Sometimes, when I’ve got a client (or a couple) who mentions to me that their sex life is a bit on the mediocre side or they’re going through a season with their partner where it feels like there is some sort of disconnect, I will recommend that they put a mission statement for their sex life in their bedroom (no joke) and/or that they come up with some sex-themed mantras.
It might sound like a strange approach on the surface, yet hear me out. There is plenty of science out here to support the fact that using mantras as a meditative practice can be beneficial on more than a few levels. Repeating a particular word or phrase while in a relaxed state can not only help reduce stress and get you to be more “present” (bookmark that), but mantras are also awesome when it comes to helping you to “reprogram” your mind so that you can feel more confident and less defensive.
This, in turn, can get your mind, body, and spirit to work in harmony with your partner — all of which are needed if you want to have a truly satisfying and fulfilling sex life.
If applying sex mantras to your world is something you’re willing to give a shot yet you have no clue of what to say, here are seven mantras that can inspire you to improve your boudoir action as well as come up with a few sex-themed ones of your own.
1. “My sensuality is incomparable.”
GiphyThe interesting thing about the word “sensual” (at least, to me) is a lot of people think that it automatically means “sexy” when that isn’t exactly the case. While sexiness is all about being sexually interesting or exciting, sensuality is more about gratifying one’s senses or appetite (which is why some people define food as being a “sensual experience”) — and yes, in several ways, those two things are quite different.
The reason why I say that is someone can look sexy all day long and still not be able to truly connect with their partner because they aren’t tapped into theirsexual love languages, theirerogenous zones, or what their partner may be sexually craving at the moment. Oh, but a sensual individual? They will be able to do all of this and so much more.
That’s actually one of the main reasons why I like the word “sensual” so much. You don’t have to look a certain way to be sensual. You don’t have to wear a specific thing to be sensual. You simply have to be observant, unselfish, and fully present — and yes, a person who is that way in the bedroom, they are both incomparable and unforgettable.
Just ask someone who has been with a sensual individual before. Watch how their eyes damn near glaze over as they reflect on the experiences. I’m not kidding.
So yeah, creating a mantra that encourages you to focus on your sensuality, even over being sexy, that is a great way to become a more sexually confident type of person — and where confidence resides, great results transpire. In and out of the bedroom alike.
2. “I am fully present.”
GiphyA few years ago, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “How About Having A 'Mindful Orgasm' Tonight?” A big part of it consisted of learning how to be mindful, which at the end of the day, is about being present. And just what does that mean? Personally, I like howone article that I read on the topic defined it: “being (intentionally) more aware and awake to each moment and being fully engaged in what is happening in one’s surroundings – with acceptance and without judgment”.
Just a few days ago, a friend of mine and I were talking about what our favorite Luther Vandross songs were. Being the B-side woman that I am, I mentioned his joint, “For You to Love” (side note: peep YouTube comments on songs sometimes. I was moved to see a woman say that this was the last song she and her hubby danced to before he passed away 10 years ago and that they would’ve been together 54 years now if he was still alive).
Aside from the vocals and the bass player absolutely killin’ it, I just like the phrasing of sex in the song — nothing graphic, no unrealistic expectations (more on that in a bit); Luther said that he took a train in the pouring rain just for his partner to love him. Nothing more, nothing less.
And yes, taking on that kind of mindset sets the foundation for some pretty amazing sex because all you want to do is take in each moment, be fully engaged with your bae, and accept them (as they do the same thing for you) with no judgment. It’s not about what happened last time; it’s about simply enjoying this time. What happens happens, and what comes (or cums) comes. You’re here for all of it, and that’s what matters most. When it comes to sex, this is a lot of what being present is all about.
3. “If I didn’t want to please you, I wouldn’t be here.”
GiphySelfish people will never experience all that comes withmind-blowing sex (check out “Got A Selfish Lover? This Is What You Should Do About It.”). Why? Because all that they really care about is what they can get out of the exchange. That’s why, it has always been my belief that, if you want some of the best sex of your life,you need to be a pleaser, and your partner needs to be that way too. I am a huge fan of this because if you both get off on getting each other off…how can sex not be a wonderful experience?
