

Your August 2020 Horoscopes Are All About Bossing Up
The month ahead inspires you to boldly take your place in the world by kicking things off with the Full Moon on the 3rd inviting you to transform the narrative of your destiny. Once Mercury enters Leo, you'll have the confidence you need to unwaveringly pursue your vision. On the 7th, Venus gets cozy in Cancer, sweetening up your relationships and home life. Around the middle of the month, Uranus joins the retrograde party, inviting you to embrace your changing value system. The New Moon on the 18th encourages you to embrace the healing power of creativity and play. Mercury shifts gears on the 20th, helping you streamline your routines so you can stay on track towards those big dreams of yours. When the Sun enters Virgo on the 22nd, the cosmos tests how disciplined you are in balancing self-care with how much you're serving others.
Check out what's in store for your zodiac sign in the month ahead.
Aries
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The beginning of August encourages you to expand your social network which you shouldn't have any problem doing with Leo season amping up your charm factor. The Full Moon on the 3rd is a perfect time to launch that online business, blog, or project you've been working on behind the scenes. You're in the mood to spice things up romantically and creatively when Mercury moves into Leo on the 4th. The planet of love creates a steamy effect when she enters Cancer on the 7th, making the next few weeks the perfect time to call out of work for a staycation. Indulge your senses by cooking your favorite comfort foods, cuddling up with a blanket (or bae), and watching your fave rom-coms from the comfort of your home.
On the 15th, Uranus goes retrograde, making this a good time to check in with yourself. Are you making money doing what you love? These next several months will help you get clear about your personal values and how to align those with opportunities that are truly a match for you. The New Moon on the 18th has you inspired to get back into the dating scene or start that new hobby that recently caught your interest. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and the Sun meet up in Virgo motivating you to whip your butt, and your work routine (or lack thereof), into shape. Hit the gym, try that detox, and organize your environment to help you stay clear-headed and grounded.
Taurus
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The month begins with a Full Moon on the 3rd creating a little friction between you and an authority figure—whether it be your nosey dad, micromanaging boss, or the "institution". You're ready to go your own way and this lunation could give you the push you need to strike out on your own. The next day, Mercury enters Leo and conversations with family or in the home can get a little heated if you don't keep your ego in check. However, this transit can serve as the fire beneath your ass to make some changes in your living environment if you've simply had enough with your current circumstances.
Your ruling planet, Venus, attempts to smooth things out when she enters Cancer. Spending some quality time with your siblings can be just what you need to bring you back down to earth. On the 15th, Uranus goes retrograde in your sign, inviting you to reconnect with your inner wild, child. Embrace what makes you unique (and even a little rebellious). The New Moon on the 18th could suggest a relocation, the beginning of a renovation project, or a new addition to the family. When the Sun meets up with Mercury on the 22nd, the energy becomes more harmonious for you. Indulge in some creativity, play, and romance to bring some balance into your world.
Gemini
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The Full Moon on the 3rd is an exciting time for your big reveal, whether you're launching that novel, a workshop, or that blog. It's time to showcase your expertise and receive the acknowledgment you deserve for your forward-thinking approach to life. On the 4th, Mercury enters Leo which could result in sudden emotional outbursts if you feel like your intelligence or beliefs are being challenged. Choose your battles, wisely. As long as you're confident in your truth, there's no need to convince others to believe it, too. Venus, planet of love, enters Cancer on the 7th and you're receiving tons of support (and possibly some gifts and money) from people who want to nurture you.
Around the middle of the month, Uranus goes retrograde, making your psychic sense all the more sensitive. Divine inspiration, and some million-dollar ideas, are bound to come your way during this transit. Make sure to connect with your spiritual allies for assistance in growing your finances during this transit. On the 18th, the New Moon is a good time to start a new creative project that pushes you to express yourself more authentically. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and the Sun enters Virgo, encouraging you to get your home life in order by decluttering and getting organized. As family comes into greater focus, make sure to practice more compassion in your interaction instead of passing judgment so easily.
Cancer
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The beginning of the month is a little more quiet for you thanks to the Full Moon illuminating your psyche—including the limiting beliefs that inhibit you from embracing the weird qualities that people have criticized about you. This is a powerful time to break free from the chains of "normalcy" to allow yourself to truly blossom. On the 4th, Mercury enters Leo, motivating you to get to the bag in ways that highlight your natural gifts and talents. A few days later, Venus is bringing the blessings––and the affection––when she enters your sign. Bask in the love, babe! You deserve it.
