Is Your Hair “Spring Ready”? If Not, Follow These Tips.
Every time that a new season rolls around, something I try and do is provide hair tips to help to prepare for it. Well, now that spring is officially here and I'm pretty sure that you're beyond ready to get out of your house a little bit more, I wanted to make sure that your hair is at its best, whenever you do. So below, you'll find 12 tips that can help your hair to look and feel its best; especially if you're looking to gain a few extra inches come Labor Day.
1. Get a Microfiber Towel for Curly Hair
If you don't treat your hair to anything else this spring season, make sure to cop yourself a microfiber towel. Using a microfiber towel for curly hair is dope because, not only does the material help to prevent snagging, but it also absorbs water without drying out your tresses, and doesn't leave any lint in your hair (a big plus) and it significantly reduces your chances of frizzing. Since it's getting warmer outside and you probably wanna rock more wash 'n go looks more often, all of this is really good to know. Home improvement stores and places like Target and Walmart carry them for a pretty reasonable price.
2. Exfoliate Your Scalp with Homemade Coffee Scrub for the Scalp
As I'm in the midst of my own hair journey, something that I have learned on a very personal level is, that the more I take care of my scalp, the more my hair is able to flourish. That's why I'm all about scalp exfoliation (check out "Treat Your Scalp To A Little Bit Of Detoxing This Weekend"). It removes dead skin cells. It helps to balance your scalp's pH levels. It unclogs hair follicles. It soothes the scalp (so that you can keep your hands out of your hair more). And, if you decide to exfoliate with coffee beans, it can actually stimulate hair growth. One reason why is because it's able to increase blood circulation to your scalp. Another reason is it contains antioxidants that are able to block DHT (Dihydrotestosterone) which is a hormone that sometimes causes hair loss.
If you'd like to exfoliate with a homemade coffee scrub for the scalp, simply combine three tablespoons of fresh coffee grounds with one tablespoon of brown sugar (it's a humectant; more on that in a sec), two teaspoons of olive oil (olive oil is also high in antioxidants) and a couple of drops of peppermint essential oil (it increases blood circulation, moisturizes and invigorates your scalp). Mix everything together and apply to your damp hair and scalp before shampooing or conditioning your hair. Gently massage your scalp for about five minutes, let the exfoliant sit for five more, rinse your hair with warm water and go on with your wash routine as usual. Your scalp will feel amazing!
3. Skip the Sulfates and Wash Your Curly Hair with Shampoo Bars
It has taken me a hot minute to find the best shampoo for my hair. I've shared before that, for me, shampoo bars are the lick. The ones that I've purchased on Etsy are all-natural and sulfate-free. Also, since they are a bar, I can basically massage my head while applying the shampoo. Shampoo bars are super concentrated with whatever ingredients that they contain. They're good for the environment (because there's nothing to throw away). And they get your hair really clean without totally drying them out.
You can find shampoo bars more and more at local beauty supply stores. As I said, though, Etsy is the lick. Just go to the site, put "shampoo bar" in the search field and you'll be able to read up on all kinds so that you can figure out which one works best for your personal hair needs.
4. Condition Your Hair with Canned Coconut Milk
I don't care how well you take care of your hair, if you're not conditioning it properly, it's never gonna thrive in the way that you truly want it to. Not only does conditioning your locks help to put moisture into them, but it also gives your hair extra sheen, increases its elasticity (so that it doesn't break as much when you're styling it), can reduce the trauma that color-treating your hair can cause and it can decrease the chances of hair damage too. If you'd prefer to go with an all-natural conditioner (so that you can keep a lot of unnecessary chemicals out of your hair), a must-add ingredient is coconut milk.
When it comes to our hair, specifically, coconut milk is high in lauric acid (which helps to strengthen your hair's cuticles). Our hair is made of protein (keratin) and coconut milk is high in it. Vitamins B, C, and E are all up in coconut milk. Some of the properties in coconut milk can actually help to slow down hair loss. The anti-inflammatory properties in coconut milk can soothe scalp irritation and dandruff. And the fatty acids in coconut milk can deeply condition your hair too.