On the other hand, if you’re with someone who doesn’t feel or think this way…essentially, you are totally wasting your time because if all they care about is themselves, I mean…masturbation is right there. Right?
I mean, I don’t know about y’all, but whenmy past sex partners were on some, “I just want to make you feel good, everything else is a bonus,” already I was on the verge of damn near climaxing because if that is your top agenda, I already know that I’m about to be in for a really good time!
So yeah, if earth-shattering sex is your goal, always go into the experience with the mentality of, “My time is precious, and so, if I wasn’t trying to please you, I wouldn’t be here” while expecting no less from “him.” Because, it’s true — if you both didn’t want to make sure that each of you will be able to get the absolute most out of what is about to go down, why are you trying to have sex in the first place? I mean…really.
4. “Having me is an honor.”
GiphyYou can think it’s an old-fashioned, dated, or antiquated thing to say, yet I do really find it to be pretty sad, just how casual so many people are about sex — seemingly now more than ever. I say that becausebeing casual is (literally) about being things like apathetic, nonchalant, and purposeless — and no, I don’t think that copulation should have that kind of energy attached to it.
When you decide to share your body with another individual, and especially when we as women decide to allow someone to literally enter inside of us, that should be treated as both an honor and a privilege.
I’m not being grandiose; I used the word “honor” by design because it means that you should be highly respected, esteemed, and even praised — that there is something so distinctive (which is a synonym of honor) about you that no one should approach you with a “ho-hum” attitude. Sir, what you are about to partake in is something that is truly magnificent. Please take special note.
And here’s the thing, sis: when you believe this about yourself, it will definitely make your sexual experience a better one because when you see yourself as something that is worthy of praise, you tend to want to create encounters that will amplify that.” And no, I don’t care how many times someone has already “had the pleasure” with you. Yesterday is a thing of the past. If he’s able to be with you, right here and right now, it is still an honor. Yet again. Lucky him.
5. “The expectations here are connection and pleasure.”
GiphyThe Greek philosopher Heraclitus once said, “If you do not expect the unexpected, you will not recognize it when it arrives,” author Tom Bodett once said, “Disappointment resides in the gap between expectations and reality,” and some wise person out in the world once said, “Anger is just proof of how unrealistic your expectations were.”
When it comes to sex —even really good sex — I believe that all of these quotes should be tucked away somewhere in your mind because, as I also once read, oftentimes, we find ourselves frustrated in our relationships because we tie the word “always” to it. In other words, we don’t allow a lot of room for change, surprises, or simply something different, and the bedroom is not exempt from this.
Keeping all of this in mind, just imagine what it would be like if, each and every time we decided to have an intimate moment with our partner, we only had two expectations: to connect with them on a special level and to make sure that pleasure is mutually experienced. Not that sex is like it was the last time. Not thatmultiple orgasms must be had. Not that minds must be blown.
Imagine if the goal was simply to connect in a pleasurable way. Taking the pressure off to perform — or outperform — reduces stress, which opens the door up to all types of possibilities because you aren’t looking for anything other than to enjoy your partner…however that chooses to manifest itself. This time.
6. “Our desire is significant.”
GiphyI like the word “desire,” especially when it comes to sex. Desire means to make a request. Desire means to have a craving. Desire means to be sexually attracted. Desire means to see something (or one) asa source of satisfaction and enjoyment. Desire is about being highly passionate. Desire is about being eager to please. Desire is about having a voracious appetite. Desire is about having a clear motive. And, in this instance,desire is about lust — and love.
Taking all of this in, imagine what sex between you and your partner would be like if, all throughout the day, in preparation of what was to come, you both simply said to yourselves (and perhaps to each other on a call or via text) something along the lines of, “Our desire for each other is significant.” Yeah, I like the word “significant” too because it means that something or someone is special, important, and deserving of one’s attention. That said, GOODNESS — just imagine how you would feel if your partner shot you a text that said something like, “I crave you, and my intention is to please you on every level; that is how much I want you, so I request your presence at this hotel room tonight. It’s important.” WHEEEEEW.
