![Quantcast](http://pixel.quantserve.com/pixel/p-GS-HF4BKvzCmv.gif)
![Do These 10 Things Daily For The Sake Of Your Mental Health](https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8zNDc5NTQ1Ny9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTc4MjEzNzk1Mn0.nob0X7vzwW1jecGvx11m55rvcInkWLdlcdG56BSrQT4/img.jpg?width=1200&height=600&quality=90&coordinates=0%2C0%2C0%2C354)
Do These 10 Things Daily For The Sake Of Your Mental Health
Last summer,Gallup published a study stating that, worldwide, people are more stressed out than they have ever been. The reason why this should be relevant to you is that when it comes to things like heart disease, insomnia, depression, cancer, and even HIV — if stress is not the cause of these ailments, stress 1000 percent makes these issues far worse. Hell, even the common cold is thought to be brought on by stress. Not to mention the fact that stress can also throw your periods off, make it challenging to conceive, impair your moods and even make it hard to make wise decisions. Yeah, stress is a really big deal.
That’s why it truly can’t be said enough that it’s okay to put firm boundaries in place when it comes to any — and I do mean ANY — person, place, thing, or idea that triggers your stress levels. It’s also essential that you implement certain practices that can help to keep your stress levels down to an absolute minimum. One of the best ways to do that is to take optimal care of your mental health. And here are ten ways to do it.
1. Never Rush into or Out of Bed
Getty Images
There’s a verse in the Bible that simply says, “Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still.” (Psalm 4:4 — NKJV) Ever since I happened upon it, it’s been a personal mantra for me. One reason is that it goes to show that there are a myriad of different ways to meditate. Another is because it’s a reminder that you can oftentimes avoid making unwise decisions by lying in your bed and being…still. So, if you’re someone who feels guilty about enjoying some extra time in your own bed, honestly, don’t.
Besides, did you know that there is such a thing as hurry sickness? Although it’s not a science-based medical condition, it is widely discussed among mental health experts. The backstory is, since stress and anxiety are prevalent among so many of us, a term was coined to describe what happens when we are constantly feeling urgency or the need to rush…when there’s no real pressing reason to. And yes, living this way can lead to things like headaches, fatigue, and lowered immunity.
That’s why, for the sake of your mental health, it’s best to create a sleep routine (check out “The Self-Care Bedtime Routine Every Single Woman Needs”) so that you’re not rushing into bed (that can create anxiety and make it difficult to fall asleep) and that you set your alarm to wake you up about 20-30 minutes before you actually need to get out of bed. Believe it or not, spending some of your morning time easing into the day can do wonders when it comes to pacing your energy and not pushing past your bandwidth until it’s time to come home and rest again.
2. Devote At Least a Half-Day to Nothing but Self-Care (WEEKLY)
Getty Images
I am a traditional Sabbath observer. This basically means that I keep the Sabbath in the way that Jewish people do: from Friday sunset to Saturday sunset. Although I was born into this way of life, as an adult, it’s still a part of my self-care routine because, there is nothing that compares to taking an entire day off from the demands of the world to do nothing but rest (or as Shabbat literally means in Hebrew, “to cease from creating”).
During that time, sometimes I sleep in, sometimes I order takeout (I try and do it the day before so that I’m not overworking folks on the day when I don’t), and sometimes I’m doing a skin routine or nurturing my scalp (dead serious; check out “Treat Your Scalp To A Little Bit Of Detoxing This Weekend”). Whatever it is, it’s very self-care-focused — and I love that for myself.
It's unfortunate that a lot of people are hard-wired to think that pampering themselves (check out “5 Reasons You Should Unapologetically Pamper Yourself”) is a luxury when, 1000 percent, it should be treated like a luxury (check out “Want To Love On Yourself? Try These 10 Things At Home.”). Because how can you give your best to others if you’re not nurturing yourself, to begin with?
Listen, the day when you choose to do it is totally up to you; however, do devote at least half a day, each and every week (even if you have to break up the days) to nothing but self-care. It’s an investment that you will never — EVER — regret making.
3. Don’t Talk Yourself Out of Your “Gut No's”
Getty Images
Back in 2019, I wrote one article entitled “So, Experts Have Something To Say About Your Intuition's Accuracy” and another entitled “When You Should Trust Your Gut & When You Shouldn't.” The method behind the madness is our intuition was never designed to do what I see so many TikTokers attempt: to weaponize. In fact, I firmly believe that without some serious self-awareness and humility (not one or the other…both), oftentimes, what people think is intuition or their gut instinct is really nothing more than projecting that’s been fed by their ego.