On the 15th, Uranus goes retrograde, inviting you to reconnect with your friends or make some new ones that reflect the changes you've been making in your life. Sometimes we grow together and sometimes we grow apart. Give yourself, and others, grace during these times of transition. The New Moon on the 18th invites you to plant the seeds for a new source of income that will require you to develop confidence in yourself. Consistency is key and maybe a new outfit that will help you feel the part. On the 22nd, the Sun links up with Mercury, making this a good time to get your thoughts organized for that business plan, brand, or website you're working on. It's time to roll up your sleeves and get to work!
Leo
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Happy birthday, goddess! The month kicks off with a Full Moon highlighting your relationships and any contractual agreements. This a great time to renegotiate the terms of any existing partnerships to make sure you both are still on the same page. On the 4th, Mercury enters your sign, making you the talk of the town. You live for a little drama and you may very well find yourself at the center of it during this transit. Venus attempts to soften the energy when she enters Cancer on the 7th, encouraging you to balance out all of that playtime with some rest. The spirit world often communicates to us through our dreams but you can't receive the messages if you're not getting quality sleep.
Around the middle of the month, Taurus goes retrograde which could present some career changes that will gift you with a greater sense of individuality and freedom once the dust settles. On the 18th, the New Moon invites you to blaze a new path that aligns with your truth. Can you say that you're truly proud of yourself or do some of your wins feel empty? As much as you care about making your loved ones proud, it's time to assert more of your authority by living a life that you can be proud of. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and the Sun shift into Virgo, inviting you to build up your self-esteem so you won't be easily swayed by the opinions of others. When it comes to your finances, this is an opportune time to revamp your budget and strategize new ways to gain income.
Virgo
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Your health and wellness are top priority at the onset of the month due to the Full Moon revealing a troublesome area that could use a little improvement. Don't fall down the trap of diagnosing yourself with WebMD before you consult with your doctor. On the 4th, Mercury enters Leo which is sending your dream time into overdrive. This placement could also make you the center of some gossip due to your rising affluence. However, this is a powerful time to release an old narrative that requires you to dim your shine so others aren't intimidated by you. On the 7th, Venus enters Cancer where she'll be sweetening your friendships and providing the space for any healing that's necessary.
Around the middle of the month, Uranus goes retrograde encouraging you to be flexible when it comes to your beliefs. There's a possibility to hold space for multiple truths at once and this transit can help you better embrace how connected everything truly is. If you're in school, you may decide to switch your major or go in a completely new direction with how you choose to share your wisdom with the collective. On the 18th, the New Moon in Leo reminds you that every accomplishment starts with a dream. Plant the seeds for what you'd like to manifest—specifically by the Full Moon in Leo six months from now. On the 20th, Mercury enters your sign shortly followed by the Sun on the 22nd. All eyes are on you, birthday girl! It's time to celebrate your growth over the past year and the new heights you'll be reaching in the year to come.
Libra
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The Full Moon on the 3rd lights up your life with some much-needed romance and creativity. This is a supportive time to reveal your more artistic side. Even if you're no Van Gogh, it's important to flex your creative muscle from time-to-time. Organize a Sip & Paint with bae or your girls to give your inner child a little love. On the 4th, Mercury enters Leo, making you the life of the party. So many moves to make but so little time. You're in the mood to network and connect with your friends. Host a Zoom mixer to get some of your faves together while still practicing social distancing. Your ruling planet, Venus, moves into Cancer on the 7th, helping you attract more support when it comes to your career endeavors. You don't necessarily need someone to provide you with solutions to all of your work problems. Sometimes you just want to enjoy a glass of wine with a friend while venting about your annoying ass boss. Let that be enough, my love.
