Choosing Health Over Length: How To Create Boundaries With Friends You’ve Outgrown
There comes a time in life when memories and time aren't enough to carry friendships. It creeps up on us out of nowhere. Whether you are entering or leaving college, getting into a new relationship, moving to another state, or simply evolving. The shift in prioritizing certain friendships is no longer a desire. This doesn't mean that there's any love lost, but everyone has a purpose in our lives, sometimes it's forever, other times it's a season.
This has been a hard truth to accept over the last couple of years because some of my longest relationships have molded me into who I am. During my low points, those friendships carried me and showed love. The ride or die in me was devastated, as I realized the exchanges with people I thought I couldn't live without started to change.
Those changes brought a lot of animosity towards my loved ones. I found myself getting jealous when I would see my "besties" spending time and creating memories with others. Our interactions shifted and I was left feeling neglected and undervalued because I was no longer the point person to get all the tea and invites.
The FOMO hit me hard. I was making myself miserable by constantly checking social media to see what my so-called best friends were doing. I played scenarios in my mind trying to make sense of how we got here. I didn't understand how close friendships could turn into associates. I had invested so much time into these people. I felt like I wasn't good enough, but was that the issue? Absolutely nothing. Unfortunately, we're not taught in life how to deal with changes in our environment, friendships, and relationships.
Here's how I had to adapt and set boundaries for my peace of mind:
Step 1: Tidy Up Your Timeline
I decided to unfollow some of those friends on social media and/or muting them. Some may call it petty, but I had to fall back and give myself the space to figure out how I wanted to move forward with my friendships or if I wanted to move forward at all.
Step 2: Know Your Place
I had to place people in different categories of my life. Some people you can count on for any and everything. While others can be good for turning up, going out to eat, running errands, etc. Setting this boundary helped with where I can place or remove people in my life. This helped a lot with my anxiety.
Step 3: Adjust Your Expectations
I stopped putting people on a pedestal. Expectations can lead to disappointments. I can't allow outside people to determine if I'm valuable as a friend or not. I had to revisit what I offer as a friend and understand that those who are for me will flow to me.
Step 4: Know Your Non-Negotiables
Stand strong in boundaries. Don't allow anyone to sway in and out of your life and attach memories to allow this behavior. You've worked hard to create balance in your friendships.
I hope these tips help bring ease as you navigate your friendships and set boundaries. Boundaries are a good thing. Always remember, you deserve the same energy that you pour into others!
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Featured image by Giphy.
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The Mecca Of Fashion: The Top Street Style Moments At Howard Homecoming
Outfits were planned, bags were packed, and cameras were ready to capture Howard University's collegiate spirit during its centennial Homecoming celebration. Not only does it hold the number one ranking as the most elite Historically Black College and University or its top performing academics, diversity of students and alumni, but the HBCU also leaves a legacy of style and grace.
The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
Have you ever seen a movie that captures the nuances and complexities of Black love in such an authentic and captivating manner that you immediately feel compelled to add it to your favorites list? Witnessing the portrayal of our culture in a way that authentically represents our experiences on the big screen creates a sense of warmth and resonance deep within me.
As we cozy up in our pajamas and spend more time on the sofa, we can’t help but think about the go-to classics that get the job done every time. Like the way Darius looked at Nina or the way Sidney looked out for Dre, the Black love stories just feel good for the soul.
Keep reading for our top films that offer unique takes on love, culture, and connection, reflecting diverse Black experiences across time, place, and circumstance.
1.Love & Basketball (2000)
This classic tells the story of childhood friends and basketball enthusiasts Monica and Quincy, whose relationship evolves into romance as they pursue professional sports careers. Their journey reflects the highs and lows of balancing love with ambition. It’s a film that resonates with anyone who’s ever had to choose between passion and love. It’s low-key every millennial Black girl’s favorite movie.
2.Brown Sugar (2002)
Sidney and Dre share a deep-rooted love for hip-hop and each other, but neither realizes it until life's twists pull them apart. This heartfelt movie explores how passion for music can intertwine with matters of the heart. The chemistry between Sanaa Lathan and Taye Diggs is magnetic, adding a playful yet poignant layer to the story. As a writer and lover of music, I just connected with this film on so many levels.
3.The Best Man (1999)
In this romantic dramedy, a group of college friends reunites for a wedding, only to have secrets from the past unravel among them. The dynamics are both humorous and heartfelt, exploring themes of love, loyalty, and forgiveness. This film set the stage for the iconic sequel, The Best Man Holiday and The Best Man: Final Chapters. The way this friend group showed up for each other in all the ways always is why we stan The Best Man.
4.Poetic Justice (1993)
Chewing Gum Flirt GIF by Janet JacksonGiphyStarring Janet Jackson and Tupac Shakur, this road-trip romance follows Justice, a poet grieving her lost love, as she slowly opens her heart again. Set against a gritty South Central L.A. backdrop, the film is a beautiful blend of resilience, vulnerability, and romance. Maya Angelou’s poetry adds a soulful touch. To this day, the pair serves as a perfect couple’s costume.