Keeping all of this in mind, while I definitely think that “my intuition is always right” could use some tempering, I also believe that when you’re asked to do something and your first mind is to say “no,” you shouldn’t try and talk yourself out of that — nor should you let other people do it.
You know, there’s an author by the name of Nick Chellsen who once said, “Boundaries are what you say 'no' to. Priorities are what you say 'yes' to,” and I think that summarizes the point that I’m trying to make here perfectly. Because we live in a culture and society that — let’s be real — can be super self-consumed, oftentimes, when folks want us to do something, our own needs and feelings about the request aren’t taken into account. Basically, so long as “they” are able to get their way, that’s all that matters (to them).
That’s why we have to listen when our mind, body, and/or spirit sets the boundary known as “no” — or at least wait. We need to step back and listen to what our psyche is trying to convey to us before making any kind of commitment.
Unfortunately, many humans seem to really enjoy pushing people out of their boundaries, almost as if it’s an Olympic sport. You can’t do anything about them; however, you can honor your own self by not giving them the room in your life to do so. So, if someone asks you to do something and you don’t feel good about it, instead of allowing them to talk you out of why, spend some time looking for the answer and then move from there. Trust me…they can wait. And if the answer is indeed “no,” chile, they’ll survive.
4. Take a Day Trip Every Couple of Months
Getty Images
With the summer season technically ending (this year) on September 23, it’s interesting that, although around 63 percent of Americans had planned on going on some sort of summer vacation, reportedly, 58 percent won’t be able to because they can’t afford it (inflation is a mutha). What makes matters even worse is a lot of people won’t even try to figure out alternatives even though vacations are proven to help reduce stress, lower anxiety, decrease heart disease and depression risks, provide quality time with people you care about, and ultimately improve your overall quality of life. Yes, y’all, vacations are very necessary.
So, what if you get that yet your bank account doesn’t agree with you? Being that it’s also been proven that a mere change of scenery can do wonders when it comes to your moods and health and well-being, try and at least go on some sort of day trip before the summer season ends and then commit to “rinsing and repeating” every few months. Even going to the next town a couple of hours away to eat at a new restaurant with a couple of friends can feel like a breath of fresh air. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.
5. Have “Phone Hours”
Getty Images
I remember once having a conversation with an elder about why people seem to be more stressed than ever. Their reason, I found to be a very interesting one: “Cell phones are doing it. Back when I was young, you weren’t constantly on the phone, taking in all kinds of conversations and information all of the time. You drove without it. You shopped without it. You would go on a date and focus on nothing but the other person. These damn phones keep people so distracted that they can barely even function.”
She’s not totally off-base here. While some health professionals say that always having your phone on can trigger intense emotions and disrupt your quality of sleep, others say that limiting your social media time to no more than an hour a day and devoting 3-4 of your waking hours to not being on your phone at all will not only help to keep you in a better mood, it can remind you to put more energy into cultivating the relationships that you actually have offline. Not to mention the fact that constantly scrolling is very possibly standing in the way of you becoming more successful at work (no joke).
If you read all of this and you’re still trying to find ways to justify why you should keep your phone on 24/7, there is such a thing as being a phone addict. Currently, only a small number of folks fall into the category, yet the demographic is ever-rising. You can read more about it here.
6. Put Your Frustrations on a Time Limit
Getty Images
Contrary to popular belief, you can control your emotions a lot more than you might believe. Some mental health professionals call it “emotional regulation,” and it’s all about deciding how you are going to respond or react to something. Many people see this as a sign of maturity because, while it makes perfect sense for, say, a toddler to throw tantrums and overreact (because they haven’t been taught self-regulation skills yet), an adult should not be acting the same way that they do.
So, what are some of the things that you can do to keep your frustrations from getting totally out of control? Meditate. Journal. Go for a walk. Deep breathe. Exercise. Speak with someone (you can trust who listens well and gives good insight). Take a nap. Consume healthy foods that are designed to de-stress you (check out “9 Foods That'll Actually Decrease Your Cortisol (Stress) Hormones”). Kiss your partner (it literally lowers cortisol levels). Spend some time alone to regroup.
