How Do You Repair The Damage After A Friend Fight? 5 ‘Insecure’ Fans Sound-Off
It took me several days to recover from Issa and Molly's epic friend breakup at the block party (tbh, I still have PTSD every time I think about it). So, it's only right this week's episode of Insecure turned things down a few notches and took us through the aftermath of the situation.
Spoiler alert…
This episode picks up the very next day after the block party blowup. We see Issa go through all the motions to get over her fight with Molly by trying to distract herself with some coronavirus-level home cleaning, a paint and sip that turns into a dine and dash, and few other good doings gone awry. At the end of the episode, she finds herself literally facing Molly sitting inside their favorite Ethopian eatery. Instead, of confronting her though, she decides to walk away.
Nooooooooo Issa Deeee! Go talk to herrrr!! #InsecureHBO I get it tho. pic.twitter.com/e4P49YStst
— Kendrick Sampson (@kendrick38) May 18, 2020
The real-life Nathan played by actor, Kendrick Sampson, summed it up best for me with his tweet above. While I'm telling my friends how I'm stressed AF waiting for Issa and Molly to just say all the things they need to say to each other, I'm also an Issa Dee. Meaning, I avoid confrontation like it's the 'rona, especially when I'm hurt by the situation. In order to reconcile, it takes vulnerability and being able to verbalize your point without losing your cool—these are not my strong suits. I need time to gather myself together and sometimes even the perfect opportunity presents itself, if I'm not ready I'll retreat. In short, if the other party involved is waiting for me to speak up, they're going to be waiting a LONG time.
My advice from experience: Don't be an Issa Dee.
We have yet to get Molly's POV, which looks like (from the preview) it's coming next week, so I can't tell you whether or not to follow her lead but I did reach out to some Insecure fans to ask:
How do you repair the damage after a friend fight? Do you break the ice or wait for the other person to?
Taking Responsibility For Your Part Is The First Step
"In the past, when I've had an argument with a friend that caused us to not speak for a while, she invited me out to dinner to apologize and hash things out. I think taking responsibility for your words and actions is the first step to reconciling with a friend after a fight.
"If neither person does that, then I don't really see how you can move on and have a healthy friendship, if you even had one at all.
"In my experience, people lose friendships because no one thinks they're wrong or they're waiting for the other person to reach out to them. If you value the person and love them, just reach out. If you have a friendship like Molly and Issa's, then I think there's a chance to reconcile if the two people come with an open heart and take responsibility for their part in the disruption of the friendship." –Ayana Gotay
Sometimes You Will Have To Humble Yourself
"Repairing a friendship after a fight can be tricky. Sometimes you need to clear your head space, give yourself a day or two. But don't let too much time pass because, like Kelli said, the longer you wait the harder it is to fix. If the friendship is important to you, sometimes you will have to humble yourself and apologize or at least open the door for a conversation to be had with a simple 'hello, can we talk' text or call." –AmiyahDeziire, Author, Midnight Confessions
Talk About It Over A Bite To Eat
"I know myself and it usually takes me about two days to get over something. If you were really my friend, I'm going to hit you up and ask you, 'Are you hungry?' If the answer is 'yes', then let's go get something to eat and hash it out." –Marco Cayetano,Sales, Vast Auto
Life Is Too Short To Be Carrying Beefs
"[I have] zero problem being the bigger man. [I'm] way too old and life is too short be to carrying beefs at this point in my life. A quick text or a call; whatever's gonna get the job done. Nine of out ten [times], the issue isn't even that serious and is a result of a misunderstanding. So, my advice to everyone is don't let issues linger and squash the beef and get to the [root of the] problem." –Nagier Chambers, YouTuber, Big Gold Belt Media
No Half-Ass Apology… We Are Meeting Face To Face
"To be honest, if I was Issa I would confront Molly (maybe not the next day, way too soon) but I would get my thoughts together and replay everything in my head that went wrong. I would ask myself, 'What did I do/what did I say/when did I start feeling some type of way?' I would hold myself accountable for my actions, therefore I can understand where the other person is coming from. I would also get a second opinion, because that individual can put into perspective the cause of the fight.
"The phrase 'it's not you, it's me' could be the main reason for the argument.
"Molly and Issa could be fighting personal demons and insecurities within themselves, that don't pertain to their friendship. Regarding repairing a relationship/friendship, everyone involved has to give 100%. No half-ass apology, we are meeting face to face, we are communicating efficiently, and comprehending thoroughly. And if it's worth fighting for, you will find a way to reconcile, and move forward." –Kateri Fischer, On-Air Scheduling Coordinator, BET Networks
Featured image via Insecure/HBO
Jazmine A. Ortiz is a creative born and raised in Bushwick, Brooklyn and currently living in Staten Island, NY. She started in the entertainment industry in 2012 and now works as a Lifestyle Editor where she explores everything from mental health to vegan foodie trends. For more on what she's doing in the digital space follow her on Instagram at @liddle_bitt.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage