The timing of life never ceases to amaze. Today, my reason for saying that is because, although the pitch for this particular topic was approved a few weeks ago, I had already decided to pen it with February (you know, due to Valentine’s Day ‘n all) in mind. And then, something started to happen in the social media sphere that confirmed exactly why the piece needed to be written in the first place.
Unless you oh so very rarely spend time on Instagram, TikTok, and/or YouTube, you’d have to be living under a rock (or be a helluva fast scroller) to miss out on what appears to be an in-real-time-crash-out (at least when it comes to the current/latest cast) of the relationship touring panel Tonight’s Conversation. And although I am definitely the kind of person who will hyperlink the entire mess out of my content (in order to validate what I’m saying) — when it comes to this matter, I am choosing not to.
Mostly because the issues are so layered, varied and so many people have so many hot takes and opinions on them all, that I am just going to recommend that, if you’re interested, you do some low-key investigative deep diving yourself; trust me, the series of situations will not be hard, at all, to find. Tonight’s Conversation and the people who make it are quite the hot topic right through here.
Do I have a point of view on it all — c’mon now…is water wet? Honestly, though, at the end of the day, my takeaway with them is about how I feel about relationship-themed social media content overall — and that is featured in the six points below. So, if you happen to be someone who goes to social media to get your relationship-related info, here are a few things that you should definitely keep in mind. For your own sake and the sake of your (future) relationship, chile.
1. Know the Difference Between Entertainment and Edu-tainment
GiphySince I got my (professional) start covering entertainment, something that I find myself saying often about the entertainment industry is it’s always important to remember that one definition of entertain is “to distract” — which can be a good or a bad thing, if we’re gonna be real about it. It can be good if you need something that will help to de-stress you or make you laugh for a moment; it can be not-so-good if it keeps you from accepting the reality and facts of a matter (including whoever your favorite celebrity may be).
And so yeah, if you’re consuming a lot of online relationship-related content, something that you first need to ask yourself is, “Is this distracting me from what I need to address or is it giving me medicine with some ‘sugar’ in order to receive it better?” That second thing? That is what I would consider to be edu-tainment: education that is mixed with entertainment.
A good example of it? Something that my male friends and I do whenever we go out to eat is flip the tab back and forth. For the record, it wasn’t their idea, it was mine because I like bringing reciprocity into my relationships (just sayin’). When it comes to one friend, in particular, we happen to (eh hem) like The Cheesecake Factory and you know what? There has not been one time when we haven’t gotten up from there without at least a $130 tab. That’s why I don’t get how it was such an “issue” for people to go there on first dates a couple of years back. SMDH.
ANYWAY, when that was the focus of so much relationship-related commentary, I remember a comedian by the name of Malik Bazille posted a skit on his IG page that was classically hilarious (you can watch it here). You know, someone once said that comedians are prophets and that definitely came to mind as I watched it because, although it was super funny, points were made in the process (for one, entitlement and rudeness are not a ministry).
Research says that most people, on average, spend 2.5 hours on social media daily. If you happen to be one of them and relationship-driven content is your thing, be honest: does it make more sense to consume entertainment or edu-tainment? Time is something that you will never get back, so please, choose wisely.
2. It’s Okay to Research Credentials (and Bios)
GiphyA couple of years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Thinking About Hiring A Life Coach? Read This Before You Do.” A part of my motivation was because I wanted people to understand that there is indeed a difference (actually a few differences) between what a life coach is and does vs. what a therapist is and does. That way, you can know what you actually need. Not only that but you can pick up on red flags when it comes to what people in social media claim to be vs. what they actually are.
For instance, a friend of mine who is also a life coach, and I were discussing a popular person who claims to be a therapist and yet, they have no letters behind their name, no formal training is mentioned in their bio, graduating from a school with that area of expertise isn’t referenced and we could find no proof of them being licensed (which is easily verifiable online and/or by phone).
Chile, you’d be amazed how much this happens, and listen — I was someone who was life coaching married couples for years before I got my own letters (in coaching, you can become an ACC, PCC, or MCC). That’s because it’s only been over the past couple of years that professional training has been required in the field. Therapists, though? Oh, that’s always been the case.
