
Well damn. Who would've thought that the topic of shower sex would be so complex? On one hand, while some reports indicate that over 70 percent of men want to engage in shower sex, I also noticed that 80 percent of non-sport related injuries are usually due to something that has to do with sexual activity—the kind that oftentimes happens in the shower. When I asked some people who I personally know to share their thoughts on the topic, many women told me that the idea of shower sex turns them on; however, whenever they've tried it, things seemed more crowded and awkward than anything else.
While I definitely roll my eyes whenever I see a sex in the shower scene in a movie or on television, it's not because I think that great shower sex is impossible; it's because I think the way that it's usually presented is mad unrealistic (that goes for most sex scenes, to tell you the truth). For starters, there is some intentional pre-shower sex shopping that needs to be done. Secondly, shower sex isn't really meant to be spontaneous. You need to plan out what's gonna go down on the front end. If you do that by taking the 12 tips that I've got for you today into account, you very well could be on the way to discovering how to make shower sex better.
1. Get a LED Showerhead
When it comes to the biggest mistakes people make when trying to have better shower sex, I'd have to say that not having the right kind of showerhead absolutely tops the list. First of all, you need one that is adjustable because those are the kind where you can play around with the water pressure and, you can position the head to spray, pretty much anywhere that you want it to. This makes it easy to switch around due to height or to apply the pressure to certain spots (if you know what I mean).
Also, make sure that your showerhead comes with LED lighting. That way, the water can appear to be all kinds of colors while you're in there doing your thing. It's your own light show that can be exciting and sexy. For some of the best adjustable showerheads, click here. For some of the best LED showerheads, click here.
2. Buy a New Shower Mat
Whenever I try and get couples to consider shower sex, one of the main things they bring up is being afraid of slipping around everywhere in the process. I totally get that. That's why it's so important that you have a firm shower mat on the bottom of your tub. In my opinion, you might want to go with one that is designed specifically for seniors because it will definitely have a solid non-slip factor to it.
A good example of what I'm talking about is OTHWAY Non-Slip Bathtub Mat Soft Rubber Bathroom Bathmat with Strong Suction Cups. You can check it out for yourself here.
3. Cop Yourself Some Suction Handles
While we're on the topic of making shower sex safer, something else that you might wanna cop are some suction handles. They are portable cups or rails that grip pretty darn well on flat or non-porous walls in your bathroom. This makes it easier to maintain your "position" because you'll have something (else) to hold on to. The main thing to keep in mind with these is they aren't permanent fixtures. This means that, after a week or so, you will probably have to "re-stick" them.
Also, don't rely on them to hold up the entire weight of you or your partner; they simply exist for assistance's sake. Again, places that specifically make things for seniors are probably the best starting point for selecting the best suction handles. My two cents are that you begin here.
4. Add Some Silicone Lube
As far as what to buy, I've got two more things to add to the list. First is some lubricant. While that might seem crazy to say, considering you are in so much water 'n all, the reality is that water is not a good lubricant.
Matter of fact, just using water alone can make sex more uncomfortable because it has a tendency to wash away your natural lubrication. While a water-based lubricant is OK, when you're already in a ton of water, it's best to go with one that contains silicone. They are definitely great at making everything "more slippery".
Also, they won't damage latex condoms like oil-based lubes can definitely do. As a bonus, many of them are free of glycols and glycerin—two things that have the potential for causing irritation in the genitalia region. Some of the best lubes on the market this year can be found right here.
5. Try Some Edible Shower Gel
One more purchase. Another reason why shower sex is sometimes not as hot as folks initially envisioned is because they're honestly trying to do the absolute most up in there. Most of us don't have a large enough shower to sit in (at least, not that two people can sit in), so we're working with limited space. That's why I don't recommend that you and your boo thang decide to wash up and have sex, at the same time, in there (more on that in a bit).
That said, when it comes to this particular recommendation, I'm all about going with some edible shower gel. If you're not looking to "get clean" so much as you're striving to get dirty, go with something that you can lather-and-lick with. After doing a bit of digging around, it seems that Shunga is a pretty popular brand. If you want to buy a bottle or two of their edible exotic fruit shower gel, you can get some of it here.
6. Bring Some Music In
