

Your girlfriends, sisters, ride or dies. Your circle. The intimate group of people you've chosen as family. On the surface, especially on social media, we see these tight-knit groupings of women all the time. They're at brunch, on vacation, shopping together, or posing it up for the 'gram. Beyond that, they are the group of friends that are unequivocally there for each other, the highlight reel on social media doesn't touch the depths of this kind of friendship.
These circles are not peaches and cream. Being in a close circle, I've experienced the ebbs and flows that occur within friend groups. The real moments that cannot be captured in a TV show, although the depictions in Insecure come close. Adult female friendships are complicated, especially within a group. While everyone is friends all together, each person has their relationship with one another. The dynamic of each bond will vary. We see this in shows like Insecure. Molly, Tiffany, and Kelli are Issa's girls, but Molly is her BFF. She's going to her first when it's time to stalk her new guy who's ghosted her, just like you'd go to your best friend with a ridiculous endeavor that she'll hastily oblige.
I think many women know where they stand within their circle. It's not to say that there is a pecking order, it means that you understand how everyone feels about you. While it's all love, like you'd turn to a particular friend for one thing, the same goes for your girls. Everyone is close, but there are levels of closeness.
This intermixture is not a bad thing because every person in your life has their place.
Women are discursive. We like to talk a lot. The growth of blooming friendships rested on many verbal exchanges as you realize how much you have in common. I can recall spending countless hours on the phone talking to my gal-pals about any and everything as a teenager. Today when we meet up, the room is full of love and laughter centered around discourse. As we get older though, the nature of our conversations speaks on the friendship's foundation and growth, but one thing that remains the same is the lighthearted chats and belly laughs.
The saying is true, "We all have that one friend," however not in the same context. But we do have that one friend to call as soon as we get good news, that one friend whose house we can show up unannounced, that one friend who is down to put on all black and roll up with you on your man when he acting different. And even that one friend that we vent to, even about our other friends.
There is this unspoken custom that is hardly brought up but does occur. We talk about our friends.
Most people's minds will go to the negative, however there is a thin line between venting and gossiping. At times our friends annoy us. Maybe there was a misunderstanding or something they said. Talking about it with a mutual friend will help you blow off little frustration before you address the matter. Then the big blow ups can affect everyone. The ones not seeing eye to eye are going to talk about the problem, sometimes to the same friend. Getting that person's perspective can be healthy because they know you and the other friend, so they'll assess the situation from a neutral ground and be able to offer personal advice.
This isn't a case of you throwing your friend in the dirt, but expressing how you feel, your anger or disappointment.
Some things you don't mean come up but that comes from a place of hurt. In an ideal world, we'd be able to confront the issue as soon as possible, that is the better option, but it's not realistic. We like to think that these situations should only remain with those involved and sometimes it should. Not everyone in the group has to be brought in, because as grown women, we are capable of settling things ourselves. However, we work off emotion, and when you mix that with connection and history, sometimes it means taking a step back to evaluate how to move forward. Discussing it outside of that person but within your circle can help you realize if you want to rectify or not.
We talk about those close to us not in a deceptive way but because of frustration.
It's a no shade, no foul. If you find yourself continually talking about the same friend, are you their friend? Some important questions need to be addressed about why they're your frequent topic of discussion. To the outsider it's shady, which is it is. But it's also a revelation that frequencies aren't aligning or that there is a toxic person in the group (sometimes that person is you).
One rule many expect of their friends is that what is discussed stays between those a part of the conversation. This secrecy is crucial for trust. Your friend should not doubt that personal things they've confided in you will be talked about with your other gals. Secrets are meant to be kept between who they're shared with. Sometimes we can get carried away in conversation and say something we shouldn't. It's not intentional, maybe you assume the friend knows already, or you're used to sharing on a regular basis and keeping them in the loop. But just because everyone is close doesn't mean everything is known between each other.
Knowing what to share and what is off limits is essential.
