January is all about maintaining a positive vision for the future and finding your balance amid change. A lot is going on this month, yet everything that is occurring is bringing things back home. Life is moving at its own pace this month, and the more you can trust the timing of life and where things are moving, the more you can gain. The month begins in the midst of Capricorn Season, with Mercury and Mars both in retrograde. Plans may not fall through exactly how they were planned for the time being, yet everything is happening exactly how it needs to. With both these planets being in retrograde for half of the month, schedules, plans, and communication channels should be looked over thoroughly, and patience is needed.
Venus enters Aquarius on January 2nd, and love is to the community and the collective while Venus is in Aquarius. Relationships take on a lighter tone while Venus is in Aquarius, and this releases some of the pressure that’s been felt while Venus was in Capricorn over the past month. Venus now being in an air sign for most of the month makes communication key regarding relationship development, and it’s about listening to your heart just as much as you are listening to what’s being said. The Full Moon of the month occurs less than a week after, on January 6th, and this Full Moon will be happening in Cancer. Emotions run high, and a chapter closes in life to bring you closer to the soul. This Full Moon is all about letting go of old baggage and healing the heart.
On January 12th, Mars officially goes direct after being retrograde in Gemini since October 30, 2022. Mars retrograde created chaos and switched things up in spaces that were once stable. Mars retrograde's duty was to shake things up and create a new direction forward that better aligns with what you are inspired by. Now that Mars is officially direct, you can take more action on your creative vision and dreams, and there are fewer road bumps on your path to success. Mercury also goes direct in Capricorn soon after on January 18th; and travel delays, miscommunication, and stability challenges all ease up during this time. Mercury direct in Capricorn makes concrete steps easier to take, and manifestation potential is increased during this time. Dream the dream, and take intentional action on them to see success.
Aquarius Season begins as the month ends on January 20th, and there is a New Moon in Aquarius as well as on the next day. Aquarius Season is a time when inspiration abounds, and a time to find your balance between logic and magic. Dreams come true during Aquarius Season, and this Aquarius New Moon is a good time to set your intentions and plan for the future. Uranus goes direct in Taurus on January 22nd after being in retrograde since August 2022, and there are fewer interruptions and disruptions when it comes to rest, feeling grounded, and following your heart.
With so many planets moving direct this month after being in retrograde, there is a huge weight lifted off the shoulders, and plans can come together again. January overall is all about perspective, patience, and growth.
What's in Store for Aries in January 2023
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecole2023 is a powerful year for Aries and the year begins with you taking the time to rest, prepare, and re-energize before moving further into the year. This month is all about listening to your body, your emotions, and your gut instincts, and about not being afraid to go at your own pace even if those around you are going at a different one. This is your month to let a new cycle of your life appear for you, while you move through your current journey with ease.
The New Moon this month is when you will be feeling a lot of that magic that the year has in store for you. On January 21st there is a New Moon in your 11th house of hopes, dreams, and friendship, and this is an excellent time of the month to start visualizing your future and everything you want to happen over the next year. With Venus also moving into your 12th house on January 26th, it’s about finding your balance between what’s falling away and what is coming this month.
What’s in Store for Taurus in January 2023
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleLove is flowing into your life in January, Taurus. This is a month of emotional expression and connection, about finding a good middle ground you haven’t felt in a while. This is a month of letting your heart lead the way and discovering that vulnerability isn’t a weakness, it is a strength to commend yourself on. This month you are finding your way by listening to your heart.
Communication is vital this month with a Full Moon occurring in your 3rd house on January 6th. This Full Moon is bringing in culminations in your life regarding mental healing, growth, and clarity. Important messages are coming through for you at the beginning of the month, and the more you can express how you are feeling, the better. A very important transit occurs before the month ends, and that is Uranus officially going direct in Taurus, after being retrograde since August 2022. What you can expect now are less chaos and disruption, and more intentional change and positive surprises.
What’s in Store for Gemini in January 2023
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleJanuary is all about the direction in life you are heading in right now, Gemini. The month begins amid Mercury retrograde, and Mercury retros are always a little closer to home for you with Mercury being your ruling planet. This Mercury retrograde is a little more impactful, however, as Mars is currently retrograde in Gemini as well. With the energy of reflection flowing through your world this month, there is a need to consider all options and really define what you want to create in your life.
