Black love is such a beautiful thing. It's something that I aspire to have one of these days. When it comes to examples of black love, there are so many chocolate-dipped couples that give me hope; one in particular being Ciara and Russell Wilson. From afar, we all witnessed their love evolve, and all the girls wanted Ciara's prayer; word for word, verse for verse. Some people even equated their relationship as the modern-day "Ruth and Boaz".
The Ruth and Boaz Biblical narrative is #relationshipgoals in the faith community. A couple of years ago, I came across an interesting article entitled, "What If God Doesn't Send Your Boaz?" by Richelle Henry. Richelle provided insight regarding how your husband may not be a "Boaz-esque" man, but he may be like Jonah, Moses, or David, each of whom had flaws but were highly favored. So it got me thinking..."What if I am not a Ruth?" A woman who was hardworking, humble, submissive, and obedient. As I continued to chew on this thought, I did some Biblical research on some other women in the Bible who were perfectly flawed, but divinely directed.
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What If You Are A Rahab?
Rahab was a woman with a promiscuous past. She was a well-known prostitute. Men only sought after her for pleasure but overlooked her cleverness. Rahab was presented with an opportunity to hide Israelite spies in her home. When the king came looking for them, she lied. Now not only was she a prostitute, but a liar, character flaws that would welcome judgment and scrutiny. However, her fearlessness and quick wit saved her family from being captured and killed when the Israelites conquered Jericho. She went from being an outcast harlot to an applauded heroine. She would later become the mother of Boaz.
Maybe you're like Rahab, and there is more than meets the eye, and your past does not predict your future.
What If You Are An Esther?
Esther was a woman of undeniable beauty. So much so that it garnered the attention of King Xerxes, who was so enamored that he made Esther his wife. Unbeknownst to him, she was hiding a secret. She was beautiful on the surface but conflicted because she was concealing who she really was: a Jew. She knew that exposure could mean execution. When an unforeseen event caused her husband to command all Jews to be killed, Ester had a choice to make. She used her position and power to take action to save her people, even if it meant putting her life on the line.
Maybe you are like Esther, experiencing Imposter Syndrome, but "perhaps you are in a royal position for such a time as this" (Esther 4:14), to take action as an advocate and activist. To be a woman who sheds secrecy to stand confidently in who you truly are.
What If You Are A Deborah?
Deborah was an unconventional leader. She was the "Olivia Pope" of her time. She was a fixer, consultant, and a warrior. Her profession of a judge was unheard of during that time. It was a man's world, and women were to be seen and not heard. She delivered messages of prophecy to men who trusted her guidance and direction from God. Deborah's tenacity and power cultivated confidence in others. Where she led, others followed. Where there was war, she spoke victory.
Maybe you have a Deborah spirit that is so infectious that it awakens strength, resilience, and boldness in men and women.
What If You Are A Miriam?
Miriam was the older sister of Moses. When Pharaoh called for all infant boys to be drowned in the Nile river, Miriam and her mother said, "Nah." They placed Moses in a basket to float upstream outside of Pharaoh's palace, where his daughter frequently visited. Miriam secretly watched and stood guard for her brother to ensure his safety. She watched as the princess scooped a hungry Moses out of the basket and into her arms. Miriam saw an opportunity to ask the princess if she could assist in finding someone to nurse the hungry baby. Clever, right! I'm sure the princess was thinking, "Where did this little girl come from?" Miriam was her brother's keeper.
Maybe you're like Miriam who will go out of your way to protect our Black brothers. You'll do whatever it takes to provide support and relief to the hungry outcries of our Black men.
What If You Are A "Woman With The Issue Of Blood?"
This nameless woman speaks to the issues we all have, whatever they might be. The woman with the issue of blood suffered from continuous bleeding for twelve long years. In her affliction, she was relentless to find relief. In her distress, she stopped at nothing to pursue wellness. In her sickness, she was desperate for deliverance. When she heard that Jesus was in town, she stopped at nothing to get to Him. She maneuvered through the crowd of people to touch the hem of His garment. She knew that with a little bit of faith, and a lot of Jesus that the hemorrhaging in her body would cease.
Maybe you are like this woman who was afflicted but anointed. Hurt, but on the hunt to be healed from the wounds of your past, heartbreak, and trauma.
While Ruth is a woman to be admired, so are you. Just because you don't reflect her attributes, does not mean that your love story won't be just as beautiful as hers. God will align you with a man who will help you to elevate in your faith, propel you in your purpose, protect your heart, and soothe your pain.
You won't need Ciara's prayer, nor Ruth's playbook.
All you need is faith, knowing that God is writing and casting a love story that is uniquely yours.
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In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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