On the 15th, Uranus goes retrograde which could shake up the power dynamics within a close relationship or someone you share finances with. In matters of intimacy, this is a powerful time to shift your narrative related to experiences that negatively impacted your self-esteem. The New Moon on the 18th encourages you to expand your friendship circle. It's OK to meet new people that you vibe with more organically. Use this energy to also set an intention to boldly (re)commit to a dream of yours that has gone neglected. On the 22nd, the Sun and Mercury meet up in Virgo, inviting you to rest up and reflect on the past year as you prepare for your birthday season. Reassess what needs to be purged from your life so you can step into your new year feeling lighter, happier, and more at peace.
Scorpio
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The month begins with a Full Moon on the 3rd which could stir up some tension on the home-front. You're feeling an intense need to assert your individualism while your family's expectations attempt to overshadow your desires. When Mercury enters Leo on the 4th, you'll have the confidence you need to express yourself without fear of your family's disproval. During this transit, you'll be adjusting your relationship with authority as you come into your own power. On the 7th, Venus gets cozy in Cancer in a part of your chart that has you longing for home which could easily be some far off place that you've always dreamt of traveling to.
Relationships may be a little strained around the Quarter Moon on the 11th. Do you want to be right or do you actually want to compromise? Make sure to hold that standard to others as well to discern whether this matter truly deserves your energy. On the 15th, Uranus goes retrograde, giving you a chance to establish more freedom for yourself within your relationships. Sudden "a-ha" moments about codependent tendencies will come to the light. The New Moon on the 18th invites you to shine more authentically in the work that you do. A few days later, Mercury and the Sun link up in Virgo, encouraging you to take an honest assessment of your social circle to weed out who you don't click with and reprioritize your energy for those that you're more compatible with.
Sagittarius
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August kicks off with a Full Moon on the 3rd, encouraging you to speak life into your dreams! There could be cause for celebrating a recent win that affirms how much it pays off to just be yourself. On the 4th, Mercury enters Leo, enticing your wanderlust that much more. If you're dealing with travel restrictions, you may find a little relief in getting lost in travel blogs or TV shows that give you a little taste of culture and adventure. A few days later, Venus moves into Cancer, inviting you into deeper levels of intimacy within your connections. You deserve softness, Saggie. Let other people take care of you, too.
On the 15th, Uranus goes retrograde which could cause some sudden changes in your daily routines (but you're not one to complain about switching things up). This could be just the shift that you needed to reinvigorate your drive. Your health and wellness also take the front seat during this transit, making this a supportive transit for revolutionizing the way you take care of yourself. The New Moon on the 18th is a great time to start writing that book, organizing that workshop, or looking into options to further your education. On the 18th, Mercury enters Virgo followed by the Sun a few days later, making your career the center of your focus over the next few weeks. It's time to buckle down and handle your responsibilities like a boss. More success and influence is coming towards you. All you have to do is meet it halfway.
Capricorn
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The Full Moon at the beginning of the month helps you break through any financial barriers by providing you with the perfect strategy for increasing your flow of abundance. It's not just about the money you make but HOW you're making the money. With the Moon in Aquarius, it's important to prioritize authentic ways of aligning with wealth. What do you actually enjoy doing that you can make a profit from? On the 4th, Mercury enters Leo which could be triggering some soft spots related to your confidence and ego. Owning up to your insecurities can actually lessen the effects of them. A few days later, Venus moves into Cancer to sweeten up your relationships. Just make sure you're available to receive the love being offered to you.
On the 15th, Uranus goes retrograde, stirring up some changes in your dating life and creative expression. If you're suddenly overcome with the burning desire to hire an acting coach, learn photography, or invest in some new sketchpads and pencils, go for it! Your inner child needs some attention from you. What your parents may have not been able to do for you in the past is something you have the ability to do for yourself now. The New Moon on the 18th is a great time to apply for a loan or to reconsider that offer from that sugar daddy that's been hanging out in your DMs. On the 20th, Mercury enters Virgo and the Sun follows behind on the 22nd, making it a good time to expand your knowledge through going back to school, attending seminars, or reading books to sharpen your expertise.
Aquarius
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The spotlight is on you at the beginning of the month, thanks to the Full Moon in your sign. This lunation could have you feeling on edge especially if you've been repressing some emotions lately. Remember—"The truth shall set you free." Communication may be even more difficult once Mercury enters Leo but try to look at any uncomfortable moments as opportunities to grow. On the 7th, Venus invites you to adjust your routine if you've been feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes less is more. Say "no" to any invitations that don't feel like a complete "yes". Get into some gentle forms of exercise to soothe any anxiety.