Another thing you can do that is where the big girls and boys play? Give yourself a certain amount of time to feel the way that you do. If someone pissed you all the way off, give yourself permission to be mad as high hell for a couple of hours — and then decide that it’s time to take that feeling down a notch (or 10). I do this often, and you’d be amazed by how empowering it is to tell your feelings that they can’t “make you” do anything…that you are the one who manages them.
7. Declare Your Affirmations Out Loud
Unsplash
Negativity bias. If you’ve never heard of it before, it’s a psychological term that centers around the fact that most people have a tendency to give more attention to negativity than positivity. This is why, if you ask most people to list five things that they like about themselves and then five things that they don’t, they will typically start off by listing all of the “bad stuff” first (SMDH).
Since cynicism is linked to heart disease, hostility increases stress levels (and depression-related symptoms), tension can cause things like digestive problems and fertility issues, and there are articles out in cyberspace like “Why Negative People Are Literally Killing You (and How to Protect Your Positivity)” — it is absolutely essential that you are hypervigilant and super proactive about “rerouting” negative thoughts by coming up with some affirmations that will cause you to feel good about yourself. There is a lot of data that says the more positive thoughts that you have, the more they are able to influence your actions for the better.
And why should you say them out loud? Research states that it helps with constructive thinking, problem-solving, and building self-confidence. Not to mention the fact that repeating good self-talk improves focus reduces stress, and makes you feel more fearless. So, whether it’s while you’re taking a shower, when you’re on your lunch break, as you’re working out, when you’re making dinner, or before you turn in, jot down some positive things about yourself and life in general, and verbalize them aloud. Your mental health will be oh so glad that you did!
8. Create a “Good Memories” Playlist
Getty Images
The brain can be a tricky thing sometimes. For instance, did you know that, when it comes to listening to sad songs, science says that it can actually help to put you into a better mood — if not immediately, eventually? The logic is that if a sad song creates nostalgia, it can help you to process your emotions, and that can ultimately reduce anxiety and bring forth feelings of clarity.
At the same time, music that swings more to the happy (or newer) side can give you a “dopamine hit” that will put you into a better mood, boost your brain health, and help to make you a much more creative individual. So, even if you’ve got a playlist that’s devoted to ole’ what’s-his-name from your past, be intentional about also putting together a list of songs that will put a smile on your face and cause you to tap your feet underneath your desk, too (just make sure that it’s not super fast music; that can actually distract you and make you less productive during working hours).
9. Speak Your Love Language...to Yourself
Getty Images
It always tickles me whenever I sit in sessions with couples who get upset that their partner sucks at speaking their love language. When I ask them if they speak it to themselves, more times than not, a blank look comes over their face. Listen, if you’re not prioritizing how to fully, properly, and effectively express love to yourself, why are you being so hard on those around you who aren’t the best at doing it either (hmm…)?
Virtually everyone knows at this point that the five primary love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Okay, but when it comes to what your “top two” are, how are you showing your own self that you love you? Do you speak positively about yourself (words of affirmation)? Do you schedule regular “me” time (quality time)? Do you make it a point to get yourself some flowers or save up to get something that you’ve been eyeing for a while (gifts)? Do you feel okay about hiring someone to do something that you hate (like maybe getting a housekeeper to thoroughly clean your home once every season (acts of service)? When’s the last time that you gave yourself a foot massage while watching one of your favorite shows (physical touch)?
French author Anaïs Nin once said, “My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to find peace with exactly who and what I am. To take pride in my thoughts, my appearance, my talents, my flaws and to stop this incessant worrying that I can’t be loved as I am.” And you know what? It’s so much easier to not just say this but mean it when self-love is a daily practice — when you speak your own love languages to yourself…fluently.
10. Admit When You’re Wrong
Getty Images
I will forever die on the hill that the reason why a lot of people struggle with admitting when they are wrong and/or apologizing to other people is because their parents absolutely sucked at modeling it to them (le sigh). That said, if you happen to be a parent who is reading this, one of the best things that you can EVER do for your child is teach them how to hold themselves accountable — and children learn best when adults lead by example (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”).
So, why do I say that admitting when you’re wrong is great for your mental health? It’s an act that requires humility. It helps to preserve relationships. It’s an awesome teachable moment. It teaches you, live and in living color, to not sweat the small stuff. In all honesty, it helps you to grow up.
