When I found out that I was pregnant, I was elated to get started with digging my teeth into the birthing process. My husband and I were set on doing a home birth, so my focus had been completely devoted to creating a space (mentally and physically) that would be conducive to bringing our baby into the world.
I was learning my body, all over again. As each week passed, there were subtle and obvious nuances (changes) that were occurring. I ate very well and healthy (to my standards LOL). I was doing pool workouts about three times a week. I walked a lot. I thought that I had set myself up for success, not realizing that I had spent most of my pregnancy focused on the here, the now, and the birthing process.
It wasn't that I was oblivious to the postpartum period of pregnancy, but it just didn't strike me as a necessity to place my focus there. Yes, I had listened to podcasts. Yes, I watched videos and read a plethora of books and articles. But, I was also traveling with my husband throughout my pregnancy. We had been to five countries and the priority had been solely on where we would have the baby and safety. Little did I know, I was in for a rude awakening!
Upon having our son, I had moments of being completely outside myself. To some degree, I thought I was losing my mind. That is, until I asked other mothers and realized that I wasn't the only one. Although not every woman will feel the same or can relate, I know these experiences need to be shared.
Here are four things that I learned in postpartum:
Your pelvic floor muscles say, "Bye, Bye!”
I had a vaginal birth and had not prepared AT ALL for this part. One night, I was in the bed attempting to contract my kegels and couldn't. I panicked! So, I tried my butt muscles. Not the squeeze-and-clench cheek muscles, but the poop muscles. (Okay, so I'm not well-versed in the scientific names, but you get it.) Anyway, those muscles wouldn't move either. I remember being told that the first poop was important in the postpartum period and that women are often forced to do so before leaving the hospital. Well, thank God I didn't have to deal with that since I had the baby in my living room. But, I had become shaken at just the idea. My pelvic floor was in a state of paralysis and I was losing it!
I cried… A LOT! I thought somehow my body was failing after all the work I had put it through. I recall the time that I did have my first poop, I couldn't control it. You ever been at a friend's or at work and needed to poop, but could hear someone near the stall/bathroom? What did you do? Well, typically we all would try to make it as silent as possible because when you got to go, sometimes you just got to go!
Guess what? That control was GONE!
It was so gone, I thought I'd have to find Monica to get it back! I had gotten to the point that if I felt the need to pee or poop, I'd have to run to the bathroom to ensure that I didn't do it on myself. Not only this but every time I had to poop, it reminded me of the pain of childbirth. It was at that point that I spoke to a bunch of other moms and professionals, that I knew. I needed to know that what I was experiencing was "normal," but, more importantly, that it would go away! I hadn't realized that pushing my son out would cause me to feel less empowered as a woman postpartum. I felt so odd and every time I’d try to move the muscles, I just began to get even more discouraged.
This brought me to the next thing I learned postpartum.
Postpartum blues are REAL!
I had watched and listened to so many videos and podcasts about Postpartum Depression (PPD) and “Baby Blues,” but had somehow acquired an ignorance that it could happen to me. At the early stage of my pregnancy, I watched Melanie Fiona discuss her postpartum blues. Also, about a year before I got pregnant, one of my best friends told me about her bout with PPD. I remember thinking how horrible she must have felt wanting to love her son, but just not feeling adequate enough to. I can say I don’t believe I had full-out PPD, but more so what is referred to as “Baby Blues.” These are mood swings often related to hormonal changes that occur after giving birth. I've read many things that state somewhere between 70-80% of mothers get the blues.
The night I couldn’t feel my pelvic floor muscles, something happened to my thought pattern and my mind. I quickly looked at my son and burst into tears. I went from being an empowered warrior mom having my baby at home with just my husband and I, to trying to come to grips with a fear that my body was failing and internalizing this as me being an overall failure. My son was half a minute in the world and every time I attempted to look at him, I thought of every cruelty he’d endure. Every hurt. Every disappointment. And I thought to myself, What did I do?
It may sound silly, but I equated my inability to control my pelvic floor with also being unequipped to be a good mother. When I would feed my son, it would hurt to look at him. I was hurt to feel like he could have had a better choice of parent, but he was stuck with me.
It was also during this time that I learned my next lesson.
Exclusively breastfeeding sounds nice…
…Until you want to eat, sleep, pee, take a walk, or do anything really.
A part of my PPD was due to the fact that I’m a mover and shaker, but could not do much postpartum. I have never liked being restricted to the confines of four walls and I, was now, in a position of having to be so still. My husband and I had our son outside of the United States, due to his career, so we were hands-on 24/7 without much assistance. No family. I have always wanted to breastfeed. I always enjoyed the thought of having that connection with my child(ren). I didn’t factor in the difficulty of trying to eat a hot meal. I would sit and give my husband the illest mug, as he could enjoy his meals, but I could not.