One more "prop" that I think is an absolute must is music. You can turn up your entertainment system, bring in your phone or invest in a Bluetooth showerhead. Sometimes shower sex doesn't seem all that sexy because, I mean, sex is happening in the bathroom. But if you set the scene with some of your favorite sexy music (and also a few rose petals on the floor of your bathtub and perhaps even some aromatherapy), it can transition the space into something more erotic and less, well, functional.
7. Clean Up First. Here’s Why.
OK, I'm hoping that it's a given that the bathroom needs to be cleaned up before trying to have sex up in there because I can't think of anything more off-putting than a nasty ass bathroom space. For this tip, what I mean is you might want to actually wash up before coitus.
Like I said a sec ago, trying to multitask by having two people in that little bit of space to wash up and then have sex is not only potentially exhausting, it can end up getting you so frustrated that you find yourself saying, "Forget it." Both of you having a seven-minute shower alone and then hopping into together can relieve some of the stress of shower sex. That way, you can just focus on having a lot of fun instead.
8. Engage in Foreplay. Beforehand.
I've shared, numerous times, in articles about sex (specifically orgasms) on this platform that while it pretty much only takes a man around five minutes to climax, it can take us somewhere around 20. That's because we oftentimes need more foreplay in order to get fully aroused. Hey, if you want to spend the time of a sitcom in the shower, have at it. I ain't mad at you.
I just wanna plant a seed and say that you probably have a better chance of fully enjoying the experience if you engage in some foreplay before getting into the tub. Like oral sex, for example? While it might look sexy in the movies to see it happen in the shower, between all of the water and then the crammed space, it actually may prove to be more "profitable" if you do a lot of that first, outside of the bathroom. Feel me?
9. Get into the “Right” Position(s)
Let's get real. Not all sex positions are created for the shower. To be honest with you, if you're not, at least a little bit flexible, this could also cause shower sex to get on your nerves because you need to be able to at least bend down and touch your feet. Right?
Standing up and wrapping a leg around your partner and/or doing a modified version of doggy style (by bending your waist halfway without actually kneeling down) are pretty comfortable positions that can definitely help you to get the job done. Oh, and if your partner is strong enough to hold you up—even better.
10. Make the Water Make Sense
Some folks mess up because they actually make moves that result in the water that's coming from their showerhead to be more of a nuisance more than anything else. Back to oral. I'm not sure why giving oral sex would be the jam for us unless we absolutely don't care about getting our hair drenched—even then, all of that water pouring down from the showerhead can make it hard to breathe.
On the other hand, the adjustable showerhead that you (now) have? While you're in that modified doggy position, you can always use it to stimulate your clitoris at the same time. And chile…CHILE.
Also, some people just hop in there without testing the water temperature to make sure that it's suitable for both individuals. That's why you and yours running your hand underneath the showerhead beforehand is a good idea too. Bottom line, water is your friend. Just make sure to apply it in a way that makes sensual sense.
11. Stay Present
This particular point about shower sex applies to sex, in general. If you go in with the goal of accomplishing something specific, you could end up getting either disappointed or, quite frankly, pissed off. Yes, a few mind-blowing orgasms would be absolutely awesome yet even if that doesn't happen, how about relishing in the fact that you got to spend some quality time with your partner and create some new memories?
If the focus is about just staying in the moment, enjoying each other and seeing where the next moment will take you, I'm pretty confident that you will have a good time—even if it doesn't totally end up being like the shower sex that you've seen on the tube or big screen.
12. Extend It to the Bedroom Afterwards
And finally, no one said that you had to "finish" in the shower. Sometimes, like courses of a meal, sex needs to be taken in, in stages. Foreplay before the shower, some intercourse in the shower, orgasms after the shower. If it's in this order, it still sounds like a really good time to me. How about you?
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Featured image via Giphy
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Because We Are Still IT, Girl: It Girl 100 Returns
Last year, when our xoNecole team dropped our inaugural It Girl 100 honoree list, the world felt, ahem, a bit brighter.
It was March 2024, and we still had a Black woman as the Vice President of the United States. DEI rollbacks weren’t being tossed around like confetti. And more than 300,000 Black women were still gainfully employed in the workforce.
Though that was just nineteen months ago, things were different. Perhaps the world then felt more receptive to our light as Black women.
At the time, we launched It Girl 100 to spotlight the huge motion we were making as dope, GenZennial Black women leaving our mark on culture. The girls were on the rise, flourishing, drinking their water, minding their business, leading companies, and learning to do it all softly, in rest. We wanted to celebrate that momentum—because we love that for us.
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.