People who don’t mind owning their errors in life are individuals who want to move forward instead of remaining stuck. They don’t care so much about their pride that they would hold onto it at any cost. They give the kind of respect to others that they would want to receive.
And how could operating in that frame of mind not be good for one’s mental health? Yep. Exactly.
Bottom line, own your ish. It’s worth it.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by South agency/Getty Images
Originally published on August 16, 2023
- Tika Sumpter Talk Mental Health And Instilling Self-Love In Her Daughter ›
- Former Beyoncé Dancer Deja Riley On Changing Her Career For Her Mental Health ›
- Laura Harrier On What Self-Care & Wellness Means To Her ›
- Summer Body Anxiety Tips To Practice Self-Acceptance - xoNecole ›
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
These Newlyweds Found Love Thanks To A Friend Playing Matchmaker
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Jason and Elise Robinson’s union is a reminder that kind people still get their happily ever after. The pair had their first date in October of 2021 and tied the knot on June 15, 2024. Both of them have dedicated their lives to celebrating and supporting Black culture so it was only fitting they get married in what's considered the Black Hollywood of America during the Juneteenth celebration weekend. From the florists to Elise and Jason's gown and suit designers to the table signage and so much more, everything was Black-owned. It's no wonder their love for Black culture was the jumping-off point for their love story.
When they met, Jason had just moved to Atlanta for a new job opportunity, and Elise was living happily in her career and had put dating on the backburner. But luckily, a mutual connection saw something in both of them and thanks to a yoga-themed baby shower and a chance text message, they found their forever. Check out their beautiful How We Met story below.
I’ll start with the easiest question. Can you both tell me a little bit about yourself and your background?
Elise: Sure, my name is Elise. I’m actually from Atlanta, GA – not a transplant. I grew up here and left right after college to pursue my career. Now I’ve been back going on eight years, and I’m in my early 40s.
Jason: And I’m Jason. I’m originally from Racine, Wisconsin. I went to school at Florida A&M University, so I am a rattler. I went back to the Midwest for a period of time, in Indianapolis. Now, I’ve been in the Atlanta area for a little over two and a half years.
Jason and Elise Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Wow, that’s nice because Atlanta gets a bad rap when it comes to relationships. So you have to give us the deets. How did you two find each other?
Elise: So I work in TV and I was on-air for a number of years and then transitioned into being a producer and then a manager. As a producer, I’d always have guests on. And there was a woman who came on frequently named Rosalynn (@Rosalynndaniels, often referred to as The Black Martha Stewart), and we connected instantly. Anyway, she got pregnant right before COVID and invited me to a “modern-day yoga baby shower.” I came to support, but was also just curious about that theme.
I had an amazing time. And when it was over a few of us stuck around and convos got personal. She ended up asking me the infamous ‘Are you dating’ question. When I told her no, she decided to set me up. So I should tell you, in both of my only two serious relationships, I was set up – so I was like no.
But she pointed at her husband, who was folding up chairs, and said that another friend set her up with him. Sometimes, it takes people outside of us to see what we need. A few months later, she reached out and said she had family relocating and thought I’d really like him. So she gave him my number, and I reached out with a text. He responded with a call, and that night, we talked for about 2-3 hours. So that’s how we met. I was a little nervous because me and Rosalynn were starting a friendship, and here I was, talking to her family!
Jason: It was new for me too. Remember, I was new to the area, and I had heard so many “stories” about how people have been done wrong in the dating world. Whether it’s by theft or scamming (laughs). Plus, I had just got a new job and wanted to focus on that. But I did want to be able to date someone in a more personal way and see where it led. I felt like who better than someone who I trust to connect me. Rosalynn knows I’m private, about business life, and my personal life is important to me.
So let’s get into your courtship. What was your first date like?
Elise: We had our first convo on a Monday, and he asked me out the next day. I didn’t have any plans, but I still said no. I was just playing hard to get (laughs). But we were talking every day, and he told me he wanted to take me somewhere I’ve never been. And I’m like, you’re in my city! But he sends me three options, and sure enough, two of the places I hadn’t gone to. So, our first date was October 1, 2021, and somebody was 45 minutes late.
Now Jason, why were you 45 minutes late?
