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Let's Talk About Your Genital Sensory Cortex (And How It Gets You Off)
Whenever someone tells me that, according to them, you get to a point in life where sex isn't "that big of a deal" or the topic becomes pretty redundant, pardon the word that I'm about to use but I can't seem to think of a better one at the moment — all I do is scoff. Listen, I've been writing about sex, on some level, ever since I've been a professional writer (well over 20 years now) and I continue to find out things that — again, pardon the pun considering today's topic — blow my mind. Today, we're gonna touch on something we all have — a genital sensory cortex.
I wouldn't be surprised if you've heard before that your biggest sex organ is your brain. Matter of fact, I've said that very thing on this platform on numerous occasions. Well, while there used to be a time when — surprise, surprise — women's brains weren't studied all that much when it comes to sexual stimulation and pleasure, we live in a new age and more and more data is coming out by the day. For instance, did you know that the part of your brain that reacts to your vagina (it's connected to the pelvic nerve), cervix and nipples being stimulated is different than the part of your brain that directly triggers (in the best way possible, of course), your clitoris (it's connected to the pudendal nerve)? The more you know. The more you freakin' know.
OK, but I'm getting a little ahead of myself here. Anyway, I've written articles on here like "Mental Foreplay Hacks That Ultimately Takes Intercourse To New Levels" and "What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?" that clearly support how much I think the mind is a terrible thing to waste when it comes to not incorporating mindfulness in order to experience some pretty incredible sex. Now I'm hoping that a technical term like "genital sensory cortex" won't cause you to yawn with boredom before I can break down the kind of doors that it can unlock for you inside that bedroom of yours.
Your Genital Sensory Cortex? What in the World Is That?
Let's jump right into it, shall we? We all have something called our sensory cortex (also known as the somatosensory cortex). Basically, it is a strip of brain tissue that's located in the same place that our headphones would go (but on our brain, of course), right in the middle of both brain hemispheres. All throughout it, there are a variety of neurons that are connected to different parts of our body. Interestingly enough, the size of each body part corresponds to how much sensory information our brain is able to process. The fascinating thing about this is, thanks to this part of the brain, we are able to respond to feelings of pleasure and pain; ones that derive directly from touch. This means that when we touch our body or our body is touched, our nerves are able to send signals to our brain and ultimately to our sensory cortex.
And just what does this have to do with making sex better? Well, here's the thing. Although many of us already know that our clitoris (whose stimuli is located on the same part of our brain as it is for a man as it relates to his penis; it's called the homunculus) only has a sexual purpose, contains 8,000 nerve ends (double what men have in their penis) and that stimulating it is the easiest way that most of us are able to climax, now we've got greater insight into how to have other kinds of orgasms. Take vaginal ones. You've probably heard that 70 percent of women struggle with experiencing those. So, how are the other 30 percent able to pull it off? A part of it has to do with clitoris/vaginal placement. What I mean by that is, the closer a woman's clitoris is to her vaginal opening, the easier it is for both areas to be stimulated during intercourse which ultimately results in a vaginal orgasm. OK, but here's the deal about all of this.
What science is discovering is the more that our brain gets involved in sexual activity, the greater the chance we have of having all kinds of orgasms — nipple orgasms, vaginal orgasms…you name it. In other words, an orgasm isn't just a physical reaction that comes from sexual stimuli. The more our brain gets into the action, the better sex is.
Case in point. I recently read about a study where some people merely imagined being sexually stimulated with a sex toy vs. actually experiencing that kind of stimuli. What the researchers discovered (via some fMRI brain scans) was, the sensory cortex part of the brain that lights up when physical stimulation happens, it responds the same way to thought alone. In other words, the genital sensory cortex of the brain reacted the same way to "thought" as it did to "action".
If you really let all of this sink in, now it makes better sense why erotica works for some of us, sexual sounds (even without touch) work for some of us and imagining sex with someone can also get us pretty aroused. Our brain gets sexually stimulated by thought alone. So, when thought and touch are combined — BOOM.
So, what is the genital sensory cortex? It's simply the parts of your brain that directly connect to sexual stimulation. If you connect all of these dots, the takeaway is, if there is just as much effort put into "getting the mind right" as it is in getting your body off, you can end up having orgasms in places and on levels that you never really have before.
5 Ways to Significantly Increase Your Chances of Getting Off, Thanks to Your Genital Sensory Cortex
1. RELAX
If the main thing that is sticking out in your mind is, "Damn. This sure requires a helluva lot of thinking," I hear you. Yes, you do need to be super intentional about your thought process and yes, that can initially seem like a bit of a buzzkill when it comes to sex. And yes, I get that by my saying that you should relax, on top of all of this, might seem a bit absurd. Just remember that these thoughts are the fun kind — the "dirty" kind. And if what you're thinking about makes you feel good, it won't be hard to have a feeling of zen. The main point here is don't kill yourself trying to think about pleasurable moments. If you follow these other tips, relaxing won't be very hard to do anyway.
2. Think About the Last Time You Had Some Really Amazing Sex (with Your Partner)
Here's something that you can (and should) try alone. Get quiet and comfortable and think about the last time you and your partner had some great sex together. As the thoughts get more intense, do some deep breathing and focus on creating vivid memories in your mind. If you notice your nipples hardening or your vagina getting wetter, even without much touch on your part, that is a pretty good sign that your genital sensory cortex has been activated. Now you can move more confidently into the next step.