Yeah, imagine if, every time you and your partner had sex, you went into seeing it — valuing it — as an important opportunity where you can have your appetite quenched. If that mindset doesn’t improve your sex life, honey…I don’t know what to tell you.
7. “I deserve this.”
GiphyLast year, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “Before You Talk About What You 'Deserve'...Do You Know What That Even Means?” Yep, I’m big on speaking out about what deserve means because far too many people out here come with an entitled — if not flat-out delusional — attitude about it. Why do I say that? Because, again, by definition of the word, in order to deserve something (or someone), you need to be qualified.
For instance, why should someone think that they deservea six-figure earner when they barely make $30,000, they have nothing in their savings account, and their credit is in shambles? Not only that, but they have a pattern of misspending and no plans to improve their financial issues. I’m telling you, once you get into your mind that you need to strive to “be what you think that you deserve,” not only does it humble you, it helps you to be more realistic in your approach to…a lot of things.
And as I bring this to a close, what does this have to do with sex? Well, when you choose a partner to share your body and energy with, whether you realize it, you are qualifying them to be with you. You are essentially saying that they have the “proper or necessary skills, knowledge, credentials, etc.” to experience intimacy with you on that level. And when they choose you, they are essentially saying the same thing (which is why people need to be more selective about who they choose to copulate with, chile).
And so, since both of you are qualified, there is no reason to be self-conscious, to worry about if you are “skilled enough” or to overthink everything. By you and your partner deciding to experience each other in this way and on this level, sis, you automatically deserve it — you deserve to have a memorable exchange that will bring you joy and fulfillment. Go into it with that mindset and watch how satisfied you will feel.
___
That’s the thing about a mantra. While, on the surface, it seems like a simple phrase, if you unpack the meaning behind it, you’ll be amazed by what type of transformative vibes you can bring into your life — including your sex life.
Try it. You just might like it. A LOT.
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Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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While the movies and shows on this list vary in genre and style, they all have toe-curling elements that make them truly mind-blowing.
1. Love & Basketball
Now, Love & Basketballis a universally memorable movie in the Black community in its own right, but that sex scene was almost revolutionary. The raw, realistic portrayal of Monica’s first time as she loses her virginity to her childhood soulmate Quincy was an important moment for young Black women everywhere. For a scene that had no on-screen nudity, the chemistry between the characters was enough to have us all feeling a little hot under the collar!
2. Set It Off
This 1996 sex scene between Blair Underwood and Jada Pinkett-Smith’s characters Keith and Stony had all the elements that take a sex scene from good to great. And let’s not let the fact that Jada used a body double take away from how iconic this scene is. Attractive actors, focused foreplay, close-ups, tension-building music (shout out En Vogue!), and chemistry for days. When I rewatched this movie recently and noticed the way Keith moved his chain out of the way (IYKYK), I yelled! Those little details set this sex scene apart.
3. Out of Time
Denzel Washington has been fine his whole life. He’s intergenerational fine. And when this movie came out he was in his PRIME, okay?! The chemistry between Denzel and Sanaa Lathan in Out of Time is undeniable. So much so that when the movie came out, rumors began to circulate that the actors were romantically involved. And if you’ve seen the movie, I’m sure you’re not surprised.
The icing on the cake for me was that roleplay scene (peep the video above). You know, the one where Matthias pretends to be investigating a crime and Ann talks him through what the “intruder” did to her and he reenacts it? Turns out WE were the ones intruding on a crime - assault with a deadly weapon, if you will.
4. Scandal
Thursdays haven’t been the same since ABC’s TGIT. Shonda Rhimes was in her bag when she gave us back-to-back episodes of Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, AND How To Get Away With Murder. Lives were changed. Aside from nail-biting drama and salacious storylines, Shonda also consistently gave us an array of dangerously attractive characters and sexual tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.
I’ll forever be team #Olitz. Their steamy sex sessions were made even hotter because their relationship was taboo, scandalous, even.