Be mindful of squabbles with family, roommates, or a landlord around the Quarter Moon on the 11th. On the 15th, Uranus goes retrograde, bringing some changes to your household dynamic. A sudden relocation may be on the horizon for some while others of you are breaking through the chains of your family's expectations to create a life that you can be happy with. The New Moon on the 18th has you signing your name on the dotted line for your new condo, work contract, or business partnership. When it comes to romance, talks of the next level of commitment may be on the table. On the 20th, Mercury enters Virgo followed by the Sun on the 25th, bringing your attention to intimacy blockages. How are you overthinking your way out of getting close to others?
Pisces
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August kicks off with a Full Moon enlivening your dream world with the clues you need to actualize a long-term vision of yours. You could even receive intuitive insights about who will play a key role in helping your manifest your dreams into reality. On the 4th, Mercury enters Leo, motivating you to get your eating habits and body into shape. Luck is on your side when Venus enters Cancer where she'll be sweetening up your world with an abundance of romance and creative inspiration. You could even be making some extra money from a project you've recently launched.
Around the middle of the month, Uranus goes retrograde, encouraging you to speak your mind. Oftentimes, you're a little too considerate of other people's emotions to the point that you water down your truth. This transit will challenge you to let people know how you really feel and what matters most to you. On the 18th, the New Moon invites you to make some changes in your routine or work environment that cultivate more adventure and creativity in your busy (and boring) schedule. On the 20th, Mercury moves into Virgo with the Sun following behind. Important conversations about your close relationships and business partnerships are on the table. It's time to address what isn't working in the connection or detox it out of your life entirely.
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Featured image by Laci Jordan for xoNecole.
Amber Riley has the type of laugh that sticks with you long after the raspy, rhythmic sounds have ceased. It punctuates her sentences sometimes, whether she’s giving a chuckle to denote the serious nature of something she just said or throwing her head back in rip-roarious laughter after a joke. She laughs as if she understands the fragility of each minute. She chooses laughter often with the understanding that future joy is not guaranteed.
Credit: Ally Green
The sound of her laughter is rivaled only by her singing voice, an emblem of the past and the future resilience of Black women stretched over a few octaves. On Fox’s Glee, her character Mercedes Jones was portrayed, perhaps unfairly, as the vocal duel to Rachel Berry (Lea Michele), offering rough, full-throated belts behind her co-star’s smooth, pristine vocals. Riley’s always been more than the singer who could deliver a finishing note, though.
Portraying Effie White, she displayed the dynamic emotions of a song such as “And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going” in Dreamgirls on London’s West End without buckling under the historic weight of her predecessors. With her instrument, John Mayer’s “Gravity” became a religious experience, a belted hymnal full of growls and churchy riffs. In her voice, Nicole Scherzinger once said she heard “the power of God.”
Credit: Ally Green
Riley’s voice has been a staple throughout pop culture for nearly 15 years now. Her tone has become so distinguishable that most viewers of Fox’s The Masked Singer recognized the multihyphenate even before it was revealed that she was Harp, the competition-winning, gold-masked figure with an actual harp strapped to her back.
Still, it wasn’t until recently that Riley began to feel like she’d found her voice. This sounds unbelievable. But she’s not referring to the one she uses on stage. She’s referencing the voice that speaks to who she is at her core. “Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind,” the 37-year-old says. “It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women. I got so comfortable in [doing so], and I really want other people, especially Black women, to get more comfortable in that space.”
“Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind. It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women."
If you ask Riley’s manager, Myisha Brooks, she’ll tell you the foundation of who the multihyphenate is hasn’t changed much since she was a kid growing up in Compton. “She is who she is from when I met her back when she was singing in the front of the church to back when she landed major roles in film and TV,” Brooks says. Time has allowed Riley to grow more comfortable, giving fans a more intimate glimpse into her life, including her mental health journey and the ins and outs of show business.
The actress/singer has been in therapy since 2019, although she suffered from depression and anxiety way before that. In a recent interview with Jason Lee, she recalls having suicidal ideation as a kid. By the time she started seeing a psychologist and taking antidepressants in her thirties, her body had become jittery, a physical reminder of the trauma stacked high inside her. “I was shaking in [my therapist’s] office,” she tells xoNecole. “My fight or flight was on such a high level. I was constantly in survival mode. My heart was beating fast all the time. All I did was sweat.”
