Can y'all believe that we're actually back here again? I know I can't. To say that 2020 has been weird AF, I'm well aware is the ultimate understatement but man—I don't recall there ever being a year where it seemed like days stood still while months flew by. Yet since we're here, actually at the end of another October, and also since this is the month when cuffing season officially starts (word on the street is that it ends right around Valentine's Day), I knew I couldn't let us all go into November without first offering up a few tips on how to handle cuffing season, as we're in the midst of a freakin' pandemic—one that is actually predicted to only get worse during the fall and winter months (SMDH).
While some of you might automatically say that such a dire forecast is reason alone to sit this particular cuffing season out, I'm pretty sure there are others who are like, "If there was ever a time when I wanted some cozy companionship to get through a six-month block of cold weather, the time would be now." For those who happen to fall into Column B, this is written with you in mind. If cuffing is what you plan to do, please do it as responsibly as you possibly can, OK?
Don’t “Cuff”, Just for Tradition’s Sake
Lawd, do I have some friends who get as excited about cuffing season as they do about football season. And before you turn up your lips and assume that they're all men, that is absolutely not the case. Several women in my life like cuffing (and football) because this is the time of year when their life slows down a bit more. The inclement weather keeps them from wanting to go out as much as they do during the spring and summertime. Plus, I don't know what it is about those damn Hallmark movies, but they're like emotional catnip when it comes to wanting to have a boo, even if it's just until after those films stop incessantly rolling. Then if you add this year's pandemic into the mix—since those of us who still have some common sense are acting like COVID-19 can kill folks ("us" more than "them", by the way), this means that holiday parties and outings are basically a bust. So, since there's less out-of-the-house socializing going on, that makes cuffing all the more…intriguing. Tempting even.
If what I just said sums up exactly how you're feeling, don't feel bad or even guilty about that. You're human and no man is an island. At the same time, if cuffing season didn't really cross your mind until this article came across your monitor or cell phone screen, don't pressure yourself to participate in it either. If you've been doing just fine with, whatever it is that you're doing—and have been doing—then it's probably best to continue on. Remember that the only person you are constantly around is yourself. Bringing another person into your home and private space comes with a certain amount of risk. Especially in the time of COVID-19.
Keep Your Guard Up. A Lot of Folks Are Crafty Out Here.
That said, if you're still like, "Nah. I gotta get me a cuddle buddy", please make sure to operate from a place of total discernment. I've shared before that while I personally don't do social media, I will tiptoe into platforms to see what folks are up to from time to time and man—I saw this one Twitter thread where guys were sharing the stuff that they were telling women, just so they could lock a cuffing partner down this year. And boy, are they upping the ante on the bullshishery! It all actually reminded me of what an elder once said. She said that women are sitting on a million dollars and giving it all away for a Happy Meal (chile).
I know what it's like to feel lonely and/or horny. It's important to keep in mind that, whenever you're in either headspace, you're not actually prone to make the wisest decisions. I liken it to going grocery shopping when you're hungry; suddenly everything looks delicious. So please be really careful out here, especially if you're considering linking up with someone new as your cuffing partner this year. For one thing, six months of constant bonding with someone, even if you both claim that it's gonna be temporary, comes with some emotional risks that we oftentimes aren't mentally prepared for. And with this pandemic also being factored into the mix, based on where you live, COVID-19 testing isn't as easy to come by (financially or otherwise) as you might assume. Getting sick on top of potentially getting relationally disappointed is definitely not a good look.
Wanting companionship and attention is understandable. But please don't let any form of desperation guide you. It's a surefire way to end up a helluva lot worse than lonely and horny. And why make any decisions that will start off 2021 to be a hot mess (because we all got enough of that this year, right)?
If There Was Ever a Time to “Recycle”, this May Be It
I once heard someone say that getting back with an ex is like putting old underwear on after taking a shower. Gross and, oftentimes, yes. At the same time, a cuffing partner isn't always or necessarily an ex, now is it? In fact, I actually know a few people who have a longstanding cuffing partner. Because they don't really want a serious relationship (at least, not for now), and also because it's typically during the warmer times of the year that they are focused on their careers and/or doing a lot of traveling, they've actually made adding the same cuffing partner into their life, each and every year, a part of their lifestyle routine. For them, it's not always or necessarily about sex either. They've simply found someone who enjoys the same things as they do and actually likes the idea of being around another person who they like and trust without all of the pressure—and, let's be honest, sometimes drama—that comes with being in a "traditional relationship".
I was just talking to a friend of mine who is getting their coins together to fly their cuffing partner in for a couple of weeks. Since they both work from home, their partner can work anywhere. Once Thanksgiving rolls around, that person will go back home. Happily so.
