Anniversaries are markers of success for any relationship. It is not just a day that two people celebrate being together as a couple, focused on gifts and romantic gestures; it also symbolizes another year of growth and understanding. Did you know there is a traditional gift exchanged each year you're married? Each anniversary has a different theme that symbolizes the maturation of your relationship together. According toBrides Magazine, the first traditional anniversary gift is paper, which symbolizes the strength and connectivity of your blossoming relationship. The second-anniversary gift is cotton that recognizes the maturation of your relationship together. Emily Post would be proud.
I celebrated my sixth anniversary recently, and well, it looked very different than any year before. The simple fact is that COVID-19 is still rampant, and we are still mostly confined to the house. Our ideal situation would have been a romantic getaway or a lavish dinner celebration at our favorite restaurant. Both options seemed like a hassle given the restrictions on dining out and tests required for trips. We opted to stay home and order take-out while catching up on movies. It was perfectly normal without the fluff. However, it did give us the time to talk to each other and plan our engagement photoshoot.
Photo Credit: S. Bola Okoya
You would think living together and spending more time in the house than ever before would give us the time to plan, but that's not true. The combination of our day jobs, side hustles, parenting, and household responsibilities, left us depleted. We gave each other the gift of focus instead of a physical one, and I couldn't have been more grateful.
Instead of looking at your quarantine celebration as a lackluster event, think about the creative ways that you can love each other. It is an opportunity to refresh old traditions and make new ones.
How To Celebrate Your Anniversary During Quarantine
Couples Massage
Physical touch is one of my love languages. Anytime there's a focus on intimacy, I'm excited. Planning a massage for two is a great way to show your partner affection and do something relaxing at the same time. Fill the room with candles, essential oils, and massage oils - these can be store-bought or made with a blend of oils - and use the bed as your massage temple. I highly suggest making a special playlist that includes a combination of soothing music and your favorite love songs.
Photo Credit: S. Bola Okoya
Paint and Sip
You don't have to be Picasso to enjoy painting. Luckily, there are plenty of virtual paint and sip parties happening that you can take advantage of regionally. A quick Google search will give you a list of providers in your area that can ship the products to you or offer contactless delivery.
Brunch
Brunch is always a great idea. Whether you pick up a meal or make it yourself, set the table with your favorite cocktail or mimosa, and you have a party.
Candlelit Dinner
If brunch isn't your thing, there's always dinner. Select your favorite eats, light some candles, dress up for each other, and meet at the dinner table.
Photo Credit: S. Bola Okoya
Backyard Movie Night
If you have a backyard and are a lover of cinema, then you have the option to set it up for a cozy movie night. Projectors are a great way to watch a movie for a home theater. You have the option of purchasing one to invest in future movie nights or renting for special occasions. Either way, don't forget the pillows, covers, and snacks.
Wheel of Foreplay
If you're looking to spice up the night, try playing the Wheel of Foreplay, a fun way to explore intimacy with your partner. The game was created to encourage everyone to have more sex while stuck at home, says sextech entrepreneur Bryony Cole.
"My hope for Wheel of Foreplay is that people spinning it feel like they can really enjoy keeping their intimacy locked down, physically and digitally, and start enjoying all of the benefits of intimate connection," Cole said in a press release.
Whether you choose to celebrate your anniversary with a traditional or modern gift, some foreplay or do nothing at all, there is more love to go around. Get creative and try to do something out of the box.
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Featured image by S. Bola Okoya
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Some women have their whole wedding planned out, from the bridal gown and venue to the bridal party and playlist. However, KJ was not one of those people. “I didn’t foresee a wedding in my future,” she reveals. “I was just gonna be the boss chick, rich auntie. I didn’t force love in my life until recently. I never had an idea of what a dream wedding would look like, it was easier for me to elope.”
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
And to many people’s surprise, that was their original plan – until Skyh brought up a valid concern. He was raised by his grandmother and thought she should be at the wedding, and naturally, that led to KJ wanting her grandmother to be there as well – then her mom – and later her sister – and, you’ve gotta invite the besties too, right? From there, the guest list continued to blossom. Much like the updo and pop of color bold red lip, she wore on her special day, which was initially on her Pinterest board as a soft glam look with her hair hanging on her shoulders, KJ is okay with changing her plan if it brings her and her loved ones happiness.
So let’s get into the wedding, which took place in Malibu, CA. The first thing you should know about the celebrity couple is that they’re non-traditional. They know, and they don’t care. So, in true unconventional fashion, they shared the morning of the wedding together.
“I woke up with Skyh, we walked our dog, had black coffee, and said good morning to the people who stayed at the venue with us,” she says.
