of all: debauchery. The cast is full of amazing actors who do more than a good job bringing their characters to life -- I'm talking Essence Atkins, Brian J. White, Kendrick Cross, Brely Evans and the lead lady of the pack: Robin Givens.
Owning the role of Stephanie Carlisle Lancaster, wife to Atlanta Mayor Evan Lancaster and successful lawyer at her family's firm, the 54-year-old proves once again why she's able to maintain relevance in an industry of come-and-goers. She's poised, she's sexy, and she's deliberate.
Givens knows exactly how to reel you in and let you go with just enough so that you'll keep coming back for more. But perhaps what's more impressive than what she does on-screen, is the woman she's become off-screen.
As we chat over the phone on a midweek afternoon, it becomes clear that Givens is a woman who has both lived and learned a lot. She's a woman who, at this point in life, is very clear on who she is, where she's going, and who she hopes to be. Her light and reflective disposition radiates easily as she speaks and it lets me know that, more than anything, Robin Givens is an unstoppable, unshakable, and inspiring force.
The renowned actress spoke candidly with us about Ambitions, faith, and if she'll ever get married again. Here's what she had to say.
xoNecole: We’ve seen you play a myriad of roles onscreen: the vixen, the sex symbol, the tough girl who takes no stuff. Are there are any parallels between you and the characters you portray?
Robin Givens: Well, I think I usually play smart women, you know they're very well-educated. In some ways I'm a little bit behind my character, but in others, I'm ahead of them. I think I'm more mature and maybe more evolved in life than Stephanie Lancaster in some ways. I feel that in some respects though, for a lot of characters that I played--they had more confidence than I had. Stephanie is shrewd; she can maneuver things which personally I'm terrible at. Some parts of her, I really admire because I wouldn't even know how to do what she does.
OWN/Peggy Sirota
"Stephanie is shrewd; she can maneuver things which personally I'm terrible at. Some parts of her, I really admire because I wouldn't even know how to do what she does."
In a recent interview, you talked about how Stephanie was first written in the script. You described her as an “Ice Queen.” What originally drew you to play her character?
The writing was just SO good, and I thought I could shade her in and color her a little bit differently than a lot of people would. I just knew I thought of her in a certain way and I wanted to give her a sense of humor. So I think that was a little bit different than what Jamey [Giddens, creator] had in mind initially.
While watching the first episode of ‘Ambitions’, viewers almost get a sense that Stephanie and her husband Evan almost hate each other. That they’re only married for convenience, can you give us a little insight into their relationship?
I think initially it was convenient, and I think she thinks she's ambitious. She sees that Evan can be the mayor of Atlanta and [might] go on to become governor of Georgia. But as time goes on, you begin to see that there is a little bit more [of] something there. They really are a power couple. Each of them sees themselves in each other and they're kind of bonded in a way. Later on, we'll get to see that there's a little more love in there.
Robin Givens as Stephanie Carlisle starring alongside Brian J. White as Evan Lancaster in 'Ambitions'
OWN
"They really are a power couple. Each of them sees themselves in each other and they're kind of bonded in a way."
You mentioned power couple just now, so I’m curious. If you could compare their relationship to one in the public eye currently, whose would it be and why? We saw on the ‘All-Access’ show, your costar Brian J. White mentioned Bill and Hillary [Clinton or] Jay-Z and Beyoncé.
I mean, I don't know! I work with Brian so I know how he feels personally about this (laughs). He was actually a big part in our 'Stephanie and Evan', in terms of the closeness of their relationship. I think I can pull Bill and Hillary. I don't know much about their personal relationship but certainly they are very bonded. I think they have a mutual respect for one another. From the outside looking in, I think he admires her [and] respects her. And Evan feels that way about Stephanie; the respect and admiration is mutual. So, when we [hear] his character say, "I'm never going to leave my wife"-- it's true. Evan is never going to leave her. There is no woman like his wife… I think she challenges him.
Has Stephanie and Evans's relationship altered the way you view marriage in any way?
