

Eczema is something that has come to fascinate me over the past few years. The reason why is because, although I know some people who have eczema (some worse than others), it wasn't until about six or seven years ago that I noticed a patch behind each ear myself. As someone who has a fungal sensitivity and really no other health issues, I couldn't figure out what the heck was going on.
When I discovered the fact that eczema (also known as atopic dermatitis) was a skin inflammation issue, that there are basically seven different types of eczema (you can read more about that here) and that while it's more probable in individuals who have family members that have it, the reality is there are triggers that can cause almost anyone to have a flare-up, I decided to share what some of those triggers are with you.
Because anyone who's had the constant itchiness and/or scaly skin and/or weeping blisters knows that if there is anything that can be done to keep eczema at bay, it's best that you do it. Anyway, here are seven common things that can cause eczema to show all the way out.
1. Diet
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Personally, when it comes to what causes the area behind my ears to get irritated by eczema, I'm willing to bet that it's my diet more than anything. While I strive to eat pretty responsibly most of the time, right around my period, I tend to be on some other ish.
For instance, remember how I said that the root issue of eczema is skin inflammation? Well, wouldn't it make total sense that foods that cause inflammation could cause eczema to happen from time to time? Some of those foods include dairy (which is my thing when I decide to go all in on ice cream and pizza during PMS), sugar, gluten, soy, tomatoes, citrus fruit, eggs and even spices like cinnamon and vanilla.
Does this mean that you have to give all of this up? Lawd, life would suck if you did, right? It's more like, what you might want to do is either go by a process of elimination to see which foods personally affect you or opt to not eat several of those foods at the same time. Besides, it's not like a lot of dairy, sugar or soy are the best things for you, anyway. A bout of eczema may be just what you need to remind you of that very fact.
2. Dry Skin
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Tell me something. How good are you at keeping your skin nice and moisturized? If you've always been curious about how you can know for sure that your skin is well-hydrated, make sure that you "seal" it by moisturizing it while it is still damp. Also, it's important to drink lots of water throughout the day and to pay close attention to if your skin feels tight or if your make-up looks "cake-y" when you put it on (by the way, signs that you're over-moisturizing is your pores are clogged, your skin keeps breaking out and/or you're noticing that your skin isn't absorbing whatever you put on it).
When this doesn't happen, it can cause your skin to become super dry, flaky and scaly. And that can definitely cause eczema to rear its ugly head. So, definitely make moisturization a priority. Your skin will always thank you for it if you do.
3. Stress
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While I'm not personally an avid Tyler Perry movie watcher, there is a line from his film Temptation that I adore and use semi-often. It's a scene from when Vanessa Williams's character said, "Good luck with your struggle." Here's the context. A bad habit that I used to have with my clients is I would sometimes find myself far more invested in them getting better than they were which resulted in my becoming more stressed out than I ever needed to be. And looka here — as you get older (and hopefully wiser), you learn that anything/anyone that comes with a lot of stress, it just isn't worth the time or even the paycheck.
One of the reasons why is because long-term stress is tied to health-related issues like obesity, diabetes, asthma, headaches, depression and even shortened longevity. Girl, no person, place, thing or idea is worth all of that drama.
And just what does all of this have to do with eczema? While many health professionals do not believe that stress actually causes eczema to occur, when we're stressed out and the cortisol (our natural stress-related hormone) increases, that can result in bodily inflammation which can ultimately lead to eczema symptoms. That's why, I don't care if it's meditation, exercise, sex, sleep or releasing some people, watch your stress levels. If you don't, your skin could alert you that things have gone way too far.
4. Allergens
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Out of all of what I've already shared, this probably makes a lot of sense when you think about the fact that airborne allergens like mold, dander and pollen have the ability to weaken your immune system over time and potentially irritate your skin which could also cause an eczema outbreak. So, what should you do in this instance? Vacuum regularly. Change your sheets no less than once a week. And speak with your physician about whether or not you should take an antihistamine. The less your body reacts to allergens, the greater your chances will be of avoiding eczema on your skin.