For the record, I’m not saying that only people with professional credentials should provide relationship content. To me, that’s just as ridiculous as saying that only married people should provide relationship advice (and I clearly don’t support that way of thinking — check out “Single Women: Yes, You Are Qualified To Talk About Relationships”). However, what people profess to be, needs to be verifiable because with certain credentials come certain expectations. Not only that but, something else that my friend and I cackle about are all of these folks out here who are charging for degrees through their programs when they don’t even have one.
Again, if you’re just looking to be entertained, this point is kind of “whatever.” On the flip side, if you take a lot of what you hear with more than just a grain of salt, researching the source is never not a wise decision. Trust me.
3. Yes. Pandering Is Indeed a Thing.
GiphyIn the relationship space, pandering is a word that is used just about as much as narcissist is. And what both words tend to have in common is the fact that folks use them while having a general idea of what they mean without exactly breaking them all the way down. When it comes to pander, one definition is “to cater to or profit from the weaknesses or vices of others” while another is (wait for it) “to act as a pimp or procurer of clients for (a prostitute).”
You know, when another very popular relationship content guy got busted for posting content that so many women enjoyed listening to, all the while doing the very things that he “held other men accountable” for, both men and women alike said that he was a panderer. Look again at what that means, though. Folks can’t tell you just what you want to hear if you’re strong in the areas that they’re addressing and pimps? Real pimps need money in order to survive and yes, many of those start out coddling women — only to be the ones who end up taking advantage of them in the long run.
My point here? Definitely give big-time side-eye to ANY relationship-content person who only sides with one gender. Even people who have a platform specifically for men or women should be bringing balance to what they are saying. For instance, if a person has an issue with single moms or women with many sex partners, and yet single fathers and men who are highly sexually active are never addressed — that is pandering.
On the flip, if someone is constantly ragging on men for their height or how much money they make and yet never addresses what men find to be attractive in women or calls out ladies who only go on “foodie dates” (you know, dates that are only for the sake of getting a free meal), they are problematic too. Content creators like this want to make people feel like only the opposite sex is the problem, that their audience doesn’t also have some self-reflection and inner work to do — and that is because they know that the more an ego is stroked, the easier it is to keep someone’s attention and even get their coins. Ladies (and gentlemen), pandering in a nutshell.
And speaking of what pandering can do…
4. Don’t Just Listen to What Strokes Your Ego/Coddles Your Pride
Giphy“Feeding the monster.” When it comes to stroking egos, content creators who pander are doing something that is pretty damn dangerous: they are feeding the pride of people and that ends up creating egomania…yes, its own “monster” of sorts. When content doesn’t hold you accountable; when content excuses and/or justifies your own poor behavior; when content encourages you to focus more on the external than the internal; when content praises you for being selfish and entitled; when content says that it’s okay to be rude, patronizing or condescending to others — oh, I could go on and on when it comes to this one yet yes, people who are like this are relationally counterproductive, to say the least.
The main point here is if you’re listening to relationship-related content that is damn near programming you to be unbearable to be around…that is the stuff that you need to totally avoid. I could name some platforms — oh, but I digress.
5. Make Sure You’re Clear About What Cognitive Dissonance Is
GiphyThere is plenty of data out here which says that social media, in general, isn’t necessarily benefitting relationships in the long run. If it’s not triggering jealousy and feelings of uncertainty, it’s creating feelings of anxiety and low self-esteem, plus it significantly compromises couples when it comes to their quality time together. Now, just think if you’re a married person who is listening to a platform that is either anti-marriage or acts like you can just toss a covenant away like it’s an old pair of socks. Listen to that too much and here comes what you may hear people online mention from time to time: cognitive dissonance.
Basically, cognitive dissonance is what transpires whenever you are processing two conflicting stances. For instance, if you profess to believe one thing and your life reflects something very different — at the end of the day…cognitive dissonance. So, when it comes to something like marriage, if you took vows to take your commitment seriously and then you’re online, in the comments, wearing your husband and relationship out — COGNITIVE DISSONANCE.
