

If you read enough of my content on this platform, you already know that 1) fall is my absolutely favorite season and 2) I'm all about a good pampering. Which brings me to this question — when is the last time that you pampered yourself? I don't mean what I generally consider to be maintenance moves like scheduling a mani/pedi appointment or even getting a massage; no, I mean, when's the last time you did something that falls into the category of indulgence? Pure, sheer and totally unapologetic self-indulgence.
If you're a bit stumped in finding the correct answer, perhaps these 12 "nudges" will inspire you to do something that will make you feel a little "self-spoiled" over the next couple of days. As a bonus, they're all fall-themed too. How dope is that?
1. Put Some Fall-Themed Flowers (or a Wreath) in Your Home Office and Bedroom
While some people get fresh flowers for their home for purely aesthetic reasons, the reality is there are a lot of health benefits that come with doing it too. Fresh flowers can help to get you into a better mood. Fresh flowers can inspire creativity. Fresh flowers can reduce stress. Fresh flowers can even help you to physically heal at a quicker pace and sleep more soundly. So, in the spirit of all things fall, why not get some blooms that are at their peak right now? Some of those include chrysanthemums, pansies, and anthers.
Or, if flowers aren't really your thing, how about hanging up a wreath? I've got a couple that is made out of nothing but twigs; yet, surprisingly, they feel very "autumn" and make my living room and bedroom feel extra cozy because they are on my walls. You can usually find them at a local arts and crafts store; especially around this time of the year.
2. Get a Humidifier That Comes with a Diffuser
Something that I've been saying, on loop, to anyone who will listen, is in this season of COVID that we're in, it's an absolute must that you bless your space with a humidifier. The main reason why is because viruses like COVID, colds, and the flu struggle in low humidity (however, if you check out "10 Really Good Reasons To Get Yourself A Humidifier This Fall," you'll see that it comes with some other benefits as well). Although the humidifier that I have doesn't have this particular feature, I have owned one that comes with a diffuser so that essential oils are able to "run" along with the mist that comes out. The result is whatever room a humidifier is in, it smells absolutely divine. If this piques your interest, oh so Spotless is a site that offers up some reviews on a few humidifiers that have diffusers. You can check them out here.
3. Create a Simmer Pot
Another way to make your home smell amazing is to create your own simmer pot. It's basically when you put a whole bunch of fruits, herbs, and spices together into a pot, then you let them simmer on your stove for a few hours. Something that I really like about this suggestion is you can combine certain ingredients in a way where you can sip them as a delightfully warm or cool drink once you're done. So, for two hours, a mixture of apples, oranges, and cinnamon sticks can appeal to your nose, and then you can drink it while watching a holiday film — wonderful. Tipnut offers up 15 simmer pot recipes. If you want to check them all out, you can do so by going here.
4. Add Some Fairy Lights
Personally, I'm someone who likes to sleep in pitch-black darkness. Still, whenever I go to someone's house and they have tiny fairy lights hanging up in their bedroom, I always think it looks really… "enchanted" is the word that first comes to mind. And since we're in "fall back" season, as far as time goes, a little more light (even if it's in your office or kids' room) certainly can't hurt. Just a thought.
5. Pick Up a Couple of Pairs of Moisturizing Socks
Switching gears a bit, how about giving your feet some extra tender loving care? Something that one of my goddaughters is a huge fan of is what she calls "lotion socks" although they are technically referred to as being moisturizing socks. Long story short, they are super comfy socks that have lotion "built into them" (although some, you've got to apply the lotion yourself). Not only does this help to make your feet feel unbelievably soothed and stress-free, but it can also keep your feet moisturized too. If you wanna cop a pair, Mom Junction reviewed over 10 of 'em. The ones with five toes for each sock certainly caught my attention. Check that list out here.
6. Make a Fall-Inspired Body Scrub
If you want to pamper your skin by unclogging its pores, removing dead skin, and brightening your complexion, exfoliation is the way to go. Making your own body scrub is one of the best ways to do it. In the spirit of autumn, how about making a scrub that smells like the fall season? A vanilla body scrub (recipe here) is good for you because vanilla is rich in the kind of antioxidants that fight aging and free radicals. A pumpkin body scrub (recipe here) is great because it's filled with Vitamin C and beta-carotene; both are able to stimulate the production of collagen. And finally, an apple scrub (recipe here) will do your body good because the properties in apples help to hydrate your skin, protect it from UV damage (which yes, also can happen in the fall and winter), reduce the appearance of dark circles underneath your eyes, tone your skin and even out your complexion.