No, no. I don't take it that seriously. I don't think I would want their marriage, I don't think anyone would want their marriage! So definitely don't try this at home. To the people watching: don't push up on your wife and don't pull a gun on your husband (laughs).
Is marriage something you’re open to again?
Of course, of course yes--I would absolutely love it! I have two boys, I adopted my first child and the other one I had with a wonderful man. He remarried but we love each other dearly and I love his wife. So we are very much a blended family, but absolutely. I would love that, especially now that I'm an empty nester. I'm working again, I'm a little older. So maybe I can focus in on that as well.
Maybe you can, yes. We are all rooting for you.
Maybe I can have my agent hook me up, but hey if you know anybody let me know!
I surely will, I’ll be your Wingwoman.
There you go, yes! We have to stick together, we have to (laughs).
So at this stage in your life, empty nester-slash-working woman: how would you like a man to court you?
Well, I like being treated like a lady. I really need someone who just gets me, you know? I'm so different from any of my characters. I need someone who understands me. Someone who thinks I'm cute apart from all of this, acting and getting dressed up… I'm looking for peace because I like that. Laughter, friendship in a very simple way. I like to enjoy life with simplicity, so I try to keep things that way. And someone who is patient, likes dating me, and who can make me laugh.
You mentioned your sons a little bit ago, do you find that motherhood affects the way you go about dating?
I think so. I tried to keep dating very separate from them. But now that they're older, I started talking about dating when my eldest son started dating. And it's funny because, there was this one time when we were out somewhere and he goes, "Come on Mom, it's time for you to start dating again, you have to get a guy and stop concentrating on us." And it's like, why is my child verbally reprimanding me? (laughs) I was mad but I was cracking up at the same time.
But you know, the older they get, the more freeing you get. In the sense of you don't have to be home at a certain time and things like that. So, now that I have an empty nest, I think with that comes a courage--not just for dating but for acting as well. For pursuing your dreams and concentrating on yourself and making yourself your project instead of your children--that takes courage.
Behind the scenes of 'Ambitions' with Robin Givens as Stephanie Carlisle Lancaster
OWN
"Now that I have an empty nest, I think with that comes a courage--not just for dating but for acting as well. For pursuing your dreams and concentrating on yourself and making yourself your project instead of your children."
I want to switch gears a bit and talk about your advocacy against domestic violence. You’ve been a voice for the bulk of your career, having experienced it in your own life at a point.
Yes.
And there’s a scene in episode one where after Evan pushes Stephanie, she decides to turn it up several notches and pulls out a gun. Was there a sense of empowerment of “fighting back”?
As much as I am an advocate for domestic violence, I'm really just an advocate for women. I'm a woman, I'm a black woman and I really believe we all have more in common than we think. Certainly our circumstances are different but I think these are all women's issues. And I like to do my part in empowering women especially with being a single mom. I do like how Stephanie gives him no energy whatsoever and then like you said, she takes it up a notch. I don't really connect it to myself so much, I don't do that.
I allow Stephanie to live in me. I bring her to life without burdening her with my history and my circumstances. That being said, I think everything I've gone through in my life--the good, bad and the ugly--helps give me a perspective. It gives me a well to draw from. It's in me. So I can't deny that I put some things into it, but I don't want her to carry around Robin on her back. She's got enough issues to deal with on her own.
Robin Givens as Stephanie Carlisle starring alongside Brian J. White as Evan Lancaster in 'Ambitions'
OWN
"I allow Stephanie to live in me. I bring her to life without burdening her with my history and my circumstances. That being said, I think everything I've gone through in my life--the good, bad and the ugly--helps give me a perspective. It gives me a well to draw from."
You are definitely right about that. But on a personal note, what would you say is the biggest difference between the Robin at the beginning or your career and the Robin you are currently?
I'm grown up--I'm a grown up now! I started this really, really young; I think I've had my SAG-Aftra card probably 35 years now or something like that. I've grown and the world kind of watched me grow up. Now I'm a grown woman and I like being a grown up. So I think that's probably the biggest difference. I was a baby in a sense, a kid initially. But with being grown and being more mature, I have a perspective and respect for things and opportunities.