Another example? You claim that you want a serious relationship and yet everything about what you say and do speaks to the contrary — including how you speak of men, hanging around people who devalue men, and shooting down everything that men say that they need and want to be happy in a relationship, in part, because your favorite online folks do the same thing(s). As a result, here you are, in a conflicted resolve state — an emotional cul-de-sac if you will, and it’s getting you absolutely anywhere. Why? Because if there’s one thing that cognitive dissonance is gonna do, it’s stagnate you.
And do you think those content creators care? Sis, they don’t even know you and oftentimes, they are venting about their own drama more than actually giving helpful insights and advice because they are in their own hamster wheel of cognitive dissonance too.
Me? There are some content creators who I click off of as soon as I see them. I’ve heard them before, their message is also on the same stuff and so I already know what they’re about — it’s toxic and contradictory to what I stand on and for. Y’all, sometimes, even if something is entertaining, if it’s going to get you to start shifting who you are as a person and what you profess your standards to be, it needs to be avoided anyway. Blocked even, if necessary. Cognitive dissonance is more chaotic than anything. Straight up.
6. Avoid Letting Complete Strangers Wreck Your (Love) Life
GiphyWhen it comes to the relationship-related content creators who you pay the most attention to, tell me something — do they challenge you to become better, do you feel less stressed and more peaceful listening to them, do folks who are in healthy relationships respect what they have to say (and how they say it)?
I have not really specified platforms, by design, through all of this, yet I will shout out a few people (via their IG profiles) who fit this bill for me: @iamtaylorchandler, @his_daughter_7, @kimberlyevandsreed, @henryandvictoriadoss, @4fitfatherhood, @onedopecouple and @kristline_ _ who I wrote an article on last year: “Viral Sensation Christiana Sabino Is Using 'Pure Black Love' To Build Her Brand.” Trust me, this is just a mere handful and yet, I think that they are a solid example of what it means to be out here trying to make things better not worse and they certainly aren’t just saying whatever folks wanna hear. They actually make me think of a Message Version verse of the Bible that I like a lot: “Your task is to be true, not popular.” (Luke 6:26)
Are they perfect? NO ONE IS PERFECT. Are they trying to do more than just entertain or make a buck? They certainly seem to be and that’s a good thing because, in order to be in a beneficial relationship, you’ve got to say and do things that are beneficial — interesting how that works, huh? Meanwhile, if someone only wants money and/or attention? Well, doing all kinds of ridiculousness can get them that; however, being able to maintain a worthwhile connection with a person of quality and character in the process?
That will be a real struggle for them and we see examples of this being true (almost) daily. And gee — why would you want someone who doesn’t seem to care much about nurturing their own relationship (or relationships with others even outside of a romantic connection) to talk you into sabotaging your own? What kind of sense does that make?
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It seems like there is more relationship-related content out in these streets than there ever has been. As you’re trying to handle it all — think about your relational goals, find the people who complement those results and outcomes, and stay balanced in what you listen to.
Influencers can indeed influence you. The good news is you have the power to determine who does, why and how much. Use that power wisely. Your relationship, in many ways, depends on it.
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Apparently, there was a Thanksgiving episode that featured all of the friends having dinner together. And y’all, there was simply no way that I was going to mention the latter without shouting out the original (amen?).
Okay, so with that out of the way — Friendsgiving. Something that I appreciate about twists to holidays like this is that it’s a reminder that there is no one way to celebrate special occasions. And so, if, for whatever the reason, you will not or cannot be with family during the holiday season, there are certainly other alternatives at your disposal.
That being said, if the thought of spending time with friends this Thanksgiving is something that you’d like to do, yet you’re not sure how to host it in a way that will make Friendsgiving a fan favorite for your entire circle — I’ve got 10 suggestions that can make the planning process easy as pumpkin (or sweet potato) pie.
1. Position Chrysanthemums or Orchids for Your Table Décor
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Let’s start with décor first. Listen, aside from cleaning up your place, you don’t have to be over the top. If you put together a really nice centerpiece or put a flower at each table setting, honestly, you’re all good. And if you’re someone who is big on details and symbolism, my recommendation would be to go with some chrysanthemums and/or orchids.
When it comes to chrysanthemums, not only are they a peak fall flower, they represent things like friendship and happiness. And orchids? They tend to bloom during the fall and spring seasons and, not only are they about luxury, certain orchid colors also symbolize friendship (for the record, yellow roses symbolize friendship too). Perfect.
