

One thing I've learned when it comes to fashion and budget is if you can't afford it, don't trip. Just thrift! I grew up middle class. My parents --both from Haiti, migrated to New York before I was born. They were a poor, young couple but eventually made ends meet, so I'd say by the time me and my four siblings came into the picture, we were skimming the lines of middle class. I get my "Broke with Expensive Taste," approach to styling from my stylish dad. I can remember his unique pairing of his blazers and ties, and his incredible Tom Ford cologne.
As a child, my dad made sure we had clothes on our backs- and I mean the designer kind! He worked in the high-end department store Bloomingdales on 59th and Lex which granted him access to discounts (even on sale items). This of course allowed a young me to remain decked in high end clothing like Moschino, Guess, Calvin Klein, I.N.C., Stella McCartney- you name it. However, if I wanted to remain 'F' for Fly, I definitely had to be on my "A" game! My dad's only request in exchange for looking my best was that I bring home good grades. Sounded fair enough! Too bad back then I couldn't fully appreciate my high-end clothing at the time since I had grown so used to it. Back then I had no idea all these major labels I was clothed in.
However, my fashion life would change when I started thrifting, which I actually got into by accident. One day a quick trip running errands with my mom turned into me stopping in front of my first thrift shop. My mom is a "save every single dollar to the last penny-penny pincher," she always found great deals on clothing. I admired that.
(Dress $12 from Brooklyn Thrift Shop)
Being one for a good sale, my mom stopped to look through a clothing rack parked outside of a Brooklyn thrift store. This was the 90's now, and I'd never seen a store like this. It wasn't bourgeois like a Macy's or a Bloomingdale's, but more so a dope mash up of various clothing closets all in one. My mother turned to me, frozen in my awe and asked the question that would change my life (and style!) -- "Alex, do you want to go in?" I replied "Yes!" and the rest, as they say, was fashion history!
I started thrifting by my junior year of high school, when my parents could no longer afford to expense my wardrobe and buy me clothes. "Thrifting" is the art of shopping around from store to store for discounted fashion finds, usually of the previously-owned kind, many of which can be a vintage "steal of a deal!"
In the 90's I'd go thrifting in Brooklyn, especially Brighton beach. You have no idea what $20 could buy back then! It was insane. But this is also where the creativity took place. I had to learn how to wear my high-end designer clothing with my thrift finds and make it all look current. I could wear a pair of jeans three consecutive days out of the week and no one ever knew.
In the 90's, I usually found shirts for $1, $5, and $8, and because I purchase so many at a time, they give me a discount, leaving me with a few bucks left to shop some more! I purchased a lot of my thrift finds in Brooklyn and Manhattan. As I got older I'd go to Long Island and Queens there awesome places to thrift as well.
You can find a lot of designer stuff thrifting. Like awesome pieces that will never be replicated. You also have to be open-minded and hella creative because thrifting isn't easy... so patience is key! You literally have to dig through racks of things and kind of figure out how to bring some pieces to life with cool accessories, shoes, hats and handbags that you may already have at home.
Thrifting isn't easy so patience is key. You definitely have to develop an eye for it, because you'll almost never find your size. I'm an 'XS' and I can assure you everything I've purchased at thrift stores has been a size 8 ranging to a 14. but, I make it work!
Thrifting became a way for me to separate myself from the crowd. In high school everyone's style was all the same, almost uniformed. I hated it. I thought to myself "this is style?!" People call this "getting fly or best dressed?!" So I rebelled and did my own thing.
This is a denim Gap jacket that I found at the thrift shop for $8 bucks and the shorts were $5 bucks. What a steal! I paired them with my Jordan 3s and a simple white button up! Comfort x 10
My androgynous style started with always wearing my brothers clothes because at the time (90's) baggy clothes were in style. I even wore my dad's button ups! My dad hated it and continued to purchase these high end women Moschino clothing, Ralph Lauren, Donna Karen, Guess, Polo, Tommy Hilfiger etc. hoping his precious daughter would outgrow this "Tomboyish" style that she single handedly OWNED.
The in-crowd couldn't understand me and I could never reveal my secret. 'Where did u get that top?! Why did you get the white Jordan's instead of the red ones? Where did you get that necklace from? That's an amazing backpack, where is it from?!' Thrifting became my thing, my outlet.
I've seen people wear trends that they didn't like. Their reasoning with wearing this "trend" was because it was "in." Thrifting became a way for me to escape these "trends" and what's popular. I NEVER cared for those things.
I naturally have a pretty healthy imagination --thrifting helped fused my imagination and creativity together
I'm 100 percent all about individuality.
Here are three of my frequent places I thrift in New York:
L Train Vintage -- 1377 Dekalb Avenue, Brooklyn, NY 11221
Arthritis Foundation Thrift Shop -- 1430 3rd Ave, New York, NY 10028
Housing Works - Soho --119 Chambers St, New York, NY 10007
Happy Thrifting!!
