Chances are you have a favorite food, a favorite color, or a favorite restaurant. By design, our brains are programmed to gravitate towards things we like. If this is true, is it too far-fetched to believe that you have a favorite type of man, too? If you're like me, you've probably dated your fair share of a particular type of guy.
Perhaps you're attracted to a clean-cut, fresh face or maybe you like a man with a bit of an edge. There's a popular saying that, "the heart wants what the heart wants," but what if our dating preference is causing us to stay in unhealthy dating patterns?
To offer an assist, below are 7 types of men you should avoid at all costs and how to spot them before they spot you.
1.The Center of Attention
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Also known as the narcissist, you won't have a problem spotting him, at all. Chances are, you'll actually hear this guy before you see him. Or maybe he's someone you've heard of from around the way. As their moniker indicates, these men love attention so they'll likely work in an industry where it's necessary to keep up appearances. Oftentimes, they aspire to be a local celebrity in your area, a club promoter or entertainer of some sort, maybe even an athlete.
Since it's normally them that's getting attention, you'll feel special when he directs his attention towards you. But don't be fooled, girlfriend. This guy thrives on attention and it'll only be a matter of time before he grows tired of sharing the spotlight with you and seeks out someone else to replenish his narcissistic supply.
2.The Ghost
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At first glance, this guy will sweep you off your feet with romantic gestures and sweet messages. In the beginning, the Ghost may pour on the PDA (public displays of affection) in hopes that you'll reciprocate...um, privately, if you know what I mean. Unfortunately, for most guys that ghost women, that's their mode of operation and the ultimate goal is sex. This is why they're absolute charmers in the beginning. In fact, their ultimate goal is to charm the panties right off of you.
They prefer to pour it on thick, and they can afford to do this because they don't have intentions of sticking around for too long. Ghosts tend to be repeat offenders. As I learned from personal experience, if they ghost you once, they'll ghost you again.
3.The Mama's Boy
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The Mama's Boy is kind of tricky because he may come off as super in touch with his sensitive side which can be super attractive. You may find it refreshing that he has a soft side, while also being secure enough in his manhood. He may tell you how he has huge respect for women because he was raised by a single mother, grandmother, or that he is super close with his sisters. But these could be tale-tell signs that this dude is codependent on a maternal parent, ipso facto, his mama. While it may not be obvious to the untrained eye, there are certain precautions that you should heed.
For example, if your guy expects you to do certain things like cooking his dinner, doing his laundry, and running his bath, he may be viewing you in a motherly manner instead of a wife. Now, it's one thing to feel like you're catering to your man--which I have no problem doing--but it's quite another to feel like you're raising a child. Steer clear of this dude, otherwise, you'll end up being his mother. Or his maid.
4.The Liar
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The truth is we all lie at some point, but not all lies are created equally. If this man's words seem too good to be true, take heed to the old adage because he probably is. A liar will often make plans and promises that he can't keep. According to an article in Psychology Today, people lie for one or two reasons: to avoid something or to gain something. At the core, lying is a way to manipulate people without using physical force.
Steer clear of The Liar by recognizing 10 common phrases that liars use most often. The number one sign that he's lying to you is that he'll be inconsistent in everything he says or does. Why? Because he can't keep up with all the lies he's told so he's constantly inventing new stories to cover his tracks.
5.The Baller
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Cardi said, "Broke boys don't deserve no kitty," so then she must mean we should be dating a baller, right? Wrong. Now I'm not telling you not to date a man who's financially well off. What I will tell you is that dating a man with money comes with implications. For example, a man that has a bag may expect that you are easily impressed and that could lead to him trying to buy your attention. Another behavior that could be a problem is the idea that some guys believe in "paying the cost, to be the boss." In other words, he feels entitled to certain behaviors, such as cheating, so long as he providing for you.
Ballers are usually easy to spot because they're always showing their money. He may be overly loud, both verbally and figuratively speaking. You may recognize these guys by the loud music they play, heavy cologne, or excessive jewelry as these are all indicators of his flamboyant lifestyle.
6.The Smooth Talker
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This guy is like a master angler, tossing his net to scoop up as many fish as he possibly can. How does he do it? With his charm and good looks. Don't be confused that this guy is labeled as a smooth talker. While his secret weapon lies in his words, it may not be words you're thinking of. Come-on phrases to compliment you by commenting on your looks and beauty are standard, but the smooth talker excels in his ability to make you laugh. Yes, that's right.
A 2015 study found the more times a man could make a woman laugh, the more likely she was to want to date him. If the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, then it may be safe to say the way to a woman's heart is through laughter. Beware of the guy whose words and demeanor seem too good to be true.
7.The Control Freak
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It's a man that can take the lead, for me. Yes, girlfriend, a man who knows how to take charge can be a major turn-on. But, a man who wants to control everything from where you have dinner to what you'll wear to dinner is a different story. You may be fascinated by his manly presence, initially, but be careful if confidence turns into obsessive,controlling behavior. If what once attracted you to him now makes you feel uneasy, it may be time to part ways. Has his temper gotten shorter? Does he use his "intelligence" or "concern" to manipulate you? This can be dangerous territory if he makes you think his actions are because he has your best interest at heart when really he's using it to control you. He may be "really good with money" and so he starts to manage yours. Or he convinces you he's putting you up on game about "dudes in the streets" so you don't get played.