Coconut milk also smells pretty nice in your hair, so if you want to try it as a deep conditioner for your hair, click here to check out a video on how to make it and here for instructions on how to DIY a leave-in option.
5. Use Some Humectants for Your Natural Hair in the Spring
One of the reasons why our hair can sometimes get really dry is our curls happen to be tighter than other ethnicities typically are. As a result, the natural sebum that our hair follicles produce is unable to easily flow down the entire strand of our hair. This is why it's so important to deep condition your hair every wash day. You also should look into adding some humectants to your hair as well. What are humectants and how can you apply them to your hair? Basically, humectants are products that help to pull moisture out from their air and into your hair (and skin). Honey is a humectant. Aloe Vera is a humectant. Vegetable glycerin is a humectant. Off of the top of my head, these are three ingredients that you can add to your shampoo, conditioner or put into a water bottle and lightly spray your hair with that can help to bring moisture to your hair, so that it doesn't feel dry and brittle.
6. Go Lighter with the Types of Hair Creams, Oils, and Butters You Use
Something that I'm a huge fan of is sealing my ends (check out "Top To Bottom: 10 Tips To Strengthen Your Hair Follicles & Protect Your Ends"). It's basically when you apply some type of hair cream or butter (shea butter is bomb) to your ends, after applying some oil to your hair, in order to seal in moisture on your wash day so that your ends break less. While sealing is something that you should do, no matter what time of year it may be, if you've been applying butters and creams to your hair over the fall and winter seasons in order to give your hair more moisture, you might wanna let up on them, just a bit, during the spring and summertime.
The warmer times of the month are usually when we want our hair to have a bit more movement. Besides, butters and creams can weigh your hair down. That's why you might wanna try a light oil instead. Sweet almond oil, grapeseed oil, jojoba oil, avocado oil, pomegranate oil, and argan oil are all potent moisturizers that don't leave a lot of residues behind.
7. Wet ‘n Define Your Curls
Now that it's getting warmer outside, you might want to wear a wash 'n go or twist out more often. If you want either look to last for more than a couple of days, the key is definition. When it comes to wearing a blowout, it's best if you allow your hair to dry about 60 percent before applying the heat of your blow dryer to it so that you don't end up frying your locks (don't forget to put some thermal heat protectant on your hair, by the way). On the other hand, if you want your curls to look as defined as possible, you're going to need to do the complete opposite—your hair needs to be wet, then apply your product, and then allow your hair to air dry.
I already know. This sometimes can take several hours, if not even a couple of days, based on how thick your hair is or how long it may be. Still, it really is the most effective way to get the look that you're after. And just what are some of the best products on the market to achieve the most optimal results? Naturally Curly has a list of 10 defining products that you can check out here. Caring for Natural Hair's site has some good tips for how to have a bangin' wash 'n go. You can check it out here.
8. DIY Your Own Hair Mousse
When it comes to what can give your curls the kind of definition that you're after, it's important that you avoid hair products that contain alcohol. That's because alcohol can dry your hair out and ultimately lead to breakage. So, what should you do? Well, a healthy alternative is to make your own hair mousse. Mousse is great because it is able to protect your strands while reducing frizz and giving them a good amount of definition in the process. If this is something that you want to try, again, check out Naturally Curly's "3 All-Natural (Firm Hold) Curl Styler Recipes". It's got a recipe that's easy to make and makes your hair look and feel pretty amazing.
9. Keep a Rosewater Hair Spritz as a Moisturizer/Conditioner for Your Curls
If you're someone who lets your soul glow by wearing an Afro most of the time, something that you might want to keep close by is some rosewater spritz. Personally, I'm such a fan of it that I actually shouted it out in an article on how to heal dry skin too (you can check it out here). Off top, you can probably guess that rosewater is the ultimate moisturizer/conditioner. And indeed it is.