There were so many things I said "no" to that the Adult Robin would look back on and go, "Now why did you say 'no' to that? Are you crazy, you think opportunities just come as you'd like them?" (laughs) So I think having the perspective of an adult--I really like that and it makes me a better actor, you know what I mean? I feel like I can bring Stephanie to life knowing that I want her to be however strong she seems to people, but that she has vulnerabilities. And that was important for me to show. She has fears. And as an adult now, I know how to shade her in a different way.
Before you go, I want to touch on your faith. I know that’s very important to you, having been vocal about how it anchored you in a sense and got you through some of your lowest moments...
Yes, absolutely.
So I want to ask you about a quote you once said. It reads: “It is by experiencing God that we get to know Him…and it is in knowing God, truly knowing God, that we get to know ourselves.” When you hear that, what does this statement mean to you?
You know, my relationship with God is as I call it, is a relationship with "the only Father I've known." It's been something that's grounded me, sustained me, and saved me. It's meant everything to me. It's how I'm able to be here, be sane and be whole. And hopefully, perfectly broken in a way that can inspire others. He has given purpose to this sort of, beautiful mess. You know, I grew up Catholic and there was a certain ritual that we would go through. And I think often times, we go through these rituals and we--or I didn't really get to know God-- or what it meant to really fall onto your knees [in prayer] until I could only fall on my knees and prayer. So that relationship changed for me and went beyond being a ritual to being a real relationship and that has meant the world to me.
"My relationship with God is a relationship with 'the only Father I've known.' It's been something that's grounded me, sustained me, and saved me. It's meant everything to me."
For more of Robin, follow her on Instagram. And catch new episodes of Ambitions every Tuesday night at 10/9c, only on OWN.
*Some answers have been condensed and edited for clarity.
Featured image by Joe Seer / Shutterstock.com
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
Santia Barnes, known more commonly as @Trackbaby001 on Instagram, earned the highest-paid contract ever for a woman in American football. Also, she is the first female athlete to have her own shoe company. With a combined social audience of 3 million followers, she’s established herself as a mega-influencer in the health/fitness and lifestyle space. But surprisingly, in our 48-minute phone call, we only discussed this for roughly 60 seconds. Instead, I had a beautiful conversation with Santia and her husband Isaac, a successful tech entrepreneur, about their dream-like partnership.
His company was one of the fastest growing in his county for two years, and he is the only Black entrepreneur to win a federal aviation award for being a government contractor. Plus, he previously won a $13.4 billion contract with the Air Force and Space Force (cues, "he got money" in my best Quinta Brunson voice). But seriously, both of them have such an amazing story alone – yet they made it even better by finding each other. It almost sounds too good to be true, right? Well, Santia felt the same way. In fact, on their first date, they actually tried to disqualify each other. Here’s how it went.
Let’s start from the beginning. How did you two meet?
Isaac: Well, firstly, we connected through the divine grace of God. But we met on Bumble and talked there, and she gave me such a hard time (laughs). But we built a connection online and then took it offline to the phone and eventually in person. Since that meeting, we’ve been stuck like glue.
Santia: Yes, we met on Bumble. But I’ve gotta add to that. I was pretty much done with love, relationships, and especially online dating. But it was right around Valentine's Day, and I felt like God was telling me to try just one more time. So, I created my profile and made it very blunt; I was super clear about what I wanted. I started swiping for a few days and eventually came across his profile, and I noticed our profiles were very similar.
I felt like it was rare for a man to be that intentional. Also, I like that he was attractive and an entrepreneur. I felt like he could understand my life. It took him a couple of days to swipe back, though, and I was little in my feelings. I was literally going to delete the app when he DM’d me. So, it was really the grace of God.
Tell me about your first date. What was the chemistry like?
Isaac: She was late (laughs). But we went to Seasons 52, which made sense because I’m vegan, and she likes to eat healthy. So I made reservations, but again, she was late. Eventually, she got there, and when she did, I saw the entire room shift. It was the weirdest thing. I’ve never seen that in real life. It was like the whole restaurant was looking at us. So we got a table, and immediately, it felt like our energy flowed together so smoothly.
