Being on top used to be my least favorite sex position. Call me a pillow princess, but I preferred my partner to be in control, and being on top puts me in the driver's seat. Additionally, riding is exhausting and intimidating. Once I realized cowgirl was the ultimate way to take control of my pleasure, my perspective changed. It turns out you don't have to have Megan's knees to ride, in fact, there are several knee-friendly riding techniques that are both comfortable and pleasurable, and also provide mind-blowing orgasms.
Known for its versatility and popularity, the cowgirl position allows the person on top to control penetration depth, intensity, and thrust angle. For most women penetration alone rarely leads to orgasms, but in this position, you have full control of the penetration. In cowgirl, there are many options for stimulating clits by manipulating positions. Your partner might know your body and how to satisfy you, but you are the only one who knows exactly when to push deeper, faster, or “a bit to the left!” Being on top also allows you to replace shyness with sexiness.
On top, you're in your partner's line of sight, which can make anyone feel shy. Nevertheless, if you follow a few hints and tips, you can ride him like a rodeo without getting tired or hurting your knees and finally throw your shyness out the window.
Rock instead of bounce.
It's common for the person on top to bounce violently up and down for what feels like an eternity in porn. Porn, however, is entertainment, not life. While bouncing is great, rocking back and forth can allow you to explore more angles and sensations, and it's better for your knees. When you're rocking instead of bouncing, it's easier to involve your clit. In the beginning, it can help you get used to sex on top by grinding rather than bouncing. Straddle your partner and lower yourself onto their penis before slowly rocking them back and forth as they lie flat on their back.
Use pillows for support.
You can add pillows to kneeling if it becomes too hard on your knees. By propping a pillow underneath both knees, you can bounce more easily, and you will cover less ground. Using sex pillows or wedges, the receiving partner can draw the penetrating partner deeper inside by placing one under their booty.
Put it in reverse.
The reverse cowgirl (where you are in the same position, but with your back to your partner) is another option. You will be able to bend over and let your knees loosen a bit, as you can control the movement with your hands - placed on your partner's thighs. When you do reverse rider on your knees, you can easily shift your body forward and back to find the right position. In addition, it allows your partner to see your booty, which is always nice to see. Similar to the traditional cowgirl position, reverse cowgirl gives you total control over how you move.
Leaning backward will give you more space to stimulate your own clitoris. It can be done with your hands or with an external sex toy like a vibrator. If you’re into booty play, this will give your partner all the access they could imagine to give it some love.
Let him do the work.
Being on top does not mean you need to ride them all the time. There are positions that require them to do some of the work too. For example, lay on your partner while they move their hips, or squat above them while they work. The point is, being on top doesn’t mean it’s all about you doing the work. Ask your partner to move you around if you're new to cowgirl or need a little guidance. Try out different movements, speeds, and penetration levels that feel good to you both so that you don't have to be the one coordinating everything.
Use a chair.
Using a chair for cowgirl is pretty straightforward. You're doing classic cowgirl just on a chair. Ask your partner to sit in a chair the same way as they normally would. There's no need to seek out a chair that's uncomfortable and relatively wide-based for this, but climb on top of your partner as soon as they're seated, straddling them. Your shins can rest along the outside of your partner's legs if your chair is wide enough. If it’s a tighter squeeze, you may have to rest your feet and shins along your partner’s thighs.
Once you’re there, your partner can lean back or pull you in close—and you can do the same. You can grind forward and backward, slide up and down, as you normally would. Just make sure the chair is sturdy enough so it won't fall over as soon as things get started.
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
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Colman Domingo’s Career Advice Is A Reminder That Our Words Shape Our Reality
When it comes to life, we are always here for a good reminder to shift our mindsets, and Colman Domingo just gave us one we didn't know we needed.
In a resurfaced clip from an appearance at NewFest shared as a repost via Micheaux Film Festival, the Emmy award winner dropped a gem on how he has navigated his decades-spanning career in Hollywood. The gem in question? Well, Colman has never identified with "struggle" in his career. Let that sit.
Colman Domingo On Not Claiming Struggle
"I’ve never said that this career was tough. I’ve never said it was difficult. I’ve never said it was hard," Colman said. "Other people would say that—‘oh, you're in a very difficult industry. It's very hard to get work and book work.’ I’m like, I’ve never believed that."
Instead of allowing himself to be defined by other people's projections about their perceptions of what the industry is or was, Colman dared to believe differently even if his reality was playing catch up with his dreams:
"Like Maya Angelou said words are things. And if you believe that, then that's actually what it is. Actually I've just never believed it. Someone told me some years ago, they said, 'I remember you were, you're a struggling actor.' I'm like, 'I don't.'"
"I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living..."
He continued:
"Even when I was bartending and hustling and not having opportunities or anything, I never believed that I was struggling because I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living and creating and being curious."
Colman’s philosophy of attaching to living instead of struggle has blossomed into an enduring career. He first made his mark on stage in acclaimed Broadway productions before transitioning to the screen, where his star began to rise in the 2010s following his role as Victor Strand in Fear The Walking Dead. From there, his presence only grew, landing memorable supporting roles in If Beale Street Could Talk, Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, and the hit series Euphoria.
In more recent years, Colman has stepped fully into the spotlight with standout leading performances in Rustin and Sing Sing, both of which earned him widespread critical acclaim and Academy Award nominations for Best Actor.
With all that said, Colman's advice is no doubt powerful, especially for those who are chasing their dreams, building something from the ground up, or have question marks about what's next in their careers. Words shape our realities, and how we speak about our journeys even in passing matters.
Words Create Our Reality & Colman Is Living Proof
"I tell young people that. To remember the words that you say about yourself and your career are true. So, I choose to make it full of light and love and it's interesting and every day I'm going to learn something new even if it looks like I don't have what I want but it's important to be in the moment... you really build on the moments moment to moment.
"And you're looking back at your career as I've been in it for what 33 years and you're like, 'Wow, that's what I've been doing.' And I've stayed strong to that so I think that is truly my advice."
Let this be your sign to give your path a reframe. When the path you're on feels uncertain, the journey is still unfolding. Like Colman said: "I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living."
That's a Black king right there.
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