7. Invest in a Brown Matte Lip Color
When the temps are cold and the wind is blowing, you definitely want to make sure that your lips are well-moisturized. Do that by first exfoliating them (like with a DIY lip scrub), applying a "base" like shea butter (I sleep with shea butter on my lips at night), and then applying lip color. This season, a hue that is really big is a deep shade of brown (which looks absolutely amazing on us!). Make sure it's one that has a bit of a matte finish. Yeah, I know you're probably still wearing your mask (damn COVID!), but you've got to take it off at some point and your lips will look amazing once you do if they are covered in a beautiful brown color.
8. Get Accessories in Classic Fall Colors
Remember how I said in the intro that pampering is ALL ABOUT indulgence. I don't care if you've already got a good purse and some cute boots from last year — treat yourself to a few more accessories that are in signature fall colors including grey, brown, blue, orange, green, and red. One of my favorite things about accessories is they bring so much detail to an outfit. Plus, they're a great way to "switch up" a look if you don't have a lot of money to ball out on a new wardrobe this year.
9. Buy a Cable Knit Blanket
Personally, I'm of the belief that no matter how many blankets you already have, you really can't own enough of them — especially during the fall and winter seasons. So, if you don't already have a cable knit one, what are you waiting for? Something that's especially cool about this particular kind of blanket is it can keep you warm when you're cold yet it also has the ability to adapt to other temperatures which means that a cable knit blanket can pamper you all year-round…if you let it.
10. Use Hurricane Lanterns for Your Fall Soy-Scented Candles
Is there anything more romantic, seductive, or fall-invoking than a bedroom that is lit up with nothing but candles? Whether you're sleeping alone or with someone, to me, the answer is "no". Still, this ain't the movies, so you need to be careful lighting some up and then falling asleep. Something that can significantly decrease the risk of something catching on fire is putting your candles inside of a hurricane lantern or glass terrarium boxes. Just make sure that the candles are soy (they are cleaner and burn longer) and they have a fall scent to them. Some that fall into that category include apple, pomegranate, vanilla, pine, cinnamon, pumpkin, butterscotch, pecan, amber, and musk.
11. Bake (or Order) the Hell Outta Some Sweets
Although comfort food is pretty much bomb any season of the year, is there anything better than a hot bowl of soup or some soul food when it's freezing cold outside? While you probably don't want to go crazy out in these streets, why would you deny yourself the joy of a homemade baked good or even ordering some autumn-themed desserts right about now? Apple crisp (recipe here). Pumpkin spice cupcakes (recipe here). Pumpkin brownies (recipe here). Cranberry apple cobbler (recipe here). Vegan butternut squash pudding (recipe here). All sweet. All comforting. All autumn-themed.
12. Learn How to Make Mulled Wine and Herb Infusion
Pampering isn't truly pampering if you're not setting aside some time to sip on something that makes you feel good from head to toe, right? As we close this out, two drinks that have "fall" written all over them are mulled wine (which is red wine with spices added to it) and herb infusion (which is basically making tea except you are adding a lot more herbs and allowing them to steep for a much longer period of time). Since a lot of mulled wine recipes feature cinnamon (which is full of antioxidants) and/or nutmeg (which is a powerful detoxifier) and the herbs in teas can be super ideal for your immune system (check out "10 'Uncommon' Teas You Should Add To Your Stash (& Why)"), these two options are absolutely perfect for this time of the year.
A delicious mulled wine recipe is here and if you want to learn how to DIY an herb infusion, click here. How can all of these tips not make you feel pampered as you embrace even more of what fall has to offer, chile? Enjoy!
For more inspiration, self-care, and healing tips, check out xoNecole's Wellness section here.
Featured image by Getty Images
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Luxury Hairstylist On Viral 'Hey Boo' Texts & Professionalism In The Hair Industry
As Black women, our hair is our crowning glory - whether we paid for it or not. We take pride in how we wear and take care of our hair. As with everything, hair care and hair styling have evolved over the years. Long gone are the days of Blue Magic (although I hear it’s making a comeback).
Now, we have a plethora of creams, oils, conditioners, shampoos, and stylists to choose from. Beyond wearing our natural curls, we have a range of options, from wigs and sew-ins to tape-ins, I-tips, and K-tips. So much choice! But you know what they say about too much of a good thing...
The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
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Feature image by Antonio Livingston.
Why We Get Dating Icks & When To Pay Attention To Them
A lot of us have been there. You're vibing with someone new, things feel promising, and then one night, you're out to dinner, and it happens. The moment that changes everything.
He calls the waiter over to ask a seemingly innocent question about his order because something isn’t quite right with his meal. Okay, fair enough. But instead of just listening to the explanation the waiter gives, he decides to prove how wrong the order is. He goes through his plate piece by piece, making the waiter watch as he dissects his food like a game of Operation. The waiter, clearly biting his tongue, picks up the plate of food and promises to bring him a new menu item that would be more to his liking. Despite the resolution, the entire exchange reeks of entitlement, and suddenly, you can’t unsee it.