Don't deny that this doesn't happen within your circle. Everyone can be as tight as double-knit rope but talking about one another is inescapable of any friendship. It's the nature of these conversations that determine what is right or wrong. It isn't shit talking or lousy speech, it's discussion that will not be taken seriously or held against your friend.
It's comical - Your friend kissed a total stranger at the bar after one too many cocktails.
It's not serious - Your friend isn't the best cook.
It's exciting news - Your friend just landed a new job.
It's necessary - Your friend is having a hard time with a family matter.
If you're someone who thinks this is a form of betrayal or shade, then you don't understand how circles work. As a friend, your expectations may be too high. These people are your tribe, the people you know and trust the most. What they say about you when you're not there is either light, funny, or a matter that needs to be discussed. It happens. You should have the confidence and understanding for what comes out their mouth is not of ill intent.
A rule of thumb: to receive sincerity is to practice what you expect from your friends.
As we get older, the bonds of your circle are tested more than when everyone was schoolgirls still figuring themselves out. Now is where the validity of friendships shows its true colors. If you have to question the closest people to you or vice versa, then maybe it is telling you something you didn't know before. One thing to remember is with solid friendships there should be no doubt.
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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I Tried It: 3 Low-Maintenance Wigs That Will Elevate Your Look This Season
There's nothing like the feeling you get when your hair is done. It can instantly boost your confidence and put you in a great mood. I've never been a stranger to hair trends and I often experiment with the latest braided styles and colors.
But there are moments when I just don't feel like doing my hair. I'm natural and a lot of times I will braid or twist my hair up and cover it with a scarf or turban. However, when I crave a different look without the hassle of styling, I reach for a wig.
I've always had a love-hate relationship with wigs. Sometimes, I struggle to get them to lay flat and don't get me started with the bonding glue process. So when it comes to wearing wigs, I like to keep it nice and breezy around this b--- (word to Katt Williams), especially in the summertime.
That's why I jumped at the chance to try these three versatile wigs from Luvme Hair. Each one offers a unique look and is surprisingly low maintenance, which aligns perfectly with my philosophy that wearing wigs should make life easier. Let’s dive into the three styles below.
Headband Wig
Courtesy
This was the first wig I tried on, and I instantly fell in love with it. So much so that it took me weeks to even consider trying the other two. I’m partial to colored hair, especially blonds, browns, and reds, so I was skeptical about the jet black hair. However, I think the color, combined with the curl pattern, worked surprisingly well for me.
One of the things I really liked about this wig was that I didn’t have to braid my hair down first. I could simply throw it over a low ponytail, which is the epitome of a low-maintenance style. The headband has combs inside and velcro on the ends, ensuring a secure fit.
Half Wig
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I had never worn a half wig before, so I faced some challenges. I cornrowed the bottom half of my hair where the wig would sit, but I believe this made it more difficult to use the combs. It might just be me though. I straightened the top part of my hair to blend it with the wig, which looked cute for about five minutes.
Firstly, I have a brown/blonde color mix on the ends of my hair, and the half wig is black. So, I had to hide some of the color (I didn’t have time to dye the wig). Secondly, straightening my hair myself is always a hassle because it never lasts long. Add to that the summer humidity, and you get a hot mess. Despite all this, I managed to get some cute pictures before things got out of control, and that’s all that matters, right?
Would I consider this a low-maintenance hair style? Yes and no. I think it’s unrealistic for me during the summer, especially since I enjoy summer activities. However, when the weather cools down, I’ll definitely rock it, dyed, of course.
Bob
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Now, this is the wig I was nervous about. I never had a bob and I didn't think I would like it. But once I put bobiana on, my mind instantly changed. I finally understood why the gworls rave about the bob so much. It was giving boss. It was giving grown woman. It was giving the bob means business. Iykyk. It was the ultimate statement.
I will say when I first put it on, one side of my wig just would not lay flat. It took some trial and error, but I finally managed to get it to look good. With the bob, I highly recommend braiding your hair down first as small as you can so it can lay as flat as possible. I really liked the ash blonde color, which is perfect for summer. The length also makes it a great low-maintenance style for the season, so you don't have to worry about the hair making your neck sweaty.
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