Now, it was time for hair and makeup. While she was getting glammed up, she had Black-owned McBride Sisters wine and champagne (which ties into The Black Experience theme) on deck with her mom and friends, had her besties help rework her vows, retried on every outfit (sis is very Type-A), took photos, and ended the early-celebration with prayer and meditation. It seems very non-Bridezilla, I said.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company,” she explains. “The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
Things moved quickly, and before she knew it, it was time to line up to walk down the aisle.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company. The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
KJ Smith and her bridal party
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Since everything started with their grandmothers, the couple wanted to ensure they honored them and planned to keep an element of their wedding traditional. Although we’ve all seen the reception videos and photos online, you may have noticed visuals from the wedding itself are harder to find.
“We planned for it to be traditional, but we’re not like that, so we tried to create those moments. We jumped the broom and had a salt ceremony (where the bride and groom individually pour salt into a glass container, symbolizing their lives becoming one.) But honestly, still, nothing was traditional about it.”
She goes on to explain that her mom caught the holy ghost coming down the aisle, her glam team was on deck, and she became so nervous with excitement that she had an anxiety attack – something she struggled with for years, she explains tearfully. Her friends had to literally cheer her down the aisle because of how overwhelmed she felt until she eventually calmed down.
“Skyh was standing there with his hand on his heart; we have our own little language, and I could feel the support,” she shares.
It was surprising to hear all these emotional moments happened before the party we saw online. That is until she once again got into the backstory.
“As a Black woman actress, for so long, it was popular to be mysterious and secretive, but that’s not who I am or what I like. Plus, we both wanted to create an experience for everyone there. We are the people who always host family and friends,” she says. “Like for me, the first order of business was getting sandals for the women so they can dance all night long. We had oxtail, D'ussé, and a coffee and sativa lounge – which is part of Skyh and I’s lifestyle and routine. We wanted to bring them into our world.”
Skyh Black (L) and KJ Smith (R)
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
She went on to discuss the dance routine she did for her husband at the reception, which has taken over the internet. Apparently, that’s another thing that didn’t go according to plan. According to KJ, she had promised a performance at their joint bachelor/ bachelorette party, but her outfit got stolen from her car. So, Skyh ended up performing for her – complete with a strip tease. Still, she never forgot her promise to dance for him.
So, she hired her friend as a choreographer, learned the routine, made friends and family watch it endless times, and attended Beyoncé’s Renaissance show a few days before for a confidence boost. It ended up being a show to remember. But that wasn’t all the night offered. Lil Mo performed, and the guests received special goody bags featuring their favorite Black-owned products like journals, hair care, and more.
“We made sure everyone was taken care of all night. That kind of stuff makes us happy. I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives,” she says.
But naturally, the internet is going to internet, and while there were countless people praising the event and applauding the newlyweds, some thought it was too over the top. I was curious to know her thoughts on some of the criticism.
“It’s cool. We did what we wanted to do. I’ve decided to share my world with people. Just how I went on social media platforms and found inspiration, I want people to do the same,” she explains. “I don’t think it's fair to my supporters not to give that out. There’s so much I wanna share with brides, specifically Black brides. I love that people are adding it to their Pinterest boards."
"I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives."
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
“I’m happy with it because we did what we wanted to do. They can do what they wanna do. Don’t be cruel, though, because you will get blocked,” she said, laughing.
The more I spoke with her, the more her sense of freedom shined through. People are always going to have their opinions, but at the end of the day, it’s you who has to live your life, and it seems like the couple realizes that and embraces that power. She also stressed the importance of not living for others and the lessons life has taught her.
“I’ve been to countless weddings, and I’ve been in countless weddings. I’m a generally older bride. So when women in my demographic get married, and you and your husband are busy working people like us, you deserve to have the one you want to have,” she shares.
“This is what we wanted to do. Our loved ones love and support us. We did so much to honor them, but we also wanted to start our own tradition, legacy, and creation. I'm not going to be pulled back into ideas of the past when I’m trying to create a future with my partner. “
If you’d like to see more of the couple, you probably won’t have to wait long. Although no content is planned yet, she admits to being an oversharer. “Me being open and transparent about my experiences lets people know it’s okay to have flaws; it makes you human, and for many years, I didn’t believe that was okay. I had pressure to be perfect, and I’d crumble every time,” she explains to xoNecole.
Now, she owns her flaws and uses them as a superpower to connect with her community and feel and express her love.
“Some people give us [Skyh and KJ] a hard time because they say we just seem too perfect. I’m like, why is that a bad thing? I love the people I love. From my man to my mama, to my friends - unabashedly. We move through time and space how we want to move. If we did it another way, we’d let ourselves and our union down.”
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Feature image by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
