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Choosing Health Over Length: How To Create Boundaries With Friends You’ve Outgrown

Because everyone has a purpose in our lives––sometimes it's forever, other times it's a season.

What About Your Friends?

There comes a time in life when memories and time aren't enough to carry friendships. It creeps up on us out of nowhere. Whether you are entering or leaving college, getting into a new relationship, moving to another state, or simply evolving. The shift in prioritizing certain friendships is no longer a desire. This doesn't mean that there's any love lost, but everyone has a purpose in our lives, sometimes it's forever, other times it's a season.

This has been a hard truth to accept over the last couple of years because some of my longest relationships have molded me into who I am. During my low points, those friendships carried me and showed love. The ride or die in me was devastated, as I realized the exchanges with people I thought I couldn't live without started to change.

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Those changes brought a lot of animosity towards my loved ones. I found myself getting jealous when I would see my "besties" spending time and creating memories with others. Our interactions shifted and I was left feeling neglected and undervalued because I was no longer the point person to get all the tea and invites.

The FOMO hit me hard. I was making myself miserable by constantly checking social media to see what my so-called best friends were doing. I played scenarios in my mind trying to make sense of how we got here. I didn't understand how close friendships could turn into associates. I had invested so much time into these people. I felt like I wasn't good enough, but was that the issue? Absolutely nothing. Unfortunately, we're not taught in life how to deal with changes in our environment, friendships, and relationships.

Here's how I had to adapt and set boundaries for my peace of mind:

Step 1: Tidy Up Your Timeline

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I decided to unfollow some of those friends on social media and/or muting them. Some may call it petty, but I had to fall back and give myself the space to figure out how I wanted to move forward with my friendships or if I wanted to move forward at all.

Step 2: Know Your Place

I had to place people in different categories of my life. Some people you can count on for any and everything. While others can be good for turning up, going out to eat, running errands, etc. Setting this boundary helped with where I can place or remove people in my life. This helped a lot with my anxiety.

Step 3: Adjust Your Expectations

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I stopped putting people on a pedestal. Expectations can lead to disappointments. I can't allow outside people to determine if I'm valuable as a friend or not. I had to revisit what I offer as a friend and understand that those who are for me will flow to me.

Step 4: Know Your Non-Negotiables

Stand strong in boundaries. Don't allow anyone to sway in and out of your life and attach memories to allow this behavior. You've worked hard to create balance in your friendships.

I hope these tips help bring ease as you navigate your friendships and set boundaries. Boundaries are a good thing. Always remember, you deserve the same energy that you pour into others!

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