Adultery aside, Olivia and Fitz’s sexy time scenes never left anything to be desired. Interestingly, my favorite Olitz sex scene is their very first time. After six episodes of build-up, they finally did the deed and alleviated all the sexual tension we’d all been feeling. I think we all developed a new level of respect for Fitz when he ordered Olivia to take her clothes off, and she did not disappoint because she served bawdy in that white lingerie (I see what you did there, Shonda). Olivia served at the pleasure of the President, and so did we. For all 6 seasons.
5. Bridgerton
Dearest Gentle Reader, this couple certainly set the Ton abuzz in Bridgerton season one. For a Duke who was once lost for words, the cat’s certainly no longer in possession of his tongue. And luckily, it seems the Duchess is more physical touch than words of affirmation.
The Hastings basked in newlywed bliss all over their new abode and that library ladder scene - you know the one - took the couple’s sex life to new heights. What made this scene with Simon going down on Daphne while she’s suspended on a ladder so incredibly hot is how it centered *female* pleasure. He a good man, Savannah!
6. Insecure
One thing we could always expect from Issa Rae and Larry Wilmore’s hit series - a jaw-dropping sex scene. What I loved about Insecure’s sex scenes is that they’re not only seriously hot, but alsoVERY relatable. From that incident with Daniel, to Issa and Lawrence’s freshly-broken-up-unfinished-business ex-sex.
The one that tops my list has got to be when Issa and Nathan joined their own version of the Mile High Club on the Ferris wheel at Coachella. Cinematically, the scene was gorgeous but it also felt truly organic, like it was the perfect first time for them. I feel like we all collectively exhaled because she finally chose a man we could actually root for. You know what that is? Growth.
Honorable mention: the we’ve-finally-reunited couch sex Lawrence and Issa have when they finally get back together.
7. Power
From gunplay to foreplay, Power held nothing back. Every sex scene was spicy in its own way from Tate and his staffer, to the pilot episode Ghost and Tasha, to Tommy and Keisha. So many to choose from! The one that stands out in my mind is when Ghost and Angela get it on against the window of his hotel room overlooking the New York cityscape. Their chemistry was undeniable and the yearning was palpable in every single one of their sex scenes. Now, that’s acting!
8. Love Jones
WhenLove Jones premiered in 1997, a Black romance about a couple of creatives living and loving in the city was unprecedented. Between the novelty of the story and the charming dynamic between Darius and Nina, Love Jones quickly became a cultural classic. And even with the plethora of Black stories that have since graced our screens, Love Jones is a movie the conversation always comes back to. I mean, with bars like “I’m the blues in your left thigh trying to become the funk in your right”? Yeah, I would’ve folded.
Nina and Darius having sex on the first date felt bold and spontaneous, but that’s only part of why that scene was so steamy. Music can make or break a moment on-screen - sex or otherwise - and Maxwell’s "Sumthin’ Sumthin’" playing in the background made it feel like they were truly making love. Romance is sexy too, right?
9. Queen & Slim
Finally, on-screen car sex that actually looks enjoyable! It’s a beautifully shot scene with long, slow closeups of the characters making intense eye contact (IYKYK!). And the passion between the two actors is so realistic that some people even questioned if the scene was real! The buildup that led to this spontaneous daylight, on-the-run hookup made it even sexier. 10/10, no notes.
For so long, we’ve been starved of seeing positive Black female sexuality on screen and the She’s Gotta Have It remake helped to change that. DeWanda Wise absolutely killed it in the Spike Lee remake as Nola Darling, a polyamorous pansexual woman living her best sexually liberated life, boldly approaching relationships in a way we usually see as taboo. Men, women…one, two, three on rotation, Nola’s pleasure was Nola’s priority (IKDR!).
While her sexual appetite meant her loving bed saw many visitors, I think her best sex scene came when she finally decided to give monogamy a try with her girlfriend Opal. While the scene was pretty graphic, just like the others, this one was different because it was special. It felt like Nola and Opal were two women passionately in love. And what’s sexier than sex with someone you love?
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Featured image via Netflix