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'Tis The Season: Is You Cuffin' Or Nah?

"Here's what I feel: I don't get chose, I do the choosing."

Dating

OK, girls, so daylight savings time has come, the clocks have rolled back, and we have officially entered *drum roll* cuffing seasonnnn! That's right, ladies, the infamously annual cuffing season. And while some of us are ecstatic, the rest of us are rolling our damn eyes dreading another year of more of the same. But whether we're interested or not, society has synonymously named the next few months as a time for prospective bae applications to officially become wide open—just in time for holidays.

On this week's xoNecole's Happy Hour episode, Amer and Sheriden decided to lay out the blueprint and explore exactly what this means:

What is cuffing season? How do we navigate? What will cuffing season look like in a world of COVID? Is this when you're going to find bae? Should we be out here dating multiple men?

Courtesy of Insecure/HBO

Grab a cocktail and press play as the ladies divulge in helping us all figure out the tough answers to what we all ultimately want to know...is you cuffin' or nah?

Amer and Sheriden are now accepting voice notes! Click here to send them a 1-2 minute question for your chance to receive on-air advice directly from them! Also, be sure to subscribe and listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

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"'Tis The Season: Is You Cuffin' Or Nah?" Show Notes

Intro:

We're in Mercury retrograde, yayyyy. #sarcasm

Understanding the importance of lessons that are masked by challenges. Knowing how to separate your emotions from work. Don't take on other people's feelings, sis!

#HoodieEnergy, get you some.

Tis the season to be boo'd up, yall! We break it all down as we discuss:

Pre-Game:

Twitter's 'How It's Started vs. How It's Going'—we love this because this is a great time to reflect on how far we've come

Our fave YouTube relationships, who are yours?

Men actually categorize women into "Girls You Date" and "Fun Girls"

Happy Hour:

Courtesy of Insecure/HBO

Great news! You can now visit xohappyhour.com to leave us voice notes, which we will begin playing on-air (please limit to 1-2 minutes).

We played our first voice note on-air from this segment from xoHappy Hour listener, Taylor:

Dating and achieving your goals: how do we balance both?

Sheriden's advice: if you have the bandwidth and capacity, then see where it goes! But there's nothing wrong with just having the friendship in the meantime.

Amer's advice: When you ask the universe for something, they are going to send it to you, but before they give it to you, they're going to test you to see if that's what you really want.

As you go along with trying to reach your goals, you're going to attract the right person. If you're on the right path, they're going to find you. If this is your person, he'll still be there at the end of your journey.

We need to reintroduce and normalize men and women JUST being friends. Why has this gone out of style?

Men today believe they are in control in dating. Are they the prize now?

"I'm not the table, I'm the room." -- Amer-Marie Woods

Cuffing season, defined

  • Defining what it means to date during cuffing season
  • Does holiday season have an affect?
  • What do people actually do during this time?

Roster dating, defined

  • How it works, who's on the team
  • Ground rules
  • How it can get tricky

The rules of casual sex, knowing when to have sex, expectations, and more

How has COVID pivoted cuffing season?

  • COVID vs. STDs
  • End of the world syndrome, what is it?
  • We're not sure how it's going to work, but if you're going to be out here, be responsible!

Hobosexuals are real.

Shooting your shot...are we doing this?

Sending nudes and the mixed messages that come along

If you're sliding in the DMs: have something to talk about!

People aren't good at conversations because they don't really know themselves *poetry snaps*

What has cuffing season or casual dating taught you about yourself?

Resources Mentioned In This Episode:

Hinge

Why Men Love Bitches (book)

"Cuffing Season & COVID-19. Whew, Chile." by Shellie Warren

Missed our last episode? Catch up and listen to Episode 3 | Throw It Back Like A Zodiac: Mercury Retrograde, Horoscopes, & Tarot Reading Defined

Feature GIF courtesy of Insecure/HBO

You know what? Sometimes, you've got to push a few coins aside and determine in your mind that you're going to invest into your sex life (if you had a sex jar, this would be easier to do, by the way. You can read more about what that is all about here). If you're someone who is totally down to do that, but you don't have a clue where to begin, boy have you come to the right place! Between the joy of being a writer who sometimes gets samples sent to me, the constant research that I do for the couples I work with and having folks shout-out certain items semi-often, I've compiled a list of 12 sex-related items that may seem random AF (a pun is kind of intended there) and, at the same time, can make sex so much better between you and your partner. Where's your pad at? You're definitely gonna wanna take note.

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Recently, I was talking to a friend of mine about someone who once told me that they had an annual week-long summer rendezvous that lasted for over 15 years with someone else. Yep — this individual would meet up with another person who lived in a different state, solely to have sex for a week straight, and then return to their city as if nothing ever happened. According to them, the only reason why this ritual romp eventually came to an end is because the other person decided to get serious about someone else; however, it wasn't until it ended that the person who told me the story realized how attached they actually had become to their sex partner (a cautionary tale). After I completed my lil' tale, my friend simply said, "Oh, I do that s — t every cuffing season. There are some people who I only talk to around this time of year, we f — k around and then that's that until the season comes around again."

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