On January 12th, Mars in Gemini goes direct after being retrograde since October 2022 and Mercury goes direct on January 18th. This is a major win for Geminis, as the pressure is lifted off your shoulders. Mars retrograde made the plan ahead feel more confusing than you wanted it to be, and the lack of energy this transit brought was difficult to move through. Now that you are in direct motion, you are ready for some dreams to come to fruition, and your mind is looking ahead with hope and strength.
What’s in Store for Cancer in January 2023
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleJanuary is all about maintaining a clear vision, and about putting your manifestation gifts to use, Cancer. This is a month of everything coming together one by one, and about you feeling confident about what is unfolding for you this month. You have your eyes on the prize, and you are headed in the right direction right now. January is here to show you that anything is possible with the right mindset, heart, and belief in yourself.
The Full Moon this month is happening on January 6th, and it is occurring in your sign. A Cancer Full Moon is always more emotional than most, and this is the time of the month to let go of any emotional baggage you have been carrying and allow healing to take place. This Full Moon is closing out one chapter, and you are preparing and lining everything up for a new one. January is a month of moving forward, moving on, and taking your dreams seriously, Cancer.
What’s in Store for Leo in January 2023
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleAbundance is yours to claim this month, Leo. January is a month of good fortune, love, and a time of paving a new path forward for yourself. You have a lot of opportunities for success this month, and blessings are falling into your lap. The seeds and intentions you have been planting in your life are blooming as the new year begins, and you are soaking in all the magic that surrounds you.
The financial abundance you are seeing this month is only one part of the story, as love and your relationships are also seeing positive growth in January. With the Sun moving into your opposite sign Aquarius on January 20th, and a New Moon here the next day, you are seeing new beginnings in love as the month ends. You are turning the page from a time of feeling like you have to do everything yourself and you can’t rely on others, into a time where you are feeling that support, connection, and emotional stability in your life.
What’s in Store for Virgo in January 2023
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleJanuary is your time to heal, Virgo. Your heart needs recovery time, and this month is your month to emotionally process, accept, and move into a new day. There is an energy with you this month of taking into account what has happened over the past few months and taking the time to release the heaviness and pain of the past. You are getting the opportunity to move into a new direction in January, however, leaving behind the old isn’t as easy as you thought it would be. Take as much time as you need this month, and allow what’s meant to be, be.
With your ruling planet Mercury, retrograde in your 5th house of romance, creativity, and happiness this month, there is a need to reflect on happiness and what that truly means to you. Do your vices serve you or do they harm you? Do the people around you reflect the love you feel or want to see in your life? Once Mercury goes direct on January 18th, you feel a breath of fresh air, and all the emotional heaviness you have been feeling begins to ease. January is overall a month of healing and growth for you, Virgo.
What’s in Store for Libra in January 2023
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleFortune is on your side this month, Libra. January is a month of positive change, blessings, and moving into a new beginning. The grace you have shown yourself and others through all of the changes you have been through is showing fruition this month, and you are receiving the benefits of this patience. January is all about remaining flexible and open to change and riding the wave of abundance and positivity.
Mars officially moves out of retrograde and goes direct this month, and this is good news for you when it comes to travel, adventure, education, and spiritual pursuits. Look out for opportunities for a vacation this month. The New Moon on January 21st is occurring in fellow air sign Aquarius, and this New Moon is bringing a new beginning for your heart. This New Moon is here to fulfill some dreams of happiness, love, and connection; and self-expression is key right now. Overall, January is about moving into a new chapter of your life with ease.
What’s in Store for Scorpio in January 2023
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleJanuary is a month of getting inspired, Scorpio. You are thinking a lot about the future this month and where you are headed right now, and your perspective is everything in January. The inspiration you are feeling this month is creating a new vision for your future, and you are ready to redefine what you want to put your energy into and focus on. The sky's the limit for you Scorpio, and this is a month of truly believing in yourself and taking those intentional steps toward your dreams and goals.
The Full Moon occurring in fellow water sign Cancer on January 6th brings things full circle when it comes to your beliefs, perspective, and spiritual journey. You are taking note of what adventures in life you’ve followed through on, and what spaces and people you would still like to connect with. Venus enters your 5th house of romance on January 26th before the month ends, and love is on your side moving into February. Your heart is in a good place this month, and there is a lot of excitement in the air for you in January.