Rosewater is also really good for your hair because 1) it helps to keep calcium build-up in tap water from damaging your hair; 2) it can help to remove dandruff flakes; 3) it soothes your scalp if it is irritated or inflamed; 4) it reduces frizzing and 5) it adds shine. Something else that's great about rosewater is if you use it as a spritz in your hair, the scent of it can actually help to decrease symptoms that are related to headaches and migraines (how cool is that?).
If you want to make some of your own from the comfort and convenience of your own home, check out this video and this video for step-by-step tutorials.
10. Pull Out the Hair Accessories
Hair has décor trends, just like anything else does. So, why not get into some of the hair accessories that have already proven to be really popular this year? Some of them include super-wide, braided and beaded headbands; vintage scarves (like literally tying them underneath your chin); hats with wide brims; either really small or super large hair clips; pearly hair claws; putting multiple hair pins in your hair at one time (like on the back when you're rocking a low ponytail); black ribbons and, of course, flowers.
11. Get on Top of the 2021 Hair Trends
When it's cold outside, we're oftentimes rocking hats and wrapping our hair up in scarves in order to protect it from the harsh winds and bitter chilly temps. Now that the weather is milder, it's time to put our hair up into some trends, don't you think? Some popular ones for 2021 include Bantu knots, long braids and twists, layered textured bobs, bangs, and "messy hair" (which is basically just adding a little bit of product to whatever your natural texture is and letting your hair do whatever it wants to do).
For the most part, what it basically boils down to is "less is more". Just make sure that if you go with a protective style that you read "This Is How To Know Your Protective Style Ain't Workin'" beforehand. There's no point in rockin' one if it's ultimately gonna damage your natural hair in the process.
12. Enjoy Wearing Your Hair Out More
A woman by the name of Jessica Harrelson once said, "Spring adds new life and new beauty to all that is." I definitely believe that there is a lot of truth to this. So, let this be the season when you fully embrace your hair's texture and, even if it's just on the weekends, that you enjoy wearing it out more. After all, your hair is your crown, right? Let the sun kiss it. Take some pictures outdoors. Let everyone see how gorgeous your curls truly are. Allow your tresses to…fully bloom!
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Age-Gap Dating Is HUGE Right Now. Still...Read This Before Doing It.
If you’re someone who’s been reading my content for a while, you know that I’m pretty big on accountability (with both men and women), and that means sometimes I will call out blatant hypocrisy and double standards. Today? It’s the fact that I find it to be mighty interesting that when an older woman is dating a younger man, she’s usually considered to be a “cougar” yet when an older man dates a younger woman, suddenly he’s a “perv” (short for pervert).
It's important to bring up that super unfair comparison because, when it comes to a particular dating trend that’s on the list of being a really big dating trend right now, it’s both men and women who are looking to get in on it — and if it’s good for one gender (within reason), in all fairness, it should be seen the same way for the other (again, within reason).
So, with that said, whatever it is that I’m about to share on the topic of age-gap dating, just know that I have no bias; I simply think it’s important for men and women, younger and older, to take a very realistic approach to this kind of dating…because as with pretty much everything in life, it has its pros and some, well, cons too.
Popular Doesn’t Automatically Mean Best
GiphySomething that has kind of always fascinated me about our culture is how so many people will abandon all common sense and logic, just to do something that is considered popular. Well, at the end of the day, that’s pretty much what a trend is: something that is currently done by a lot of people for…whatever the reason. When it comes to dating trends, specifically, oftentimes, they are “birthed” out of surveys from dating sites or apps. When the people who conduct them notice that something is overwhelmingly preferred, encouraged, or supported, then it becomes a trend — and that’s just where age-gap dating came from.
Long story short, Bumble kinda-sorta-recently did a survey and discovered things like 63 percent of folks don’t factor in age when it comes to dating, and 59 percent of women said that they would date a younger man; those are pretty large numbers, and so, there ya have it: a trend.
