One topic of conversation that I find myself in when talking with girlfriends is dating. Questions like, “Why is dating so hard? “Will I ever get married?” “Why am I still single?” usually comes up, and then it turns into a whole venting session with everyone sharing their dating woes. Honestly, it’s tiring. However, I can’t help but wonder why are so many of us in the same boat. After talking to the co-owners of Fisher Gilmore Matchmaking (FGM), the Matchmaking DUO, Kelli K. Fisher, and Tana C. Gilmore, I now understand some of the reasons why many of my good sistas are still single.
But first, let’s get into why Kelli and Tana are qualified to speak on dating and relationships. As two Black women who are in successful marriages, they have experienced the ups and downs that happen in many relationships, and they were able to overcome them. And as self-proclaim “heart hunters,” they are helping many Black singles find love through their matchmaking business.
Both women worked together in corporate but ended up making the transition into matchmaking after finding themselves constantly giving dating and relationship advice to others. Kelli, a dating coach, and Tana, a relationship coach, formed FGM and are now celebrating its 10-year anniversary. Their services included coaching and matchmaking, and they recently launched their Modern Dating Academy, which is a cost-effective membership. They have recruiters who they refer to as “love liaisons” whose mission is to find people and add them to their database for potential matchmaking. But how do you know if matchmaking is for you?
According to Kelli and Tana, there are a few reasons.
“A person should invest in a matchmaker when they have realized that they need some support, they need some help. When you want the home of your dreams, you hire a realtor, when you want something done, you hire a contractor. You hire professionals for every other area in your life,” Tana began. “When you want a specific job, you want a recruiter. We're heart hunters like we stated earlier, so [if] you're looking for something different, you're looking for something specific, why not hire a professional that does this every day, all day? This is what we do and what we do well.
“We're one of the most highly sought-after agencies in the country. So I think it's very important for you to invest in yourself, invest in your life, in your personal life as well. We do it all the time for so many other things, this is just as important, if not more important. This is your legacy. We're helping build your legacy.”
"I think it's very important for you to invest in yourself, invest in your life, in your personal life as well. We do it all the time for so many other things, this is just as important, if not more important. This is your legacy. We're helping build your legacy.”
During our interview, Kelli and Tana dished on the number one reason why many of us seem to be struggling in the dating world and some simple tips to overcome it.
Kelli Fisher (L) and Tana Gilmore (R).
Photo courtesy of Kelli Fisher and Tana GilmoreWhat We Have Been Taught Vs. Reality
Kelli suggested that for many of us, our upbringing has influenced how we approach dating, which isn’t working in our favor. “I would say the biggest problem that I see now is just the difference between what we’ve been raised to do culturally and the times today in dating. So, when you think of culturally, you think of women are supposed to sit back. They’re supposed to not be too forward, they're supposed to, you know, not give too much attention. Let someone court you, that type of thing, but really the wave of dating now is where, you know, everybody can swipe left,” Kelli explained.
“They can swipe right, they can have another date, so if you don’t offer enough of an experience on a date, then you’re gone, or they’re gone, so you know it’s almost like you have to show more than we’re trained to do, so you have to get feedback. You have to have a fun experience. You have to give enough for someone to say, ‘Oooh, let me call this person back because I can’t wait to hear more,’ and that is the discrepancy I think a lot of times in where we are today with dating.”
Unrealistic Expectations
Another reason why many women may be single is because of unrealistic expectations. However, this also stems from what they saw and were taught growing up.
“I also think that their expectations are unrealistic sometimes about what’s out there and what they can command and what they can’t,” said Tana. “So, I think that that’s sometimes a problem when it comes to the matchmakers just having that reality check with them, and I think that we do that well because it comes from a soft space and a place. But we want to make sure and ensure that they know exactly what’s out here, exactly what to do when it’s in front of you, and just kinda help them progress forward because, again, unfortunately, our Black women don’t really have the relationship skill sets because we were never taught them.
“They don’t teach it in school, and it's not taught in the home. You don’t really see it to be a model sometimes, and then when you do, you don’t see the tough times as well, so you don’t know how to deal with conflict resolution or things like that. So, sometimes when that’s all that they've seen growing up, we’re having to start from scratch and really help them create their own love blueprint of what it looks like for them.”
Pro-stock studio/ Getty Images
Believing Success In Career Equates To Success In Relationships
Last but not least, Kelli touched on how families valuing women’s careers over their personal life can have a negative effect on their dating lives. “I think we are raised as Black women to feel like your value in a relationship is tied to your career and your success, and so you know our families celebrate that. ‘Oh, this woman is a doctor.’ ‘This one is a lawyer.’ ‘This one’s an engineer.’ No one’s celebrating, ‘Oh, she got married, and she’s a wonderful wife and mother,’ not as much as the career,” Kelli admitted.
