![Quantcast](http://pixel.quantserve.com/pixel/p-GS-HF4BKvzCmv.gif)
!['Black Love' Producer Codie Elaine Oliver Weighs In On Viral Dating Debates, Marriage, And Black Love Summit](https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy81MDI4MjY3OS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTc1NjYwMjUwNn0.197gGRFinVLaPTOzbfciTfgTkPA1KQTZ3WWvu1uAj9E/img.jpg?width=1200&height=600&quality=90&coordinates=0%2C0%2C0%2C608)
'Black Love' Producer Codie Elaine Oliver Weighs In On Viral Dating Debates, Marriage, And Black Love Summit
The Black Love docuseries was first introduced as a way to show positive images of love in the Black community, and it has since expanded to different offerings like blacklove.com, the online series Couch Conversations, and the Black Love Summit. Created by Tommy and Codie Elaine Oliver, the Black Love brand has become one of the more popular brands that share authentic stories about love, relationships, and family while also sparking needed conversations in our community.
Over the weekend, they held their 6th annual Black Love Summit in Atlanta, Georgia, and it featured a variety of people like married couple and content creators Devale and Khadeen Ellis, singer Keri Hilson, and many more. xoNecole caught up with Codie to talk about the brand’s impact, social media’s role in how we show up in relationships, and her marriage to Tommy.
xoNecole: This past weekend was the 6th annual Black Love Summit in Atlanta, GA, and you had a variety of couples, from KJ Smith and Skyh Black, whose wedding recently went viral, to Slutty Vegan founder Pinky Cole and her husband Derrick Hayes. How did you go about choosing the couples for this year?
Codie Elaine Oliver: Well, I want to emphasize too that the Black Love Summit, we really try to focus on all of us and wherever we are. So whether you're single, whether you're dating, married, it is important for us to highlight, you know, married people with partners who are thriving individually and together. But also, you know, there's a lot of single folks on our panels, and we want to make sure that it's like a welcoming environment for all of us.
But as far as choosing the couples, I mean, we work hard to select speakers and talent who are transparent and vulnerable. We love people who, like, actually share candid experiences and stories online or with us. A lot of times, we know them, whether from our interviews with Black Love the docuseries or from our experiences. I say our, like me and Tommy, and so we know what they've been through.
We know the stories that they have to tell, and sometimes it's just as simple as like, ‘Man, I want more people to hear about this,’ and let's figure out what Black love experience you can be a part of so that you can share your journey.
(L-R) Shelah Marie, KJ Smith, and Egypt Sherrod.
Photo by Paras Griffin/Getty Images
xoN: It seems like the Black Love Summit is coming at the perfect time, too. We’ve seen countless celebrity couples call it quits this year, and with the recent revelations about Will and Jada Pinkett Smith's marriage, Black love has been questioned. What do you want to say to those people who may feel that Black love is unattainable?
CO: I will say that Black love starts from self-love. It starts from within, and we're all on that journey, whether we are talking about Will and Jada. Like, I mean, I have a lot of thoughts in terms of these are two people who have shared at length in their books and have been vulnerable, you know, with the press and what is the common thread is a lot of personal history, right? From their relationships to their parents to their romantic relationships from high school and beyond. I think they're a perfect example of, like, looking at the whole person and how we show up in all of our relationships.
And if we don't have or understand self-love and self-awareness, then at some point, okay, it'll catch up to us, and not to spend too much time on them. But I feel like what Jada has articulated is that we looked up and we realized that we had a lot of work to do on ourselves. We weren't sure where we wanted to be and whether we wanted to be together, but they've made decisions that are theirs to make.
But it answers your question, really, I mean, outside of just them, is that Black love starts with self-love, and the sooner we understand what we want, what we need, and how we want to show up in relationships, the stronger and better our relationships will be with the people that we choose to bring into our lives. And so we, as a brand and with the Black Love Summit, you know, this is the sixth one, we work very hard to try to create the content, the experiences, the opportunities to draw out that self-awareness and that conversation in our community that says like, how are you showing up?
You know, how are you showing up, and how are you understanding your wants and your needs in relationships? Alone, and then in your relationships.
"I will say that Black love starts from self-love. It starts from within, and we're all on that journey."
xoN: Do you and Tommy ever feel pressure to be preeminent examples of Black love? If so, how do you deal with it?
