This week's episode of Insecure gave us all the Memorial Day weekend feels with Molly and Andrew's tropical baecation. It was just the boost we needed after Issa's failed attempts at "getting over" their friend fight that left off with her walking away from a Molly confrontation.
But back to Sunday's episode, "Lowkey Trippin'" that gave us palm trees, mile-high club, bikinis, balcony sex, umbrella drinks, a 50 Shades-level bedroom scene (Thank you, HBO) and made me miss catching flights and feelings.
Here's what you need to know…
After a week-long wait, we finally got Molly's POV who seemed to be "getting over" the friend fight a bit better than Issa because, hello, baecation. Things got HOT between Molly and Andrew in Mexico, like sex-toys-and-tossing-the-salad HOT. Their bedroom playtime got off to an awkward start since Molly and Andrew had very different ideas of how to spice things up. Eventually, though they got on the same page.
When discussing these sexy scenes with my friends, the overall consensus was that communication is key. Andrew and Molly clearly had very different ideas what "spicing things up" meant. Although short-lived, the awkwardness could have been completely avoided with a quick convo. I know I'd want to be warned if my travel buddy was walking around with a secret sex arsenal that included butt stuff and handcuffs before we get to the bedroom. I'm all for spontaneity, but not when it comes to butt stuff. Let's have a conversation. As for a time frame, I don't do anything by a specific schedule. If it feels, it feels right.
But that's just me and everyone approaches butt stuff and other kinks on their own terms. So, I asked Insecure fans this:
At what point in a relationship do you spice things up in the bedroom? How do you do it?
Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.
"I think when it comes to 'spicing things up', you have to first communicate if there is anything that is lacking or if both parties' needs are being met. Especially if the relationship is new, why isn't it exciting anymore? After that, I think it's fair game to introduce toys that will add to the experience. It's all about what people are comfortable with." –Sherryll Morton
Keep The Toys Charged For Go Time
"Well, I think there should always be a healthy dialogue about each other's sexual desires. After years of being with the same woman you got to be honest in what you want. The things you watch in private, the thoughts etc. Try to recreate them. There is no specific time where it should be spiced up.
"However, places out of the norm usually gives a thrilling sensation. Why do the same things over and over?
"The bedroom is always going to be there but how often are you on a boat ride, or in a crowded store or in another country with a background only seen in screen savers? Tie me up, spank her, make sure the toys are charged and blow her back out." –James Cameau, Patient Advocate
Have The Sex Conversation BEFORE Sex
"Oh boy, oh boy! You should always be spicy in the bedroom. I think we should be having the sex conversation BEFORE we have sex. Talking about the things we like sexually allows us to decide what's too much for us or what piques our interest.
"In the past I've simply bought toys or games to enhance the sexual experience between me and my partner. It could be something as simple as warming lubricant oil or something more kinky like rope. Either way you have to create a safe space for your partner, set a sexy mood and create a stimulating experience. Get some sex dice, light some candles, roll and go." –AmiyahDeziire, Author, Midnight Confessions
Keep It Spicy From Day One
"From day one, gotta keep 'em guessing. If you start doing extra shit later you're admitting that the relationship has gone stale and need to be shook up. You can't fix it when the thrill is gone." –Michael Gordon, Freelance Videographer
Don’t Wait For Things To Get Stale
"I don't think there is a specific time frame or a certain relationship level. I think that if you are comfortable with the person that you are with, there's always room to try new things.
"There's always this 'Oh, I'm not doing that until I'm married' or 'That's reserved for my man'. When having a deep sexual connection with someone (no matter their title), there's nothing but space and opportunity.
"But if we are speaking in terms of a relationship, I think that you should always feel free to try new things. Don't wait for things to get stale." –Ashlee Graham, Senior Producer, BET Digital
Don't Be Scurred
"This episode was very interesting, yes, but not as kinky as the writers were making it seem. From my point of view, I would say that those items that Andrew had with him on the trip with Molly are definitely the basics and a necessity for sure in any bedroom. That's just me, of course, everyone has different styles, but I like the direction Andrew was headed in [laughs].
"If I had to put a time stamp on when to introduce my style and kink level, I would have to say in the first three months for sure. Again, that's just me. It may sound too fast to some, but I think it's more so about not wasting time and being progressive. It's based on the person you're with, yes, and once y'all reach that point where sex is involved, soon after the talk about preferences can be introduced. Why wait? I think being pleased is the main goal, and what better way to get more satisfied than expressing what you like and don't like with your person. Don't be scared. Tell them what you want and save yourself wasted time with the same old routine." –Sgt. Simone Victor,U.S. Army
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Featured image by Insecure/HBO
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In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