It’s a canon event, I fear. And just like that, the chemistry that once had you feeling drawn to this person dissipates. You try to continue your meal like nothing happened, but it did happen. And now? Now, you’re experiencing the ick.
You see, "I got the ick" or "he gave me the ick" isn't something this generation of daters says to just say. The dating ick is very real and once it happens, it's hard to see past it. But what is the ick really telling us? Is it a sign to run? Or could it be exposing something deeper about the other person or, hell, about ourselves?
To get some clarity, I tapped Ashleigh Guice, dating expert and founder of Single Woman Chronicles, to break it all down for us. Below, she shares why dating icks happen, how to tell the difference between a silly pet peeve and a genuine red flag, and how to navigate icks when you're getting to know someone who might actually be worth the effort.
What Exactly Is a Dating Ick?
Guice defines an ick as "becoming completely turned off in the early stages of dating due to an action, characteristic, or physical attribute of a person." What might not have previously been a dealbreaker for you suddenly makes you question being in the relationship or connection. That's how turned off you are. That's an ick.
But where do these icks come from? According to Guice, they usually stem from one of three places. "First, as humans, we all have likes and dislikes—some things simply don’t appeal to us. Second, our past experiences can cause us to be immediately turned off by something that reminds us of a negative encounter. Lastly, some people are emotionally avoidant and use 'icks' as a way to avoid genuine connection with others."
Should You End Things Over an Ick?
This is where things with icks get tricky. Not all icks carry the same weight. At least, they shouldn't. Guice believes icks can be categorized as "shallow icks" and "character icks" and it's important to separate the two.
- Shallow Icks are usually about personal preference: someone's height, clothing choices, how they eat, or even the way they text. They might be annoying, but they don’t necessarily mean someone is a bad partner.
- Character Icks reveal deeper incompatibilities, like a lack of emotional awareness, disrespect toward others, or poor communication skills.
"If you're considering ending a relationship over something superficial, it might be time to reevaluate your criteria for choosing a partner," Guice explains. "But if the ick is character-based—like being rude to waitstaff or never asking about your day—it’s worth reconsidering if this is someone you want in your life long-term."
She adds, "Dating icks can signal potential red flags that should be examined internally first to determine if they're serious enough to warrant ending the relationship. If you realize that an ick is indeed a red flag, it should be addressed with the person, or, if it's still early in the dating phase, you might choose to end it."
Common Dating Icks
Guice has worked with her fair share of clients who have also experienced the ick in dating. Some of the most common ones?
Shallow Icks:
- "He's too short"
- "I hate how he talks"
- "His mannerisms are feminine"
- "I don't like how he dresses"
- "He doesn't like going to fancy restaurants"
Character Icks:
- "He only talks about himself"
- "He never asks about my day or life"
- "He doesn't take the initiative to spend time with me"
- "He is rude to strangers"
- "He talks badly about his ex"
- "He brought up sex on the first date"
- "He is too touchy-feely"
Something to note: If your ick falls into the character category, it might be a sign to pay closer attention. If it’s just about personal preference, there’s a chance you could move past it.
How to Navigate an Ick When You Like Someone
Okay, okay, let's say you like someone, but the ick is steadily creeping in. "It’s all about understanding your dealbreakers, offering grace, and practicing good communication," Guice offers as a solution to navigating the ick. She suggests a simple three-step approach before deciding to walk away:
- Ask yourself: Is this a dealbreaker? "A dealbreaker is something you can’t live with in a relationship," Guice defines. "For example, if your love language is quality time, a dealbreaker might be someone who is too busy for you." If your ick is not a dealbreaker, move to step two.
- Bring it up (if appropriate). If it's a shallow ick (like bad texting habits or being a little too glued to their phone), try talking about it. "Let them know how it made you feel and see if they’re willing to address it. If they aren’t, they may not be a good fit. If they are, proceed to step three," Guice advises.
- Give them grace if they’re trying to improve. "This means being patient, not getting upset if they slip up, and acknowledging their efforts when you see them trying."
Do Icks Happen More When Dating Outside Your Type?
According to Guice, the short answer is yes. "I believe dating icks happen the most when someone is attempting to date outside of their type because it’s uncomfortable," Guice says. "Change brings discomfort, and when you’re trying something new, your brain might create reasons to run back to what’s familiar—even if it hasn’t worked in the past."
So, if you’re dating outside your usual type and suddenly find yourself nitpicking, it’s worth pausing to ask:
Is this really an ick, or am I just uncomfortable because this is new?
At the same time, just because someone is different from what you're used to doesn’t mean they’re the right person for you. In this instance, Guice suggests following the same three-step process we described previously, assessing whether the ick is a dealbreaker, communicating about it, and offering grace, before making a final decision.
Dating icks are real, but they aren’t always dealbreakers. Some icks are just preferences, while others are warning signs that shouldn't be ignored. The key is knowing the difference.
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Featured image by PeopleImages/Getty Images