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The Do’s & Don’ts Of Dirty Talk, According To A Sex Therapist

Say goodbye to silent sex forever.

Sex

With Valentine's Day right around the corner, you may be looking to spice things up with your bae. Perhaps you've already mastered the art of sexting (hello kitten, eggplant and "wet" emojis!) and are ready to kick it up a notch. Dirty talk is a form of sexual expression that can intensify sensual stimulation before, during and even after sex play – transforming your average sex session into a steamy romp in the sack.

Dirty talk can empower partners to express their desires, needs and reactions in real time. And while it may seem a bit scary and embarrassing at first, the key is to make sure that you're using words and phrases that seem natural to you and that describe how you're feeling in the moment.

If you're ready to develop your own dirty dialogue and say goodbye to silent sex forever, sex therapist Shamyra Howard provides six helpful do's and don'ts of dirty talk.

Do start slow.

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Talking frisky may seem a little risky at first, but it's very important to ease your way into it, just as with any new sexual activity. "Dirty talk can be to sex, what butter is to everything!" Shamyra said. "And although it is fun, it can be intimidating due to thoughts and expectations of what's supposed to happen." Starting slow and steady can help you relax and let go of your inhibitions.

Don’t surprise your partner. 

"If dirty talk is something new that you want to introduce to your other half, be sure to solicit their thoughts before you decide to jump in full fledge! You don't want to kill the mood before you have the chance to create it," Shamyra explained.

Here are her recommended questions:

  • What are your thoughts on dirty talk?
  • Would you be open to us talking dirty to each other?
  • What are a few scenarios that really turn you on?
  • What are scenarios that would totally turn you off?

Do embrace the awkwardness.

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"A big reason why many people resist dirty talk is because they find it weird or awkward," Shamyra said. "Just like many other forms of sexual intimacy and sex play, things may get a little weird – and that's OK." If something funny happens, it's OK to laugh and then get back to telling your partner how good their skin feels against yours. Allow yourself to be as natural as possible.

Don't force it.

"When talking dirty, stick with terms that you are comfortable with," Shamyra explained. "You don't have to go full Wesley Pipes (or any other adult entertainer), if that's not your usual tone." Try starting with these sexy basics:

1. Tell your partner you miss them.

Say this: "I can't wait to feel you."

2. Tell your partner something you like about them.

Say this: "I really like how soft your body is."

3. Remind your partner of a previous pleasurable sexual experience.

Say this: "Do you remember how wet I was last time? How did that feel?"

4. Make a sexual request.

Say this: "Next time, I want you to taste me."

Do practice.

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"Just like with anything else, practice makes perfect. Practice in the mirror or record yourself talking dirty, moaning and groaning," Shamyra described. "Exercising what you're going to say before you say it can make dirty talk less awkward."

Don't forget to touch yourself.

If you're really feeling yourself, go ahead and feel yourself! "Dirty talk is meant to be erotic and arousing -- why not heighten the experience by touching yourself?" Shamyra exclaimed. "Extra points if you orgasm! The great thing about dirty talk is that you can always adjust what you say based on you and your partner's comfort level. And it while it doesn't always have to lead to penetrative sex, dirty talk can definitely enhance your sexual relationship."

Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:

How To Experience Amazing Foreplay (When You Are Long Distance)

Check Off These 2020 Next Level Sex Goals

7 Erogenous Zones You and Your Partner Should Explore

How To Get In The Mood When You're Not Feeling It

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