You know how first dates can be awkward? This was exactly the opposite. She grilled me, and I grilled her. We asked some of the deepest questions ever. It was like we were trying to disqualify each other. After dinner, I walked her back to her car because she was recently injured. And in that moment, God talked to me. I knew that this is what it is.
Santia: We talked for like three hours on that date. I remember in the conversation, I said, “Not to be weird, but your energy makes me feel very calm.” That was a big green flag for me. I also remember him walking me back to my car and not trying anything but genuinely just caring for my leg. I was like, this is different. It was an A+ date.
"We asked some of the deepest questions ever. It was like we were trying to disqualify each other. After dinner, I walked her back to her car because she was recently injured. And in that moment, God talked to me. I knew that this is what it is."
Photo courtesy of Santia and Issac Barnes
So, what are some of these intense disqualifying questions y’all asked?
Isaac: We asked everything. We talked about our thoughts on kids, marriage, church, gender roles, family, past relationships, and trauma.
Santia: Yeah, we asked everything they tell you not to. But that’s how I knew he was the one; he didn’t get uncomfortable.
Okay, so if you were still dating, walk me through that next step. What was that conversation like when you two decided to take it to the next level?
Isaac: I had a business trip I had to go to in Orlando, and because of my connection with the Creator I knew she needed to go on this trip with me. She was overcoming tearing her ACL and just needed a break. So we took a road trip together. We drove from Atlanta to Orlando in the car for 8 hours, and we just did the work. We got into childhood trauma and aspirations. It got deep –
Santia: Like, I cried. I discovered stuff about myself I haven’t talked about with anyone else.
Isaac: In that moment, I developed a deeper sense of trust in her because of her vulnerability. And after that trip, I just knew. She still had some concerns, but I was good (laughs).
Santia: Yeah, because I felt like something had to be wrong. Like, I remember calling my mom and she tried to help me just embrace it. Eventually, I actually asked him, “What are we?” And he literally said, “You’re going to be my wife.” And I still was like, are you going to ask me to be your girlfriend though, and he did – and I said yeah. (laughs). But that was only like a month in. It was very quick.
It seems like communication has been a core part of your relationship. What are some important lessons you’ve learned about yourselves individually through loving each other?
Isaac: That’s hard to answer just for this week. A lot of our stuff is self-discovery. But I’ll say, I learned how skeptical I was that this is possible. Also, I learned that all of what I went through is crafting me to be who I am today. Through this relationship, I’ve learned to embrace my 100% authentic self. Her love matters more to me than anything else, and that’s my #1 priority.
So if she accepts me how I am, who is the world to tell me I can’t be this way? She has allowed me to see myself more than any other human, and because of that, I have to shower her with as much love as possible.
Santia: I don’t even know where to start. He’s taught me a lot since day one. He made me more confident in who I am. As an influencer, you don’t always know who is there for the right reasons. But he’s made me feel 100% more confident in standing on who I am. He’s also taught me so much about business. He taught me how to open up more, not feel shame in who I am, and how to set boundaries and stick to them.
And Issac has melted every fear, doubt, and insecurity I’ve had about relationships. I could keep going, but overall, he has a really amazing way of teaching me in a loving way. Having someone that sees and understands me – and not just the social media me – but Santia Barnes, the individual, has been beautiful, and I’ve never experienced it until now.
"Issac has melted every fear, doubt, and insecurity I’ve had about relationships. Having someone that sees and understands me – and not just the social media me – but Santia Barnes, the individual, has been beautiful, and I’ve never experienced it until now."
Photo courtesy of Santia and Issac Barnes
How do you guys navigate past struggles, baggage to work toward your relationships?
Issac: On our honeymoon, I vowed that I would come into this relationship with a clear understanding of what’s holding me back so I can be my best self going through our marriage. For example, on our first day over there, we both wrote down all of the negative anchor thoughts we had around money and finances, and we literally went through every thought.
