If you're like me, you probably have been wearing a lot of sweats and athleisure thanks to COVID-19 (because what are "real clothes" and what's the reason?). And while we don't know exactly how long we'll be dealing with this pandemic, what we do know is that when it is finally over, we're going to want to be outside all day, every day. To prepare, I've taken advantage of some of my free time by purging and minimizing my closet. My goal is to eventually have a closet full of essentials and staple pieces I can create multiple different looks from and only a few very trendy pieces. This made me wonder exactly what pieces should I have as a part of my wardrobe.
In order to help me learn what closet staples I need to truly curate the stylish wardrobe of my dreams, I reached out to a few (what we here at xoNecole like to call) Style Mavens to tell us the items in their closet that they gravitate towards every time.
Stylish Women Share Their Favorite Closet Staples
Ashley, @theinspiredi
Courtesy of Ashley
Oversized blazer:
"Preferably thrifted and vintage from the men's section is a no-brainer to effortlessly elevate any look."
Courtesy of Ashley
Max it out:
"I love the subtle drama packed in a maxi skirt or dress and the appeal it exudes without the need to show skin."
Courtesy of Ashley
Layering is life:
"I always stock up on staple button-down dresses in a couple sizes too big for a perfectly oversized fit to layer on top of jeans, pants, skirts or even each other."
Tyla Lauren Gilmore, @tylauren: Digital Content Creator
Courtesy of Tyla Lauren Gilmore
Blazers:
"I have an addiction to blazers because they are so versatile. You can dress them up, wear them casual, and even wear them with sneakers and sweats."
Boyfriend-cut jeans:
"I wear denim every day and I'm always on the hunt for the perfect fitting pair since it's hard to find jeans for curvy women! I live in the thrift store because there's tons of fits, washes, and sizes to pick from."
Tyla Lauren Gilmore
Sneakers:
"I prefer sneakers over heels any day because I want to be comfortable at all times. Shoes are also such an essential part of my outfits and are usually the first thing I start with when creating outfits."
Courtesy of Monroe Steele
Louis Vuitton Gold Hoop Earrings:
"They go with everything and are the perfect size. I'm a gold kinda girl and I've worn them into the ground."
Bottega Veneta Mules:
"I currently have six pairs of Bottega Veneta Mules and Pumps because they are fashionable but, more than that, they are the most comfortable heels I own."
Courtesy of Monroe Steele
"I'm definitely a heel girl so if I can walk the streets of New York a full day in a heel, they are definitely keepers. Which is probably why I keep buying them."
Shoulder-padded muscle t-shirts:
"The perfect edgy tops that go with everything. I purchase them from high to low brands (Attico to The Frankie Shop, Zara to Storets). They all offer padded muscle tees and I just keep on buying them."
Kéla Walker, @kelawalker: Media Host & Style Influencer
Courtesy of Kéla Walker
It comes down to the details:
"For me, it is all about the accessories. So, that is really great jewelry, a really great shoe, and handbag. Like those are always the things I gravitate towards because outside fluctuates. No matter if you lose 10 pounds or gain 10 pounds, those pieces always fit. My watch is going to fit, my shoes are going to fit, and my purse is going to go with something. So, for me, it's always about those accessories. The quality, substance, and pieces that are going to differentiate my look."
Courtesy of Kéla Walker
"It's not even about the label or this big ticket price. It's how you pull the pieces together and how you style it."
"Because we're all for the most part a lot of times shopping in the same spaces and places, those are the pieces that are really going to make you stand apart and help you hone in on your signature look and your signature style and how you put your stamp on it. Accessories can really make something look different."
Stacee Michelle, @itsstaceemichelle: Fashion Stylist, Media Personality & Entrepreneur
Courtesy of Stacee Michelle
Photo Credit: Luke Calvin
Denim jacket:
"A classic denim jacketis a versatile piece that will never go out of style. One thing I love about this one from All Saints is that all of my essentials have a home in one of the many pockets so I can be hands-free when I don't feel like carrying a purse. A denim jacket is a yearlong staple and is perfect for layering when the temperature dips."
Courtesy of Stacee Michelle
Photo Credit: Luke Calvin
Denim jeans:
"Everyone should own a pair of jeans that are a perfect fit. I live in my 10" high-rise jeans from Madewell because I can wear them with just about anything. Most of us have a closet full of jeans but only wear a few of them on a regular basis. I decided to donate the extra pairs to make room for more of the items that I love to wear."
Courtesy of Stacee Michelle
Photo Credit: Luke Calvin
Leather jacket:
"My Levi's leather motorcycle jacket is an essential piece in my wardrobe. It looks awesome with a hoodie and sneakers but can effortlessly be paired with a dress when going out. I love that it adds an edge to my more feminine looks. It's the jacket I reach for the most during fall and winter months."
Featured image courtesy of Ashley
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Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
GiphyThere’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
GiphyA couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
GiphyI’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
____
I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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