What’s in Store for Sagittarius in January 2023
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleConnect with your inner strength, Sagittarius. Patience is everything this month, and your courage will help you maintain that. January is a time of letting things unfold without forcing the outcome. Hold your vision of what you want to see come to fruition, but don’t let changes to plans and circumstances out of your control waver your self-confidence. The more you can hold your ground and trust the process, the better this month will be.
January is a month of preparation for you, Sagittarius. This isn’t the most action-packed month for you and that is because you need time to gain strength, prepare, and envision what you want to see play out this year. The passion is there, but you need more time to figure out where you want to be and who you want to be there with. The New Moon occurring on January 21st is a time when you are getting the clarity you have been looking for, and connections are being made.
What’s in Store for Capricorn in January 2023
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleThe spotlight is on you this month, Capricorn. Capricorn Season is fully underway, and there is a lot to process this month. The month begins with Mercury in Retrograde in your sign, and there is a need to have more patience when it comes to your communications with others, and to try to find your middle ground here. Not everyone may agree or see your perspective, but it’s important to maintain an open mind and trust that what is for you will feel right. January is your time to shine and to allow space for others to shine in their way too.
The Full Moon in Cancer on January 6th is a good time to let go of any relationship drama or challenges you have been having and to make space for new growth. You are closing out one chapter of life and moving into one that feels closer to love and connection. Once Mercury goes direct on January 18th, any challenges you have been having with others begin to subside, and an olive branch is given. The goal this month is self-acceptance, love, and working on building the relationships in your life rather than challenging them.
What’s in Store for Aquarius in January 2023
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleYou are moving forward freely in January, Aquarius. January is a month of success, positive recognition, and achievement. You are moving into the new year full speed ahead, and you are ready to claim your victories. The support you have been looking for is coming into your life this month, and you have a lot to be grateful for in January. This is your month to put yourself out there, be confident, and lead the way forward for others. With Venus entering your sign on January 2nd as the month begins, you are moving into the month with love on your side.
More energy begins to move into Aquarius in the second half of the month as Aquarius Season begins on January 20th, and there is a New Moon in Aquarius the very next day on January 21st as well. With the Sun officially moving into Aquarius this month, the vision becomes clear, and the community around you is highlighted. The end of the month is a good time to connect with others, give help where needed, and work together with the people around you to create something beautiful.
What’s in Store for Pisces in January 2023
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleLife comes full circle, and blessings are falling into your lap, Pisces. January is a month of feeling like you have everything you need in your life, and like there is enough love to go around. You have an upper hand this month and it’s your faith in yourself and the universe that has got you here. You know that everything happens for a reason and what’s yours won’t pass you by, and you are feeling this knowing strongly this month.
January begins with a Full Moon in fellow water sign Cancer on January 6th, and this Full Moon is occurring in a zone that directly connects to the heart. Your heart is seeing clearly in January, and you like what you are seeing right now. Allow yourself to be loved the way you deserve to be, and trust that this love is here to stay. Before the month ends Venus enters Pisces, and relationship growth takes place. Venus in your sign makes everyone a little more emotional than usual, and you are leaving the month feeling seen, heard, and understood.
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A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Things like what exactly? So glad that you asked.
How Serious Is the Relationship?
GiphyOkay, so if you’ve never heard of the “10-date rule” before, it’s basically the belief that after 10 consecutive dates with someone, it’s time to come to the conclusion that you are officially in a relationship with them. Personally, I have lived, observed and counseled enough people to say that when it comes to knowing where you stand with another person, you shouldn’t assume one damn thing — you should 1000 percent communicate your thoughts and listen to theirs in return.
That said, it is a bit different (wouldn’t you say?) if you’ve been out on a couple of dates with someone vs. if you’ve been with them for almost a year. So yeah, the first thing to ponder is how serious the dynamic is. Because honestly, if things are new and fairly casual, I don’t see how ending things, whether it’s the holiday season or not, is going to matter much — one way or another.
Remember, the holidays tend to be a very emotional time; however, if there isn’t a huge emotional investment going on, I don’t think anyone in a casual situation is going to look back and think that you are a villain (or Grinch), just because you’d prefer not to go on a third date with them. Good lord.
Next point.
Do You Want to Slow Down or End Things Entirely?
GiphyAre you totally over him or is it more like there are some things about the situation that you want to step back and ponder before making any major decisions about the future? If the answer is “B,” I recommend talking it over ASAP; especially if the two of you have been seeing each other for a while at this point. I say this because, whether you all are at the “meet the family” (or have already met the family) stage or not, when people are in a relationship, they tend to factor one another into their holiday plans — and it’s hella inconsiderate to not take this into account when it comes to the guy who you are seeing.
