This year, we all need to make a conscious effort to keep our black dollars in our black communities by supporting black-owned businesses on Black Friday and the entire holiday season. Listen, after we, the culture aka Black Twitter, bought every juicy chicken sandwich from Popeyes causing them to sell out in just two weeks, we proved that black buying power is as strong as Beyonce's wig glue.
For years, we have heralded the day after Thanksgiving as the holy grail of sales and the first day of Christmas season shopping. Remember when Issa Rae said she was rooting for everybody black at the Emmys? Well, it's time to keep that same energy while throwing items in your bag or cart.
Scroll through our black AF list from clothing to candles to wine to extensions to so many more. We have supplied you with some of dope businesses to support this holiday season!
For The Aspiring Sommelier: Love Cork Screw
They say the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice and that's why supporting Chrishon Lampley, wine enthusiast and founder of Love Cork Screw, will be the sweetest thing you will do this year. Offering five wine varieties, LCS bottles range in prices from $12 to $17. You've got choices like the sweet Riesling Head Over Heels, the American white table wine Touch the Sky, and the unforgettable rosé We Go High. More than anything, you should support Chrishon's LCS movement not only because she's a black woman in wine, but also because she uses her platform to mentor young women and promising entrepreneurs by sharing her journey.
What's better than a bottle of wine made from love and light? LCS has gift sets intermixed with two wine varietals, a Love Cork Screw candle and a Body Butter, perfect for that wine-lover in your friend group.
Shop Love Cork Screw here.
For The Vibe Queen: Alexandria Winbush
Alexandra Winbush
Because mental health matters, Brittney Winbush created Alexandra Winbush to shift our thoughts on this tough topic through mood-boosting candles and spirit-lifting teas. After surviving a house fire that threw her into depression and anxiety, she decided to share the piece of peace that got her through it. The founder told Coveted Style that the best part about her business is being able to help people have a sense of peace in the midst of craziness. Brittney recalled receiving a message from a customer saying that she was having a pretty mad day and as soon as she lit her candle, she felt better and more at peace. And that's what Britney affirms is the best part of her company.
The candle fills your space up with amazing aromas, inspirational sayings, and vibe-approved playlist.
Shop Alexandra Winbush here.
For The Weave Connoisseur: XOXO Virgin Hair
Wigs and extensions are the wave these days, so the once negative shock factor of wearing a wig is now as popular as Megan Thee Stallion's knees. Fashion model turned CEO Stephanie Nolan has always had an obsession with hair and its quality and longevity. Through collaborations with BET, Adidas and Lusters Hair Care, she learned that she could elevate hair extensions by making them ideal for the use of thermal tools, frequent styling and chemical alterations. Stephanie developed a collection that is 100 percent pure – free of chemicals or synthetic fillers to imitate natural hair.
We all love luxurious bundles and these locks are approved by some of our favorite beauty mavens like Jordyn Woods, Solange, Michaela Coel, Jackie Aina and many more. Use code XOXO on Black Friday for 40% off!
Shop XOXO Virgin Hair here.
For The Skincare Enthusiast: Touch Body Works
You could go to Bath & Body Works or you could give Touch Body Works a chance. Your face, skin and body will thank you for switching it up. TBW's mission is, "To offer the best natural skincare and haircare available. We believe in making products that are good for your body and for the environment. We believe in using only all-natural, sustainable ingredients that are plant-based and/or cruelty-free. We believe in showing the better side of natural beauty. Sans the chemicals, sans the clinical and sterile emotions, and sans the pretentious prices."
Throw some items in the bag for yourself, your significant other, your family or whoever appreciates the charm of authentic skin products.
Shop Touch Body Works here.
For The Artsy Creative: Abeille Creations
Abeille Creations
Self-taught artist Melissa Mitchell creates electrifying art that you can hang on your wall or drape on your body. There isn't a mural, canvas, headwrap, kimono or pair of Spanx she hasn't slayed. If you're looking for a wildly unique gift to give this season, Abeille Creations is a great place to start. Since Melissa was a youngin', she has found ways to incorporate bright colors and funky lines in her pieces because it's her favorite way to express herself. Her pieces exude confidence and personality which supports her goal of empowering everyone to rock her designs in all spaces from boardrooms to brunches.
