Dear Men: We Aren't Interested in Your Unsolicited Peen Pics
A short time ago, “send me a pic” was the only way to subtly facilitate the back-and-forth action of sending nude pics, and they were often from a guy you were talking to.
Text exchanges were already well into the sexting territory, so a nude was a treat, sexy and sweet, easy to swallow. But that exchange has quickly evolved to into something any random man feels compelled to do, even if your relationship or conversation never even alluded to the possibility of a sexual relationship.
With the introduction of technological advances such as the smartphone and social media, it seems that people are not willing to take their time, build connection, or master the art of seduction. Technology has undoubtedly had an influence on how we relate to one another, and it trickles over into the dating world.
A couple of weeks ago one of my coworkers (who I forgot even had my number, that’s how little we interacted outside of work) sent a series of six photos featuring an ashy penis: held in his hand, against a comforter (for contrast I suppose), a close up to its tip, a side profile, and one top view angle. I couldn't help but wonder, what did I do to deserve this? I get that fortune favors the bold, but I don’t really think that’s what they had in mind when that quote was uttered!
The misconception of what's considered appropriate comes from the fact that men and women are different. Men tend to be a lot more visual, so getting hit with a nude featuring some T, A, and V is right up their alley as far as turn on’s are concerned. For women, not so much. Seduction is what we like, build up, sext me with words, tease me with a shot of your abs and an imprint versus the real deal Holyfield.
There’s no such thing as “unsolicited” when it’s coming from a partner.
I began to wonder if I was alone in this feeling of not being into receiving unsolicited nude photos and inquired about it with some women who are close to me and the general consensus was there:
We don’t like it.
“I definitely had one of those. I just played like I never got it. Then he was like, ‘Oh how’d you like the pic?’. My response, ‘I didn’t respond because I have no clue what you want me to do with it’. #yawn.” - S.H.
“I'm not a fan. The male anatomy is nice to look at in person, but I just have never thought it photographs well, regardless of how big, thick, caramel colored or whatever. I don't discriminate either because vag shots almost always look like loose meat sandwiches to me. My husband loves sending peen pics when he's bored in the shower or at work and while I love the gesture, they do nothing for me. Of course I am a fan of the real thing, but having to quickly scroll down on my phone on the train because I need to text him back without giving other passengers a free show is not fun. Now give me a pic of a nice peen imprint in some sweatpants like the ones Chris Brown is famous for or that chiseled "thigh brow" line, I'm here for that. Just my two cents.”
- A.P.
“I recently received a pic from some guy who I had just met. I thought he was going to be a business connect, and next thing I know I get an unsolicited picture of dude's john, and I was pissed. I felt disrespected and that the guy clearly thought little of me for him to feel comfortable sending the picture. I immediately told him about himself and blocked him. For me, any type of ‘sexy’ pictures should be reserved for your partner, not some random. I don't get excited over penis pics. They do nothing for me. And I have to question any guy who sends unsolicited pictures to someone other than your girl. It makes me think you don't respect yourself and that this is something that you do often. Like, how many girls got your john in their phone? That's not cool bruh.”
- K.M.
“To be honest, most of the time (penis) pics I get come from casual encounters and nothing ever transpires from them so I play along and sext back, but on the other side of the phone I’m sending them to my friends and laughing about how funny looking it is.”
- O.O.
Fellas, here is a simple rule when it comes to sending nudes:
If you’re not her man or are not in a sexual relationship with her, do not press send. Do not pass go, do not collect the $200, instead, converse with her the right way and if you’re really interested in taking the convo there, do so as naturally as possible. Wait until you’re sexting hot and heavy and don’t be afraid to ask a simple, “Can I send you something?” If you wish to be direct, do so the right way versus saying “surprise” with your member. Actions do not get your farther than words in this scenario, trust.
Men should tread lightly with that sort of thing unless they are trying to get blocked for good. Although it understandably is often used as a tool to gauge someone’s sexual interest in you, a direct conversation versus pictures might be a better way to go. As with most things, there is a time and there is a place for nudes. Receiving a nude photo in a working environment, out of the blue, from a random randomly, is just so unnecessary. Whatever happened to that slow burn the 90’s taught us so well?
How do you feel about unsolicited nudes filtering their way into your inboxes? Is it completely opposite from me and the ladies above? Is it the same? Share below.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Going To A Wellness Retreat Reminded Me Of The Love I Deserve
If you’re like many other people who are prioritizing wellness these days, then attending a wellness retreat might be something to consider. Wellness retreats are a cool way to get the relaxation you’ve been missing in a space with like-minded people who share a common goal. I descended upon my first wellness retreat, the Mind, Body, + Sol Retreat, a couple of weeks ago at the Zoëtry Agua Punta Cana Resort in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.