There wasn’t just childhood trauma to account for. After auditioning for American Idol and being turned away by producers, Riley began working for Ikea and nearly missed her Glee audition because her car broke down on the highway while en route. Thankfully, Riley had been cast to play Mercedes Jones. American Idol had temporarily convinced her she wasn’t cut out for the entertainment industry, but this was validation that she was right where she belonged. Glee launched in 2009 with the promise of becoming Riley’s big break.
In some ways, it was. The show introduced Riley to millions of fans and catapulted her into major Hollywood circles. But in other ways, it became a reminder of the types of roles Black women, especially those who are plus-sized, are relegated to. Behind the scenes, Riley says she fought for her character "to have a voice" but eventually realized her efforts were useless. "It finally got to a point where I was like, this is not my moment. I'm not who they're choosing, and this is just going to have to be a job for me for now," she says. "And, that's okay because it pays my bills, I still get to be on television, I'm doing more than any other Black plus-sized women that I'm seeing right now on screen."
The actress can recognize now that she was navigating issues associated with trauma and low self-esteem at the time. She now knows that she's long had anxiety and depression and can recognize the ways in which she was triggered by how the cult-like following of the show conflicted with her individual, isolated experiences behind the scenes. But she was in her early '20s back then. She didn't yet have the language or the tools to process how she was feeling.
Riley says she eventually sought out medical intervention. "When you're in Hollywood, and you go to a doctor, they give you pills," she says, sharing a part of her story that she'd never revealed publicly before now. "[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that's not fixing my problem. If anything, it's making it worse."
“[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that’s not fixing my problem. If anything it’s making it worse.”
Credit: Ally Green
At one point, while in her dressing room on set, she rested her arm on a curling iron without realizing it. It wasn't until her makeup artist alerted her that she even realized her skin was burning. Once she noticed, she says she was "so zonked out on pills" that she barely reacted. Speaking today, she holds up her arm and motions towards a scar that remains from the incident. She sought help for her reliance on the pills, but it would still be years before she finally attended therapy.
This stress was only compounded by the trauma of growing up in poverty and the realities of being a "contract worker." "Imagine going from literally one week having to borrow a car to get to set to the next week being on a private jet to New York City," she says. After Glee ended, so did the rides on private planes. The fury of opportunities she expected to follow her appearance on the show failed to materialize. She wasn't even 30 yet, and she was already forced to consider if she'd hit her career peak.
. . .
We’re only four minutes into our Zoom call before Riley delivers her new adage to me. “My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway,” she says.
On this Thursday afternoon in April, the LA-based entertainer is seated inside her closet/dressing room wearing a cerulean blue tank top with matching shorts and eating hot wings. This current phase of healing hinges on balance. It’s about having discipline and consistency, but not at the risk of inflexibility. She was planning to head to the gym, for instance, but she’s still tired from the “exhausting” day before. Instead, she’s spent her day receiving a massage, eating some chicken wings, and planning to spend quality time with friends. “I’m not going to beat myself up for it. I’m not going to talk down to myself. I’m going to eat my chicken wings, and then tomorrow I’m [back] in the gym,” she says.
“My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway."
This is the balance with which she's been approaching much of her life these days. It's why she's worried less about whether or not people see her as someone who is humble. She'd rather be respected. "I think you should be a person that's easy to work with, but in the moments where I have to ruffle feathers and make waves, I'm not shying away from that anymore. You can do it in love, you don't have to be nasty about it, but I had to finally be comfortable with the fact that setting boundaries around my life – in whatever aspect, whether that's personal or business – people are not going to like it. Some people are not going to have nice things to say about you, and you gotta be okay with it," she says.
When Amber talks about the constant humbling of Black women in Hollywood, I think of the entertainers before her who have suffered from this. The brilliant, consistent, overqualified Black women who have spoken of having to fight for opportunities and fair pay. Aretha Franklin. Viola Davis. Tracee Ellis Ross. There's a long list of stars whose success hasn't mirrored their experiences behind the scenes.