In addition to that, I was restless. I coined the title of being a “Zombie Mom.” People often say, “Sleep when the baby sleeps” but that is easier said than done. When he slept, that was my “Finally, I can pee,” “Finally, I can eat,” or “Finally, I can breathe” moments. I would hold my pee so long that sometimes I’d have to just take my son off the boob, hand him to his father, and run in hopes that my failing pelvic floor wouldn’t cause me to wet the bed. Sometimes, I’d have to make a choice, Should I force myself to sleep or go to the bathroom?
I never felt like there was much room to do both. I even tried to pump and put my son on the bottle so that I could get a break and his dad could take over. But, no. THIS. KID. ONLY. WANTED. THE. BOOB. And as people would suggest to keep trying with the bottle and the pumping, I was just too damn tired to do anything!
And in the midst of it all, I came to learn my final lesson in the postpartum period.
Do not stop taking your vitamins.
I always knew that vitamins were an essential part of the birthing process. I preferred to take the Rainbow Light brand of prenatal vitamins, although I would feel nauseated and attributed my bouts of nausea to some of the vitamins’ ingredients. My prenatals had the recommended doses of supplements and I thought I was doing something for my baby through taking them. The first trimester took the wind out of my sails and I was always catching something. I had a viral infection. I became so short of breath, I was wheezing and given an asthma pump. I would get dehydrated, which turned into migraines.
By the second trimester, I was finally feeling like I could enjoy my pregnancy. Then, the third trimester came and I thought that once the baby was here, my body would return to some semblance of good health again. WRONG! Prior to my husband and me leaving the country, I remember sitting and eating Chipotle rice. All of a sudden, my tongue grazed a rigid edge of a tooth that once stood in its totality in my mouth. I panicked! My tooth was cracked straight down the middle. A tooth that had no previous signs of decaying or cavity was now a stalactite. In my postpartum period, I gained a total of three holes in different teeth.
I had no idea that losing teeth during pregnancy and postpartum was “normal,” especially for breastfeeding moms. I was also told that if I didn’t supplement through various vitamins, aside my prenatals, that my baby would be taking it directly from my body parts. Calcium from my teeth. Bone from my bones. Hair loss? Brittle hair? Yup, that’s all baby! You get the picture? Without keeping extra supplements in my system, my baby would slowly break my body down. Fatigue? Loss of energy? These can all be attributed to breastfeeding and the need for vitamins like B12 (for fatigue), vitamin D (essential for healthy bones), calcium (for teeth), just to name a few. Who knew of all the sacrifices your body is literally making to ensure that the life you created can thrive?
As I continue the journey of motherhood, I recognize that we need to have more dialogue about what can occur postpartum. It’s important that the experiences we have, we share to help others who come behind us. I'm only four months postpartum and am still learning how to be my best self for myself, my son, and my husband.
The postpartum period is a journey, just like the nine months it takes for your baby to grow inside you. The ideology of “snapping back” is a misnomer and sends women the message of negating all she had to go through during the process of creating and giving life.
The reality is that your body will not be exactly the same. Your mindset will most certainly change. But the more you know, the better chance you have at giving yourself a break and a chance to be human!
What were some lessons you learned postpartum?
Imani is a writer, wife, and mother who spent five years as a professional Sports Broadcaster before a sporadic move to Egypt where she taught English Literature. As a Muslim woman, she does not look to stereotypes to dictate her fate and wants to cultivate a narrative that says "women everywhere, can be anything they choose!" Follow her journey on IG @SheIsAbroad_ and Snapchat @SheIsImani.
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
So…apparently, there was once a Parade survey of 1,001 married Americans concerning sex.
Surprisingly (at least, to me), 88 percent of them said that their sex lives made them happy or they were at least “reasonably content” with it. The reason why that surprises me is because 1) I’m aware that somewhere around 15 percent of marriages are currently sexless; 2) only about half of people have sex on a weekly basis, and 3) if that many folks are indeed that satisfied in the bedroom, why do so many of us who work with long-term couples always hear otherwise?
Then, I paused and pondered on the “reasonably content” part. I don’t know about you, but to me, that doesn’t sound like hanging-off-of-the-chandeliers kind of sex. That’s more like, “I’ll take it however and whenever I can get it” sex — and, in my eyes, that’s just not good enough. To me, sex is a beautifully wondrous thing that should reach the peak of pleasure as much as possible.
Fortunately, I do know a few couples who profess to have great (awesome, fabulous, and tremendous) sex pretty much every time that they have it. Even though most of them aren’t familiar with each other, interestingly enough, they all agree that while skill and technique play a role in amazing coitus, there are other factors that can prevent great sex from transpiring, too.