“So, it’s like almost thinking that, 'Okay, well, she is a doctor. She’s gonna be an amazing wife,' and the skills don’t transfer. It's two different skill sets that we have to really build up, one as much as the other, a lot of times.”
Winning Tips To Help You Navigate The Dating World Successfully
While there may be some factors keeping some of us single, you don’t have to stay single for long, if that’s your choice, of course. According to Kelli and Tana, when you walk out of your door, you are “on the market,” so always be ready to meet a potential suitor. Whether that’s the grocery store, Tana suggested going to the grocery store between the hours of 5-8 p.m. because that’s when men get off work or leave the gym, or running a quick errand. The Matchmaking DUO also recommended going to sports bars and sporting events because the men are there.
“It's really about showing interest. There’s nothing wrong with showing interest, and once you show interest, usually he’ll take the lead, but when you think about a man, a lot of times we’re trained don’t even make eyes with them,” Kelli stated.
“What we want him to do, we want him to see us in the grocery store, we’re not even looking up. We want him to come around to where we are, say hello, make us look up, and have a conversation only for us to [say], ‘Oh, no, I’m not interested.’ I mean, that’s a lot of work, so at least if you look up, smile and say hello, that will get the ball rolling more than you think.”
Another tip is just to smile. If you are single and ready to mingle, then it’s important to look approachable. Tana suggested giving yourself a smile challenge where you smile at least 50 times a day. That way, it can become easier to smile at someone who catches your eye.
“It's really about showing interest. There’s nothing wrong with showing interest, and once you show interest, usually he’ll take the lead, but when you think about a man, a lot of times we’re trained don’t even make eyes with them."
How To Talk To Your Crush
Okay, so you got your crush’s attention, what do you say? According to Tana, it’s simple, compliment them. “Who's going to turn a compliment away? You can find something to compliment him on– his shoes, his watch, men love technology,” Tana noted. “They usually have a nice watch, they usually have nice socks, a lot of them. Or a nice smile, or they smell good.
“Give them a compliment. No one’s going to turn down a compliment. Lead with a compliment and at least an introduction and your name. If nothing else, you could at least give him a soft introduction of who you are. Just let the conversation take its course.”
For more information about the Matchmaking DUO, check out their website thematchmakingduo.com, and follow them on all social media platforms @thematchmakingduo.
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Feature image Carlos Barquero/ Getty Images
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
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We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
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And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
"They asked for body products and we wanted to make sure we listened. But also layering fragrance begins with the body routine." The body wash is $33, and the body lotion is $35. Keep reading below to hear more about Tabitha and Chance's new collection, their body rituals, and what makes their partnership successful.
Fridays with Tab and Chance body collection
Marcus Owens
xoNecole: How did you come up with the scents for the collection?
Tabitha Brown: We love warm scents that make you feel sexy and loved. [We’re] both fans of gourmand [scents], including bergamot, vanilla, tonka and chocolate.
xoN: If you could describe your working relationship in one word, what would it be and why?
Tabitha: It's our first time building a product line together and our first time working with fragrance. So having patience with the process and each other has been the best way to build.
xoN: What is your body care ritual?
Tabitha: Exfoliate with a scrub a few times a week, but using a moisturizing body wash daily. After a shower, I spray a body mist that compliments what scent I am choosing for the day. Most times vanilla mist wins because it’s a perfect base for layering. I then hydrate [my] skin with lotion. Then, once dressed, I layer my favorite fragrance, Her Business, first and then His Business on top.
Chance: [I’m] way more simple. Just body wash and lotion and then my cologne and I’m good to go.
xoN: We enjoy watching you two together online, whose idea was it to start 'Fridays with Tab & Chance'?
Tabitha: It actually happened by accident. Back in 2018, my fans had just been asking about how we met, so we did a video answering questions one Friday and people in the comments [asked], will y’all do it again next Friday? And so we did and the next thing you know Fridays with Tab & Chance was born.
xoN: In what other ways do you plan to expand Fridays? Restart the podcast? TV show?
Tabitha: We are working on a lifestyle content show vs the traditional Fridays podcast. More to come soon.
xoN: You do many things together, but what would you say is your favorite quality time activity and why?
Tabitha: We are really simple. We love watching movies or TV series together on the couch or in bed. It’s really one of our favorite things to do together.
xoN: What is your favorite thing about the other person?
Tabitha: I love that he makes me feel safe and how hard he works to be an amazing father.
Chance: I love that she is crazy enough to pursue her wildest dreams.
xoN: What is the key to a successful partnership in business and personal?
Tabitha: The key is knowing that you both are going to change, and giving each other grace, patience, and understanding during those changes.
See more on tabandchance.com.
Feature image Marcus Owens