

I love the soft life aesthetic. I love seeing Black women and femmes indulge in rest and find new ways to treat themselves to nice things. But, it isn't lost on me that some components of this lifestyle require access to resources that are hard to come by. For many people, a soft life is the ultimate goal—nobody wants to struggle. Unfortunately, life is not always easy and carefree.
You won't always have the funds to take a trip on short notice, visit the spa weekly or pay someone to clean your home. We often sacrifice our time and energy to meet deadlines at work, take care of our loved ones, or work multiple jobs to make ends meet. Sometimes, we go through difficult experiences that test our resilience and strength.
How To Live a Soft Life on a Budget
While a soft life might seem like a pipe dream for some, it's important to remember that we all have different definitions of what a soft life looks like. For some people, simply being able to experience leisure and enjoy the simple pleasures in life is enough. For others, the soft life means a life of luxury.
No matter how you define a soft life before you can have one, you must work on your mindset and create habits that will help you maintain the lifestyle long-term. Here are a few ways you can do that:
1. Schedule "me time."
" Me time" is intentional time you spend nurturing yourself and restoring your energy so you're not running on empty. This is essential to sustaining your well-being, but it's one of the first things we'll sacrifice. Sometimes we'll notice that we have free time on our schedule and immediately think of how we can use that time to be productive. Someone will ask us to help them, and we'll say "yes" even though we want to spend that time doing something for ourselves. Think of "me time" as going on a date with yourself. Don't cancel your date! If you have to cancel, make sure you reschedule. Remember, "me time" isn't your free time.
2. Cultivate new beliefs about rest.
If you tie your self-worth to how productive you can be or grew up in an environment where you were called lazy for relaxing, you may feel guilty when you aren't busy. Rest shouldn't be the response or reward for overworking yourself. Making time for rest should be a staple part of your daily routine. If you find yourself overworked, even when unasked, try setting boundaries and limits with yourself. For example:
- No working past 6 p.m.
- No working on weekends and holidays.
- Take three breaks during the workday.
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3. If you don't have to struggle, don't.
Struggling doesn't always make the journey worthwhile or the destination meaningful. You don't have to struggle to have an empowering, "relatable," or inspirational story. We aren't all dealt the same cards, so if you currently have access to things that make it "easier" for you to accomplish something or achieve your goal, take it—don't feel guilty. Choose ease.
4. Let people help you.
This is a big one. If you have well-intended people in your circle of trust willing to help you, let them help. Some of us fear letting people help us because we don't want to be a burden, we fear coming off as incompetent, or we don't want people to throw us needing help back in our faces. Life is hard. Trying to figure everything out on your own is overwhelming. Find the courage to be vulnerable and accept help when it's being offered. If you have people in your life who make you feel like a burden or you're in one-sided relationships, it may be to re-evaluate whether you want to continue investing your energy with those people.
5. Speak to yourself kindly.
We spend a lot of time talking to ourselves. What does your inner voice sound like? Does the voice inside your head tend to be negative and critical? If it is, that's okay. Negative self-talk is something that starts in childhood. Statements like "you're so dumb," and "what would even possess you to do something so stupid" can get ingrained in our psyche. But we have the power to interrupt that voice and replace it with one that's compassionate and kind. If you find yourself engaging in negative self-talk often, try placing affirmations around your house and say them out loud when you see them. It may be uncomfortable at first, but over time you'll become used to associating yourself with positivity. Also, take time to examine where those negative thoughts came from and do the work to let them go.
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6. Stop trying to be humble.
I hate when people say, "I don't want to gas you up" or "don't let it get to your head." People always try to remind people not to get too full of themselves. Why? Humility means "not proud or haughty; not arrogant or assertive." It doesn't mean you don't take time to not compliment yourself and bask in all the great things about you. Tell yourself you did a good job today. Tell yourself you look good. That way, when people reiterate those thoughts to you, you're not shocked and it doesn't feel foreign to you.