Elise: It was me – in my own city. I just got turned around, and the traffic was horrible. I kept calling him and giving him permission to leave. Full transparency: I probably wouldn’t have waited if the shoe was on the other foot. But this was my first sign of what I now know and love the most about him. It’s his patience. When I got there, I was frazzled and everything, but he was just super calm. It ended up being a great first date.
Jason: I remember just waiting and being concerned for her well-being. Because I know how traffic can be, especially when someone is rushing. I was just scrolling through my phone and looking through the menu. It was cool.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Courtesy
That’s beautiful. Now let’s talk about the “what are we” convo? Did you have one of those and if so, who initiated it and how was it?
Elise: I initiated it. Jason was dating me – and still does. But by this time, we had been on a number of dates. We were on our way to a winery, and we had a bit of a drive. So I decided to state my intention. We were just a few weeks in, but we were spending a lot of time together and we are people of a particular age. So I told him, I know Atlanta can be a Black man’s playground. There’s so many beautiful professional women here. But I’m dating with intention. I don’t want to kick it or hang with a good guy even though he’s not my person. I was done with all of that. So I’m “laying down the law” in my eyes, and he didn’t flinch. He let me finish and basically let me know we were on the same page. He was not trying to sow his royal oats.
Jason: Yeah, I was not trying to be Prince Akeem. But also, it was more so about setting a tone and goal for myself. My mama always told me to set my goals. And having a family was always one of mine. I think the biggest thing of it all, was I felt blessed – in terms of moving for work and meeting Elise, now being married. There’s victories being placed in my life.
I love that you both shared that because sometimes I get feedback on these stories and it seems like sometimes we’re afraid to really voice what we desire, no matter what that looks like.
Elise: Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
Jason: I think her sharing those values resonated with me, and hearing her “lay down the law” was fine because I was there, too. I would say to millennial women, don’t be afraid to tell a mate what you want. You never know what that would lead to. Time is a precious commodity. Elise saying that early on showed me that she values both of our time. It showed her heart, character, and integrity, and I was drawn to that and the mature conversation. In the social media world, we don’t have those pointed conversations face-to-face. I would challenge readers to have those conversations in person, and you would get more from that convo than any post or reel. Because you see body language reactions and have deeper communication.
Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
You both have mentioned time, family, and integrity. I’m curious what other core values do you both share?
Elise: Early on, our faith. Not just do you believe in God. It had to be deeper in that. I needed someone who would lead me, our home, and our family. I didn’t want to be in a push-and-pull relationship about prayer, church, or have conversations about being better people. Also, we discussed finances. That doesn’t just mean going to work. We chatted about ownership and what it looks like for us. How do we support each other individually and together? I know I like having my hands in a few different pots, and I needed someone who was supportive of that and likewise.
Jason: My background is that I was raised in the church. My father is a deacon and my mom is a deaconess. They've been married for 55 years. Faith was very important to me and it was crucial that my wife have that relationship as well.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Can we talk about challenges? Big or small, what are some things you had to grow through together?
Elise: I have never lived with anyone – not a roommate, a sister, friend, boyfriend or anything. Now, I’m in my 40s and I'm living with someone. When you’ve been by yourself for so long that was a challenge for both of us. We weren’t pulling each other's hair out but I’m a bit extreme. Things are color-coded in my closet. For me, working in news is chaotic so I want my home to be peaceful and organized.
Jason: I’m a man, and she’s a woman. That dynamic alone adds a flair to it. She wants things a certain way. She’s a Capricorn. But just in terms of how she wants to keep a home was a big adjustment for me. It took time.
On a smaller level, what are some of the things you disagree about day-to-day?
Elise: Cleanliness and systems. Like, he recycles and I do not. But sometimes I just have to decide if it really needs to be a thing or if I can just take care of it.
Jason: This is where my organization takes over (laughs).
What are your love languages? Do you know?
Elise: Jason’s is an act of service which works because I love cooking for him. It doesn’t feel like a chore to me. I love when I’m out, picking up his favorite juice. The other day I saw he needed t-shirts while folding clothes. So I just like doing small things for him that he doesn’t expect. He’s very much that guy that will ask to help so it doesn’t bother me.
Jason: I’d say Elise is all of them, but physical touch would probably be the biggest one. I had to get used to that. She’s taught me it in a number of ways. I remember we actually talked about love languages, and I sent her this song called “More Than Words” by Extreme. That explained to her how I felt.