You should steer clear of anyone who demands you no longer associate with your friends or wants to isolate you from your family. If you recognize this is happening in your relationship, seek professional help, or better yet, leave. This, seemingly innocent behavior can be problematic and lead to mental and/or physical abuse.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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And so, since this is the time of year when catching a cold (and/or the flu) is common, let’s talk about the impact that sleep (and again, a lack thereof) has on your immune system. That way, you can remain as healthy as possible during the fall and winter seasons.
1. Less Sleep Means More Colds
GiphyLike I stated in the intro, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard somewhere that the fall and winter are the seasons when people are most susceptible to catching a cold or coming down with the flu. And that’s exactly why I thought I would start this all off by sharing the fact that some studies reveal that if you get less than six hours of sleep, on a consistent basis, you end up making yourself more vulnerable to coming down with both. In fact, some research says that only 18 percent of people who get six-plus hours of rest caught a cold while almost 40 percent who got less than that did.
The logic behind it all is sleep gives your body time to build up the proteins and cells (like cytokines and T-cells) that you need to fight off certain viruses. So, if nothing bothers you more than having a stuffy nose or stubborn cough when it’s cold outside, getting more sleep is one way to prevent that from happening to you.
2. Less Sleep Means More Allergy Symptoms
GiphyAt the end of the day, an allergy is basically what transpires whenever your immune system “overreacts” to something that other people’s systems do not. And since sleep is what helps to keep your immune system nice and strong — well, I’m sure you get how less allergy-related symptoms and more sleep go hand in hand. Also, since sleep helps to decrease bodily inflammation (more on that in a bit) and inflammation can also intensify allergy symptoms, that’s just one more reason to get as much shut-eye as possible.
3. Less Sleep Means Potential Diabetes and Heart Disease
GiphyDid you know that in 2024, Black women were diagnosed with diabetes 24 percent more than any other adult demographic. Also, it continues to be a reality that heart disease is the leading cause of death for Black women. These two sobering statistics alone should be enough of an incentive to do whatever you can to keep the risk of diabetes and heart disease way down.
One way to do that is by getting more sleep. Aside from the fact that sleep strengthens your immune system to where it is easier for you to fight off illness and diseases, sleep can keep your blood sugar levels in a healthy space; plus, when it comes to your heart, it gives it, along with your arteries and blood vessels a break.
4. Less Sleep Means Less Time for Your Body to Push “Reset”
GiphyIf you really stopped to consider all that your body goes through during the day (you can read some about that here), you definitely would respect it enough to do your best to thank it by giving it no less than six hours of sleep, each and every night. Sleep is what helps to slow your brain and body down so they are able to “refuel” for the next day. After all, how can your body prevent you from getting sick if your immune system is too worn out to fight ailments off? Exactly.
5. More Sleep Helps You to Fight Off Infections
GiphySpeaking of, in order for your body to fight off infections, there are certain cells and antibodies within you that need to be healthy and strong — one way that they get and stay that way is by you getting a good amount of sleep. For instance, remember when I touched on cytokines earlier? Well, the same way that they help to prevent colds, they also help to prevent infections too. And since sleep lowers your cortisol (stress) levels, rest gives your body the time and space to build up an army that can fight off free radicals and other health-related challenges while you are awake.
6. More Sleep Lowers Bodily Inflammation
GiphyWhenever a health-related issue is mentioned on this platform, inflammation is something that is mentioned quite a bit. Probably the easiest way to explain inflammation is it’s how your body responds/reacts whenever something is happening to your body that shouldn’t be, whether it’s an illness, an injury, a germ or something that you may be allergic to.
If you happen to have chronic inflammation, some symptoms that are associated with that include fatigue, stiff joints, skin rashes, weight gain and moodiness.
The interesting thing about all of this is if you aren’t getting enough rest, you could be triggering inflammation in your body. That’s because studies reveal that a lack of sleep can elevate molecules that are associated with inflammation. So, if you don’t want inflammation to increase within your system, you should definitely catch more zzz’s.
7. More Sleep Regulates Hormones
GiphyWhen it comes to hormones like serotonin, estrogen and cortisol, believe it or not, they play a role in how your immune system acts and overreacts. That’s because, if your hormones are out of balance, that can cause your immune system to work harder than it actually should and that can make you more vulnerable to sickness. One way to keep your hormones leveled out? SLEEP.
That’s because sleep gives your body the opportunity to rest, repair and restore your hormone levels. On the other hand, when you are sleep deprived, that can put/keep your hormones on the ultimate roller coaster ride. #notgood
8. More Sleep Strengthens Vaccines
flu shot GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyIf you’re someone who is good for getting some sort of vaccine around this time of the year, make sure that you rest up before and after getting your shots. Not only does adequate rest before a vaccination help your immune system to be better receptive to your shots but sleep also helps your body to build up enough antibodies to make your vaccinations effective after getting them. Because if you’re gonna get pricked, shouldn’t it be worth it? My thoughts exactly.
Get some freakin’ sleep! Your immune system depends on it.
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