CO: Yeah, he would say no (laughs). Tommy does not succumb to pressure of any kind. I would say not really. Sure, I've felt it ‘cause it's kind of a natural thing. You know, you put yourself out there a little bit. You say you know a little something, which we have so many blueprints from doing over 200 interviews with couples. We have so many blueprints that, sure, people might assume that we have it all figured out. And so I try to be very clear and transparent at every turn, that I don't. We don't.
We're on this journey trying to learn from others, trying to take what works for us and leave the rest, and trying to show up as our best selves individually and together. And so there's a little bit of that pressure, but for the most part, we don't have time to really look at it that way. We’ve had three kids, we're just trying to do the best that we can for each other for them. And I think that's all that anybody can ask for.
xoN: With social media nowadays, there’s so many conversations about love and dating. You know, different standards one is supposed to have in regard to dating. I don't know if you saw the viral $200 date and the most recent, The Cheesecake Factory first date debacle. What do you think people are getting wrong about dating, and what do you think the Black Love Summit can address with that?
CO: Yeah, well, I haven't seen that The Cheesecake Factory one. So I'll definitely look into that. But, I think that the Black Love Summit, the Black Love brand, like, we work to encourage our community to create authentic connection, right? That takes a little bit of vulnerability, and that takes a little bit of grace. And I think that some people hear that right? Grace.
Well, I’m not gonna accept this. This, that, or the other thing, and it's like, know your boundaries, but also recognize that people are human. I mean, that's why I go back to, like, it starts with self-love, recognizing you may be meeting someone who has a lot of potential but maybe doesn't even know their full potential. Or maybe it wasn't cultivated by their parents. We're all on a journey.
And so, for me, I think that what people may be getting wrong about dating is that they're often looking for some sort of perfect package right away. And if you're not a.) asking the questions to get the information that you want, right, and you're not showing up vulnerably yourself, then you're not creating an environment to really get to know someone, you're just looking at the superficial. What do they do? What do they wear? What are their answers to basic questions, you know, are you in therapy? Have you ever been in therapy? What do you think of therapy? How is your relationship with your family? Why or why not? Even just that answer doesn't necessarily tell you anything. Why? Why this, why that? Really spending time like getting to know someone, really understanding why somebody wants to go on the $20 date versus the $500 date, right? Maybe whatever, maybe they just got paid, maybe they bout to get paid, but they really wanted to be with you.
And so understanding why someone's making the decisions that they're making is really important. And so I just think that that's where the grace comes in, right? So, you know, and I think that social media creates an environment where we make a lot of snap judgments. People say however they feel in one sentence or less, and then there's a lot of bandwagon likes on that thing. And then we start to think, oh, that's popular opinion, when really people are just scrolling and clicking and scrolling and clicking.
They not thinking about you and your date, whether it was $20 or $500. They just got a little opinion and keep it moving. So I think to that end, we let a lot of other voices in when we don't really need to. You know what's best for you, but you have to be offering the same vulnerability and an expectation setting so that you can get that in return.
"We let a lot of other voices in when we don't really need to. You know what's best for you, but you have to be offering the same vulnerability and an expectation setting so that you can get that in return."
Codie Elaine Oliver (L) and Tommy Oliver (R).
Photo by Paras Griffin/Getty Images
xoN: You’ve been married for eight years, so what would you say is the biggest thing you learned about doing life with another person?
CO: I mean, going back to that grace thing for sure. Like, you gon’ have to do it when you're together. So you might as well (laughs) start now and understand what that looks and feels like, but I mean, I always say like the one thing that I know for sure. From interviewing 200+ couples and being married eight years, is that the work required in marriage? Everyone says marriage is work, marriage is work, and I think a lot of us are like, what does that mean? What kind of work? Oh, that sounds hard. But it's the work that you're willing to do on yourself.
You know, somebody else might have a different opinion. But for me, that is what I see, and what I feel like unequivocally is the work. And so for me, it's, you know, deciding whether or not to be in therapy individually, maybe together, maybe your partner doesn't want to do it. So you know, it's deciding whether or not that's for you. It's recognizing when you might be wrong but you mad at them about something. It's recognizing when they might be wrong, but they're never gonna admit it, and you've got to decide how much it's worth to you to make it a fight or hold on to it. And so it's that inner work that they may not even see. But that's what's going to help you, help anyone, I think, stay partnered with someone for a long time.
xoN: What’s next for the Black Love brand?