Shop Abeille Creations here.
For The Cannabis Enthusiast: Mary & Main
*sings* Mary Jay-aaaaannnneeeeeee! Marijuana, Mary Jane, cannabis, weed or whatever you call it – it is one of the most beautiful plants on this earth with its immense healing properties. While you can cop it from different places, we wanted to equip you with a black-owned dispensary. Not sure if you know but Hope Wiseman was the youngest, African-American dispensary owner back in 2018 when she opened Mary & Main.
If you have a patient card, you can order premium quality cannabis products with exemplary and compassionate service.
Shop Mary & Main here.
For The Shoe Diva: Aminah Abdul Jillil
The Alaskan native started her first collection in 2012 after touring the world with Brittney Spears. Aminah loves to share her creativity through her shoe designs and has ever since she made her first sandal. We are pretty sure you have seen her designs as she is infamous for a large structured bow on a killer shoe. Aminah recalls her inspiration for the first shoe during an interview with Fustany, "The Aminah Abdul Jillil bow pumps were actually the bow sandals first. My husband bought me a purse for my birthday one year, which had a huge leather bow detail that I absolutely fell in love with! So I'd mostly gotten my inspiration from that purse and made a pair of sandals with black leather bows around the ankles."
Style these glamorous pumps or sandals with a simple little black dress or with a graphic tee and distressed jeans.
Shop Aminah Abdul Jillil here.
For The SJW: GreenBoxShop
Green Box Shop
Say it with your chest is a real thing and doing it with a GreenBoxShop is the way to do it. The badass brand was made extremely popular after Frank Ocean's 2017 Panorama set and was conceived by Kayla Robinson in her small apartment after searching for tees that conveyed her true feelings about social justice. She couldn't find any so she made them herself. GreenBoxShop began as a way for her to raise money to become a certified yoga instructor. To Kayla's surprise, she became a well-received t-shirt activist which is helping her delve into urban farming. Her endgame: making healthy and home-grown food more accessible in the many food deserts in our country.
Head over to the shop to add some fire tees to your cart.
Shop GreenBoxShop here.
For The Avid Reader: Semicolon Bookstore & Gallery
Semicolon came about when author, editor and PhD Danielle Mullen shared her dream of being surrounded by books and art. What's in a name? Danielle told the Chicago Review of Books, "I love the idea of a sentence's ability to continue forward whenever the author so chooses. It's so applicable to other aspects of life, which is what I thought made it perfect for the space I was creating." Danielle uses the store as an asset for budding and self-published authors; if they need to print a manuscript in a pinch, Semicolon is the place to go as it houses an Espresso Book Machine, that prints up to 450 pages in minutes.
Danielle has created a space for artists and authors alike to come and build rapport. Best of all, you can order books online from the Chi-Town store.
Shop Semicolon Chi here.
For The Makeup Maven: Coloured Raine
Coloured Raine
Loraine R Dowdy left a major bag in the financial industry to create Coloured Raine in 2013. She was one of the first brands to be inclusive of all shades and hues. Coloured Raine differs from other beauty brands with its exceptionally made products that also don't put your account in the negative. We are sure the makeup lover in your life would love this as a gift!
Shop Coloured Raine here.
For The Style Maven: Nichole Lynel
Nichole Lynel
Nichole always wanted to be a fashion designer so she used her last to launch her website, Shop Nichole Lynel, to continue to pursue her dreams. She told us earlier this year, "I was always told how hard it was, but I realized the only thing that was really hard was going to work every day and hating it. If it's going to be hard, it might as well be something hard that I actually love. I started at the top floor and knocked on every door until someone told me 'yes'. It took months between the initial idea and the actual launch date. Stepping out on your own is a whole 'nother thing."
The brand is more of a lifestyle than simple clothing options. Nichole's online boutique is what happens when luxury and lifestyle collide. From exclusive pants sets to haute couture dresses, you can find something for every event or avenue in your life.
Shop Nichole Lynel here.
