Instead of searching the mall and online boutiques for hours on end, xoNecole has taken the liberty of compiling this list of effortlessly sexy date night outfit ideas, just for you.
I, for one, can admit that a lot of the go-to pieces have in my wardrobe have been "gone to" a few too many times, and I thought it was time to switch it up. To help me on my quest for the perfect threads, I've enlisted the help of Denver-based designer and professional stylist, Felicia Benevidez.
Felicia and I met up at a local restaurant called The Family Jones, where she gave me all the knowledge on how to wow my date without even trying. These styles can be easily recreated using staples in your closet and a whole lot of attitude. Let's get into these looks!
Look 1: A Little Black Dress With A Twist
Photo by Justine Henderson for xoNecole
Everyone has a little black dress in their closet, but Felicia shows us how to put the game down, flip it, and reverse it to create an entirely new look. For Valentine's Day, instead of rocking your usual, try adding jeans and accessories to your LBD to add flair and personality. Felicia told xoNecole:
"When all else fails, I feel like you can never go wrong with a little black dress. Creating layers by adding jeans and a sheer overlay automatically takes the look from classic to edgy. The iridescent purse, hoop earrings, and gold shoe adds the perfect final touch to complete my look for date night with bae!"
Look 2: Oversized Blazer & Button Down
Photo by Justine Henderson for xoNecole
Ladies, I have the answer to the age-old question women have debated about for years: Size does matter. I mean, when it comes to clothes, at least. Rocking at oversized blazer can set your outfit off in a way that is super unique and known to turn heads. Keep it sexy by wearing thigh-high socks or boots, and feel free to add shorts for a more conservative look. The designer shared:
"I don't know about you, but a blazer always makes me feel put together. To keep it sexy for date night, I added thigh high socks and an extended button up shirt. I finished this look with a black pump and a belt to create some structure and emphasize my waist."
Look 3: Jumpsuit & Booties
Photo by Justine Henderson for xoNecole
Nothing says effortlessly sexy like a jumpsuit and some booties. For some real fun, use some bold colors like Felicia did in this look! Your jumpsuit game has the potential to level up in a major way if you incorporate accessories and makeup that add a pop of color. According to Felicia, out of all the looks, this one is the easiest to pull off:
"A good jumpsuit makes getting dressed easy, when all you have to add are shoes and accessories! This limited jumpsuit comes from my clothing line VFM and is the perfect look for Valentine's Day! I added a pop of color by adding red booties, a matching purse, and don't forget the red lip."
Look 4: T-Shirt & Flared Pants
Photo by Justine Henderson for xoNecole
Who knew a wide-leg pant and a blazer could make a t-shirt look so damn classy? This style is easy to accomplish with any flared pant in your wardrobe, but you can go the extra mile by adding some edgy accessories. Felicia explained:
"This chic date night look consist of a pair of my favorite wide leg pants from my clothing line VFM. I paired them with a T-shirt and yellow blazer to add a pop of color. The leather gloves and platform shoe completes the look and adds the perfect amount of edge."
Look 5: Animal Print Meets Faux Fur
Photo by Justine Henderson for xoNecole
For women like me who enjoy feeling bad and bougie on a budget, this look is perfect. The best part about this look is, it's flexible and low-maintenance but still looks expensive and elegant. You can achieve this look by mixing any animal print with the faux fur accessory of your choice. Set your look off by adding the maxi skirt of your choice and you've just created the frugal outfit find of your dreams. Felicia shared:
"For this look, I based the outfit around a pleated maxi skirt. To accentuate the deep maroon color, I added a nude animal print turtleneck. Because I love to play with prints, I finished the look off with a cheetah print bootie and fur stole. Such an easy and great look for a night out on the town!"