5. Household Chemicals
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Remember how I said in the intro that there are different types of eczema? Well, there's one in particular that is also known as contact dermatitis. It's when your skin is triggered by things like soaps, cleaning products and clothing dyes. Not only that but the chemicals in hair dyes and cosmetics, along with the perfumes that may be in all of these things, can also cause an eczema flare-up to occur. While you will need to see your doctor in order to confirm that this is the cause of the itching, burning, tenderness, inflammation or scaling that you might see, chances are that if you go with products that are as natural as possible and fragrance-free, that could help relieve eczema-related symptoms. Significantly so.
6. Hormonal Shifts
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Here's a heads up, especially if you are perimenopausal or are currently going through menopause. Something that happens during this particular season of life is our estrogen levels start to significantly decrease. Once this happens, it can be more challenging for our bodies to maintain enough fluid to keep our skin moisturized. And, as I already shared, when our skin is dry, eczema can oftentimes become triggered as a direct result.
Typically, perimenopause starts to occur between 7-10 years before the time when you go without a period for a year (which is official menopause). So, if you're noticing a lot of fatigue, hot flashes, a lower libido, vaginal dryness, irregular periods or incontinence, please see your doctor as soon as possible. They can discuss what you can do to get your estrogen levels up, so that hopefully, eczema won't be as much of an issue.
By the way, it's not uncommon for estrogen levels to teeter right before your period too. If that happens, some foods that are natural sources of estrogen include dried fruit, garlic, peaches, berries, wheat bran, flaxseeds and alfalfa sprouts.
7. Extreme Temperatures
One more. If it seems like things are all good during the spring and fall, only for all hell to break loose when summer and winter roll around, that probably isn't a random occurrence. The truth of the matter is that summer can cause excess sweating and the salt that comes from it can cause itching and lead to the spread of eczema. On the flip side, the cold winter air can cause your skin to become extra dry and we already discussed what can come from that. So, in the summer, stay hydrated and try not to spend hours in the heat before cooling down. In the winter, don't forget to moisturize and consider sleeping with a humidifier, so that extra moisture can travel through the air while you sleep and protect your skin. Just one more way to keep eczema triggers from totally bothering you.
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'Sistas' Star Skyh Black On The Power Of Hypnotherapy & Emotional Vulnerability For Men
In this insightful episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Sistas star Skyh Black, as he opened up about his journey of emotional growth, resilience, and self-discovery. The episode touches on emotional availability, self-worth, masculinity, and the importance of therapy in overcoming personal struggles.
Skyh Black on Emotional Availability & Love
On Emotional Availability & Vulnerability
“My wife and I wouldn't be where we are today if both of us weren't emotionally available,” he shared about his wife and Sistas co-star KJ Smith, highlighting the value of vulnerability and emotional openness in a relationship. His approach to masculinity stands in contrast to the traditional, stoic ideals. Skyh is not afraid to embrace softness as part of his emotional expression.
On Overcoming Self-Doubt & Worthiness Issues
Skyh reflected on the self-doubt and worthiness issues that he struggled with, especially early in his career. He opens up about his time in Los Angeles, living what he calls the “LA struggle story”—in a one-bedroom with three roommates—and being homeless three times over the span of 16 years. “I always had this self-sabotaging thought process,” Skyh said. “For me, I feel therapy is essential, period. I have a regular therapist and I go to a hypnotherapist.”
How Therapy Helped Him Heal From Self-Doubt
On Hypnotherapy & Empowering Self-Acceptance
Skyh’s journey is a testament to the power of tapping into self-development despite life’s struggles and being open to growth. “I had to submit to the fact that God was doing good in my life, and that I'm worthy of it. I had a worthiness issue and I did not realize that. So, that’s what the hypnotherapy did. It brought me back to the core. What is wrong so that I can fix it?”
Watch the full podcast episode below:
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Women Are (Still) Spelling 'Coconut' With Their Hips. And Guys Are Losing Their Damn Minds.
While prepping for a podcast interview a while back, because I received the questions beforehand, I did a bit of research into one of the inquiries: what are men’s current favorite sex positions? I doubt any of you are shocked by the fact that what continued to pop up (like here, here, and here) was doggy style and the cowgirl position (i.e., when a woman is on top).