Zoëtry Agua is part of the Inclusive Collection for the World of Hyatt. It is nestled on a secluded part of Uvero Alto beach, which has crystal blue waters. The resort itself is picturesque, with its thatched roofs and lazy rivers that make you feel like you’re in a cute little village.
Mindy, Body, + Sol Retreat was hosted by Koya Webb, holistic health and wellness coach and yoga instructor, and it also featured other wellness practitioners who combined provided the ultimate gift of relaxation and getting back to oneself.
The first night was a Welcome Dinner that featured a five-course meal and an opportunity to meet our companions for the next three days. The food was impeccable and the only downside was that I wasn’t able to finish it all. The next day, however, was the official start of the classes, and I was ready to dive in.
Aura and Chakra Reading
Aura and chakra reading
Photo courtesy
My first class was an aura and chakra reading led by Laura McCann and James Levinson, an Asheville, NC couple. I’ve had chakra readings before, but never like this. There was a computer, a camera, and a scanner, which I placed my hand on for the reading. After two minutes, I received a 15-page report explaining my aura and chakra reading.
It breaks down what the colors of your aura are and what your chakras say. My main colors were green and yellow, which were defined by a variety of things. The top of my aura was green, meaning I have a social mental state and I’m a natural healer. My aura on my left side was yellow meaning my energy flowing is optimistic and light and so on.
After James discussed the findings with me, I then met with Laura, who gave me aromatherapy oils from their ADORAtherapy line that represented each chakra. She further explained the results of my chakra reading and shared how each oil can assist. Chakras are the energy centers in our body, and there is a total of seven: root, sacral, solar plexus, heart, throat, third eye, and crown. All of my chakras were high except for my heart chakra, which I have since been working on. I may follow up about that in another article.
Sound Bath
Sound bath class
Photo courtesy
Next was the sound bath class. It was located in the spa, which was indoor/ outdoor and the perfect setting for this kind of experience. Andrew Francis and Carrie Bailey of Zenden Meditation were the co-pilots in transporting attendees into a place of tranquility. I laid down, closed my eyes, and allowed the sounds around me to bring me into a relaxing state. From the singing bowls to the wind chimes, I was in heaven. I even fell asleep and got some of the best rest I’ve had in a while. It was a beautiful experience. However, remember when I noted it was an indoor/ outdoor venue? I forgot to put on bug spray and woke up pretty itchy. But it didn’t stop me from enjoying the moment.
Tea Party
Art of Tea Ritual Tea Party
Photo courtesy
The last event of the day was the Art of Tea Ritual located in the resort’s tea garden. It was everything you could want in a tea party. Delectable treats such as cookies, cakes, and white chocolate-covered strawberries, which are my fave. And, of course, tea. While I got to sip tea, I also got to make my own tea blend. There were many different teas to choose from, like hibiscus to your regular black tea. I decided to mix rose and mint and I called it RoseMint. I didn’t get to try my tea blend until I got home, and I’ll be honest, it’s probably the best tea I ever had. The tea herbs taste so fresh, and I love how fragrant it smells.
Breathwork
Breathwork Class
Photo Courtesy
The next morning was all about breathwork. If you exercise regularly, then you probably know the importance of breathing. But there’s more to it besides remembering to breathe during your workout. Margaret Townsend is a breathwork facilitator who helps people achieve wellness by consciously changing their breathing patterns. In her class, I learned to change my breathing pattern for energy as well as for relaxation. While I know that breathing is a relaxation tool, I was blown away to learn that it can also energize you. Because it was a different breathing pattern, I was also able to stay present and keep a steady pace.
Yoga
Koya Webb's yoga class
Photo courtesy
The final class of the retreat was evening yoga with Koya Webb, who, as I mentioned earlier, was the host. Her class was held beside the beautiful Uvero Alto beach, which made for a stunning backdrop and the perfect way to end the retreat. It was important for me to get back into my body after not doing yoga for a few weeks, so I was really focused on nailing the moves. However, Koya kept the energy light and fun, evening cracking a few jokes throughout, which made it easy for me to relax and enjoy the moment. She ended the class with a dance break and hugs from our classmates.
The Mind, Body, + Sol Retreat reminded me how important it is to take time to love on myself. Each class was an opportunity to be present and get reacquainted with oneself in the most loving way. Being surrounded by individuals who encouraged my journey was what I needed, and I am so honored to have had this experience.
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