I will say that although the study wasn’t super-duper specific about when an age gap is considered to be too much of one,Glamour published an article a few years back that said, 10-plus years between two people is enough to start causing some issues if one is not careful (more on that in a sec). And so, before you decide to get out here lookin’ for a youngin’ or a more — eh hem — mature man, just because it currently seems like everyone else is open to it, consider if 10 years — backward or forwards — is something that you would want to deal with; especially long-term.
If you’re not sure, keep reading. Hopefully, I will provide some things for you to ponder.
Difference in Age Means Differences Everywhere
GiphyI’ve got people in my world who have big age gaps in their relationships. I’m talking about more than just 10 years. One example that immediately comes to mind is a married couple who has 15 years between them; the wife is older. On some levels, everything seems cool and copasetic. Oh, but there are nuances. Like she can be very condescending when it comes to what he finds to be fun and entertaining. Plus, their sex drives are not even close to being compatible now that she is well past menopause. It’s interesting because, rather than acknowledging that a lot of all of this has to do with their vast age differences, she prefers to see him as being immature. He’s not immature, sis. He’s just a lot younger than you are.
So, when it comes to age-gap relationships, that’s the first thing that you should think about: are you willing to deal with the differences that will probably come about, simply because you are at different stages in your lives due to your different ages?
Example: Because people say that I don’t look my age (‘preciate it), it’s not uncommon for folks to try and set me up with someone who is in their early 30s. For the most part, I’ll pass. For one thing, I intentionally decided that I didn’t want to have kids a long time ago, and I don’t want to have that discussion/debate with someone who may feel otherwise (quite possibly because they don’t have kids or want more of them). Also, I’ve worked with people, in the lane of relationships, for quite some time now.
Men before 35? For the most part, I encourage their focus to be on themselves and building their life (because a lot of guys don’t hit their professional and financial peak until their late 40s or early 50s). As for myself, I’m pretty settled, so I don’t want to be a hindrance when it comes to them up and moving a few times or switching career paths. Do that babe. You should.
I could go on and on when it comes to this particular point. The bottom line is dating someone who has a semi-significant age difference from you and then having a problem with the differences that come along with it is like really enjoying the summertime and then expecting winter to act like it…just because you do. Feel me?
Age-Gap Dating Requires Being a (Patient) Student. And Teacher.
GiphyWhenever people talk to me about the hours that they spend (or is it waste?) arguing with folks on social media, something that I will oftentimes say (for instance) is, “Some of those folks weren’t even born when Freaknik happened. Let them come to the wisdom and insight that you have, due to your age, on their own.” Same thing goes for age-gap dating.
When it comes to these celebrity relationships, so many of them switch up like they change their underwear, so I won’t even give specific examples. If you surf or scroll on a daily basis, though, you know that there are some older women dating younger men and older men who are dating younger women who show all the signs in the world of heading for a real roller coaster ride because…they are simply at two totally different points in their life.
For instance, when you’re in your 20s, it’s not automatically a red flag that you want to go to the club often. Oh, but when you’re in your 40s, you can be tempted to tell them that it is — even though you did the same thing when you were their age. You know, just because you’ve “been there and done that” before, that doesn’t mean you should look down on them because they haven’t (yet).
Yeah, that’s another challenge about age-gap dating and age-gap relationships: you tend to think that you should be someone’s parent instead of their partner.
So, do I think that age-gap dating can never work? No, that’s not the case. What I will say is if you’re not a very flexible person, you are about to be pissed, often. Because when you’re with someone who has a different view of things that you do, and a part of it is because they are a different age than you are, you’ve got to be willing to teach some things that could help them to grow and also learn some things that could help you to become a better person — whether they are the older one or not.
Take two of my clients where, again, the husband is younger (by nine years) and the wife is older. He says all of the time that if he had not come into her life, she would’ve aged faster because she owns the fact that she’s not naturally a very adventurous person. At the same time, because of her influence in his life, he’s better with time management, which has helped him professionally, because she’s a huge planner (something that she learned to become due to “fumbling some balls” back when she was younger). See what I mean: the student as well as the teacher.
