Mama Glow Founder Latham Thomas Wants Expectant Moms To Reclaim Joy
In 2018, The Center for American Progress reported that African-American women are three to four times more likely to die from childbirth than non-Hispanic white women, and socioeconomic status, education, and other factors do not protect against this disparity. Celebrities like Beyonce and Serena Williams have also helped to bring awareness to these claims, as they both shared the trauma surrounding their emergency C-sections in their respective documentaries Homecoming, and Being Serena.
Additionally, Black mothers' anxiety surrounding childbirth has increased significantly during COVID-19, due to hospitals limiting the number of people that can enter the delivery room, leaving many expectant moms feeling defenseless and unsupported. In tandem with that, a recent meta-analysis researching over 20 years of studies revealed Black patients were 22 percent less likely than white patients to receive any pain medication as they were perceived to have a higher tolerance for pain, have thicker skin, and less sensitive nerve endings.
On the other side of the statistics and fears, is holistic doula, and founder of Mama Glow, Latham Thomas. The Oprah Super Soul 100's Teacher established the first company to offer doula support at every stage along the childbearing continuum - including fertility doula service for women looking to conceive. Her company, which currently has over 400 doulas worldwide, has been at the helm of this resurgence of Black women reclaiming their birth experiences and seeking midwives and doulas to assist them in various stages of their pregnancy.
Here's what the author shared with us the state of home births during COVID-19, how we can show up for Black moms, and self-care:
The Current State Of Home Births
"They're a bunch of clients who were primed for a home birth, but systemically, midwives of color have been marginalized. Dating back to the 1600s, Black slaves acted as midwives and doulas until the mid to late 1700s. When obstetrics was introduced into America, white male physicians replaced midwives, and by the 1800s, legislation was created to ban midwives from practice altogether, and in some states, midwifery is still illegal. So, they are working at their fullest capacity and because there's not so many. Our county has created legislation that's undermined the sustainability of midwives and midwifery, so, unfortunately, it's not accessible to everyone."
How Expectant Mothers Can Stay Encouraged
"While there is a one support person rule that some hospitals have enacted, there are many things that a doula can assist you [with] via Zoom during childbirth. And if you're a single mom or single by choice, you can still bring your doula to act as your one support person.
"This is a challenging time, but it's also an exciting time in how you can prepare yourself in this process. It shouldn't be about being afraid but feeling empowered; I really want Black women to know that reclaim joy, I know tons of people who are having amazing births at this time. We can't allow fear to seep into our consciousness."
"It shouldn't be about being afraid but feeling empowered; I really want Black women to know that reclaim joy, I know tons of people who are having amazing births at this time. We can't allow fear to seep into our consciousness."
For Moms Who Can’t Afford A Doula
"There are doulas everywhere that do community-based work, and they will work with people regardless of the rate. This is a part of our scope of service at Mama Glow; it's my duty to put you in contact with someone who can help you even if I can't. We also have new doula trainees, and those doula services are much less expensive."
How We Can Support New Moms During This Time
"When thinking about Black mothers and how we are as a culture, we're with our people. We don't do this alone, we're a community that raises our children together, and not having that village surrounding us right now can impact new moms mentally. They're struggling; they don't have the support. There's no one cooking for you, holding the baby while you shower - we need to show up for them.
"I'd suggest sending them gift cards for groceries and having daily Zoom calls to check in on them so that the mom sees people every day, so if she has markers for postpartum depression, they're being seen. They should also consider reaching out to a licensed healthcare partner, as many therapists are offering that service online, with a sliding scale so they can work with you from home."
"For us, self-care is not just a frivolous thing, it's a necessity that allows us to combat things that can fry us emotionally."
What Self-Care Should Look Like For Black Moms
"I want us to figure out what self-care rituals that you can practice daily so that you can design a life you don't have to escape from. You might need to declare, 'I need a nap. I'm going to take my iPad in the bathtub and watch my favorite show, or I'm going to throw on some Beyonce and twerk.' We need to explore happiness. Recently, self-care for me has been putting together my 'stop doing list' where I proclaim what I won't take in. Black mothers accumulate so much.
"As I was thinking about the murder of Ahmaud Arbery, I couldn't help but appreciate that my 16-year-old child son is home with me during this time. I sleep at night soundly, because I know where he is. The spikes of anxiety Black mothers face when we think about the safety of our children can destroy our nervous system. We need to think about the stress level that exacerbates our mental health; for us, self-care is not just a frivolous thing, it's a necessity that allows us to combat things that can fry us emotionally. I want us to practice self-preservation and self-love and use it as a model for ourselves and our children."
For more of Latham, follow her and Mama Glow on Instagram.
Featured image via Latham Thomas/Instagram
Originally published on May 22, 2020
Dubbed one of the "21 Black Women Wellness Influencers You Should Follow" by Black + Well, Yasmine Jameelah continues to leave her digital footprint across platforms ranging from Forever 21 Plus, Vaseline, and R29 Unbothered discussing all things healing and body positivity. As a journalist, her writing can be found on sites such as Blavity, Blacklove.com, and xoNecole. Jameelah is also known for her work shattering unconventional stigmas surrounding wellness through her various mediums, including her company Transparent Black Girl. Find Yasmine @YasmineJameelah across all platforms.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images