2. Incorporate Scents That Cultivate Gratitude
Speaking of cultivating a warm and inviting space, you can never go wrong with scented soy candles — or at least having an essential oil diffuser in a few spots. Some scents that actually help to bring in the spirit of gratitude include vanilla, jasmine, ginger, cedarwood and frankincense.
3. Use Upscale Paper Products to Dine With
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Let’s be real — a lot more of us would probably host events in our home if it wasn’t for the mess that is left behind in our kitchen once the festivities are over. Wanna avoid that? Use paper plates. No, I don’t mean the cheap Styrofoam ones. SMDH. These days, there are paper (and plastic) plate brands that will low-key blow your mind when it comes to how bougie they look. Some that are worth considering are located here, here and here.
4. Handwrite Thank-You Notes (Use Them As Place Settings)
If you’re like Tiffany (from the HBO series Insecure — what a time) was at that memorable dinner party when all hell broke loose between Lawrence and Issa and you’re pretty anal — I mean, particular — LOL — about place settings, it’s a nice touch to pick up some blank thank-you cards that you can write a personalized “I’m thankful for you because…” message in. Place each one where you’d like each friend to sit. They won’t see it coming and it’s a really nice touch.
5. Have Everyone Bring Their Favorite Homemade Dish
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Okay, and what if what has you on the fence about hosting is you don’t feel like doing a ton of cooking? Chile, this is where the concept of having a potluck comes in. Get everyone to bring the dish that they claim they cook the best and make sure to let them know how many individuals you plan on coming (so that they will make enough). You can even make a game out of it by having everyone anonymously vote for the first, second and third best dishes out of the bunch. Take it up a notch by having a prize for each winner.
6. Take a Warm Drink and Dessert Poll Beforehand
You know what isn’t discussed enough about dinner parties? Folks bringing desserts that other people don’t even like. SMDH. You can avoid this from becoming an issue at your Friendsgiving by sending an email (most people prefer that to group chats; let’s be real — and make sure to BCC everyone as well) asking everyone to share what their top three favorite desserts and warm drinks are. Then pick the top 2-3 out of the bunch. That way, you won’t have a ton of (for instance) coffee cake or apple cider lying around that no one even wanted in the first place.
7. Create a Signature Friendsgiving Mocktail and Cocktail
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Speaking of drinks, another way to make your Friendsgiving memorable is to come up with a signature mocktail (for those who don’t consume alcohol) and cocktail. For the mocktail, you can also poll your friends about their favorite mocktail or fruits and come up with a mixture of your own. For the cocktail — although National Friendship Day is actually in August, I did peep that there are certain drinks that have been created in its honor. Some of them are located here for you to do a bit of tweaking on (if you’d like).
8. Ask Everyone to Share Their “Favorite Friend Quality” of Another
You know how it’s customary for everyone to go around and share what they are truly thankful for before having dinner? Well, to continue along with the Friendsgiving theme, have each person share what their favorite friend quality is about the person to their right. If folks are just meeting each other for the first time, instead they can share what they value the most in friendship overall, along with a story of how it was displayed to them personally over the past 12 months.
9. Send Each of Your Guests Home with a Fresh Gratitude Journal
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Wanna send folks home with a nice parting gift? It would be so on-trend to give each of them a gratitude journal. Listen, we are in some crazy times right through here (at least in the States) and so, encouraging your friends to set some time aside, regularly, to think about and then outwardly express what they are grateful for? That helps to keep stress down, keep things in perspective and it reminds us all to maintain a positive mindset as much as possible.
10. Watch a Nostalgic Movie
While everyone is enjoying dessert and drinks, how about watching a movie that brings back fond memories? A list of some of the most popular movies to come out previous Thanksgiving weekends is located here and a list of some favorite Black holiday-themed films can be found here. It’s a way to wind down and share some laughs before everyone heads home.
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Friendsgiving. What a wonderful way to celebrate your friends while also observing Thanksgiving in a way that is totally on your terms. And now that you know how to put it together, what are you waiting for? Hit your friends up and let them know that, whether it’s on actual Thanksgiving Day or a few days before or after, you’ve got a special dinner in mind.
One that has a good time with amazing friends written ALL over it.
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