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How Do You Repair The Damage After A Friend Fight? 5 ‘Insecure’ Fans Sound-Off

The biggest breakup of 2020 has us all in our feelings.

Culture & Entertainment

It took me several days to recover from Issa and Molly's epic friend breakup at the block party (tbh, I still have PTSD every time I think about it). So, it's only right this week's episode of Insecure turned things down a few notches and took us through the aftermath of the situation.

Spoiler alert…

This episode picks up the very next day after the block party blowup. We see Issa go through all the motions to get over her fight with Molly by trying to distract herself with some coronavirus-level home cleaning, a paint and sip that turns into a dine and dash, and few other good doings gone awry. At the end of the episode, she finds herself literally facing Molly sitting inside their favorite Ethopian eatery. Instead, of confronting her though, she decides to walk away.

The real-life Nathan played by actor, Kendrick Sampson, summed it up best for me with his tweet above. While I'm telling my friends how I'm stressed AF waiting for Issa and Molly to just say all the things they need to say to each other, I'm also an Issa Dee. Meaning, I avoid confrontation like it's the 'rona, especially when I'm hurt by the situation. In order to reconcile, it takes vulnerability and being able to verbalize your point without losing your cool—these are not my strong suits. I need time to gather myself together and sometimes even the perfect opportunity presents itself, if I'm not ready I'll retreat. In short, if the other party involved is waiting for me to speak up, they're going to be waiting a LONG time.

My advice from experience: Don't be an Issa Dee.

We have yet to get Molly's POV, which looks like (from the preview) it's coming next week, so I can't tell you whether or not to follow her lead but I did reach out to some Insecure fans to ask:

How do you repair the damage after a friend fight? Do you break the ice or wait for the other person to?

Taking Responsibility For Your Part Is The First Step

"In the past, when I've had an argument with a friend that caused us to not speak for a while, she invited me out to dinner to apologize and hash things out. I think taking responsibility for your words and actions is the first step to reconciling with a friend after a fight.

"If neither person does that, then I don't really see how you can move on and have a healthy friendship, if you even had one at all.

"In my experience, people lose friendships because no one thinks they're wrong or they're waiting for the other person to reach out to them. If you value the person and love them, just reach out. If you have a friendship like Molly and Issa's, then I think there's a chance to reconcile if the two people come with an open heart and take responsibility for their part in the disruption of the friendship." –Ayana Gotay

Sometimes You Will Have To Humble Yourself

"Repairing a friendship after a fight can be tricky. Sometimes you need to clear your head space, give yourself a day or two. But don't let too much time pass because, like Kelli said, the longer you wait the harder it is to fix. If the friendship is important to you, sometimes you will have to humble yourself and apologize or at least open the door for a conversation to be had with a simple 'hello, can we talk' text or call." –AmiyahDeziire, Author, Midnight Confessions

Talk About It Over A Bite To Eat

"I know myself and it usually takes me about two days to get over something. If you were really my friend, I'm going to hit you up and ask you, 'Are you hungry?' If the answer is 'yes', then let's go get something to eat and hash it out." –Marco Cayetano, Sales, Vast Auto

Life Is Too Short To Be Carrying Beefs

"[I have] zero problem being the bigger man. [I'm] way too old and life is too short be to carrying beefs at this point in my life. A quick text or a call; whatever's gonna get the job done. Nine of out ten [times], the issue isn't even that serious and is a result of a misunderstanding. So, my advice to everyone is don't let issues linger and squash the beef and get to the [root of the] problem." –Nagier Chambers, YouTuber, Big Gold Belt Media

No Half-Ass Apology… We Are Meeting Face To Face

"To be honest, if I was Issa I would confront Molly (maybe not the next day, way too soon) but I would get my thoughts together and replay everything in my head that went wrong. I would ask myself, 'What did I do/what did I say/when did I start feeling some type of way?' I would hold myself accountable for my actions, therefore I can understand where the other person is coming from. I would also get a second opinion, because that individual can put into perspective the cause of the fight.