Credit: Ally Green
If Black women outside of Hollywood are struggling to decrease the pay gap, so, too, are their wealthier, more famous peers.
Riley says there’s been progress in recent years, but only in small ways and for a limited group of people. “This business is exhausting. The goalpost is constantly moving, and sometimes it’s unfair,” she says. But, I have to say it’s the love that keeps you going.”
“There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman,” she continues. “We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
"There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman. We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
Last year, Riley starred alongside Raven Goodwin in the Lifetime thriller Single Black Female (a modern, diversified take on 1992’s Single White Female). It was more than a leading role for the actress, it also served as proof that someone who looks like her can front a successful project without it hinging on her identity. It showcased that the characters she portrays don’t “have to be about being a big girl. It can just be a regular story.”
Riley sees her work in music as an extension of her efforts to push past the rigid stereotypes in entertainment. Take her appearance on The Masked Singer, for instance. Riley said she decided to perform Mayer’s “Gravity” after being told she couldn’t sing it years earlier. “I wanted to do ‘Gravity’ on Glee. [I] was told no, because that’s not a song that Mercedes would do,” she says. “That was a full circle moment for me, doing that on that show and to hear what it is they had to say.”
As Scherzinger praised the “anointed” performance, a masked Riley began to cry, her chest heaving as she stood on stage, her eyes shielded from view. “You have to understand, I have really big names – casting directors, producers, show creators – that constantly tell me ‘I’m such a big fan. Your talent is unmatched.’ Hire me, then,” she says, reflecting on the moment.
Recently, she’s been in the studio working on original music, the follow-up to her independently-released debut EP, 2020’s Riley. The sequel to songs such as the anthemic “Big Girl Energy” and the reflective ballad “A Moment” on Riley, this new project hones in on the singer’s R&B roots with sensual grooves such as the tentatively titled “All Night.” “You said I wasn’t shit, turns out that I’m the shit. Then you called me a bitch, turns out that I’m that bitch. You said no one would want me, well you should call your homies,” she sings on the tentatively titled “Lately,” a cut about reflecting on a past relationship. From the forthcoming project, xoNecole received five potential tracks. Fans likely already know the strengths and contours of Riley’s vocals, but these new songs are her strongest, most confident offerings as an artist.
“I am so much more comfortable as a writer, and I know who I am as an artist now. I’m evolving as a human being, in general, so I’m way more vulnerable in my music. I’m way more willing to talk about whatever is on my mind. I don’t stop myself from saying what it is I want to say,” she says.
Credit: Ally Green
“Every era and alliteration of Amber, the baseline is ‘Big Girl Energy.’ That’s the name of her company,” her manager Brooks says, referencing the imprint through which Riley releases her music after getting out of a label deal several years ago. “It’s just what she stands for. She’s not just talking about size, it’s in all things. Whether it’s putting your big girl pants on and having to face a boardroom full of executives or sell yourself in front of a casting agent. It’s her trying to achieve the things she wants to do in life.”
Riley says she has big dreams beyond releasing this new music, too. She’d love to star in a rom-com with Winston Duke. She hasn't starred in a biopic yet, but she’d revel in the opportunity to portray Rosetta Tharpe on screen. She’s determined that her previous setbacks won’t stop her from dreaming big.
“I think one of my superpowers is resilience because, at the end of the day, I’m going to kick, scream, cry, cuss, be mad and disappointed, but I’m going to get up and risk having to deal with it all again. It’s worth it for the happy moments,” she says.
If Riley seems more comfortable and confident professionally, it’s because of the work she’s been doing in her personal life.
She’d previously spoken to xoNecole about becoming engaged to a man she discovered in a post on the site, but she called things off last year. For Valentine’s Day, she revealed her new boyfriend publicly. “I decided to post him on Valentine’s Day, partially because I was in the dog house. I got in trouble with him,” she says, half-joking before turning serious. “The breakup was never going to stop me from finding love. Or at least trying. I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness, and you enjoy it and work through it.”
Credit: Ally Green
"I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness and you enjoy it and work through it.”
With her ex, Riley was pretty outspoken about her relationship, even appearing in content for Netflix with him. This time around is different. She’s not hiding her boyfriend of eight months, but she’s more protective of him, especially because he’s a father and isn’t interested in becoming a public figure.