That said, I will say this: It’s mighty interesting that you are choosing this time of the year for this type of relational self-reflection — so, while you’re on this break, think about what it symbolizes.
For instance, are you slowing things down right now because you’re not sure if you want to go into a new year with him or are you doing it because spending the holidays together tends to represent that a relationship is far deeper than you want yours to be right now? Because really, you could’ve gone with the summertime (for example) not the holiday season to make this type of move…so, if your “pump the brakes” time is now, chances are, there is some subconscious subtext going on that you really should get to the root of.
Actual Holidays Are a DEFINITE No-No
GiphyYou would think that this wouldn’t need to be said yet since I once experienced a guy who decided to be a complete a*shole on my birthday some years back — yeah, let’s address it. Isn’t it interesting that one study revealed that during the first week of December, searches for how to break-up with someone go up by a whopping 60 percent? Then, if you add to that the fact that the holidays can sometimes be pretty stressful — well, while most folks with a heart and a conscience wouldn’t dream of breaking up with someone on an actual holiday, sometimes the pressure of everything can create the perfect storm for it to happen anyway.
That said, a super-duper throwback song by Neil Sedaka entitled, “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do” — and it absolutely is. Know what makes it worse: It happening on a holiday, so that every time the day rolls around, it’s bittersweet because you remember that someone broke up with you then.
Listen, just because you may not love or even like someone (in that way) anymore, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t treat them with some common decency and respect. Besides, don’t you also want your own Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day to be as unscathed and drama-less as possible?
Whatever you’re gonna do, you’re grown, chile. If you want my advice, though — put good energy into your future holiday seasons and avoid breaking up (or even having deep decisions) on actual holidays.
Definitely Keep the Golden Rule in Mind
GiphyProbably, until the end of time, there are going to be debates about whether karma is real (in the sense of it being scientifically proven). While quite a bit of data says that it isn’t and that it tends to be adapted and promoted by certain faiths more than anything — if you do believe that you reap what you sow (Galatians 6:7-8), at the end of the day, that is pretty much what karma is all about and, as I oftentimes say, karma (or sowing and reaping) don’t have expiration dates. In other words, what you have said and done can manifest in ways and at times that you never saw coming. A cautionary tale, indeed.
So yeah — even if you’ve been with ole’ boy for a while now, you’ve tried to make it work and you just don’t see a future for the two of you anymore, however you decide to end it, definitely keep the golden rule of doing unto others as you would want them to do unto you in mind.
Be as kind as you are honest. Be as empathetic (putting yourself in his shoes) as much as you possibly can. Avoid gaslighting him about how he feels about your decision. Be clear about how you’d like things to be moving forward (for instance, if you actually DON’T want to be friends afterwards, there’s no need to say it). And try not to do anything that will make him feel used — like waiting until after receiving a Christmas gift to end it (you’d be amazed by how many people do exactly that. SMDH).
The thing about break-ups is, live long enough, and you’re probably going to be on the giving and receiving end of one. So, even if you’re not really emotionally invested in your relationship anymore, be kind to your future self and be as respectful as possible throughout your…relational transition. Because even if you don’t feel like he deserves it, your feelings up the road, with someone else who may do the same thing to you…absolutely do.
Timing Is Everything
GiphyA bishop by the name of Fulton J. Sheen once said, “Patience is power. Patience is not an absence of action; rather it is ‘timing’ it waits on the right time to act, for the right principles and in the right way.” And while it might seem really challenging to figure out when the RIGHT time to break up with someone is — “right” is about using good judgment, right is about conforming to certain principles (like integrity and fairness), right is about doing things in order. Now with that in mind, is the RIGHT TIMING now or should it be later?
Only you can really answer that yet what I will say is if your mind, body and spirit aren’t on the same page — figure out why before making any moves. Oh, and if it’s simply about fear — girl, whether it’s November 30, December 9 or January 14…break-ups are always going to be uncomfortable. It’s about knowing what’s best for you and then ending things in a way that is as respectful, timing-wise, as possible (again, due to the whole karma thing).
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‘Tis the season and sometimes “out with the old” means leaving a relationship behind. Just make sure that you move with wisdom and discernment and not hypersensitivity and knee-jerking.
That way, you can look back on every holiday season with as little regret as possible.
Due to how you handled things. Including a (potential) break-up.
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