I found 50 financial aspirations, and every time I read something that I didn’t agree with, I wrote it down. And we talked about where these negative thoughts came from, going back to childhood.
Santia: We do that all the time. If anything comes up, we talk about it, try to get to the core of it, dissect it, and we solve it.
Okay, seriously do ya’ll argue at all (laughs)?
Santia: I mean, if we feel something, we say it.
Isaac: The way we got there is that we established early on that if we’re going to do this we have to be on the same team. We have a championship we’re trying to win, and that’s a family legacy. If something is going on, I’m gonna treat it like my teammate is going through it, and we’ll work through it. But it’s impossible not to have any challenges.
Santia: We don’t have to yell, scream, or be disrespectful though. We can talk in a calm voice and disagree. As long as we know that we’re on the same team, we’re good. I always know we’re not purposely trying to hurt each other, and I know that he's my partner. Looking at it from that lens changes things. We’ve only had two real arguments. It was early on, and when we dissected those too, we realized that back then, we didn’t know each other the way we do now. We weren’t sure we were on the same team (laughs).
Do you guys have any rituals or daily practices that help keep your relationship strong?
Isaac: To cement our process, we listen to our spiritual practice. We practice Sabbath every Friday evening until Saturday evening. So that means no work, no outside communication, we’re just in each other’s skin for 24 hours and experience the world together. Then we recap our week, things we’re grateful for from each other and from God, things that bother us, and then we process it right there. We do that every week.
Santia: We also go over a Bible verse and dissect it together. We have a lot of processes because when you have a plan, you can’t really fail.
Isaac: And the Bible verse always relates. It’s crazy. (laughs)
Photo courtesy of Santia and Issac Barnes
What are your love languages?
Santia: Mine is acts of service, gifts, and words of affirmation
Isaac: Mine is physical touch, acts of service, and words of affirmation.
Are there any challenges you guys had to work through?
Santia: This is my first time living with a man. So things that guys do – like not flushing the toilet, putting dishes in the sink when I’m washing the dishes, and stuff. Honestly. I was really scared about that because I love my space. But surprisingly, I adjusted very quickly. We both work from home and have our own offices, too. So it just kinda works out.
Isaac: For me, it was going from being a single man to adjusting to her needs. For example, she likes flowers. To me, that meant I occasionally bought her flowers. But to her, that means, nah, I want them multiple times a month. Date nights meant occasionally to me; she wants them weekly. It’s just about making sure our needs and expectations are articulated correctly. We come from different worlds, so it’s important to do that.
Finally, I’ll close with how did you know it was love?
Santia: We took a trip to NOLA – another road trip. I cried again and just remembered thinking there’s no one like him. I was like, God, if he’s not my person, this is a cruel joke. But more blatantly, like three months into us dating, I was so conflicted because I was like, I’m falling, and I don’t want to be hurt again.
I remember I had a dream where I was in this dark room and there was this figure there, and I knew it was God, and in that dream, I feel like he told me clear as day that Isaac was my person. Plus, my Mom hates everyone I’ve ever dated, but she was like he’s gonna be my son-in-law. I had so many confirmations that I eventually just let go.
Isaac: It was multiple moments. I really got confirmation on the first date, but I became sure in one moment. I was sitting in my office, and she came in, and we were talking about her making history. So I started showing her some of my awards, too, and at that point, she still didn’t know what I did. And she was like, why don’t people know about this, and I showed her my Facebook page – where I had made a small post with a few likes (laughs). And she was like, do you know how many young Black children don’t know this is possible? It was different.
I felt like a hypocrite because I do everything for the next generation. So, she allowed me to see myself in that totality and still hold me accountable. The only person who had done that for me was my Dad and [he] passed away a few days before my 18th birthday. So after that, that did it for me. Then we went to the DR for my brother's anniversary, and she met my family and I saw how well she blended with my family, and I just knew.
Santia and Isaac are continuing to grow their individual businesses and love journey. Through that process, they have created an intentional dating platform on Instagram called @dateintentional1.
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Featured image courtesy of Santia and Issac Barnes