She’s traveling more, too. It’s a deliberate effort on her part to enjoy her money and reject the trauma she’s developed after experiencing poverty in her childhood. “I live in constant fear of being broke. I don’t think you ever don’t remember that trauma or move past that. Now I travel and I’m like, listen, if it goes, it goes. I’m not saying [to] be reckless, but I deserve to enjoy my hard work.”
After everything she’s been through, she certainly deserves to finally let loose a bit. “I have to have a life to live,” she says. “I’ve got to have a life worth fighting for.”
Credits
Director of Content: Jasmine Grant
Campaign Manager: Chantal Gainous
Managing Editor: Sheriden Garrett
Creative Director/Executive Producer: Tracey Woods
Cover Designer: Tierra Taylor
Photographer: Ally Green
Photo Assistant: Avery Mulally
Digital Tech: Kim Tran
Video by Third and Sunset
DP & Editor: Sam Akinyele
2nd Camera: Skylar Smith
Camera Assistant: Charles Belcher
Stylist: Casey Billingsley
Hairstylist: DaVonte Blanton
Makeup Artist: Drini Marie
Production Assistants: Gade De Santana, Apu Gomes
Powered by: European Wax Center
15 Women Share Their Personal Hacks For Better Orgasms (And Sex Overall)
I’m pretty sure that I’m basically being redundant when I say that I write about sex quite a bit which means that I spend quite a bit of time doing research when it comes to sex-related intel, tips, and hacks. Yet I have to say that when it comes to getting some much-needed information in the realm of coitus, it’s been my clients (along with random interviews that I do with people because I don’t mind talking to complete strangers about intimate ish) who have garnered me some of the best takeaways.
Take orgasms, for example. Since I’m well aware of the fact that vaginal orgasms (especially) can be a real challenge for a lot of women, I’m constantly on the hunt for what can help to “bridge the gap” in that arena.
And that’s why I decided, this time, to forego science articles, vlogs, and online data and instead ask some women for myself about some of the things that they do to make having an orgasm, improving their orgasms, and their sexual experience overall something that is so much better for themselves.
So, grab yourself a light aphrodisiac snack (check out “Eat Your Way To Better Sex With Aphrodisiacs”) and dig into what 15 Black women told me gets them off, in a mighty big way, just about every time.
*As always, middle names have been used so that everyone can feel comfortable giving up the goods…umm, so to speak*
1. Rochelle. 37. Married for 11 Years.

“While y’all be out here talking about some kegels, what I’m into is my man giving me a hip massage. The key is to make sure you use some sort of massage oil that has menthol in it. Between the tingling of the menthol and him rubbing on your hips, not only is it really relaxing, but the ‘minty feel’ opens your body up so that once intercourse begins, you’re less tense, and that makes having an orgasm so much easier to do.”
2. Karmyn. 27. Single.
“Kiss him the way you want him to penetrate you. Literally, use your tongue as if it were a penis and move it in his mouth like you want him to move inside of you. The kissing will turn you both on, and if he follows your instructions, you should be able to orgasm with no problem."
"I learned this trick when I asked an ex of mine to explain what p — sy feels like, and he said the best way to explain it is what a tongue feels like inside of [the] mouth. He should’ve never told me that, boy! It’s been hell in these streets ever since!”
3. LaChelle. 43. In a Serious Relationship for Two Years.
“If you’re self-conscious about your body, get some lingerie that has cutouts in them. There is a lot of sexy stuff out here that can have you covering up the parts you’re not comfortable with while still giving him access to the ‘main events.’ My man loves one of my lace one-piece teddies that has no crotch, and it’s easier for me to orgasm because I’m not overthinking the entire time.”
4. Trinitee. 27. Married for One Year.

“We’ve only been married a year, but we weren’t exactly abstinent when we were just dating. So, we like to find ways to keep it fresh. One thing that we do is go ‘hotel hopping’ once a month. We find a new hotel and meet each other there. We try and do different hours of the day and come with a surprise in hand. Like he might bring a new sex toy, and I might have on some lingerie that he’s never seen before. Then we text each other beforehand to talk about the best part of the sex we had from the last hotel we visited. The anticipation is foreplay.”