I did some researching, interviewing, and reviewing of past sessions that I’ve had with couples, and here are the 10 things that continue to come up, as far as being barriers to the kind of sex that every single person deserves — sex that doesn’t just leave you feeling “reasonably content” (goodness, let’s raise that bar, please).
1. You’re Not the Best of Friends
GiphyBefore getting into this one, let me just say that I’m not referring to a “friends with benefits” dynamic. Although some of those do end up transitioning from being sex buddies to a full-blown relationship, some studies say that only about 15 percent of them do, and that’s not the greatest odds on the planet (for the record, around 28 percent are able to go back to being just friends as well).
No, what I’m referring to here is it’s wise to experience physical intimacy with someone who has the qualities of being one of your absolute closest friends: they’re honest, supportive, compassionate, loyal, communicate well, and they definitely are someone who you consider to be a safe space. When you’re in a relationship with someone who you also consider to be one of your dearest (if not dearest) friends, there is an incomparable level of trust and peace that makes intimacy that much easier — and special.
2. You Need to Get a Check-Up
GiphyIf you were to ask a group of people if they should get an annual check-up, they would probably say “yes.” Hmph, problem is, only about one-fifth of us actually do it, and when it comes to our libidos, that can be (potentially) problematic as hell. The reason why I say that is sometimes “not being in the mood” has very little to do with anything emotional, psychological, or relational; it’s actually a result of not taking the best care of your health.
Things like obesity, hormonal imbalances (including perimenopause and menopause), certain medications, stress, and good old-fashioned aging can be the underlying culprits, and if that is indeed the issue, as much as you might think that Google can cure everything, you actually need a medical professional to confirm what is going on — and what you need to do in order to rectify the situation.
3. You’re Not Affirming and Affectionate on a Daily Basis
GiphyQuestion: When was the last time that you gave your partner a sincere compliment? Believe it or not, there are studies that support the fact that complimenting others not only boosts their self-esteem and confidence levels but it also creates an atmosphere for clearer communication while motivating and causing the individual on the receiving end to feel valued. Not only that, but the person who gives the compliments ends up feeling happier and more grateful, too.
As far as affection goes, aside from the fact that it helps you to feel emotionally closer to your partner, there are health benefits to consider as well. Kissing, cuddling, and even holding hands can help to decrease stress levels, lower blood pressure, and even strengthen your immune system. The way I like to look at this is affirmations are a verbal form of foreplay, while affection is a PG version of it — and when it comes to experiencing great sex, foreplay should always be in the mix.
4. You Don’t Plan Dates (and Then Actually Go on Them)
GiphyI’ve got a girlfriend who’s been married for several decades and hardly ever gets taken out on dates by her husband. In his mind, it’s kind of a waste of money; he’d rather be a “great provider” than a romantic kind of dude. Problem is, her top love language is quality time, and so, not dating frustrates her more than most. You know what, though? Their story isn’t rare. In fact, some studies indicate that over half of the married couples in this country never go out on dates. SMDH.
There are dozens of reasons why this is not a good idea as far as “divorce-proofing” your marriage goes; however, since this article is about sex, specifically, quality time strengthens emotional intimacy, and emotional intimacy improves the quality of one’s sex life. So, if you’re in a long-term relationship, your sex life is ho-hum, and you can’t remember the last time you and your partner actually went out together — perhaps it’s time to connect those dots.
5. Your Relationship Is Not Your Top Priority
GiphyIf I had to choose one main issue that keeps me in business (as far as marriage life coaching is concerned), it’s that one or both spouses in a marriage “forget” (I put that in quotes because sometimes they literally forget and sometimes it’s more of a passive-aggressive choice) to make their partner their very top priority (under God, that is). When it comes to this particular topic, a priority is defined as being “the right to precede others in order, rank, privilege, etc.; precedence” and when you say “I do” to someone, that is a part of what you are publicly declaring — that they are going to take precedence over everyone else in your world.
And what are some indications that your partner is your top priority? You are proactive rather than reactive when it comes to their needs. You are quick to want to resolve problems while being slow to create them. You consistently want them to feel heard, validated, and safe. You make them aware that they are a part of both your short and long-term plans. Empathy is a foundational part of the relationship. And honey, when two people do this for each other outside of the bedroom, how can there not be fireworks inside of it? Straight up.
6. Your Kids Are Taking Over
GiphyI always find it interesting whenever people get triggered by my saying that children should never come before marriage. For one thing, the marriage existed first. Secondly, kids aren’t adults; they don’t have the mental or emotional capacity to find balance in their needs or demands; adults need to be the ones to regulate both. And third, have you read how divorce affects/impacts kids even well into their adulthood?