7. Focus on what you can control.
Sometimes we worry about things we can't control, like other people, the future, and the past. We worry about things that might not even happen, ruminate, or how we wish things would have gone. We can't stop worrying, but we can try to interrupt these thought patterns and focus on calming methods.
8. Stop trying to be the hero.
It isn't your job to heal, fix and rescue everyone from themselves. Sometimes we play the role of rescuer in our friendships and romantic relationships because it gives us something to do. Sometimes we fall into that role to avoid facing what's most important, ourselves. We end up losing ourselves and straying further from our own healing and happiness attempting to save other people. Find the courage to focus on rescuing and keeping yourself.
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9. Prioritize joy.
Indulge in things that make you smile or make you feel genuinely happy. Dancing to your favorite song, watching an episode of your favorite show, reading your favorite book, or wearing your favorite shoes. Savor those fun and peaceful moments.
10. Accept that you are worthy and deserving.
You don’t need to do anything to deserve the soft life—it doesn’t have to be earned. When we believe we are worthy of a life guided by ease and comfort, we will reject things that don’t align with that vision and make decisions that get us closer to maintaining that lifestyle.
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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I Tried It: 3 Low-Maintenance Wigs That Will Elevate Your Look This Season
There's nothing like the feeling you get when your hair is done. It can instantly boost your confidence and put you in a great mood. I've never been a stranger to hair trends and I often experiment with the latest braided styles and colors.
But there are moments when I just don't feel like doing my hair. I'm natural and a lot of times I will braid or twist my hair up and cover it with a scarf or turban. However, when I crave a different look without the hassle of styling, I reach for a wig.
I've always had a love-hate relationship with wigs. Sometimes, I struggle to get them to lay flat and don't get me started with the bonding glue process. So when it comes to wearing wigs, I like to keep it nice and breezy around this b--- (word to Katt Williams), especially in the summertime.
That's why I jumped at the chance to try these three versatile wigs from Luvme Hair. Each one offers a unique look and is surprisingly low maintenance, which aligns perfectly with my philosophy that wearing wigs should make life easier. Let’s dive into the three styles below.
Headband Wig
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This was the first wig I tried on, and I instantly fell in love with it. So much so that it took me weeks to even consider trying the other two. I’m partial to colored hair, especially blonds, browns, and reds, so I was skeptical about the jet black hair. However, I think the color, combined with the curl pattern, worked surprisingly well for me.
One of the things I really liked about this wig was that I didn’t have to braid my hair down first. I could simply throw it over a low ponytail, which is the epitome of a low-maintenance style. The headband has combs inside and velcro on the ends, ensuring a secure fit.
Half Wig
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I had never worn a half wig before, so I faced some challenges. I cornrowed the bottom half of my hair where the wig would sit, but I believe this made it more difficult to use the combs. It might just be me though. I straightened the top part of my hair to blend it with the wig, which looked cute for about five minutes.
Firstly, I have a brown/blonde color mix on the ends of my hair, and the half wig is black. So, I had to hide some of the color (I didn’t have time to dye the wig). Secondly, straightening my hair myself is always a hassle because it never lasts long. Add to that the summer humidity, and you get a hot mess. Despite all this, I managed to get some cute pictures before things got out of control, and that’s all that matters, right?
Would I consider this a low-maintenance hair style? Yes and no. I think it’s unrealistic for me during the summer, especially since I enjoy summer activities. However, when the weather cools down, I’ll definitely rock it, dyed, of course.
Bob
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Now, this is the wig I was nervous about. I never had a bob and I didn't think I would like it. But once I put bobiana on, my mind instantly changed. I finally understood why the gworls rave about the bob so much. It was giving boss. It was giving grown woman. It was giving the bob means business. Iykyk. It was the ultimate statement.
I will say when I first put it on, one side of my wig just would not lay flat. It took some trial and error, but I finally managed to get it to look good. With the bob, I highly recommend braiding your hair down first as small as you can so it can lay as flat as possible. I really liked the ash blonde color, which is perfect for summer. The length also makes it a great low-maintenance style for the season, so you don't have to worry about the hair making your neck sweaty.
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