All images courtesy of Alex Douby
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Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
6 Tabletop Sex Positions That'll Unlock You & Bae's Most Primal Desires
Something I will never tire of is finding new ways to bring new layers to intimacy. A wall you use as momentum, a bathroom sink to help you keep your balance as he worships you on his knees, a shower that is usually for cleansing but evolves into a sacred ritual of shared intimacy.
My favorite kind of sex is the kind of sex that prioritizes pleasure and connection. So, technically and thankfully, I can say most of my sex life has been quite pleasurable throughout the years. But the memorable encounters for sure take the cake. One such encounter actually took place on a kitchen counter, and with it unleashed inhibitions in ways I never anticipated while unlocking levels to top-tier sex. And that, that involved a kitchen counter.
Why Kitchen Counter Sex Just Hits Different
What is it about having your hips pressed into the edge of a kitchen counter that lets out something so primal in you? The cool-to-the-touch feel of the countertop against exposed skin as you rise to meet him again and again. The urgency in every movement. The playfulness of repurposing an everyday space for something far more erotic. If you’re looking to bring that energy into your own sex life, keep reading for positions and tips to explore.
1. The Bounce House
They don’t call it Bounce House for nothing. In this position, the penetrating partner lies flat on their back on a sturdy table or counter while the receiving partner straddles them, knees bent and facing away. With their hands gripping the edge of the surface for support, the receiving partner slides or bounces at their own pace, owning the rhythm, the motion, and the view.
According to sex therapist Michael Aaron, Ph.D., who spoke with Women’s Health, the receiving partner placing their legs between their partner’s creates a tighter sensation, while staying fully astride allows for more bounce and range of motion. Either way, this one puts the receiver in full control, and you know we love a good woman on top position. Pleasure and power? Say less.
2. The Bicycle
Well, you know what they say about riding a bike. In the case of this table top position, it's the receiving partner who is the rider...but not in the way you think. While lying back on a sturdy surface or a table, the receiver will bring their knees toward their chest, bending them as if in a cycling motion. The penetrating partner stands at the edge of the surface, grabbing the receiver's ankles, and guides themselves inside, slowly so as to savor the moment. This angle puts everything on display for the penetrating partner while allowing for deep, connected thrusting for the receiver.
To take things up a notch , the receiving partner can touch themselves or flex their thighs to control the depth or the rhythm. Because, who says only one person gets to have control?
3. Counter Offer
How could we be at the table and not use it to eat? Enter: Counter Offer. In this oral-focused sex position, the receiving partner perches on the edge of a counter or table, lying back or sitting upright with legs parted or bent for comfort. The penetrating partner kneels or stands between their thighs, depending on the setup and the kind of attention they’re ready to give. No doubt, this one’s all about access and intention.
With the vulva front and center, the height makes it easier to maintain eye contact, use hands freely for things like breast play or incorporating toys, and take their time with every moan-inducing taste. And that’s on five, six, seven, ATE.
4. Standing Doggy
Standing Doggy is what happens when a classic like doggy style gets an upgrade. Instead of being on all fours on a bed, the receiving partner bends over a hard surface like a table or counter, keeping their hips aligned at its edge. The penetrating partner stands behind and enters from the back, using the angle to go deeper and create a strong, steady rhythm. This one offers maximum control and visual appeal, especially if the penetrating partner reaches around for a little extra clitoral stimulation throughout thrusting.
This angle can get intense quickly, so bonus points if the receiving partner engages their pelvic floor muscles or shifts their weight to adjust how the pressure hits, especially if your goal is to hit that G-spot sweet spot.
5. Top Shelf
Men's Healthcalls this one "Yourself on the Shelf," but we like to call it "Top Shelf" because it's giving full view, full grip, and climax potential that's hard to top. The receiving partner sits on the edge of a sturdy table or counter while the penetrating partner stands in front of them and slowly slides in, thrusting while keeping them in position. From there, legs can wrap around their waist, arms can encircle their back, and the closeness at peak ecstasy? Chef's kiss.
If you have the core strength, add lifting to the menu for the final strokes leading to orgasm. Otherwise, allow the surface to the heavy lifting and enjoy the pleasure.
6. The Thumper
What better way to remind yourself that you're both the snack and the entrée than with a little tableside service courtesy of The Thumper? This position has the receiving partner kneeling on a sturdy table or counter (keyword: sturdy), hands gripping the edge or braced in front for support. The penetrating partner can then either kneel behind them (if there's room for two), or stay anchored on the ground with both feet planted on the floor (similar to the previously mentioned Standing Doggy). It all depends on the mood.
Kneeling on the table offers just the right amount of leverage for deep, steady strokes. The receiving partner can play with tightness by either keeping their knees closer together for a snug grip, or open their knees wider to invite more access, depth, and stretch. The Thumper is versatile that way, and the most important thing? The receiver gets to be the main course. Yum.
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