Does this apply to all relationships? It should. I’m just saying that when age-gap dating comes into play, lessons tend to pop up often and sometimes, very unexpectedly, simply due to folks being at various places and stages due to their age alone. If you can’t fathom dealing with that, age-gap dating is probably not something that you should get involved with.
Casually Doing It Can Tend to Backfire
GiphyOkay, so what if you’re someone who wants to do some age-gap dating on a casual level? What could possibly go wrong there? Well, from reading some of my other articles (check out “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex'”), you’ll already know that I’m not big on the meaning of casual: apathetic, careless, off-hand, without serious intention. Me? Especially at this age, I have zero energy or interest to be dealt with on a casual basis (whew, chile). And what if you’re the one who wants to take this approach? I mean, you’re grown, right? Do you.
I will just give the heads up when it comes to, say, wanting to have a casual sexual situationship with a younger man, while there is more content out here that says while 20-somethings may be having more sex, it’s the people in their 40s who are actually enjoying it the most (which means that it shouldn’t be assumed that the young guys do it better), science is science — and science says that testosterone levels are at their highest when a man is in his 20s. Meanwhile, for us, we are reportedly able to have the most consistent orgasms while we’re in our 30s. Where am I going with all of this?
I actually didn’t become sexually active until college. My first love was younger than I, and goodness, when didn’t he want to hump my leg? The college period was like a sea of raging hormone vessels with free rooms in the form of dorms. Chaotic and damn near diabolical in hindsight. LOL. And a big part of that is because guys have testosterone surging, and we as women are hella fertile. Getting off stays at the forefront on some level (at least for most of us).
The challenge with that is a lot of people who are hormone-driven may not necessarily be relationship-minded. And once you hit your late 30s-40s, after a couple of months of mind-blowing sex (perhaps), that could get old, especially if the sweet young thang doesn’t have much more to offer than that. And so…where do things have to go? That’s the thing about casual…usually nowhere. Again, by definition.
I will say that if you just read all of that and was like, “Okay…and still, what’s the problem?” — hey, do you, sis. I just think it needs to go on record that once you reach a certain point and place in life, casual experiences with younger men can damn near seem brutal — and you can’t really blame them if you got turned out, yet they barely respond to any texts that don’t have sex on the menu. #justsaying
Make Sure to Be Extremely Honest About Your Needs. And Expectations.
GiphyLet’s swing to the other side of this: you dating an older man. I know someone who is currently doing that as well. She’s in her late 30s, and he’s in his early 50s. He’s stable. He’s smart. She said the sex is bomb. Dating him is fun, spontaneous, and full of surprises. So, what’s the problem? He’s super set in his ways. His values are hella traditional (hers are not).
More than anything, though, she wants to get married, and he’s divorced, so he has more of a “been there, done that” take on it. Does he have a problem with being exclusive? Absolutely not. However, having another wife or more children? His kids are grown. He’s mentally and emotionally past that time, too. And so, at a bit of a crossroads, they are — both are invested, and yet, because they are in different seasons of life, they don’t want the same things.
That’s another thing to consider when it comes to age-gap dating — if you are looking for something serious or substantial, you don’t really have time to waste when it comes to getting your needs and expectations out on the table. That’s why, past the first date to see if there is potential for a real connection beyond just chemistry, when it comes to age-gap dating, you really need to get your needs and expectations out there (on both sides) as soon as possible because — and pardon the pun — time is definitely of the essence.
___
A lot to think about? Yeah, perhaps. At the same time, is the age-gap something to be leery of? No. It’s just important to check your motives, be realistic, and not lie to yourself or the person you’re seeing about what you want to get out of it.
Because no matter how hot of a trend age-gap dating may currently be, you need to do what’s right and best for you…not merely what is…popular.
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