"The phrase 'it's not you, it's me' could be the main reason for the argument.

"Molly and Issa could be fighting personal demons and insecurities within themselves, that don't pertain to their friendship. Regarding repairing a relationship/friendship, everyone involved has to give 100%. No half-ass apology, we are meeting face to face, we are communicating efficiently, and comprehending thoroughly. And if it's worth fighting for, you will find a way to reconcile, and move forward." –Kateri Fischer, On-Air Scheduling Coordinator, BET Networks

Featured image via Insecure/HBO

ACLU By ACLUSponsored

Over the past four years, we grew accustomed to a regular barrage of blatant, segregationist-style racism from the White House. Donald Trump tweeted that “the Squad," four Democratic Congresswomen who are Black, Latinx, and South Asian, should “go back" to the “corrupt" countries they came from; that same year, he called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas," mocking her belief that she might be descended from Native American ancestors.

But as outrageous as the racist comments Trump regularly spewed were, the racially unjust governmental actions his administration took and, in the case of COVID-19, didn't take, impacted millions more — especially Black and Brown people.

To begin to heal and move toward real racial justice, we must address not only the harms of the past four years, but also the harms tracing back to this country's origins. Racism has played an active role in the creation of our systems of education, health care, ownership, and employment, and virtually every other facet of life since this nation's founding.

Our history has shown us that it's not enough to take racist policies off the books if we are going to achieve true justice. Those past policies have structured our society and created deeply-rooted patterns and practices that can only be disrupted and reformed with new policies of similar strength and efficacy. In short, a systemic problem requires a systemic solution. To combat systemic racism, we must pursue systemic equality.

What is Systemic Racism?

A system is a collection of elements that are organized for a common purpose. Racism in America is a system that combines economic, political, and social components. That system specifically disempowers and disenfranchises Black people, while maintaining and expanding implicit and explicit advantages for white people, leading to better opportunities in jobs, education, and housing, and discrimination in the criminal legal system. For example, the country's voting systems empower white voters at the expense of voters of color, resulting in an unequal system of governance in which those communities have little voice and representation, even in policies that directly impact them.

Systemic Equality is a Systemic Solution

In the years ahead, the ACLU will pursue administrative and legislative campaigns targeting the Biden-Harris administration and Congress. We will leverage legal advocacy to dismantle systemic barriers, and will work with our affiliates to change policies nearer to the communities most harmed by these legacies. The goal is to build a nation where every person can achieve their highest potential, unhampered by structural and institutional racism.

To begin, in 2021, we believe the Biden administration and Congress should take the following crucial steps to advance systemic equality:

Voting Rights

The administration must issue an executive order creating a Justice Department lead staff position on voting rights violations in every U.S. Attorney office. We are seeing a flood of unlawful restrictions on voting across the country, and at every level of state and local government. This nationwide problem requires nationwide investigatory and enforcement resources. Even if it requires new training and approval protocols, a new voting rights enforcement program with the participation of all 93 U.S. Attorney offices is the best way to help ensure nationwide enforcement of voting rights laws.

These assistant U.S. attorneys should begin by ensuring that every American in the custody of the Bureau of Prisons who is eligible to vote can vote, and monitor the Census and redistricting process to fight the dilution of voting power in communities of color.

We are also calling on Congress to pass the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act to finally create a fair and equal national voting system, the cause for which John Lewis devoted his life.

Student Debt

Black borrowers pay more than other students for the same degrees, and graduate with an average of $7,400 more in debt than their white peers. In the years following graduation, the debt gap more than triples. Nearly half of Black borrowers will default within 12 years. In other words, for Black Americans, the American dream costs more. Last week, Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, along with House Reps. Ayanna Pressley, Maxine Waters, and others, called on President Biden to cancel up to $50,000 in federal student loan debt per borrower.

We couldn't agree more. By forgiving $50,000 of student debt, President Biden can unleash pent up economic potential in Black communities, while relieving them of a burden that forestalls so many hopes and dreams. Black women in particular will benefit from this executive action, as they are proportionately the most indebted group of all Americans.