Finally, can we end with the proposal? Tell us everything!
Jason: It was at a restaurant. And again, I was trying to find somewhere she hadn’t been. Also, I didn’t want to do it on our anniversary because that would have been too obvious. I contacted one of the restaurant’s staff and decided to change up the dessert menu. Each item was something special to us.
Elise: We go on so many date nights, so I just thought it was a regular night. We had finished eating, and I had to go to the bathroom. They had a nice mirror, girl. So I’m in there taking videos and stuff.
Jason: While she’s in the restroom, I’m getting everything in place with the waitress.
Elise: So as I’m reading the menu, I realize it’s telling our story and he eventually proposed. It was so special; I actually had the menu framed! It was so beautiful and thoughtful.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by FotosbyFola
Safari, Culture And Luxury: Your Guide To The Ultimate South African Adventure
South Africa has always been a bucket list destination for me. I’ve admired the culture and history of its people, and I’ve been aware of its troubled political past since childhood. I’d often read books about the systemic and political struggles there, and I’ve watched many documentaries about esteemed activists and leaders like Nelson Mandela and Steve Biko, and entertainers like Miriam Makeba and Brenda Fassie.
And now that we have platforms like Netflix and Amazon Video offering glimpses into post-apartheid South Africa, I often binge on shows and films featuring some of the best of the best in today’s entertainment world from the tip of Africa. (If you haven’t seen How To Ruin Christmas, Sarafina, Generations, or Kings of Jo’Burg, you’re truly missing out.)
When I got the opportunity to travel to South Africa via Afri-Centric, a woman-owned boutique travel company that specializes in curated experiences meshing luxury, authentic community, and continental connection, it was truly a full-circle, once-in-a-lifetime adventure, spanning from Johannesburg to the Eastern Cape, and ending in Cape Town.
The experience showcased the impeccable tastes and savvy of Afri-Centric’s owner and managing director, esteemed tourism and hospitality industry veteran Itumeleng Pooe.
From that whirlwind 10-day trip—a first for me in almost every way imaginable—I was able to experience a range of lodging vibes, cultural moments, and must-see adventures. Here are a few travel itinerary options for your next trip to South Africa:
WHERE I STAYED
Rockefeller Hotel, Cape Town
Rockefeller Hotel, Cape Town
Chic, City Vibes: The Rockefeller Hotel
This is the perfect home base for a weeklong experience in Cape Town since it’s centrally located, and has amazing views of the city, a rooftop lounge, a pool, a gym, and an excellent breakfast buffet. You’re a short drive away from the V&A Waterfront, where there’s shopping and eateries, Table Mountain, one of the “7 Wonders of Nature,” and the Mother City nightlife many on Instagram brag about. (A favorite of mine was Ayepyep Lifestyle Lounge. Order one of their brai platters and enjoy affordable bottle service, along with a good mix of R&B and Amapiano hits.)
The Rockefeller Hotel was the perfect home base for a trip to Cape Town since it’s centrally located, and has amazing views of the city, a rooftop lounge, a pool, a gym, and an excellent breakfast buffet.
Sanctuary Mandela, Aerial view from suites floor
Courtesy, Sanctuary Mandela
Sanctuary Mandela
Historic Serenity And Presidential Aura: Sanctuary Mandela
This was by far my favorite hotel experience and I highly recommend making this your first stop when staying in Johannesburg. Not only will you be respectfully immersed in the life, culture, and experiences of Nelson Mandela, iconic activist and former president of South Africa, but you’ll also enjoy sophisticated decor, fine wine, amazing customer service, and delicious food. Arriving there after more than 17 hours of travel felt like a warm hug, and we were right in the middle of suburban Jo’Burg which had a welcoming calmness perfect to start a trip to South Africa on the right foot.
From here, we embarked on a very bittersweet but necessary visit to the Apartheid Museum, the largest site to extensively tackle pre-, during, and post-apartheid history and the global impact of the movement for justice, equality, and restoration of the country.
I thought I knew all I needed to know about this topic, but it was refreshing to start from the beginning of the history of the people who settled in the region and the sources of what would launch systems of oppression there.