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Kayla Nicole says she wore a dress that was once worn by Braxton herself for the Halloween costume. “It’s not a secret Toni is more on the petite side. I’m obsessed with all 5’2” of her,” she tells xoNecole via email. “But I’m 5’10'' and not missing any meals, honey, so to my surprise, when I got the dress and it actually fit, I knew it was destiny.”
The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."
Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Throughout each episode, she sips a cocktail and addresses trending topics (even when they involve herself). It’s a platform the Pepperdine University alumnus has been preparing to have since she graduated with a degree in broadcast journalism, with a concentration in political science.
“I just knew I was going to end up on a local news network at the head anchor table, breaking high speed chases, and tossing it to the weather girl,” she says. Instead, she ended up working as an assistant at TMZ before covering sports as a freelance reporter. (She’s said she didn’t work for ESPN, despite previous reports saying otherwise.) The Pre-Game combines her love for pop culture and sports in a way that once felt inaccessible to her in traditional media.
She’s not just a podcaster, though. When she’s not behind the mic, taking acting classes or making her New York Fashion Week debut, Kayla Nicole is also busy elevating her wellness brand Tribe Therepē, where she shares her workouts and the workout equipment that helps her look chic while staying fit. She says the brand will add apparel to its line up in early 2026.
“Tribe Therepē has evolved into exactly what I have always envisioned. A community of women who care about being fit not just for the aesthetic, but for their mental and emotional well-being too. It’s grounded. It’s feminine. It’s strong,” she says. “And honestly, it's a reflection of where I am in my life right now. I feel so damn good - mentally, emotionally, and physically. And I am grateful to be in a space where I can pour that love and light back into the community that continues to pour into me.”
Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
Featured image by Malcolm Roberson
Back to Swayvo Twain, though. After I saw numerous posts about the fact that D’Angelo’s song “Send It On” was a creative collaboration that his parents made in his honor after he was born — I found myself wondering just how many times he’s listened to it this year and especially over the past several weeks. And then, I was like, “Lawd. What is this man’s holiday season going to be like?” I can only imagine.
Holiday seasons mean different things to different people. Yet if you’re someone who has lost a dear loved one (familial or not) this past year and a part of you is absolutely not looking forward to the holiday season because of it — I just want you to know that I see you and I want to provide a few thoughts, just so you don’t have to overthink or unnecessarily pressure yourself or feel like you’ve got to “put on” anything during this time. You absolutely don’t.
And here, in more detail, is exactly what I mean by that.
Expect to Go Through the Five Stages of Grief. Repeatedly.
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Grief is layered and sometimes really complicated. Partly because, well, you’ve heard of the five stages of grief, right — denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance? Well, the thing is, sometimes you can find yourself going through some of those stages simultaneously. Like you might be in denial and angry. Or you might be depressed while accepting the reality that someone who you really cared about is gone. And what’s really wild is sometimes the oddest things can put you in those emotional spaces.
Take my godchildren’s mom, for example. There is a movie called Lucky 7 (Kelly Williams-Paisley, Patrick Dempsey) that makes me think about her. That’s because a part of her story is that she and the lead character in the film both lost their mother to cancer when they were seven. Anyway, Rissi (that’s her name although everyone knows that I typically just refer to her as “my godchildren’s mom” — LOL) said that a couple of weeks ago, she woke herself up sobbing and missing her mom, even though she’s been gone for 37 years now.
When she said that she didn’t know where the wave of grief came from, I reminded her about her single “Old Black Southern Woman” (which premiered November 7 and I've included under this point, so that I can show my babies off) and since the song is in tribute to her mother, that’s probably the origin story of it all.
Honestly, though, when you lose someone dear, you don’t really need a reason. I mean, think about it — none of us “love with an expiration date” and so trying to figure out what to do with the emotions, the commitment, the relationship now that everything about it has permanently shifted? Yeah, it can take you on quite the emotional roller coaster ride. Repeatedly. Without real cause or reason.
And you know what? That is okay.
Grieve how you need to…as it comes.