5. Wren. 33. In a Serious Relationship for Six Years.
“What works for me is doing afterplay as foreplay. What I mean by that is, taking a nap naked with my boo before any sexual activity is one of my favorite things. Being up under him, especially if he’s spooning me, feels really good, sleeping together is very intimate, and — there’s something about being awakened outta my sleep with kisses on my neck and back that almost makes me want to cum right then and there.”
6. Bevalyn. 40. Living with Her Partner for Four Years.
“Get on your back and have him kneel in front of you."
"Put your legs over his, and when he penetrates you, ask him to use one of his hands to apply pressure on your pubic bone — the area right above your clitoris."
"As he’s gently pushing down while he’s inside of you…if you don’t cum from that, I don’t know what else to tell you, sis.”
7. Sophia. 38. In a Serious Relationship for Two Years.

“Shower sex can be a bit much, and I don’t trust a used jacuzzi. What we do is fill up our own inflatable pool and get it on inside of it. It’s perfect during the summer, late at night, because we have a tall fence. Just make sure that you bring some silicone lube to keep things slippery down there. An inflatable pool has been one of the best sex investments that we have ever made!”
8. Averie. 35. Single.
“Wanna know if your man is as into giving you head as he claims? Right after he goes down on you, ask him to immediately penetrate you. If he’s hard, he’s totally into it, and if he catches you soon enough, you’ll be in the perfect position to have a multiple orgasm. Don’t say I didn’t give you the ultimate cheat code.”
9. Victoria. 40. Married for 11 Years.
“Shellie, you actually got me on the cinnamon kick when I read one of your articles that talked about applying cinnamon oil to my clit before oral sex. Since [then], I’ve been doing some research, and it says that cinnamon is also an aphrodisiac because it stimulates blood flow. So, I’ll also drink cinnamon tea throughout the day or share a cinnamon cocktail with my husband. Works like a charm.”
Shellie here: She’s right. I did say that. LOL. You can read for yourself: “Here's How To Have Some Really Great Fall-Themed Sex.”
10. Daniela. 28. Engaged for Six Months.

“Ever been fingered backward? What I mean is, get on all fours and have him insert a finger or two from behind with his palm being flat. That way, the space in between your anus and your vagina will get a massage while your vagina gets penetrated. There’s nothing quite like it.”
11. Saven. 32. Single.
“Ice. Have him rub a little bit of ice on your clitoris and then immediately warm it up with his tongue. There is something about the drastic changes in temperature that gets me every time. And I mean, EVERY time.”
12. Ferynn. 30. Living with Her Partner for Five Years.
“I don’t know about you, but my man loves to put my legs up in the air. It was never really my favorite move until I read that behind the knees are an unsung erogenous zone. Whoever found that out was onto something because if he rubs back there while talking real crazy to me in a deep voice? Here I come…HERE I COME!”
13. Vivienne. 30. Engaged for One Year.

“Never underestimate the power of a foot massage. Just make sure that he applies pressure in the middle of your foot where your arch is. It instantly makes me wet. I asked my doctor why and he said that it’s probably because foot massages tend to increase blood flow, including where the vagina is. Either way, it’s always a good night if I get a foot massage first.”
14. Michelle. 24. Single.
“I’m a doula who owns my own exercise ball…for sex. When I first started showing couples the positions that women can get into to make labor easier, it got me to thinking that some of those positions could work for sex too — and they do."
"Something about the movement of the ball takes the pressure off of the back for both men and women. It also makes getting into certain positions a lot easier so that you can enjoy sex for a lot longer.”
15. Carol. 31. Married for Five Years.
“My husband and I have bets. If he wants me to make some of his favorite meals five days in a row, he’s gotta make me cum five times in a row. If I want him to get me something that’s not in our budget, I’ve gotta attempt one of his sex fantasies. We’re both competitive as hell, so it works for us because honestly, even when we ‘lose’…we win!”
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Listen, I don’t know about y’all, but this was definitely worth my while. After all, ain’t nothin’ like some Black women who can speak from very-personal-and-up-close experience about what makes them happy — especially if it can increase the odds of bringing some sexual satisfaction your way too.
Speaking of, if you want to share the wealth, drop some of your own orgasm-related tips in the comment section. The more of us who can woosah on the regular, the better, chile. Straight up. #havefun #lotsofit
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