Look 6: Bodysuit, Slacks & A Blazer
Photo by Justine Henderson for xoNecole
Grown and sexy takes on a whole new meaning when it comes to this look. Grab any piece of lingerie in your wardrobe and pair it with a pair of slacks and a blazer to turn into the seriously sultry seductress of your man's dreams. To give your fit a little something extra, add a shoe and lip to offer a bold pop of color. What's better is, this look is so effortlessly sexy, the only accessory you'll need is your smile. Felicia told me:
"When the goal is grown and sexy, a pant suit is definitely my go-to. For the perfect date night look, I added a bodysuit and bright pump. My hair was the only accessory, and yes the bigger the better."
It's my hope that you can take these tips and be as sexy as you wanna be for your partner on this special holiday, no matter how you two decide to celebrate. This year, instead of harping over how you look, remember that no matter what you wear, your sexy comes effortlessly!
Thanks again to The Family Jones for letting us use your space to create magic! To find these pieces, check out A Vintage Frame of Mind's online boutique here.
Additional styling by Joce Blake. Makeup by Bree Klee.
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Yet, if you give me a little bit of your time today, my plan is to show you that quickies are, by no means, a consolation prize or something to roll your eyes about. If you choose to take in all of what I’m about to say, you could up and realize that one of the best things about your day could be making sure that you either don’t start or end one without checking a quickie off of your to-do list.
I’m dead serious, too. Check out 12 reasons why the wife was right — quickies are indeed the ultimate short-yet-potent activity.
1. Quickies Can Help You to Get Out of the RIGHT Side of the Bed
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I recently read an article that said sleep deprivation can take a real toll on romantic relationships. The method behind the madness is, when you’re not getting enough rest, it can put you in a bad mood, and that can alter how you engage with your significant other (hey, makes perfect sense to me). So, it would seem that being intentional about getting 6-8 hours of sleep would help to alleviate this problem. Okay, but what do you do on the days when you were tossing and turning all night, you had some bad dreams, and/or you’re just not in the best of moods when your alarm clock goes off (even if you don’t know why)? Have a quickie.
Dopamine, endorphins (which are neurotransmitters), oxytocin, and vasopressin (a hormone that helps with your emotional stability and with your circadian rhythms) are all natural chemicals that are released during sex, especially when you climax. Since all of these can help to put you in a better mood, that’s just one reason why a brief romp before rolling out of bed could get your day off to a great start (no matter how you initially felt when you first woke up).
2. Quickies Can Make Waking Up (and Falling Asleep) a Quicker Process
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It’s kind of wild that the same act that can wake you up is the same one that can totally knock you out. Sex does have that super innate ability, though. If you want something better than your alarm, a quickie can get you up and going pretty fast; that’s because, when sex gets your heart racing and your blood pumping, it can get your adrenaline going to — especially if you’re say, riding cowgirl instead of just lying in the missionary position (yes, the more active, the better!).
As far as sleep goes, whenever you have an orgasm from sex, your body releases the hormones oxytocin and prolactin — both of these will help you to feel happy and satisfied. If you add to that the fact that cortisol (your stress hormone) level drops after having an orgasm too…yeah, there’s no cup of warm milk that will put you to sleep faster than a quickie will, chile.
3. Quickie Sex Is More Energizing (and Enjoyable) than a Cup of Coffee
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If you always assumed that coffee gives you extra energy, the reality is…it doesn’t. What it does do is stimulate what is known as your adenosine (a system that regulates sleepiness and alertness); that’s the good news. The bad news is, just as quickly as the caffeine in coffee can give you a charge, it can also tank, leaving you to feel exhausted (which is a part of the reason why some people endlessly drink coffee throughout the day).
What’s more reliable than that? Yep — you guessed it. Since sex does everything from de-stressing you, stretching out your muscles and tendons, and increasing your heart rate — it’s an all-natural way to get your body going…without all of the side effects that can sometimes come with coffee consumption.
4. Quickies Give You the Same Health Benefits As Longer Sessions Do
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Earlier this year, Men’s Health published an article entitled, “How Long Should Sex Last, Really? Experts Say Longer Isn't Always Better.” It actually said that when it comes to penetrative sex between heterosexual couples, the average was (you ready?) 5.4 minutes — yep, basically a quickie. And here’s the thing: whether you go that short or much longer, you’re gonna basically get the same health benefits either way.