Surround Yourself with People Who Will Let You…BE
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One thing about losing a parent or a spouse or (whew) a child is, once it happens to you and then you hear about it happening to someone else, you are able to empathize on a whole ‘nother level compared to those who have yet to experience that depth of loss. As a direct result, you get that sometimes they will be in a good mood and then sometimes, without warning, they will isolate. You get that sometimes they will take you up on your offer to hang out and then sometimes you may not hear from them for weeks on end. You even get that sometimes, their energy will switch up on you in mid-conversation and that you can’t personalize it. They are in “grief aftershock” and sometimes, it catches them totally off guard.
And that’s why it’s so important — crucial even — that you are intentional, especially this year, to surround yourself with people who will give you the space and grace to grieve however you need to. Because while you shouldn’t be out here just being mean and rude, if you’re not your best self, folks who are really in tuned to the magnitude of your loss will get that — even to the point of not stressing you out or guilt tripping you if you’d prefer to sit this holiday season (or portions of it) out.
Yeah, the great grief support people? They will be interested in you doing what is best for you — not in you doing what they think is best for you. BIG DIFFERENCE THERE, CHILE.
Try Not to Emotionally Trigger Yourself
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This is a tricky one because, since it is your first holiday season without your loved one, probably all kinds of stuff will get to you. All I’m saying is that you should let memories happen naturally instead of looking for things that will make you feel bad or low.
For instance, if going through every photo of them that you have in your possession will bring you comfort, by all means, pull them all out. However, if doing that is going to make you feel really sad and put you in a state of restlessness and irritation — why punish yourself in that way? Or if there is a holiday movie that the two of you enjoyed together and watching it will somehow make you feel close to them, enjoy. On the other hand, if it’s going to have you an emotional wreck to where you can barely sleep or get out of bed — why do that to yourself?
One way that AI defines an emotional trigger is this: “An emotional trigger is a stimulus that causes a strong, often overwhelming emotional or psychological reaction that feels disproportionate to the current situation”. Did you catch all of that? Triggers are something that overwhelms you in spite of what your current situation may actually be.
Listen, grief is overwhelming enough. Try to be really kind and discerning by not going out of your way to emotionally trigger yourself in the process of handling all that is already on your mind, heart and spirit’s plate.
Prioritize Self-Care
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Years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “The Self-Care Checklist Every Woman Needs.” When you get a chance, please check it out because it covers things like forgiving yourself and taking personal days — both of which are relevant to this piece.
Another reason why losing a loved one can be devastating for some of us is because it can bring forth feelings of regret. Maybe you didn’t have a specific conversation with them that you should’ve. Perhaps you wish that you had taken better advantage of the time that you had with them while they were alive. It could be that you regret not being more of what they needed. Whatever the case may be, their purpose is complete on this planet.
You know whose isn’t? LOOK IN THE MIRROR. You’ve got to forgive yourself and — as I’ve said many times before, one of my favorite definitions of forgiveness is by author Gary Zukav: “Accepting that the past can’t change,” which, interestingly enough, could play a role in the final stage of grief which is acceptance.
And the personal days part? I mean, it is the holiday season, right? If you’ve got personal or vacation days, TAKE THEM. Just as much as work can get your mind off of things, it can also wear you down too, if you’re not careful. Spending some days doing nothing but sleeping, reading or watching movies could be just what you need right now. Because when you’re healing from the loss of the loved one, self-care isn’t a luxury — it is absolutely paramount.
Be Okay with Not Knowing
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“Know” is an interesting word. One of its definitions is “to perceive or understand as fact or truth; to apprehend clearly and with certainty.” That said, a few weeks ago, my mother’s husband sent me a grief quote. Although it wasn’t something that I personally resonated with (for many reasons that we don’t have time to get into today), I do believe that many things happen for more than a reason; they have a purpose — and perhaps the quote was for this article:
"When you lose someone, it feels like the entire map of your life has been erased. You still hold the paper in your hands, but the destination seems to be gone. And that’s just one part of grief. People don’t really talk about…Not just the missing person, but the missing sense of direction. The hardest truth is that no one can hand you a new map to your life. It’s up to you to build a compass on your own, one day and one moment at a time. That compass won’t appear overnight, but every choice you survive becomes part of it." (Brendan Shaw)
One thing that is so…let’s go with the word “rough” about death is that it comes in and alters the plans that you had for your life when it comes to the person you lost — and that can have you out here on some “So, what now?”…without having a single clue. Because you’re trying to wrap your mind around what happened and how you are supposed to adjust to it, it can feel like you don’t really have the words, let alone any ideas, about how to move forward. And that is something that you need to make peace with — the not knowing, I mean.