CO: More content, really. I mean, we launched the Black Love docuseries in 2017 and 2018, we launched blacklove.com and the first Black Love Summit, and with blacklove.com came several digital series from Couch Conversations, which at that time was hosted by Devale and Khadeen Ellis. The most recent season was hosted by Ace Hood and Sheilah Marie, and we've done ladies' roundtables, men's roundtables, moms with coffee. We launched a podcast network with eight podcasts on it. And so more of all of that in more places because we just joined TikTok a year ago I mean, the world is expanding in terms of where and how we can consume content. And we want to do our best to be a source of value and positivity and light for our community, but also calling us on our stuff, right?
We want to be that place where when life is hard, because it is, we, Black Love, is a place you can turn for a good laugh, a smile, a heartwarming, you know, family moment because that's Black. All of that is Black love. But we also want to be able to challenge the way people think and say. There was a meme recently that said somebody's not calling you because they owe you an apology. We want to be able to bring up, like, calling people on their stuff, right? This is what love looks like. Showing up, doing self-work, giving people grace. And so what's next is really just creating more content and more opportunities to do that digitally, TV, film.
And that's what you'll see more. In addition to more apparel, because we had some very cute sweatshirts last year. We have more stuff coming this year and beyond.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Paras Griffin/Getty Images
London Alexaundria is the contributing editor for xoNecole. She is an alum of Clark Atlanta University, where she majored in Mass Media Arts and has worked in journalism for over ten years. You can follow her on Instagram and TikTok @theselfcarewriter
How This New Bond Repair Line Transformed One Mother's Postpartum Shedding Into The Ultimate Curl Comeback
This article is in partnership with SheaMoisture
For Crystal Obasanya, her wash day woes came shortly after her son did. The beauty and lifestyle content creator had been natural for years, but during postpartum, she quickly learned about one reality many mothers can relate to experiencing: postpartum hair loss. “Sis had thinning hair. Sis had split ends,” she shared about her hair changes in a Reel via xoNecole.
Over a year into her postpartum journey, Crystal explained she also had dry, brittle hair, noting that keeping it hydrated before pregnancy had already been “a task.” The 4C natural recalled going from thick hair during pregnancy to a thin hairline due to postpartum shedding as “devastating.” When it came to strengthening and revitalizing her hair, the new SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection was just the thing she needed to elevate her damaged coils to revive and thrive status and get them poppin' again.
SheaMoisture is providing us with the cheat code for transforming dry and damaged strands into thriving and deeply nourished crowns. By unveiling their 4-step hair system, the SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is equipping you with the tools to reverse signs of hair damage caused by protective styling, heat, and color and is uniquely formulated for Type 3 and 4 hair textures.
The haircare system revives damaged natural hair by repairing and rebuilding broken hair bonds through a game-changing combination of HydroPlex Technology and AminoBlend Complex, a unique blend of fortifying amino acids formulated specifically for curly and coily hair. Scientifically proven to reduce breakage by 84% and make your hair six times stronger (vs. non-conditioning shampoo), the collection infuses your hair with the nourishment it craves and the strength it deserves.
All five products of the SheaMoisture Bond Collection are infused with natural strengthening ingredients like Amla Oil and fair-trade shea butter. The collection consists of the 4-step breakage-fighting Bond Repair system, as well as the Bonding Oil.
“When trying it out, I quickly noticed that my hair felt revived and renewed, and my curls were so hydrated,” Crystal said while using the Amla-infused Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner. “I also felt my hair strands were stronger.” So much so that the influencer felt brave enough to get her hair braided shortly thereafter. “I can definitely say that I will be keeping it in my hair wash routine,” she added in the caption of her Reel about her positive experience using the products.
SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is making bond-building a key player in your wash day routines and the purveyor of life for thirsty manes. Because who doesn't want stronger, shinier, happier hair?
Step One: Bond Repair Collection Shampoo
Rejuvenate your hair with SheaMoisture Bond Repair Shampoo, your go-to solution for luscious locks. Packed with hella hydration power, this shampoo adds moisture by 60% while removing buildup without stripping your strands. This shampoo gently cleanses impurities while significantly enhancing shine, smoothness, and softness.