At the end of the day, children want happy parents and there’s a greater chance that will happen when husbands and wives put their relationship first. Unfortunately, even with all of the data that supports my points, a lot of people still let their kids take over their entire lives — including their bedroom and that can lead to, not only a “less than” sex life but a completely ruined one, if you’re not careful.
That’s why I think it’s important for parents to read articles like HuffPost’s “We Decided To Tell Our Kids When We’re Having Sex. Here’s Why — And What Happened After.” and also ones that I’ve penned for the platform like, “Married Couples, Here's How To Make (More) Time For Sex,” “How To Make Sex Easier (& More Fun) When You've Got Kids” and even “10 New Moms Share What They Wish They Knew About Sex Post-Delivery.” The takeaway here is kids are to be a part of your life — not all of it.
7. The Chemistry Is Off
GiphyChemistry is an interesting thing because, although it is pretty necessary when it comes to having a fulfilling sex life, science is still trying to figure out just how to narrow it down. According to a particular article that I read, a featured sex therapist said that sexual chemistry is a combination of attraction, hormones, and even a combination of pleasant memories and/or nostalgia. Another article said that the level of brain chemicals like dopamine and norepinephrine that naturally arise when we’re around certain people (vs. others) cannot be underestimated either.
To me, when it comes to (sexual) chemistry, I think my biggest takeaway is if there is something that you can’t really fake, that would be it, and so, while you shouldn’t rely on chemistry alone when it comes to cultivating a healthy and long-lasting relationship, if, after about three dates or so, there is no “spark,” don’t play that down. Sex is an essential part of a committed relationship, which means that chemistry, on some level, absolutely needs to be present and accounted for.
8. There Is Sexual Frustration
GiphyWhenever I hear someone say, “I’m not angry; I’m frustrated,” I always appreciate that level of self-awareness because being frustrated isn’t about being resentful so much as it’s about being disappointed — and sexual disappointment can happen in a billion different ways. Maybe the quality of sex has decreased. Perhaps you’re not having as much sex as you would like. Could it be that you want more spontaneity or romance, and your partner rarely, if ever, seems to rise to the occasion? Or shoot, maybe your sexual wants and needs have changed, and your partner doesn’t want to make the necessary adjustments.
A part of the reason why I’ve penned articles for the platform like “7 Questions You Should Ask Your Partner Before Giving Them Some” and “9 Sex-Related Questions You & Your Partner Should Ask Each Other. Tonight.” is because the only way that you can ensure that your partner is truly satisfied as far as sex goes is if you ask. When it comes to great sex, there is no room for ego, assumptions, or taking the “if it always worked, it still should” approach. People who move like that? One way or another, they are going to disappoint their bae as far as sexual satisfaction goes (whether their bae actually tells them that or just…fakes through it instead).
9. Or Sexual Repression
GiphyOn the heels of the last point, one of the reasons why sex is considered to be an ultimate form of communication is that when it’s good — and I mean, really, really good — all five senses (sight, hearing, taste, touch, and sound) are involved (check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever”). Another reason is that when you can trust your partner to share your deepest sexual desires and perhaps even a sex-themed bucket list or entries from your sex journal, that can open the door to all types of sexual pleasure…and close the door to what’s known as sexual repression.
Probably the easiest way to define sexual repression is it’s what happens whenever you’re holding back feelings and longings as far as sex is concerned. There are several things that can cause this to transpire. It could be fear of rejection, suppressed childhood or religion-related issues, guilt or shame surrounding certain sex acts, or even physical pain during sex.
For instance, I know a wife who was raped in college and never told her husband. For years, they had sex-related issues because it’s almost as if she was stoic during the act, which led him to not find sex enjoyable at all because he felt like he was unwanted. I also know a wife who, because she is a first lady (you know, a pastor’s wife), has suppressed a lot of her sexual fantasies because she’s afraid that her husband will find them to be “inappropriate.”
In both of these instances, a sex therapist could do a lot of good (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”) because they are professionally trained to deal with all levels of sexual repression — something that is very real, even if it’s not openly discussed very often.
10. Orgasms Consume You
GiphyDo you need to experience orgasms in order to have good sex? No. You don’t. Can it be magnificent whenever you experience them, though? Of course. That said, when it comes to having great sex, although orgasms are literally defined as being the peak of sexual arousal, it is important to take the pressure off of both you and your partner. Contrary to whatever you’ve heard (or told yourself), sex can be pleasurable whether you reach a climax or not, together or not.
However, if you want to have more orgasms, don’t make them the goal so much as heightening your intimacy, taking your time, relishing in each other’s erogenous zones, doing some dirty talking, and being in the moment. When you’re “great” at these things, one way or another, great sex — and possibly a few orgasms along the way — is sure to follow. #wink
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Featured image by Giphy