5.Love Jones (1997)
“I'm the blues in your left thigh... trying to become the funk in your right.” In this cult favorite, Darius and Nina’s relationship unfolds in the heart of Chicago’s spoken-word scene. Their on-and-off romance explores themes of love, trust, and vulnerability in an artistically vibrant way. With its soulful soundtrack and poetic dialogue, Love Jones remains a touchstone for Black romantic cinema.
6.Think Like a Man (2012)
Based on Steve Harvey’s book, this ensemble comedy follows four couples whose love lives get upended when the women try to outsmart the men using Harvey's dating advice. The film’s witty dialogue and relatable characters make it a fun exploration of modern relationships. Its star-studded cast, featuring stars like Michael Ealy, Kevin Hart, and Taraji P. Henson, is a highlight.
7.Boomerang (1992)
This rom-com stars Eddie Murphy as a suave ad exec whose womanizing ways are challenged when he meets his match in Robin Givens. The film playfully addresses gender roles, power dynamics, and true love. With an iconic soundtrack and supporting roles by Halle Berry and Martin Lawrence, it’s a must-watch. This is one of the only films that had me like, “Damn, Eddie Murphy was actually fine!?”
8.Beyond the Lights (2014)
Pop star Noni and police officer Kaz come from two very different worlds but connect over their search for identity and purpose. This movie dives into the pressures of fame, mental health, and self-worth, set against a beautifully shot romance. Gugu Mbatha-Raw’s performance as Noni is utterly captivating.
9.Just Wright (2010)
Queen Latifah stars as a physical therapist who falls for her NBA client (Common), only to realize he's infatuated with her friend. This charming movie combines themes of self-confidence, unrequited love, and second chances. It’s a feel-good story with a refreshing message about inner beauty.
10.Jason's Lyric (1994)
Set in Houston, this intense love story between Jason and Lyric offers a poetic take on love amidst the trauma and violence of their pasts. It’s a powerful tale of hope and healing, underscored by a fantastic soundtrack. Jada Pinkett Smith and Allen Payne bring raw emotion to their roles.
11.The Photograph (2020)
Mae, a museum curator, unravels her mother's love story while grappling with her feelings for journalist Michael. This movie elegantly contrasts generational love stories, exploring how family history impacts our romantic choices. With Issa Rae and LaKeith Stanfield, it’s an intimate, visually stunning journey.
12.Waiting to Exhale (1995)
Four friends navigate love, heartbreak, and betrayal in this classic adaptation of Terry McMillan's novel. The movie, starring Angela Bassett and Whitney Houston, resonates with audiences for its honest depiction of complex relationships. It’s a celebration of friendship and resilience amid romantic ups and downs.
13.Sylvie’s Love (2020)
Set in 1950s Harlem, this visually lush romance follows Sylvie and Robert, who connect over a love of jazz but face challenges due to societal pressures. Their love story captures the nostalgic elegance of old Hollywood cinema while addressing race and ambition. Tessa Thompson and Nnamdi Asomugha deliver memorable performances.
14.How Stella Got Her Groove Back (1998)
Stella, a successful businesswoman, finds romance with a younger man while on vacation in Jamaica, rediscovering herself in the process. This film is a lighthearted yet empowering take on self-love and embracing change. Angela Bassett’s chemistry with Taye Diggs makes it unforgettable.
15.The Wood (1999)
This nostalgic film weaves between the past and present as three childhood friends reflect on their lives and loves before one of them gets married. Set in Inglewood, California, it’s a heartwarming story about friendship, first love, and coming of age. With plenty of humor and sentiment, it’s relatable and timeless.
16.Two Can Play That Game (2001)
Vivica A. Fox stars as a confident woman who devises a plan to keep her boyfriend (Morris Chestnut) in check, but her scheme quickly backfires. This film humorously explores gender dynamics and dating games, with clever insights into relationships. It’s a playful reminder that love doesn’t follow a script.
17.Moonlight (2016)
This Oscar-winning film follows Chiron's journey of self-discovery and his struggle to understand his sexuality and identity. Though not a traditional romance, Moonlight deeply explores love, identity, and acceptance in powerful, poetic ways. It’s visually and emotionally stunning, resonating with audiences worldwide.
18.Something New (2006)
This romantic comedy explores love across racial boundaries, as high-powered Black lawyer Kenya finds herself unexpectedly falling for her white gardener. It’s a thoughtful exploration of love, race, and societal expectations. Sanaa Lathan and Simon Baker’s chemistry makes it both charming and impactful.
19.Deliver Us from Eva (2003)
Eva’s controlling nature makes her sisters’ boyfriends hire a man to distract her, only for him to fall in love with her. This rom-com is full of humor and charm, exploring love’s unpredictability. Gabrielle Union shines as the headstrong, no-nonsense Eva, with LL Cool J adding warmth as her love interest.
20.Hitch (2005)
Hitch, a film starring Will Smith, portrays Black men as romantic partners, challenging stereotypes. It explores interracial relationships and contributes to a diverse representation of Black love in mainstream cinema. It’s one of those movies you can watch over and over because it’s hilarious and authentic. The storytelling is just too good.
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Featured image Waiting to Exhale/Gif