The first time another woman flirted with me, I missed all of the cues. She was batting her eyelashes, complimenting my fragrance, and leaning in close. I thought she just wanted to make sure I heard her over the loud music of the club we were at. Looking back now, with more time and experience, I realize she was full-on flirting with me, and I had no idea how to flirt with girls as a girl.
What Makes Flirting With Women Different
Flirting can be a fun and exciting way to show interest in someone, but when it comes to flirting with other women, many of us find ourselves feeling uncertain. Is it like flirting with men? Yes—and no. While the fundamentals of flirting remain the same, nuances specific to queer relationships often add layers of complexity. If you're a bisexual, bi-curious, or queer woman looking to flirt with other women but feel unsure about where to start, this guide is for you.
Understanding the Flirting Dynamic
First, let’s acknowledge the struggle. For many women, flirting with another woman can feel awkward or even intimidating. There’s often an underlying societal pressure to “prove” one’s queerness, which can manifest as anxiety around making sure you’re coming across as genuinely interested—especially when navigating the tricky territory of interpreting another woman’s signals. Is she queer? Is she even attracted to women? This uncertainty can create an extra layer of tension.
As Irma Garcia, a certified sex educator, explains, “One common challenge queer women face when flirting with other women is that their advances are often mistaken for friendliness. This can create confusion, especially in femme-to-femme dynamics, where traditional markers of flirting overlap with how femmes generally interact—warm, playful, and supportive.” It can be hard to convey flirtation between women, but confidence begins with this mindset shift.
The key to overcoming awkward feelings or misunderstandings is stepping boldly into your identity. Be prepared for some pushback or rejection. But remember, you’re attracted to women, and that attraction is valid.
Eye Contact: Your First Flirty Move
Flirting 101: Confidence Starts with Eye Contact
So let's talk practical advice, shall we? The most subtle, yet impactful, form of flirting starts with eye contact. When flirting with other women, eye contact is your first tool in breaking the ice. It’s a silent, non-verbal way of showing interest, and it can communicate attraction without saying a word.
“Maintaining eye contact signals engagement,” Irma advises. “But the trick is finding that sweet spot where it’s not too intense. Eye contact combined with a smile invites the other person into your world in a flirty, approachable way.”
Eye contact and a genuine smile act as a non-verbal invitation, showing the other woman that you’re open and interested.
Here’s how to do it: Hold her gaze for a few seconds longer than usual and smile in a way that feels comfortable. Look at her lips, cheeks, and chin, and then back up at her eyes. Remember to listen. (It will show on your face if your mind isn’t on what she is saying.) Stay present and remember not every glance needs to be intense; subtlety can go a long way in creating a flirtatious atmosphere.
The Power of Thoughtful Compliments
Compliments Are Your Best Friend
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Once eye contact has been established, the next step is leveling up the flirtation with a well-placed compliment. Specific, thoughtful compliments can make someone feel seen and appreciated. Instead of going for something generic like “You look nice,” try focusing on a unique aspect of her style or personality. Complimenting her laugh, her fashion sense, or even her energy can show her that you’re paying attention.
“Compliments are beautiful gifts,” says Irma. “Complimenting someone’s personality or the essence of who they are as a person feels more meaningful than surface-level flattery. It’s about being an active listener and making sure your compliments reflect the person’s true self.”
Be sincere. A specific compliment feels personal, and it’s more likely to stand out.
Avoid comments that feel rehearsed or overly familiar, and focus on what genuinely stands out to you about the person. A well-thought-out and genuine compliment will pay off big time!
When (And How) To Introduce Physical Touch
Building Connection Through Touch
Introducing physical touch into the flirting equation can deepen the connection, but it needs to be done with care and sensitivity. Touch is a powerful tool for creating intimacy, but knowing when and how to incorporate it is key.
“Consent is just as crucial in queer dynamics as in any other,” says Irma. “If you’re ever uncertain, simply ask! Phrases like, ‘Is it okay if I hug you?’ or ‘Can I hold your hand?’ show respect for boundaries without breaking the flirtatious energy.”
Start small. A light touch on the arm during conversation or a gentle brush of hands can signal interest while giving the other person space to reciprocate or pull back. Pay close attention to her body language—if she leans in, she’s likely interested in escalating the interaction. If she pulls away, it’s important to respect that and shift gears.
Real-Life Flirting Scenarios That Work
Putting It All Together
Now that we’ve covered the basic building blocks—eye contact, compliments, and touch—let’s look at how they flow together in real-life scenarios. Picture this: You’re at a house party, sitting close to a woman you find attractive. As she talks, you maintain eye contact and listen intently. She cracks a joke, and you compliment her sense of humor. If she responds positively, you can initiate a light, casual touch on her hand or arm to test the waters.
Maybe she leans closer as you continue chatting. You continue to maintain eye contact and place your hand on her shoulder, leaving it a bit longer. She responds positively, smiling and placing her hand on your knee. You keep following, eye contact, compliment, and light touch. Boom, you’re flirting!
