As we grow older, friendships that no longer serve us almost become inevitable. We've all experienced our fair share, we all know a few toxic people. In hindsight, the signs of a toxic friend seems obvious, but sometimes when you're in them, it's not always so clear.
Because I'm a bit older, I always think to Girlfriendsand the dynamic of Toni Childs and Joan. Toni was damn near unbearable to anyone without boundaries, primarily Joan. She would sneak diss, take advantage, and in many cases, completely disregard her friends. As a main character of the show, we rooted for her, but honestly, sis was toxic af. Breaking up with bad friends isn't something that used to be discussed often (which is why Toni was revered a show fave, versus the villain that she could be), but Insecure's recent highlight of the subject between Issa and Molly, has brought the subject to the forefront.
On this week's Happy Hour podcast episode, Amer and Sheriden explored this topic:
When it's time to break away from friendships that no longer serve us, how do we do it? How do we even know when it's time? What happens when that growth has you pulled in different directions?
Press play and tune in as our favorite ladies dive into:
- Toxic friends
- Friendships we've outgrown
- And the subsequent friendship breakups that they lead to
Have you ever had to break up with a friend?
Amer and Sheriden are accepting voice notes! Click here to send them a 1-2 minute question for your chance to receive on-air advice directly from them! Also, be sure to subscribe and listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.
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Navigating Friendship Breakups Show Notes:
Pre-Game:
Clubhouse App (invite-only exclusive new app in the beta stages that has a bunch of super-influencers and celebrity "think tank")
Michael B. Jordan has a new boo (allegedly)! And she's a certain *cough* hue *cough*
Shonda Rhimes isn't with the shade, ABC. #kanyeshrug
Birkin Bags and Saweetie: why is this an indicator of a good boyfriend?
Quincy Brown had a moment, y'all.
Happy Hour:
We open the show by playing a voice note from xoListener, AJ: Breaking up with friends...how?
Tweet: @shesguru
Thoughts?
Sheriden: It's normal to outgrow people. It can be difficult if you don't have tools to communicate it. We have the conversation around relationships, and not necessarily friendships. Currently dealing with this issue.
Amer: You're friends with people at certain stages. It's up to knowing how to navigate the journey. It's never easy, but each situation is it's own case. Set boundaries, and choose yourself.
What do you do when the friendship breakup is no one's fault?
Do we implement boundaries more in relationships vs. friendships?
You aren't going to allow the same things you did when you were younger.
We all can be the toxic friend at some point, it's your duty to realize you're being a shit friend.
Tips for breaking up with friends:
- Assess your feelings, validate them
- Have a conversation with that friend, seeing how they respond
- Assess that response
- Make a decision
Types of friends:
- Jealous
- The one-uppers
- Weird "complimenters"
- Insecure a.k.a those who perceive that you're competing...when you're not.
Sis, stop saying, and being, that girl that says "I don't have many girlfriends." *eye roll*
Is it a necessity for you to call someone a friend?
You have to be a friend to have a friend. *poetry snaps*
Is it easier to break up in a romantic relationship than a friendship?
What lessons have you learned from leaving a friendship that you've outgrown?
Resources Mentioned In This Episode:
Netflix
Birkin
Chanel
Gucci
Girlfriends
Insecure
Bustle's "Issa Rae Has More To Do"
People Mentioned In This Episode:
Meek Mill
Mulatto
Necole
Joe Rogan
Joe Budden
Michael "Bae" Jordan
Jamie Foxx
The Beckhams
Shonda Rhimes
Drake
Saweetie
Quincy Brown
Frida Kahlo
Melinda Gates
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Feature image by Shutterstock
- Issa Rae On Why "Friendship Breakups" Hurt Just as Much ... ›
- Friendship after a breakup: How to rekindle your platonic love | Well ... ›
- Why Ending a Friendship Can Be Worse Than a Breakup | Time ›
- How To Break Up With A Friend - Friendship Breakups | Goop ›
- Ask MR: How Do I Deal With the End of a Friendship? - Repeller ›
- Defriending: Navigating the Friendship Breakup by Faith G. Harper ... ›
- How to Deal with a Friendship Breakup Like an Adult - Camille Styles ›
With a multi-layered approach to her artistry, just as she did on that winter day in December 2013 with the infamous digital drop of her self-titled album, she changed the game again on February 1, 2023, when she announced her world tour in support of Renaissance, her seventh studio album. Her cultural impact set the internet ablaze, with everyone trying to gather their coins, barter for presale codes, and figure out which cities to attend. The group chats were lit, and the Beyhive was stressed trying to get their hands on tickets.
Photo courtesy of Dontaira Terrell
Unfortunately, I was in that number. As the concert dates passed by and the one in my city drawing near all roads led to disappointment. With time ticking on the day of the Miami show and less than two hours to spare, my wallet bit the bullet, and I purchased three last-minute tickets, costing roughly $700.00 a piece (including fees) for me, my 9-year-old and 16-year-old nieces in Section 121 at the Hard Rock Stadium. With 10 minutes before showtime, we eagerly awaited the Queen to take the stage. A sea of metallic fringes, cowboy hats, disco fans, and western boots were in full effect and filled the entire stadium.
As the lights dimmed, a flood of emotions instantly overtook my body. It continued with each note she belted, along with nearly 50,000 roaring fans. The reverberating sound of the music through the stadium transported me from one era of my life to the next. As a teen girl in her bedroom daydreaming about her first love to blossoming into an unapologetic Black woman who is still on a road of self-discovery while learning to lean into the power anthem of "You won't break my soul." For over two hours, and with each set, I felt joy, love, peace, and a commanderie with fellow concertgoers. It was therapeutic as I danced like no one was watching and sang as if I were alone in my bathroom mirror.
There were no bars held, and I realized at that moment, "Nobody can judge me but me." The "Renaissance World Tour" proved to be so vast, and my Black girl joy was re-invigorated. It was magnetic and liberating, and I had to attend again, but this time, I needed to be up close and personal; I needed to be on the floor. In the days that passed, I watched more social media clips in different cities and asked myself if I would really splurge again to attend another Renaissance show.
Photo courtesy of Dontaira Terrell
After all, this would be my thirteenth time (maybe more because I lost count) seeing Beyoncé live, whether she was on tour with Destiny's Child, as a solo artist, or doing a live appearance. I contemplated for a while, but it worked itself out on its own. I was gifted two tickets and the next thing I knew, I was off to LA to attend another Renaissance show with floor seats at SoFi Stadium during Beyonce's 42nd birthday weekend! This time, things were different: no kids were allowed. It was adults only this go round.
Although the energy at the Miami and Los Angeles shows was empowering, infectious, and a celebration of life, happiness, and identity, they each provided their own unique experience. However, both concerts were what I needed for my well-being, leaving me with sore feet from dancing the night away, on vocal rest for the next few days from screaming at the top of my lungs, and on an indefinite high on life.
My introduction and love for Beyoncé began in 1996, while my older sister lived in Houston, TX, right before Bey hit the scene in 1998 with "No, No, No" as a budding R&B member. Her evolution twenty-seven years later as an international superstar and into womanhood has been an incredible journey to witness. As Mrs. Carter reminds each of us in the audience every night before the curtain closes, "I want you to remember this moment, where you're standing, who you came with, and take it with you. I hope you feel inspired."
I truly felt inspired, so thank you, Queen Bey. You awakened my inner child, and I will definitely remember these moments and take them with me.
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Feature image by Kevin Mazur/WireImage for Parkwood
