Group travel is an excellent opportunity to create lifelong memories with the squad while enjoying discounted rates. However, what is often not talked about is how exhausting it is to keep up with the group, look after your friend who got a little too tipsy, and avoid serious side eye when you do say, "Hey girl… I'm going to go off on my own for a little while."
Girl, it is time for you to put solo travel on your future to-do list.
You: A trip? Just me? Are you serious? What will I do?
My Answer: Your thang!
Traveling alone is a great way to learn about yourself, treat yourself, and work on those social skills that some of us lack without feeling embarrassed around your friends. Solo travel is a unique experience where you get to introduce you to yourself. You really get to dive into you by being in an unfamiliar place alone, where you can be whoever you want to be: fearless, fun, and empowered. Though embarking on such a journey can be anxiety-inducing, especially for us wallflowers and novice travelers that would love to get out of our comfort zones, it does not have to be. With these 5 steps, you will learn how to face the challenge of traveling alone head-on and plan a bomb trip!
Do Your Research And Draft Your Own Schedule
One of the most important things to do in order to feel comfortable alone in a foreign place, is to do your research beforehand. This is one of the instances that your friends and family will be great assets because you can ask around about places that you are interested in traveling to. You will be surprised how much information you will receive from your tribe, which may have either visited your desired destination firsthand or can refer you to someone who has. For further information, take your research online (pay close attention to Black Platforms), often there are articles and forums with suggestions, travel advisories, and tips to anywhere in the world you want to go.
Also, keep in mind that having a plan takes away the anxiety of not knowing what to do and where to go. Be flexible with that plan because unexpected excitement might pop up, but make sure you are hitting your solo travel bucket list. Look up restaurants, bars, festivals, and outside activities in the area. Schedule as much exploring time as you do downtime to ensure you are relaxation that you deserve.
Link Up
Use social media and other online platforms to connect with women who have traveled where you want to go so that you aren't blind-sighted. There are plenty of Apps outside of Instagram, like Tourlina, Bumble, and Facebook, where you can engage and even meet up with people in the community that you are visiting. If that is outside of your comfort zone, use the opportunity to visit a friend that lives outside of your area and make plans to meet up at some point. That way you'll have the opportunity to hang out with a familiar face without them permanently crowding your space.
Blend In But Don't Be Afraid To Speak Up
You don't want to look like a complete tourist because some people will try to take advantage of your unfamiliarity, but try to speak to strangers as frequently as you can. If you are lost, find an open, well lit, and high traffic area to ask someone for directions. While you're at it, ask that stranger what his/her favorite bar or restaurant is located because locals be knowing! Who knows…one of the strangers you bump into on your solo travel adventure could be a great connection to have in your future.
Be Better Safe Than Sorry
Now is not the time to grab a dollar cab, stay at a questionable Airbnb/hotel, get wasted, or eat from a suspect food truck. Splurge and give yourself the best/safest experiences while you are traveling alone.
If you are doing an R&R trip, splurge on a reasonable hotel so that you can come back to a clean room and a made up bed. If you like hostels and Airbnbs, research the area instead of going for the lowest price you see. If you are trying to get your Stella's Got Her Groove Back on with an out of town cutie, use your head, protection, and your phone to let at least one soul know where you will be for the night. If this means traveling to a destination closer to home opposed to international for the sake of finances, by all means, choose a place where you can afford to be safe.
Pack Clothes You Are Comfortable And Confident In
This seems like a given but I want women to understand that the solo travel experience is a unique opportunity to be comfortable in your skin. Leave those new 6-inch heels that you haven't broken in at home and pack those cute sandals that you can comfortably walk in. Leave the full lace wig at home and braid up your hair. Many of us use vacation as a time to sport our newest daring outfits and post on Instagram, but if you are insecure about your appearance while traveling alone, you are creating another obstacle for yourself and will likely never leave the room.
Follow these steps and you will embark on an experience that you will never forget. Who knows, it may even become part of your yearly routine. It is perfectly okay to start small and travel to a different state to build up your confidence and finances for a bigger solo trip. Be open to the new experiences that you will likely encounter, and use this opportunity to meet others with similar interests. Make sure to journal and document your trip with pictures or diary entries so that you have memories to look back on.
Trust that you have all that you need to survive and thrive on your own, and enjoy your trip sis.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Using the same material from the interior of the Volvo EX90, Hudson crafted a wool-blend car coat and waistbelt that combine the vehicle’s Scandinavian design with his signature tailoring and intention. The exclusive collection launched on October 20, and each piece is made-to-order by Sergio Hudson Collections.
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In October, I traveled to Charleston with a group of journalists to get a firsthand look at Hudson and Volvo’s location. During a fitting, Hudson said his goal is to make “great work that can stand the test of time.”
“People can look back on and say, ‘I remember when Sergio did that collaboration with Volvo,’” he continued. “Thinking about aligning yourself with classic brands that speak to where you want to go. And I think that's what this collaboration kind of means to me and my business.”
Hudson pinpoints his mom as the biggest influence for his designs. This collaboration was no different.
“This particular coat reminded me of the swing coats that my mom used to wear in the early 90s. You know, diva girls in the early 90s had Sandra suits,” he said, referring to Jackée Harry’s character in 227. “My mom wore those and she would have these matching swing coats to go over them. And that's where the initial idea came. This would be around the same time that we had our Volvo. So she would put on her suit, her swing coat, get in that red Volvo, and go to church.”
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With this capsule and beyond, Hudson wants to see more staples rotating in and out of closets this fall. He advises fashionistas to build her closet out with essentials to mix and match that aren’t just stylish but also sustainable.
“It's just those special pieces,” he said. “You can wear the same shirt and pants every day and nobody will notice. But if you have a special boot, a special coat, a special bill, a special bag, that kind of speaks to everything that your style stands about, that is something you should focus on.”
These are the same kind of staple pieces that return to our Pinterest boards and TikTok feeds season after season. Fast fashion has never been Hudson’s aim. “I'm trying to create a special pieces that can stand the test of time,” he said in his warm, Southern accent. “I'm only creating those kind of pieces from here on out.”
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For Hudson, this collaboration is revolutionary. It’s his first time working with a car company and experimenting outside of his wheelhouse in this way.
“This is a Scandinavian brand, and, you know, it's 70 years old. I'm an African-American boy from South Carolina that has had a brand for 10 years. So I think bridging those two worlds and seeing the similarities was the beauty of this project,” he explained.
Though Hudson and his partner and CEO of Sergio Hudson Collections Inga Beckham have made massive strides in just 10 years, Hudson said the industry is far from where he wants to see it when it comes to Black representation. He pointed to how few Black designers were at this year’s Met Gala despite the theme being Black dandyism.
“The fact that I dressed 18 people speaks to how many of us weren't there,” he said. He implored more of industries, fashion and beyond, to collaborate with Black designers often.
“Allow mentorship. Allow funding. Allow great design to shine through,” he implored. “When it comes to being a designer of African descent, when you can't get the funding that your counterparts have, you can't compete. When you get opportunities like doing a collaboration with Volvo, or you get opportunities to be at the Met Gala, that's putting us on the equal playing field, but really the funding behind it is what we need to take it to that desk level.”
Featured image courtesy