Sex is gonna lower your blood pressure. Sex is gonna boost your immunity. Sex is gonna reduce any anxiety you may be feeling. Sex is gonna make you feel better about yourself (yep, it literally helps to boost your self-esteem). Sex is gonna reduce your pain levels. Sex is gonna improve your quality of sleep. The list goes on and on.
In fact, the only health benefit that longer sex probably provides is how many calories you can potentially burn. The reason why I say that is because you need to “engage” for about 30 minutes in order for you to lose 69 calories (“69” — the irony) and your partner (if he’s a man) to lose 101 of ‘em. In every other way? Even quickie sex can do your body a whole lot of good.
5. A Quickie Can Actually Make Sex More Adventurous
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Especially as we age, it’s easier to automatically retreat to the bed when we plan on having longer sexual sessions; that’s because the bed is a comfortable place to have it. Okay, but what if you’ve been with your partner for a while, things kind of seem boring and routine, and you’re not really sure what to do about it? In walks the power of a quickie. ‘Cause let’s be real: there is some stuff that you’d probably never do for an hour that you’d be willing to try for 10 minutes.
For instance, if the thought of public sex has always intrigued you while also freaking you out, you might be down if it’s only gonna take five minutes — and the more spontaneous and creative sex is, the more it can breathe new life into any two people’s sex life!
6. Quickie Sex Significantly Reduces Stress Levels
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Stress can kill you — yes, quite literally. I make sure to say that as often as I can because it’s the truth. Heart disease. Asthma. Obesity. Depression. Accelerated aging — these are just a few things that are oftentimes directly related to stress. Since it’s been scientifically proven that sex will trigger the neurotransmitters (dopamine) that help to make you feel good as it also decreases your cortisol (your stress hormone) levels — you are helping your mind, body, and spirit out by having sex…even if they are quickies.
7. Quickies Make Prioritizing Sex Way Easier
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I’m gonna be honest — since more and more articles are coming out that sex doesn’t really “need” to be more than 7-13 minutes, I’m not sure the whole “we have no time for sex” thing flies (anymore). If you’ve got time to be on Instagram or TikTok for two hours a day, you’ve got a fraction of that time to get busy with your partner. At the end of the day, it’s all about prioritizing what’s important to you (now, if sex isn’t important, we’ll have to tackle that at another time).
However, if the issue is that one of you likes to “make love all night long” like 90s R&B songs talk about (chile) and the other is cool with sex that is less than half of a 30-minute sitcom, try to schedule “the 90s” in for once a week (or once every other week) while mutually committing to getting some quickies in a couple of times a week. If you haven’t already, I think that by the time this article is over, you’ll see all of the reasons why this can be the greatest — and most fulfilling — compromise that you and your partner have made in a really long time.
8. Having Quickies Can Take the Pressure of Sexual Performance Off
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A platform that I used to write for, once upon a time, is Marriage. I kind of chuckled when I read an article that they published earlier this year entitled, “15 Signs You’re Bad in Bed and What to Do About It” because boy…I used to deal with a couple who both believed they were the absolute bomb in bed, even though neither of them agreed. Listen, just because someone from your past may have thought you were “the ultimate” — when it comes to great sex, truly one size DOES NOT fit all. Anyway, some of the reasons that the article listed was poor communication regarding needs and expectations, not having a good emotional connection, and (basically) sucking at foreplay.
That last one? If you and your partner are currently trying to figure out what works and what doesn’t, please don’t forego sex altogether until you figure it out. HAVE. QUICKIES. It can help you both to get the physical release that you need as you work towards achieving the type of sex that you both desire. It’s a practical solution to a layered situation.