When it comes to ridin’, specifically, that got me to thinking about something that was all over the internet a few years ago: women who were advising that you spell “coconut” with your hips, during sex, in order for you and your partner to receive maximum pleasure and satisfaction.
When I asked a few women I know if they ever tried that before, I was surprised to discover that not only had they, but many didn’t treat it as some random social media fad — they actually still do it to this day. Partly, because it’s fun to them and partly because their partner(s) seem to go crazy for it.
Listen, any time something sexual works like a charm, I’m going to shout it out — (late) trend or not. And so, if you’ve never heard of the whole coconut thing, you tried it and forgot all about it, or you just want to try something new/different/else tonight — here’s a reminder, in article form, that coconut-ting is still alive and well, y’all. And the men are all about it!
But First, The Grapefruit Technique
Video Credit: Myem/YouTube (Funny part starts at 2:40)
If this woman is not familiar to you on sight, you ain’t a real one. LOL. Although I know that a lot of people think that the concept of grapefruiting came from the movie Girls Trip (you can see the clip from the film here) that absolutely is not the case. Auntie Angel (whose real name is reportedly Denise Walker) is the creator of the Grapefruit Technique and although I thought that this video came out way earlier, apparently it made its way onto the YouTube streets sometime back in 2014.
If for some reason, you’re not familiar with grapefruiting on any level, I will tell you right now that I had to download this video because it is absolutely NSFW — so you should probably watch it on your lunch break (on your phone with the volume as low as possible) or at home…because chile, the sound effects? Whew, the sound effects. LOL. However, when I sat down to pen this piece, I thought it was hilarious that this video is what immediately came to mind because it seems like, when it comes to “blow his mind sex hacks,” fruit is constantly on the menu.
When it comes to oral sex, it’s grapefruit.
When it comes to ride ‘em cowgirl, it’s a coconut.
What Is the “Coconut” Sex Trend?
@windy_moraba #duet with @mysteri0us.gir1 spell coconut with your waist 😂😂😂
Okay, so what in the world does a coconut have to do with intercourse? Well, for starters, if you and your partner are looking for an all-natural lubricant, coconut oil works well. HOWEVER, do keep in mind that the disclaimer on this is you shouldn’t use it if condoms are in the mix because they can actually cause rubbers to be less effective (silicone lube is a solid bet for condoms, by the way).
There is another way that coconuts are kinda-sorta incorporated when it comes to making sex more pleasurable — and it actually became pretty popular right after COVID lockdown (2021): spelling C-O-C-O-N-U-T with your hips while you’re on top of your partner.
It’s wild how I forgot all about this until a client of mine was telling me how much her husband liked her on top while it wasn’t her favorite thing to do because it felt awkward to her. When I said, “Have you ever heard of spelling ‘coconut’ with your hips before?” — at first, she looked at me like I was crazy and then she busted out laughing: “Girl, no” was her reply.
Hmph. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it because, as wild as it might sound on the surface, the word isn’t the point so much as the movements that come with spelling it out are.
When you’re moving your pelvis around to make a “c,” “o” or U-turn, not only does it intensify the level of sensation that both you and your partner feel during intercourse, it can also increase the level of blood circulation to both of your genitalia which can make your orgasms more satisfying too.
At the end of the day, spelling “coconut” is simply reminding you that there are more options to riding than simply sitting there while your partner pumps for all he’s worth or you humping up and down like you’re on a pogo stick.
Spelling “coconut” is an easy hack to bring some variety into cowgirling. However…
Honestly, the “Fruit” Isn’t the Point. THIS IS.
From grapefruiting and spelling “coconut” to reading articles that I’ve penned for the platform like “How To Improve The Taste Of Sperm” — fruit and sex are always going to be a winning combination, one way or another. However, the main point of this article isn’t about making sure that you are a master speller so much as providing you with tips that will make the cowgirl position something that you are confident about and you find a ton of fulfillment in doing.