The Bond Repair Collection Shampoo is the first step in the 4-step Bond Repair system, all of which are powered by the uniquely formulated AminoBlend, and HydroPlex, SheaMoisture’s technology that rebuilds hair strength at its core.
Step Two: Bond Repair Collection Conditioner
Tailored to repair styling damage, this creamy conditioner locks in 12x more moisture than standard non-conditioning shampoos, boosting damaged hair strength by 1.5x with significantly less breakage. The creamy SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Conditioner deeply hydrates, enhances manageability, and leaves your hair looking healthier and shinier.
Step Three: Bond Repair Collection Masque
This Ultra Moisturizing reparative masque is a moisture-rich game-changer for those dealing with the aftermath of hair damage caused by styling. The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Masque delivers 13 times more moisture compared to non-conditioning shampoos, ensuring your hair feels nourished and soft. Designed to repair and rejuvenate, this masque significantly strengthens damaged hair — making it twice as strong while reducing breakage.
Step Four: Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner
Elevate your curl game with SheaMoisture’s Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner. Lightweight and hydrating, the Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner provides 12x more moisture than non-conditioning shampoos and tames frizz with 24-hour humidity control. Designed to define curls and coils, the leave-in conditioner enhances softness and shine allowing you to detangle effortlessly.
Bonding Oil
The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Bonding Oil is a multitasking all-in-one formula that acts as a heat protectant and provides the hair with moisture, strength, shine, damage protection, and intense nourishment. This lightweight oil not only offers 24-hour frizz and humidity control but also fortifies your tresses, making them up to 5 times stronger with significantly less breakage.
Featured image courtesy
Shaunie Henderson On Being A Nontraditional Pastor Wife
Shaunie Henderson, the creator and executive producer of Basketball Wives, redefines traditional expectations as a pastor's spouse and first lady of The Lighthouse Church.
The star's journey began with a whirlwind romance with Pastor Keion Henderson in 2020, which led to their marriage years later. Since then, Shaunie has embraced many typical first lady roles, including supporting her husband, engaging in ministry responsibilities, providing spiritual leadership, and conducting community outreach.
Yet, the 49-year-old's background sets her apart from other first ladies. Shaunie brings a unique perspective as a public figure, which stems from her previous marriage to NBA star Shaquille O'Neal and her experience in reality television.
In an interview with xoNecole, while promoting her memoir Undefeated, the Basketball Wives creator discussed what being a first lady means to her and how she has lived her life non-traditionally.
When asked if she had always been nontraditional, Shaunie revealed that throughout her life, she has made it her mission to better herself by learning from experiences and breaking harmful cycles.
Shaunie Henderson and Pastor Keion Henderson
Photo by Robin L Marshall/Getty Images
“I think that's just who I am. I can’t say I intentionally go against the grain. In the book, I talk about things from my childhood, like my dad being late all the time. I was totally opposite with my kids when they were in school. I was always there early. My mother is not affectionate, and she doesn't verbally say, ‘I love you,’ but she does things to let you know. That's the way she shows her love,” she said when describing her relationship with her parents.
“But because I missed that 'I love you' and hugging and kissing, I do that with my kids. I try to always give what I needed myself. There were basketball wives who weren’t very nice to me, so I went out of my way to make sure that once I was a wife that I didn't treat anybody else like that. No one was going to feel like that on my watch.”
Toward the end of the conversation, when discussing her first lady responsibilities and the pressures of upholding that image, the mother of five explained she isn't too hard on herself to fit the mold, given her significantly different background from most first ladies and her relatively new role.
“As far as being first lady, now, I'm not knocking how any first ladies decide to operate but I just knew that the idea of what that usually is was not me. And, to be honest, rightfully so. I'm probably the only first lady that created a reality show that has been on television since 2010. My life is not remotely close to that of most first ladies. We've experienced completely different things. Most of them have been pastor’s wives for a long time, this is all new for me. I come with an entirely different journey; that wouldn’t lend itself to being a traditional first lady,” she stated.
Shaunie's nontraditional approach appears to work in her favor, as she has been welcomed with open arms just as she is.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Marcus Ingram/Getty Images