Postal Banking

In both low and high income majority-Black communities, traditional bank branches are 50 percent more likely to close than in white communities. The result is that nearly 50 percent of Black Americans are unbanked or underbanked, and many pay more than $2,000 in fees associated with subprime financial institutions. Over their lifetime, those fees can add up to as much as two years of annual income for the average Black family.

The U.S. Postal Service can and should meet this crisis by providing competitive, low-cost financial services to help advance economic equality. We call on President Biden to appoint new members to the Postal Board of Governors so that the Post Office can do the work of providing essential services to every American.

Fair Housing

Across the country, millions of people are living in communities of concentrated poverty, including 26 percent of all Black children. The Biden administration should again implement the 2015 Affirmatively Furthering Fair Housing rule, which required localities that receive federal funds for housing to investigate and address barriers to fair housing and patterns or practices that promote bias. In 1980, the average Black person lived in a neighborhood that was 62 percent Black and 31 percent white. By 2010, the average Black person's neighborhood was 48 percent Black and 34 percent white. Reinstating the Obama-era Fair Housing Rule will combat this ongoing segregation and set us on a path to true integration.

Congress should also pass the American Housing and Economic Mobility Act, or a similar measure, to finally redress the legacy of redlining and break down the walls of segregation once and for all.

Broadband Access

To realize broadband's potential to benefit our democracy and connect us to one another, all people in the United States must have equal access and broadband must be made affordable for the most vulnerable. Yet today, 15 percent of American households with school-age children do not have subscriptions to any form of broadband, including one-quarter of Black households (an additional 23 percent of African Americans are “smartphone-only" internet users, meaning they lack traditional home broadband service but do own a smartphone, which is insufficient to attend class, do homework, or apply for a job). The Biden administration, Federal Communications Commission, and Congress must develop and implement plans to increase funding for broadband to expand universal access.

Enhanced, Refundable Child Tax Credits

The United States faces a crisis of child poverty. Seventeen percent of all American children are impoverished — a rate higher than not just peer nations like Canada and the U.K., but Mexico and Russia as well. Currently, more than 50 percent of Black and Latinx children in the U.S. do not qualify for the full benefit, compared to 23 percent of white children, and nearly one in five Black children do not receive any credit at all.

To combat this crisis, President Biden and Congress should enhance the child tax credit and make it fully refundable. If we enhance the child tax credit, we can cut child poverty by 40 percent and instantly lift over 50 percent of Black children out of poverty.

Reparations

We cannot repair harms that we have not fully diagnosed. We must commit to a thorough examination of the impact of the legacy of chattel slavery on racial inequality today. In 2021, Congress must pass H.R. 40, which would establish a commission to study reparations and make recommendations for Black Americans.

The Long View

For the past century, the ACLU has fought for racial justice in legislatures and in courts, including through several landmark Supreme Court cases. While the court has not always ruled in favor of racial justice, incremental wins throughout history have helped to chip away at different forms of racism such as school segregation ( Brown v. Board), racial bias in the criminal legal system (Powell v. Alabama, i.e. the Scottsboro Boys), and marriage inequality (Loving v. Virginia). While these landmark victories initiated necessary reforms, they were only a starting point.

Systemic racism continues to pervade the lives of Black people through voter suppression, lack of financial services, housing discrimination, and other areas. More than anything, doing this work has taught the ACLU that we must fight on every front in order to overcome our country's legacies of racism. That is what our Systemic Equality agenda is all about.

In the weeks ahead, we will both expand on our views of why these campaigns are crucial to systemic equality and signal the path this country must take. We will also dive into our work to build organizing, advocacy, and legal power in the South — a region with a unique history of racial oppression and violence alongside a rich history of antiracist organizing and advocacy. We are committed to four principles throughout this campaign: reconciliation, access, prosperity, and empowerment. We hope that our actions can meet our ambition to, as Dr. King said, lead this nation to live out the true meaning of its creed.

What you can do:
Take the pledge: Systemic Equality Agenda
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Featured image by Shutterstock

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