3. Share Your Most Intimate Fantasy with Him
Instead of immediately sharing with your partner all of this scientific stuff, talk to him about a really intimate fantasy that you've always wanted to experience. If you explain it all in as much detail as you can, I can almost guarantee that it's going to arouse him (which means that his genital sensory cortex has been "triggered" too). As you find yourself getting more excited, it's time for point #3.
4. Allow Him to Touch Areas Where You Want to Cum but Haven’t. Literally Think it Through.
Here's the real clincher. Usually, when we find ourselves getting aroused, we gravitate to the parts of our body that will get us to "the mountaintop" as quickly as possible. This time, though, I want you to aim for a part of your body that either doesn't get enough sexual attention or you have yet to receive an orgasm from. If a vaginal orgasm is your goal, have him go with your vaginal region — no clitoris, just vagina. While your partner is gently touching you around and/or inside of your vagina opening, again, deep breathe and think about nothing else other than how his touches are making you feel. No matter how much you may want him to stimulate your clitoris, reject the notion. Focusing on your vagina only and how much pleasure you want to receive can very well increase the chances of your vagina becoming super aroused, making it more possible than ever to have a vaginal orgasm.
5. Try a Bit of Mental “Edging”.
Final point. When it comes to "tripping off" your genital sensory cortex, something else that I read about was the importance of focusing on the pattern of thought then touch, thought then touch. What immediately comes to my mind is it's all like a form of mental edging. For instance, think about your partner caressing your neck, then ask him to do it, only for a few seconds, before you go back to only thinking about it again. We all know how human nature is — the less we get something, the more we desire it. If you and your partner both go through this pattern for 10 minutes or so, you very well could end up climaxing, a few times, without intercourse ever taking place. All thanks to learning how to tap into your genital sensory cortex. You're welcome. #wink
For more love and relationships, features, dating tips and tricks, and marriage advice, check out xoNecole's Sex & Love section here.
Featured image by Getty Images
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Blair Underwood Initially Turned Down 'Sex And The City' Because 'It Was About How Samantha Was Fascinated By Dating A Black Man’
Actor and heartthrob Blair Underwood is opening up about why he turned down Sex and the City the first time he was offered a role. Many fans of the HBO series may recall Blair's time on the show in which his character was dating Miranda (Cynthia Nixon). However, he was previously offered another role where his character would date Samantha (Kim Cattrall).
During his interview with AV Club, the Set It Off star revealed that he was uncomfortable with the initial offer due to the character's fascination with him being a Black man.
“I actually did say ‘no’ the first time,” he said. “The first time they had offered the role, to be honest with you, it was about how Samantha was fascinated by dating a Black man and wanted to know if, uh, all of the rumors were true about our anatomy! And I said, ‘Listen, I’m honored, thank you, but I just don’t want to play a character based on race, on curiosity about a Black man.'”
But that didn't stop them from reaching out again. This time he was offered to play Dr. Robert Leeds, the love interest to Miranda and he decided to go for it. "So they were nice enough to call about a year later, and I said, 'Well, is it gonna be about race?' And they said, 'No, no, no, we’re not even gonna mention race!' And I think it really did only come up maybe once," he recalled.
"It did five episodes, and I think Samantha mentioned it once, saying something about 'a Black doctor' that Miranda was dating. And that’s really been a consistent thing in my career: not wanting to be boxed as 'the Black guy.'
"I’ve had that conversation with many producers along the way, and they were so great. They said, 'No, he’s just a doctor who Miranda meets in the elevator, and they have a nice little fling.' And it was amazing."
Blair has had a wide-ranging career playing everything from a lawyer on L.A. Law to playing Madame CJ Walker's husband on Self Made: Inspired by the Life of Madame CJ Walker. And during his interview, he revealed another role that he initially turned down, Set It Off. The movie, which is considered a classic in Black culture, stars Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, Vivica A. Fox, and Kimberly Elise. Blair's character, Keith, played a banker and love interest to Jada's character, Stony.
He explained why he said no at first and eventually accepted the offer. "I had initially said “no” to that. Because I was playing this historic, iconic African-American historical figure in Jackie Robinson, and the time, y’know, there was Boyz N The Hood, and Menace II Society was out there, and I’d finished playing this noble Negro… [Laughs]," he said.
"And I’m reading the script, and there’s a scene where Jada Pinkett’s character—Jada Pinkett-Smith now—was going to sell her body so she could make some money to send her brother to college. And I remember, honestly, I threw the script across the room. I was, like, “I don’t want to do this. I want to do something uplifting for the Black culture and Black characters, and I don’t know if I want to see this.”
After a conversation with the movie's director F. Gary Gray and the actor's manager encouraging him to finish reading the script, Blair had a change of heart. What he first thought about the movie turned out to be totally different.
"So I finished the script, and I saw that the character they were asking me to play was really the love story in the midst of all of this turmoil of all of these characters, the four ladies: Queen Latifah, Vivica Fox, Kimberly Elise, and Jada," he explained.
"It was so well-written, it was such a great platform for them. And to be able to play the love story and the storyline that gave Jada’s character a leg up and a way out of this world, something to hope for, to wish for, someone to love her… I said, 'You know what? I’d like to be a part of that.'
"And I’m so glad I did, because that film resonates to this day. People all the time come up to me and say that they love that movie. So I’m glad that I did it."