This step-by-step process helps build a natural rhythm in flirting, making it easier to navigate from the first glance to more intimate exchanges.
As Irma points out, “Confidence comes from being present in the moment and enjoying the interaction rather than worrying about the outcome.”
Finding Your Unique Flirting Style
Developing Your Own Flirting Style
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While this guide offers a road map, it’s important to develop your own style of flirting. Authenticity is always the most attractive quality. Experiment with these techniques, but don’t feel confined to them. Maybe your style is more playful, or perhaps you prefer deep, meaningful conversations. Whatever feels most comfortable for you is what’s going to resonate best with others.
Irma emphasizes the importance of being true to yourself: “Trying to adopt a different persona can lead to confusion and misunderstandings. Authenticity is key! Pay attention to your body language, lean in, maintain eye contact, and let the energy flow naturally.”
Navigating Misconceptions & Biphobia
Overcoming Misconceptions About Same Gender Flirting
Finally, it’s crucial to address the misconceptions and bi-phobia that bisexual, bi-curious, and queer women may encounter while flirting with other women.
As Irma highlights, “There’s sometimes an assumption that bisexual women are ‘just experimenting’ or ‘not serious,’ which can lead to unfair judgments.” The best way to navigate these misconceptions is through open communication. Be clear about your intentions and assert your desires with confidence.
By surrounding yourself with affirming spaces and individuals who validate your queerness, you can minimize the impact of biphobia and focus on connecting with women who appreciate and reciprocate your energy.
Final Tips for Flirting With Women With Confidence
Empowering You to Explore Your Bisexuality
Flirting with women doesn’t need to be daunting. With the right mindset, it can be an empowering experience. By starting with small, confident gestures—eye contact, compliments, and gentle touch—you can build meaningful connections with other women while exploring your bisexuality in a fun and fulfilling way. Remember, flirting is supposed to be playful and sexy. So, take the pressure off yourself, be authentic, and enjoy the journey.
As Irma Garcia puts it: “Confidence is a state of mind, baby! You have to flip that internal switch and own the fact that you’re that girl.” So go out there and flirt like you mean it.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Using the same material from the interior of the Volvo EX90, Hudson crafted a wool-blend car coat and waistbelt that combine the vehicle’s Scandinavian design with his signature tailoring and intention. The exclusive collection launched on October 20, and each piece is made-to-order by Sergio Hudson Collections.
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In October, I traveled to Charleston with a group of journalists to get a firsthand look at Hudson and Volvo’s location. During a fitting, Hudson said his goal is to make “great work that can stand the test of time.”
“People can look back on and say, ‘I remember when Sergio did that collaboration with Volvo,’” he continued. “Thinking about aligning yourself with classic brands that speak to where you want to go. And I think that's what this collaboration kind of means to me and my business.”
Hudson pinpoints his mom as the biggest influence for his designs. This collaboration was no different.
“This particular coat reminded me of the swing coats that my mom used to wear in the early 90s. You know, diva girls in the early 90s had Sandra suits,” he said, referring to Jackée Harry’s character in 227. “My mom wore those and she would have these matching swing coats to go over them. And that's where the initial idea came. This would be around the same time that we had our Volvo. So she would put on her suit, her swing coat, get in that red Volvo, and go to church.”
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With this capsule and beyond, Hudson wants to see more staples rotating in and out of closets this fall. He advises fashionistas to build her closet out with essentials to mix and match that aren’t just stylish but also sustainable.
“It's just those special pieces,” he said. “You can wear the same shirt and pants every day and nobody will notice. But if you have a special boot, a special coat, a special bill, a special bag, that kind of speaks to everything that your style stands about, that is something you should focus on.”
These are the same kind of staple pieces that return to our Pinterest boards and TikTok feeds season after season. Fast fashion has never been Hudson’s aim. “I'm trying to create a special pieces that can stand the test of time,” he said in his warm, Southern accent. “I'm only creating those kind of pieces from here on out.”
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For Hudson, this collaboration is revolutionary. It’s his first time working with a car company and experimenting outside of his wheelhouse in this way.
“This is a Scandinavian brand, and, you know, it's 70 years old. I'm an African-American boy from South Carolina that has had a brand for 10 years. So I think bridging those two worlds and seeing the similarities was the beauty of this project,” he explained.
Though Hudson and his partner and CEO of Sergio Hudson Collections Inga Beckham have made massive strides in just 10 years, Hudson said the industry is far from where he wants to see it when it comes to Black representation. He pointed to how few Black designers were at this year’s Met Gala despite the theme being Black dandyism.
“The fact that I dressed 18 people speaks to how many of us weren't there,” he said. He implored more of industries, fashion and beyond, to collaborate with Black designers often.
“Allow mentorship. Allow funding. Allow great design to shine through,” he implored. “When it comes to being a designer of African descent, when you can't get the funding that your counterparts have, you can't compete. When you get opportunities like doing a collaboration with Volvo, or you get opportunities to be at the Met Gala, that's putting us on the equal playing field, but really the funding behind it is what we need to take it to that desk level.”
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