A short time ago, “send me a pic” was the only way to subtly facilitate the back and forth action of sending nude pics, and they were often from a guy you were talking to.
Text exchanges were already well into the sexting territory, so a nude was a treat, sexy and sweet, easy to swallow. But that exchange has quickly evolved to into something any random man feels compelled to do, even if your relationship or conversation never even alluded to the possibility of a sexual relationship.
With the introduction of technological advances such as the smartphone and social media, it seems that people are not willing to take their time, build connection, or master the art of seduction. Technology has undoubtedly had an influence on how we relate to one another, and it trickles over into the dating world.
A couple of weeks ago one of my coworkers (who I forgot even had my number, that’s how little we interacted outside of work) sent a series of six photos featuring an ashy penis: held in his hand, against a comforter (for contrast I suppose), a close up to its tip, a side profile, and one top view angle. I couldn't help but wonder, what did I do to deserve this? I get that fortune favors the bold, but I don’t really think that’s what they had in mind when that quote was uttered!
The misconception of what's considered appropriate comes from the fact that men and women are different. Men tend to be a lot more visual, so getting hit with a nude featuring some T, A, and V is right up their alley as far as turn on’s are concerned. For women, not so much. Seduction is what we like, build up, sext me with words, tease me with a shot of your abs and an imprint versus the real deal Holyfield.
[Tweet "The only time I am ever really receptive to a penis picture is when it is from 'bae'"]
There’s no such thing as “unsolicited” when it’s coming from a partner.
I began to wonder if I was alone in this feeling of not being into receiving unsolicited nude photos and inquired about it with some women who are close to me and the general consensus was there:
We don’t like it.
“I definitely had one of those. I just played like I never got it. Then he was like, ‘Oh how’d you like the pic?’. My response, ‘I didn’t respond because I have no clue what you want me to do with it’. #yawn.”
“I'm not a fan. The male anatomy is nice to look at in person, but I just have never thought it photographs well, regardless of how big, thick, caramel colored or whatever. I don't discriminate either because vag shots almost always look like loose meat sandwiches to me. My husband loves sending peen pics when he's bored in the shower or at work and while I love the gesture, they do nothing for me. Of course I am a fan of the real thing, but having to quickly scroll down on my phone on the train because I need to text him back without giving other passengers a free show is not fun. Now give me a pic of a nice peen imprint in some sweatpants like the ones Chris Brown is famous for or that chiseled "thigh brow" line, I'm here for that. Just my two cents.”
“I recently received a pic from some guy who I had just met. I thought he was going to be a business connect, and next thing I know I get an unsolicited picture of dude's john, and I was pissed. I felt disrespected and that the guy clearly thought little of me for him to feel comfortable sending the picture. I immediately told him about himself and blocked him. For me, any type of ‘sexy’ pictures should be reserved for your partner, not some random. I don't get excited over penis pics. They do nothing for me. And I have to question any guy who sends unsolicited pictures to someone other than your girl. It makes me think you don't respect yourself and that this is something that you do often. Like, how many girls got your john in their phone? That's not cool bruh.”
“To be honest, most of the time (penis) pics I get come from casual encounters and nothing ever transpires from them so I play along and sext back, but on the other side of the phone I’m sending them to my friends and laughing about how funny looking it is.”
Fellas, here is a simple rule when it comes to sending nudes:
If you’re not her man or are not in a sexual relationship with her, do not press send. Do not pass go, do not collect the $200, instead, converse with her the right way and if you’re really interested in taking the convo there, do so as naturally as possible. Wait until you’re sexting hot and heavy and don’t be afraid to ask a simple, “Can I send you something?” If you wish to be direct, do so the right way versus saying “surprise” with your member. Actions do not get your farther than words in this scenario, trust.
Men should tread lightly with that sort of thing unless they are trying to get blocked for good. Although it understandably is often used as a tool to gauge someone’s sexual interest in you, a direct conversation versus pictures might be a better way to go. As with most things, there is a time and there is a place for nudes. Receiving a nude photo in working environment, out of the blue, from a random, randomly, is just so unnecessary. What ever happened to that slow burn the 90’s taught us so well?
How do you feel about unsolicited nudes filtering their way into your inboxes? Is it completely opposite from me and the ladies above? Is it the same? Share below.