You can make both of these things happen by incorporating the following things:
Stretch beforehand. A charley horse during sex is the worst thing ever — and chile, don’t let it be right before you’re about to climax. SMDH. Yeah, if you want to feel more comfortable when you’re on top, make sure that you stretch beforehand and that you are well-hydrated. That will reduce the chances of experiencing a totally-out-of-nowhere muscle spasm — whether you decide to “spell” during sex or…not.
Bring pillows into the mix. Sometimes riding is a challenge because your partner feels farther away from your body than you would like. Putting a pillow underneath him can help to elevate his pelvis, so that you don’t feel like you’re stretching and straining. Speaking of pillows, a longer one can really come in handy because it can give your knees some additional support as well.
Also, ask him to put his knees up. Speaking of making the “grind” easier for you, ask your partner to put his knees up. That way, your back can recline on his legs as you’re moving your hips around. You’d be amazed how much this one hack can do for you. Straight up.
Add lube. When you get a chance, check out “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant” and you will automatically see why bringing lubrication into a cowgirl session is an absolute must. It reduces friction. It makes your movements glide with ease. And it’s just more fun. Promise you that.
Lean in. If your partner happens to be on the larger side of life, one way that you can control his depth is by leaning forward into him. That way, your hips can better control how much or little he is inside of you, so that you can get into a position that gives you the sensation that you are looking for.
Get him to multitask. Again, whether you are spelling “coconut” or not and whether you are riding cowgirl or reverse cowgirl — something that is awesome about being on top is it frees your partner’s hands to do, umm, other things. And since it is so much easier to have an orgasm while your clitoris is being stimulated, get your partner to put some of the lube that we discussed earlier on his fingertips, so that he can gently rub on your clitoris while you are riding him. It doesn’t get much better than that!
Don’t wanna spell? Hula Hoop then. What if you try the whole coconut thing and it’s not a favorite for you (or him)? No problem — when’s the last time that you hula hooped? Pretend that you have one of those around your hips and move around that way. I’d be shocked if you ended up feeling “meh” about that option.
5 Guys Tell Me What They Love When Their Partner Is on Top
A part of the reason why I am “team cowgirl” is because it provides a lot of benefits to the woman: she has more control, it tends to be more comfortable for her, it’s a great position for a quickie and the orgasms tend to be that much more — wonderful. However, as I was thinking about spelling coconut, in general, I couldn’t help but wonder what guys thought about it and the cowgirl position overall.
If you’re curious, here’s what five of ‘em said.
1. Braxford. Engaged. 35. “Y’all be spelling up there? Who knew? My favorite thing about when my fiancée is on top is what I think every man likes: the view. It’s a chance to see her entire body and experience it at the same time. Not even doggy style accomplishes that. Damn, where’s my lady at?”
2. Denez. Single. 42. “Do you know how many ‘spots’ you have access to when y’all are on top? Breasts are in my mouth. Hickeys are on her neck. Prop my head up on a pillow and her tummy is getting licked. When a woman is riding you, it’s sensory overload! It’s crazy how each one looks amazing in that position too.”
3. Omar. In a Serious Relationship. 29. “[He said her name yet I’m not going to share it] isn’t a very vocal lover. Her body and technique are insane, so even though I love dirty talk, I’ve learned to compromise — except when she’s on top. She’s not saying much but those moans? And yeah, we tried the coconut thing. ‘Cs’ and ‘Os,’ hell yeah. ‘Ns’ and “Ts’? Nah.”
4. Nolen. Single. 45. “45 isn’t old but it’s old enough for your back to show out on you when you least expect it. My experience has been that women don’t want a lot of thrusting when they are on top, so it’s like having some of the best sex without having to do much at all. Well, aside from trying not to bust too quickly. I take that back: riding is easy on the body; it’s work on the brain.”
5. Ivan. Married. 37. “I like the spelling sh-t because it switches things up. We make a game out of it by her picking a word and spelling out while I try and guess what it is. We also try to see how many words that we can get to before one of us cums. 12 words is pushing it unless it’s like ‘dog’ or ‘cat’ or something. I’ve guessed ‘coconut’ a few times and I get what the excitement is all about. Spelling bee sex: try it.”
Yep. I concur.
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