9. Quickies Bond You to Your Partner
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Every time I see a TikTok post or read someone on Twitter (it’s always gonna be Twitter to me, chile) talk about sex is nothing more than a physical release, the first two things that come to mind are one, we are not animals; we have sex for more reasons than “being in heat” or even to procreate and two, how many people actually never learned about oxytocin in high school-level science class (like really…what in the world?). To be honest, there’s one more thought: don’t you want to see yourself as more than just “casual”? I say it often: casual means things like careless, apathetic, and unintentional. Regardless of what your personal feelings about sex (and who you should have sex with) are, I hope that we all can at least get on the same page that we should see ourselves as more than just…casual.
Back to the oxytocin thing, though — science is never gonna change. There is a hormone (that I’ve already mentioned) that is released during sexual activity (shoot, even just affectionate activities) that literally makes you feel closer to your partner. Oxytocin is its name, and that’s why it has “the love hormone” moniker.
Am I saying that quickies will prevent cheating? There are layers to why people are unfaithful, so to give a blanket “yes” or “no” would be irresponsible. What I will say is something that a husband of over 30 years once said to me, “When I’m having consistent sex at home, it’s the difference between seeing an attractive woman and saying, ‘She’s pretty’ vs. not having much sex at home and thinking, ‘I wonder what she’s like.’ Full people typically aren’t hungry…unless they’re just greedy.” All of that will preach. On a billion different levels too.
10. A Quickie Is a Great Sex Compromise (for When You’re Not in the Mood)
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Relationships are all about compromise. And when you’re in a long-term committed relationship, it can’t be said enough that sex isn’t just a “perk”; it’s a responsibility (when it comes to marriage, even the Good Book cosigns on that in I Corinthians 7:5). Unfortunately because not enough people give quickies any type of real consideration, they don’t realize that it can be the ultimate “meet in the middle” move when their partner may be in the mood and they’re not totally…there (or vice versa). Yes, quickies are a solid way to “scratch the itch” without there being a need for an all-out performance.
Listen, I tell my married clients often that when it comes to being faithful to your vows, it’s pretty ridiculous to expect your partner to only be with you if you are rarely with them. After all, no one signs up for a sexless marriage. Bottom line, quickies can be a happy medium when you want to make sure that your partner is good without you having to…do the most (so to speak).
11. Quickies Can Make Sex…Later…Better
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If you want to intensify your orgasms (or your sexual experiences overall), one way to do that is by edging. The best way to explain edging is you and your partner sexually stimulate each other to the brink of climaxing, stop for 30-45 seconds, and then start all over again. Why would anyone want to send themselves through that kind of sexually-induced torture? One reason I already mentioned (it makes the quality of your orgasm better); another is it can actually help your partner to last longer (if that’s something you’re ultimately after).
To me, quickies are a next-level form of edging. The way I see it is, it’s like having an appetizer or snack to hold you over until you can enjoy the meal that you’ve been waiting for all day long. For instance, if your quickie consists of morning sex or an afternoon delight during your lunch break, just think of how much that will consume your mind and build anticipation until you and your partner can get together again (especially if you throw some sexting into the mix!). Five-minute previews now can lead to a full-on main attraction later. Amen?
12. Quickies Can Teach Both of You How to “Push the Right Buttons”
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Almost every couple, who’ve been together for over a decade, that I know personally, tells me that sex has only gotten better with time. There are a myriad of reasons why. One of them is because they have really learned each other’s bodies, which means they know what works and…what doesn’t. And when it comes to mastering a quickie, that’s the ultimate cheat code because there are going to be times when your mind wants to, your energy levels or your schedules are on the fence, and so you’ll want to “get what you need” without it taking forever.
And listen, if you let quickies teach you how to know just what to do in record time, this point alone can be a solid reason for why you’ll want to engage in one or more quickies a day — a guaranteed orgasm. DAILY? C’mon now.
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Welp. On behalf of quickies, I’ve pleaded my case. If I’ve convinced even a handful of you to at least try to have one a day, I’ve done my part. Again, under seven minutes (give or take a couple of minutes) of pleasure that will give you all of what I just said? WHY NOT HAVE A QUICKIE? Damn.
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