A "recycled" cuffing partner might seem a little unconventional but, let me tell it, that is right on-brand with 2020. At least you'll know what you're getting into and sometimes, predictability is truly a blessing in disguise.
Keep Your Immune System Up
One of the reasons why a lot of health professionals are sending out so many warnings about this fall and winter seasons is because, as I'm sure you well know, not only do we have this pandemic to deal with, but this is peak cold and flu season as well. Not everyone is down with getting a flu shot, there is no vaccine for COVID-19 (yet) and, honestly, when it comes to COVID-19's symptoms, they are currently all over the place, with a lot of them mimicking a cold or flu. This is why it's so important to keep your immune system up.
For starters, check out articles on our platform like, "Ready To Try 10 Quick & Easy Immune-Boosting Hacks?", "7 Herbs To Get You Through The Winter Season", "Naomi Campbell Dropped Her Immunity-Boosting Vitamin & Supplement Routine" and "10 Hot Drinks To Keep You Warm This Fall & Winter". Also, just because it's cold outside and you can layer your clothes (to hide any extra weight gain), that doesn't mean that you should slack on exercise. Even as something as simple as a walk around your neighborhood can help to keep your heart strong and also give you a break from the indoor air pollution in your home (which is 2-5 times higher than what's outdoors, by the way). Also, make sure that you're intentional about eating healthy and, should you decide to order out, that you also check out our "10 Safety Practices For Ordering Takeout (During A Pandemic)" write-up.
Oh, and one more thing. I know that this current administration is rather coo-coo for cocoa puffs on the mask-wearing thing, but watching this tweet right here about how easily (and far) COVID-19 particles can spread should be enough of a reason for you to keep yours on and actually keep your distance from those who don't—including a potential cuffing partner. You've always heard that, if you're single, you should use a condom at all times, right? Well, during the time of COVID-19, mask-wearing and handwashing should be just as much of a qualifying criteria in order for someone to boo up with you. In other words, don't let a man in—or "in"—if he's not wearing his mask on a consistent basis. Don't say that I didn't warn you, sis.
It’s Cool to Take Things Slow(er) this Year
While online dating isn't personally my thing, I certainly don't knock it. With approximately 40 percent of heterosexual couples actually meeting their longtime partner these days, clearly it's effective for some. Plus, I recently read an article on PBS.org that said, for many, online dating has been a really great experience this year. Why? Well, with sex not really being on the table for a lot of individuals, they are able to find someone they really like as a person; not just a sex partner.
That's actually really cool because, contrary to popular assumption, cuffing partner doesn't automatically mean that you have to have sex with an individual. Especially this year, cuffing season can also be about simply being intentional about meeting (or getting to know) someone who you'd like to spend more time with—even if it's just online and long-distance (for now). With any luck, come spring, there will be a real connection and you can feel more confident about letting your cuffing partner more into your life. That is, if you want them to be.
Cuff with Someone Who Takes COVID-19 As Seriously As You Do
One more point. Back when I was out in this streets (metaphorically-speaking) and having sex (and sometimes getting my heartbroken too), if there's one pearl of wisdom that I wish I had listened to was, "Make sure that men take you as seriously as you are taking them." This includes my emotions, my time and my health. Well, that gem is actually what I'm gonna conclude this piece with.
On the personal tip (you know, outside of my landlord and folks I pay bills to), I can literally count on one hand, how many people know where I live or even have my address, for that matter. A big part of it has to do with how much of an ambivert I am. Anyway, one of the people in my life who has the privilege of being in my home space is well on their way to being banned. Why? Because they are out here going to restaurants, hopping from house to house and, the last time they came through to check on me, they didn't have a mask on (they told me they took it off in the car, so I let it slide). It's not that they don't believe that COVID-19 is real; it's more like their ego has them out here believing they are Superman or some ish. (Again, SMDH.)
Y'all, I don't care how much you want to cuddle on the couch or get it on in your bedroom, there is no amount of attention or orgasms that is worth you ending up in the hospital (or worse).
So, when it comes to my last tip about partaking in cuffing season during this pandemic, love yourself enough to choose a partner who is just as serious about not getting COVID-19 as you are. If they're not taking care of themselves, if they're not wearing a mask, if they're not washing their hands and/or if they're out here acting like nothing is going on—they don't care enough about themselves to even deserve the pleasure of spending some less-than-six-feet-away quality time with you.
Cuffing season is cool but there are other seasons that immediately follow. Make decisions that will keep you safe and healthy, well past Valentine's Day. And prayerfully, well past this pandemic too.
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Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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