In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.

In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.

And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.

We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.

So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.

That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.

This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
'You Both Are Going To Change': Tabitha & Chance Brown On Their New Body Collection & Successful Partnership
Tabitha and Chance Brown are the epitome of Black love. They've been married for 22 years after first meeting in middle school and share a beautiful blended family. The beloved couple is no stranger to talking about their journey to the altar and the ups and downs they've faced together on their show, Fridays with Tab & Chance. Now, they have taken the name Fridays and expanded it into a body collection.
The new collection, which dropped on November 14, features a body wash and a body lotion that complement their fragrances, Her Business and His Business. "We had such a huge success with the fragrance launch, and it’s because of our customers and fans," Tabitha shares in an exclusive interview with xoNecole.
"They asked for body products and we wanted to make sure we listened. But also layering fragrance begins with the body routine." The body wash is $33, and the body lotion is $35. Keep reading below to hear more about Tabitha and Chance's new collection, their body rituals, and what makes their partnership successful.

Fridays with Tab and Chance body collection
Marcus Owens
xoNecole: How did you come up with the scents for the collection?
Tabitha Brown: We love warm scents that make you feel sexy and loved. [We’re] both fans of gourmand [scents], including bergamot, vanilla, tonka and chocolate.
xoN: If you could describe your working relationship in one word, what would it be and why?
Tabitha: It's our first time building a product line together and our first time working with fragrance. So having patience with the process and each other has been the best way to build.
xoN: What is your body care ritual?
Tabitha: Exfoliate with a scrub a few times a week, but using a moisturizing body wash daily. After a shower, I spray a body mist that compliments what scent I am choosing for the day. Most times vanilla mist wins because it’s a perfect base for layering. I then hydrate [my] skin with lotion. Then, once dressed, I layer my favorite fragrance, Her Business, first and then His Business on top.
Chance: [I’m] way more simple. Just body wash and lotion and then my cologne and I’m good to go.
xoN: We enjoy watching you two together online, whose idea was it to start 'Fridays with Tab & Chance'?
Tabitha: It actually happened by accident. Back in 2018, my fans had just been asking about how we met, so we did a video answering questions one Friday and people in the comments [asked], will y’all do it again next Friday? And so we did and the next thing you know Fridays with Tab & Chance was born.
xoN: In what other ways do you plan to expand Fridays? Restart the podcast? TV show?
Tabitha: We are working on a lifestyle content show vs the traditional Fridays podcast. More to come soon.
xoN: You do many things together, but what would you say is your favorite quality time activity and why?
Tabitha: We are really simple. We love watching movies or TV series together on the couch or in bed. It’s really one of our favorite things to do together.
xoN: What is your favorite thing about the other person?
Tabitha: I love that he makes me feel safe and how hard he works to be an amazing father.
Chance: I love that she is crazy enough to pursue her wildest dreams.
xoN: What is the key to a successful partnership in business and personal?
Tabitha: The key is knowing that you both are going to change, and giving each other grace, patience, and understanding during those changes.
See more on tabandchance.com.
Feature image Marcus Owens