Yeah, that reminds me. There is a project that my mother co-executive produced many years ago. On it, there is a song entitled, “You Don’t Have to Know Why” (Tata Vega/Maia Amada). The chorus goes as follows:
You don’t have to know why
‘Cause the why is unimportant
You don’t have to know when
‘Cause time is not a factor
You don’t have to know what
You don’t have to know how
‘Cause his love for you is all you need to know
Geeze. You see how many times “know” pops up? When you lose someone and your life feels like it has totally turned upside down because of it — be patient with yourself; you don’t have to perceive or understand what’s next. Not right now. Sometimes just getting out of bed, putting one foot in front of another towards your shower and actually getting into is more than enough.
Oh, and did you peep how the last line of the chorus says that “his love” is all that you need to know? They are talking about God — and that brings me to my next point/tip.
KNOW That God Can Handle Every Single Emotion
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Someone in my world is really angry with God right now about a loss that they currently experienced. It’s not the death of a person; it’s the end of a marriage (which is a death in its own kind of way). They are angry with God because they feel like he doesn’t care that they gave their all and their spouse left anyway.
Another topic for another time is that we can’t be thankful that God gave us the power of choice/free will and then turn around and want him to rescind that offer to others. For now I’ll just say what I said to them: “Girl, do you know how many times I’ve been mad at God? And do you know that God doesn’t stop being God just because I’m angry. He can handle your emotions. Trust me.”
And P.S.: God isn’t mad that you’re mad. That’s why I’m so fond of the Scripture, “Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah.” (Psalm 4:4 — NKJV) Hmph. When I look at that word “meditate”, that makes me think of another verse: “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” (Psalm 46:10 — NKJV)
One definition of anger is “a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong” — and why would you think that God wouldn’t understand that you aren’t pleased or that you feel wronged by losing someone? Of course, he does. And yet, peep the wisdom of King David. He said that when you feel that way, don’t do something reckless or even unwise. Instead, MEDITATE. Get still enough to remember that God is involved, even in your pain, confusion and emotional exhaustion. Because he is.
Exercise Self-Compassion with Every Moment…As It Comes
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And finally, I am big on the importance of practicing self-compassion; so much to the point where I penned the article, “12 Ways To Be Far More Self-Compassionate Every Day” a few years back. Compassion means “a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering” and suffering means “to undergo or feel pain or distress,” “to sustain injury, disadvantage, or loss” and “to endure pain, disability, death, etc., patiently or willingly.”
Self-compassion, in part, is about recognizing that you are suffering and then being intentional about doing what you can to reduce the pain that you are experiencing. Journal it out. Talk to a friend. Go for a long walk. Get a mani/pedi or massage. Take a nap. Indulge in some comfort food. See a grief therapist — love on yourself enough by giving your grief a platform to express itself and then find an outlet for the energy to manifest into something that will make you feel…encouraged.
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My first major death blow happened when I was 21. I lost my fiancé on November 3, 1995 and then my closest great-grandparent the following day. Listen here, that first loss? It feels like you can’t breathe for days at a time — and that first holiday season? It’s pretty much a blur with many moments of heartache in them. That’s the bad news.
The good news is that you will get through it. Like a woman once said on a favorite sitcom of mine once upon a time, “Even despair will eventually exhaust itself” — and while it might not feel that way right now, that is 1000 percent the truth.
I won’t lie to you — probably not by Thanksgiving. Christmas and New Year’s either. Yet if you take my lived-out tips to heart, I believe that they can help make this first year without your loved one more bearable.
You might even smile and laugh a little bit. Yet if you don’t…again, give yourself some grace.
Yeah, feel what you feel…until you don’t.
At the end of the day, sis, that is just what self-love and validation during loss is all about.
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