Luxe Queenly Ambiance: Lanzerac Hotel & Spa
I literally got my Lady Danbury of “Bridgerton” fantasy on at this wine estate, engrossed in history dating back to 1692 and located in a mountainous town called Stellenbosch, a town in the Western Cape. Each suite is unique and includes classic but luxurious touches, and the wine is among the best of the best in the world. The property also has a spa and several dining retreats, and it is perfect for a baecation or girls' trip to relax and enjoy the opulence of the lush South African landscape.
Lanzerac Hotel & Spa
Lanzerac Hotel & Spa
WHAT I DID: WINE COUNTRY, SAFARI, AND THE ARTS
First, when traveling to South Africa, especially for the first time, I highly recommend going with a group and booking transportation to excursions or other cultural events through an agent or tour company. This literally takes the guesswork out of the logistics of it all, and you’ll be privy to guides who can tell you all about South Africa, its history, and its people. Throughout our trip, we were well taken care of by ElJoSa Travel and Tours, where the coaches were clean, comfortable, and air-conditioned. The tour guides became like family by the end of the experience.
Cozy, Family-Centric Safari: Milima Big 5 Safari Lodge
It was here that I got to see what safari enthusiasts call “the big five,” which are the five largest and most dangerous animals in the wild. It was an exciting and centering experience, unlike anything I’ve ever encountered before. We had three drives through the bush with a guide.
At this lodge, we saw rhinos, elephants, a leopard, a buffalo, and a pack of lions that casually walked just two to three feet next to our truck. It was an extraordinary occurrence since, according to several guides, it’s rare to see all five during your first time on safari.
The lodge itself reminds me of camping experiences of my teenage years, with rustic amenities and a spectacular pool and dining area that offers views of the animals’ watering hole—we could see elephants casually taking baths and drinking as we ate lunch. Also, the staff, again, felt like family by the time we had to check out. You can opt to stay in one of the cabins or a beautiful luxury tent where the animals will literally greet you in the morning.
My view from the safari truck, Milima Big 5 Safari Lodge
After a morning safari drive, Milima Big 5 Safari Lodge
Wine Tasting In Alluring Romance And Opulence: Delaire Graff Estate
We made a stop here to see the grounds and taste their selections, and for the brief time we were there, I fell in love. Overlooking the Banhoek Valley in Stellenbosch, this property has vast views including those of Table Mountain, amazing wines, provocative African art, a spa, and a range of suite options that might make you want to extend your trip. Classy, elegant, modern, and upscale comfort are major themes here.
Delaire Graff Estate
Delaire Graff Estate
Coastal Vibes And Culture In Eastern Cape: National Arts Festival
While Cape Town and Johannesburg are top destinations for travelers, Eastern Cape offers an off-the-beaten-path option that’s just as worthwhile. It offers striking and geographically diverse coastal and inland countryside experiences and the Algoa Bay beachfront was a pleasure to preview for the short time I was there. It’s also the birthplace of major South African leaders, including Mandela, Biko, and Thabo Mbeki. I enjoyed our stay at the Sun Boardwalk Hotel, which is within walking distance of Blue Flagged Hobbie Beach in Qheberha (formerly known as Port Elizabeth.)
I became an active part of history with this stop, as the festival marked 50 years of providing a platform for South African and diasporan artists and creatives to serve, fight against oppression, collaborate, and express themselves. It was an honor within itself.
The festival has roots in Makhanda, a town formerly known as Grahamstown, and it’s a stop you should add to your itinerary when traveling to the region in the summer months.
Township visit, Eastern Cape
"Sarafina," presented by the Sonwa Sakuba Institute
We caught a riveting rendition of “Sarafina,” an iconic anti-apartheid musical-turned-film that has won numerous awards across global stages. We also saw a moving performance dedicated to the life of Sarah Baartman, a South African woman who was exploited by 19th-century Europeans as a human exhibit attraction. (For more information on the festival schedule and performances, follow on Instagram @natioonalartsfestival or visit their website.)
During the festival season, there’s a pop-up food experience called The Long Table, where we ate authentic South African dishes prepared fresh by what I anointed the “beloved aunties,” a group of elders who literally handmade everything with love.
It was a communal experience that felt like eating at your grandmother’s house. Standout dishes were the peanut soup and anything with lamb in it. You’ll need to either check their Facebook page or simply visit the area in order to know the hours and menu, but it’s definitely a worthwhile search and visit.
(Check out more on the Eastern Cape and plan your trip there via the Eastern Cape Parks & Tourism Agency Instagram or its website.)
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Getty Images